A New Beginning
by CriminalOncer
Summary: Emily Prentiss is sent to the house of David and Erin Rossi. A place that holds four more kids like her. Each has their own story. Each lost of hope, or grieving something. She needs a fresh start. Her new beginning brings new stories to her name. Some are good, some are bad. New friendships are made. A family forms, and love blossoms. AU teenage fic. Derek/Emily pairing.
1. Chapter 1

**This is an AU fic, and will be rated M due to domestic abuse, violence, sexual abuse, and other naughty situations. This isn't going to be a happy go lucky fic. This is a Demily fic, and maybe a few other ships thrown in there. This is a Emily centered fic, but I try to show the other stories too. Anyways! Criminal Minds, and the characters do not belong to me! I'm just borrowing them for a little bit! ENJOY!**

It had been 3 days. Three whole days since mother had found about my abortion. The whole time I was crying myself to sleep, thinking about killing myself, and losing my mind piece by piece my mother hadn't noticed. How does a mother not know her kid was losing it? I can tell you why, because she was never there. Never there to hold me, to tell me everything was okay. Never there to notice what that awful man had put me through. I can't tell that secret though. I wont. Ever. Long ago I put it in the little boxes hidden in the back of my mind, and pushed as far as it would go. I will never tell. No matter what happens to me.

After mother found out about my shaming scandal, she decided that it would be nice to send me away. Uncle David and Aunt Erin's mansion more specifically. Of course he isn't my real Uncle, but mother knew him from a time back. I'm pretty they had a thing but that isn't something you approach your mother about. He was a good friend of my fathers. My dead father.

Apparently Uncle Dave and his wife liked to take in damaged kids, and give them a fresh start...or as they called the house, no mansion, "A New Beginning". Three other kids were there already. Jennifer, or JJ something like that, Derek, and a little kid called Spencer. Mother said he was supposed to be a little genius. I don't know if I believe her though. How smart can a 11 year old be? I, being 16, have officially won the prize of dumbest, teen...kid...adolescence...person, whatever you want to call me, in the universe. He must be smarter than me. I don't know much about the others though. They all must have a story though. Like I said...only damaged kids go to the Rossi Mansion.

I stare out the window of the car, and Donny (our driver) keeps looking at me through the rear-view mirror. I roll my eyes as he tries to be sneaky about it. Donny had been our driver my whole life. I spent more time with him than my mother, and my father. Maybe even more than a few of the nannies I had. He watched me grow, and I know he's just as sad as I am that mother has sent me away. "It's for the best." I can practically hear my mother's voice in my head. "A new beginning. That is just what you need!" I'm so angry that she's doing this. All I need is to be dragged across the ocean to Virginia, away from my life. Not like it's not the normal around here though.

I miss Matty. He was the only reason I was ever remotely okay. He would come over, and we would smoke together. Stare at my ceiling. He was my best friend. I love him.

As I was lost in my thoughts Donny was pulling through a large gate. We pulled up to the house, and I looked at the mansion. I'm pretty used to large houses, or mansions of all kinds. Donny opens my door, and I step out.

"Now you be good Miss Emily. You need this. I can't watch you spiral downward anymore. I'm gonna miss ya though kid." he said. I feel tears come to my eyes, and I'm shocked that I am having a bigger reaction to leaving Donny than I had leaving my mother. I wrap my arms around him, and he hugs me tight. When he let's go he grabs my bags, and gives them to me. I didn't bring much. Just stuff to hang on my walls, my make up, my clothes, a pack of smokes, and some tequila. Donny walks me to the door, and he knocks. An older man opens the door. He has black hair, and is obviously Italian. Mother said he was fluent in it.

"Emily Prentiss, you look just like your mother." I cringe, and he chuckles at my reaction. He turns to look over his shoulder. "Erin! She's here." He invites me in, and directs Donny to my bedroom so he can put my bags down. An older woman with blonde hair, and gray eyes. She smiles, and holds her hand out. I take it, and she introduces herself.

"Hi. I'm Erin Rossi. This is my husband David. JJ and Derek are outside playing Soccer, and Spencer is probably hiding somewhere around here with a book." She laughs a full hearted laugh. Maybe they'll be cool.

"I'm Emily Prentiss." I say quietly. Donny comes downstairs, and hugs me one more time. I smile a real smile at him, and he waves as he leaves. I bite my lip, a nasty habit I have picked up (along with biting my nails), and follow David and Erin as they give me a tour of the house. They take me upstairs to a large room. The walls are painted red, and I smile. It's not a vibrant red, but a nice cool red. I smile wide, and look at it. It matches me. It's a good fit. I stare at it in awe.

"We'll leave you here to unpack. Dinner will be ready soon, and we can talk about things after that. Not a big deal. We'll call you down when dinner is done, or if you'd like the other two are playing Soccer I'm sure they'd let you join." David said with a kind smile.

Then they're gone. I stare around the room then start to unpack. It doesn't take long to unpack my clothes, and hang my posters and pictures on the walls. My albums are neatly stacked under my tape player. My guitar is on it's stand in the corner and everything is perfect. I take of my tied up boots, and change into sweats, a tank top, and my Aerosmith over the shoulder t-shirt. I lay on the bed and think about my new life. A New Beginning. Maybe that is just what I need.

I couldn't have been more wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

My eyes flutter open as I feel some one shaking me. I must have dozed off while I was on my bed. I turn to look at the person shaking my arm, and jump back a little bit. "Dinner is done. Erin and David sent me to get you." The kid says. He's small, and scrawny. A big pair of glasses lay on his nose, and long messy hair on his head.

"Spencer I'm guessing?" I ask. He smirks and nods. He sits next to me. Oddly comfortable. "Emily." I say. He smiles, and takes my outreached hand. "So...you're 11?" He nods. "You don't talk much usually do you?" He shakes his head no. "Me neither, kid."

"We should get down stairs." He tells me.

When we get down the steps I see a blonde girl in athletic shorts, and a soccer jersey on. She was beautiful, and looked just like those bitches I used to have to deal with. Right behind her stands a tall, muscular, African american kid. He had on a sleeveless shirt, and was also in athletic shorts. They both turn around, and the boy smiles a bright toothy smile.

"You must be the newbie." He says smiling. He walks over, and shakes my hand. He stares at me for a minute before I remember to speak. He was hot. Really hot. I'm not usually interested in jocks though. I'd have to be blind not to see that in him. "Derek Morgan." He says with a certain charm. "I'm from Chicago." JJ walks up, and pushes Derek out of the way.

"Jennifer Jareau. Well, JJ. Virginia." she says taking my hand.

"Emily Prentiss...everywhere." I say furrowing my brow. Now that I think about it, I'm not really from anywhere. "The last place I was at was Rome." I hated Rome. They both looked confused. "Mother is an Ambassador. We've been stationed all around the world." I say a bit shy.

Erin summons us to the table before they can say anything. We make our plates, and sit down. I watch Spencer play with his food not really paying attention to it. Fettuccine Alfredo was dinner. Home made and everything. It was delicious.

"Did you know that the dish Fettuccine Alfredo was named by an Italian restaurateur, Alfredo Di Lelio, at his restaurant the Via della Scrofa in Rome in 1914?" Spencer said. I look at him in surprise. I lived in Rome and I didn't know that. JJ must have saw the look on my face because I heard a chuckle from beside me.

"Get used to it." she chuckles. I look at her and smile awkwardly.

"Where'd you hear that Pretty Boy?" Derek asks. Spencer shrugs.

"Read it in a book." He says nonchalant. Derek shakes his head, and ruffles Spencer's hair. I smile as much as I can at the exchange. I'm happy they aren't mean to him like I can imagine most kids would be. I take another bite, and groan at the flavor.

"I'm glad you enjoy my cooking. I was nervous considering you've had real Italian food before." David smiles. I nod.

"This is actually a bit better than anything I had in Rome. I mostly just ate pizza while I was there." I say with a light blush. Matty and I usually just had Donny run for it while we were alone at the house. "Best pizza in the whole world though." David nodded at my words.

"I bet. So...Quanto italiano ti ricordi?" How much Italian do you remember? I smile widely at him.

"Mi è stato solo lontano da Roma per un giorno o giù di lì. Sono abbastanza fluente." I have only been away from Rome for a day or so. I am quite fluent. I say. He laughs, and shakes his head.

"Knock it off with the sarcasm kiddo." he laughs. Erin shakes her head, and smiles. Spencer is smiling bigger than any kid I have ever seen. Derek looks surprised, and JJ looks amused.

"Told you I lived in several countries." I say like it's nothing. Derek's shoulders dropped, and he groaned.

"Oh great. Now I not only have an eleven year old genius but I also have you. How am I supposed to impress anybody with you guys around?" That made everybody at the table laugh. I smirk, and look at him. He was interesting...

"I guess you'll just have to count on your pretty face." I say with my natural wit. He smiles at me too. For a minute I am back with Matthew. The electricity that sparks between us is similar to how I was with Matty, it's a feeling that brings me warmth. It's nice.

"Touche princess." He says with a smile. I cringe at the nickname. Princess? Ugh. Anything but that.

* * *

><p>After dinner was over JJ started on dishes, and Derek did laundry. Spencer cleaned up the living room, and I emptied the plates. After everybody was done they all dispersed to do their own thing. For JJ that was go to her room. For Derek, it was going downstairs and working out. Erin and David summoned me back to the dining room table for a talk. I sat down nervous. They both went over the rules, and I listened. I will be doing dishes two weeks from now, and so on. It was the same spiel every one of us get, I imagine. After the little talk we had I went upstairs and shut my door. Ever since what happened I haven't been able to sleep much. The nightmares come quite often.<p>

I look at my albums, and bite my lip. I don't want anything too loud right now. Nothing too rockin'. I decide on my Fleetwood Mac, Rumors album. I turn it up loud and drown out the rest of the world. Rhiannon plays, and I sing along. I love this song. It takes me far away. Today was a decent distraction for a short time, but I can feel the thoughts creeping up my spine. I reach for my drawer and open it. I lift it a little bit, and grab the pack of cigs I brought. I light one up, and go into my closet to smoke it. I had gone several hours without my nicotine and I needed it. My eyes roll back, and I blow the smoke out. I think of Matty, and how I left him. He had started to get into really bad drugs right there in the end. Ever since he took me to that clinic...he hasn't been the same.

"Emily. Do you love me?" Matthew asked me with a grin on his face. We were both high, and laying in my bed. I moved over and rolled into his arms.

"Yes, I do." I say. I look into his eyes, and he kisses me. We've kissed before. It's nothing new. Our tongues battle, and I smile. We kiss a few more times before I break away. "I hate that I have to leave." I say. Tears collecting in my eyes. He shakes his head.

"Your mom is such a bitch for making you go." He says angrily.

"Matty...mother was a bitch before she decided to make me leave." I say. He wraps me in his arms, and holds me. I lean up and kiss him again. Kissing him feels like home.

I shake my head when I notice my tears. I put out my cigarette in a coke bottle I was using. I spray air freshener all in my closet, and douse myself in perfume. Once I'm sure the smell is gone, I pop a mint. I am so afraid to close my eyes. I only want to remember Matty. I don't want to remember anything else. I don't want to remember him. What he did. I can't stop myself from thinking about it though. Instinctively my hand goes to my empty womb, and I remind myself killing my baby was for the best. I was only 15. I couldn't have that man's baby anyway. My eyes close, and soon I sleep.

Later, I feel my blanket move and a dip in my bed. My eyes shoot open, and I'm up against the headboard in a heart beat. I am shaking, and tears come to my eyes. He found me. He's back. He's mad I killed the baby. I look at the man, and realize it isn't my monster. It's David, and he's trying to calm me. "It's just me. You're okay." I hear him talking to me, but I can't stop crying. I can't stop seeing his eyes. He wraps me in a hug, and I don't feel like fighting him. He holds me tight, and soon I am back to sleep. Dreaming about the monster that haunts me.

The song Rhiannon belongs to Fleetwood Mac.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to everybody following my story, and thank you so so so so so much for your reviews! Please keep reviewing! They push me to update, and they let me know if you want more of the story! The italics are flashbacks. The underlined ones are lyrics from the song Rhiannon. ENJOY!**

"Hey yo! Princess! Awake! Breakfast time!" I hear Derek yell from outside my door. I groan, and pull the blankets over my head. I hear my door open, and I can practically see the smile on Derek's face. "No, no, no, no princess." he calls. I feel the blanket being pulled down so I pull it higher. Fighting against him. Soon we're both laughing and he succeeds in pulling the blanket down. "Gosh...you are so damn hard to wake up." he laughs. I laugh too, but then there is an awkward silence as I take in the sight before my eyes. He was wet. I assume from the shower. He has athletic shorts on, and that's when I notice the tattoos. I wonder where a teenager got all those tattoos, but I refrain from asking.

"Why do you call me princess?" I ask him. I really am curious. It isn't a name I am usually fond of at all. He chuckles.

"You really wanna know?" I nod at his question. "Because you're supposed to be a princess. Your mother is an Ambassador, you have traveled...you should be this snobby, stuck up bitch." I furrow my eye brows.

"But I'm not that." I say defensively. He laughs a little and shakes his head.

"Let me finish girl. You aren't that though. Princess fits you...with out...it fitting you." He moved his head to the side, and it came out more of a question. I nod, and smirk.

"I get it." I smile. He nudges me, and points toward the door.

"We should get down there. Penny will be here soon." I look at him in confusion. Who's Penny? I retreat down the stairs, and grab my plate. I hear a car pull up outside, and the door open.

"I'm home!" I hear a bubbly voice yell out. I hear heels against the floor, and then I see her. She has on yellow heels, a matching yellow dress, a purple over coat, and is sporting a giant flower in her hair. Not to mention the purple lipstick, and eye shadow. "Where is my Chocolate Thunder, Blonde Beauty, and Little Genius?" JJ, Derek, and Spencer all shot up and ran to her. She hugged them all, and kissed Derek on the cheek. "Did we get a newbie?" she asked with a smile. I smile, and hold out my hand but she wraps me in a hug. "Penny Garcia doesn't shake hands." she says. I laugh a little.

"I'm Emily. Emily Prentiss." I see David walk up, and hug Penny.

"Nice to have you back, Penelope." I don't want to intrude on the _family _moment, so I go back to my room. I sit on my bed, and restart my album from last night. Rhiannon plays again, and I am reminded why I love this song so much. It feels good to breath easily, and take in the lyrics. I lay on my bed, and huff on my cig. I don't care who smells it. I miss my weed. I know that sounds awful, but I do.

_Wouldn't you love to love her?_

_"Matty. I'm scared." I say as he takes my hand. _

_Dreams unwind. It's still a state of mind._

_"I killed it! I killed my baby!" I scream as he holds me tight in our shitty motel room. _

_"I can't do this anymore. He is always there. I don't even know what making love really feels like. It was never like the movies say it was. There wasn't any love or anything." I cry into his shirt. I look up at him, and we kiss._

_"Then let me show you how to make love with some one who does love you?" Matty whispers. I look at him, and smile. I bite my lip, and he puts his hand on my hip. That night was when I was shown what real love is. I was so young though. _

I can't stop the tears from coming. I light up another cigarette, and inhale the fumes deeply. Smoking helps. Usually. So did that unopened bottle in my bag. Not to mention the razor in the bathroom. I close my eyes at the thought. Not again. I can't. I put my head in my knees and cry. I'm so sick of crying. I'm so fucked up it's not even funny anymore. I hold the cigarette in my mouth, but soon I hear a knock on my door. It opens as I'm dropping my cigarette in the coke can. JJ looks at me in shock. I spray perfumes, and air freshener around the room in panic. "Fuck." I mumble. I bite my lip. "Please don't tell David or Erin." I say quietly. JJ just looks shocked.

"No. I uh wont. I just...didn't expect that...from...yeah. Sorry." JJ said. She then chuckled, and I smiled a little bit.

"It's a nasty habit I picked up when mother wasn't around, and now I'm kinda hooked." I say. She smirked.

"You had a lot of free time didn't you?" I nod. "You wanna hang out? I mean...we were going to go see a movie or something." JJ says. "School is in tomorrow. We thought we'd celebrate our last night of freedom." She laughs. I groan.

"School does start tomorrow, doesn't it?" I laugh. "Yeah...give me a few. You wanna hang out while I get dressed." I say as I go to my stereo to turn the music down. I put on a blue jean cut offs, and my favorite red tank top with a black shirt over it. My boots go on after that. My lip stick is bright red. My nails are painted black. I'm the exact opposite of JJ. I head downstairs to see Penelope, and Derek waiting for us. Spencer asks if he can go, but we say he is too young to go see the scary movie we're going to go see. I snatched up a pack of cigarettes before I go, and hide them in my bag. We all head out. Derek drives because he has his drivers license. I have my permit, but I need an adult to drive with me. It's Penelope's car, and the top is down. She cranks up the music loud. Heart plays and I'm surprised at her choice of music. This is my kind of music. I sing along and smile. Derek wraps his arm around Penelope, and I note it. I hope they aren't together. They sure act like they are, but who knows.

* * *

><p>Before the movie starts I light myself a cigarette in the alley, and take a huff off it. I lean against the wall, and blow out the smoke. One foot goes to the wall while the other stays. My arm not holding the cigarette crosses over my abdomen. When I hear them coming I quickly put out my cig. I pop a mint, and see them. JJ smiles at me, and shakes her head.<p>

"Princess! That is a nasty habit!" Derek says. I groan. "Don't worry. The Uncle David wont know. Well...I mean...he may know. He tends to find out things easily." Derek ponders. I look at him, and drop my shoulders.

"How did you even know?" I ask him. Penelope laughs, and put's out a pretend cigarette with her foot.

"People don't just randomly do that in alleys." she laughs. I blush, and sigh.

"At least I don't have to lie about where I am going anymore." Penelope nods, and Derek smiles at me. I turn my head so he doesn't see that I'm flushed.

* * *

><p>After the movie we all walk towards the car, and Derek has his arm around Penelope's shoulders. His other arm draped around mine. I roll my eyes at the conversation about Vampires.<p>

"I'm just not a big fan of Vampires." JJ says. I laugh. "I like zombies." Penelope nods.

"Eh..werewolves are my thing. Nobody ever does them right though..." Derek says.

"I prefer vampires. They are my favorite. There is just something undeniably sexy about a powerful woman dressed in lacey old time garb trying to feast on your blood." We all laugh at her crazy thoughts. I shake my head at her. "What about you Em's?" she asks. I am a little taken aback by the nick names I've been given in the last day and a half. I shrug.

"Witches." I say. "I don't know why, but they are just...cool to me." the nod, and smirk.

"Oh no! Emily is a witch! Burn her at the stake!" Penelope yells. Everybody laughs.

"You wear enough black to be one." JJ says, and I laugh.

"Black and red are my colors. Just like blue, and white are yours." I say with a small shrug, and a smile. We get to the car, and head home. It's been dark for a while. We all get ready for bed, and go to our rooms after saying goodnight. Tomorrow was the first day of school, and I was dreading it. I hated school. Always have. No one wants to talk to the quiet new girl. I turn out my lights, and lay down. The night light I have in the corner helps me see around the room a tiny bit. It makes me sick with fear when I can't see through the darkness. It makes me feel like he's back for me. I don't want him here. I hate it when he shows up. I think about Matty, and the good times I had with him. I hope I dream about him instead of the monster. I dream about him coming for me in the middle of the night...touching me. Usually he is angry that I killed our baby. I close my eyes to a restless sleep, and my hand goes over my empty womb.

**Reviews will make me happy and wonderful and rainbows and stuff! If you want to make me happy and rainbows and stuff then please review! Up next the first day of school in the new State. It proves to be harder for some than others.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you too the people that reviewed. Please review! I'm begging! If there is anything you'd like me to go in depth with or something more you want to see just private message me or REVIEW! It would mean so very much. I will dive into Emily's story a little bit more, but you wont know the whole thing. I know how the whole truth will come out, and it's been planned for the future.**** It will eventually come out, but it will take time. ****Demily shippers don't be mad at me for this chapter. There love will take time, and it will be a bumpy road. They did just meet! Enjoy! This chapter is much longer than before. I have a lot of free time.**

Derek, Penelope, JJ, Spencer, and I all stood staring at the large brick building. I was bitter all morning. I'm not good with schools. We all just stared at it. JJ was the first to speak.

"I haven't been to a different school. Well...except from middle to high." JJ said slowly, and obviously nervous.

"Me neither." Derek said.

"Not really me either." Penelope spoke up.

"I changed schools once. It was fun." Spencer said. This caused all of us to turn to look at him. He shrugged. I rolled my eyes at them.

"Vous les gars sont putain de chance." _You guys are fucking lucky. _I say before walking towards the school building. She thought saying it in French would really let them know I wasn't foreign to the idea of changing schools. We all got handed schedules and we went to class. JJ and I had French first. How funny? They placed me in French. I walk to my first class, and sit down. Half way through the class the teacher says something in French. I chuckle, and say "الكلبة غبي" _Stupid bitch. _In Arabic. The teacher, , snaps her head towards me, and narrows her eyes. When I walked in she was giving me dirty looks, and narrowing her eyes at me.

"What did you just say?" she asks in a harsh tone. I smile my widest smile, and JJ looks at me in shock.

"I uh said...that's not how you say it." I say not caring about the class staring at me. I recited the phrase she said correctly, and she turned a shade of red that I have never seen a woman turn.

"Miss Prentiss! You're so lucky. First day, first hour you get a special first detention slip." I roll my eyes, and stand up. I grab the slip but she tugs on it before I can go. "Also, stop by the principals office so that you can tell him what you said in...whatever language that was." she smiles. I smile too.

"It was Arabic. Maybe after school we can have a few lessons on Arabic, and French." I smile, and walk out. I walk to the principals office, and wait. When I'm called in I go and sit in the chair in front of a large man with gray hairs. He gave me a disappointing look, and put his hands in front of him. I have been here before. Not with this guy, but with others. Some were powerful women. They're all the same.

"Miss Prentiss. What did you say to Mrs. Oliver in Arabic?" he asks me. I laugh, and lick my lips. I put on my best mischievous smile, and look at him in fake seriousness. In my sweetest voice I replied.

"Well...all I said was that she had magnificent hair." I says with a slightly evil smirk. He gives me an unimpressed look. I roll my eyes. "I'm sorry for lying. I said that she was teaching it wrong." I say. He looks at me confused.

"And...how was she supposed to say it?" I recite the correct phrase in French, and he looks at me impressed. "She has been teaching at this school for years, and I'm pretty sure she knows the correct way to say something in French. Now I have notified your father-" I roll my eyes, and cut him off.

"He's not my father. It's impossible to make a call to my father." I say with as much sarcasm as possible. He sighs audibly, and takes a deep breath. He clicks his phone line, and talks over the phone for a moment. Then David walks in with an unimpressed look. "It's not my fault the French teacher can't speak French." I groan. "David..." I turn to look at the principal, or Principal Hays. Then I turn back to David. "This is unfair. I know more than her. I'm more fluent. She should be taking lessons from me." I say irritated when I'm not the one that is wrong. The principal scoffed.

"And what makes you so qualified?" Hays asks me with an irritated smirk.

"Ce qui me rend plus qualifié? Eh bien, permettez-moi de vous le dire. J'ai vécu en France pendant 6 ans de ma vie. Je suis allé à des dîners et parlé à sleezebags en costumes. Alors ne me dites pas que je suis moins qualifié que lui. Elle a dit la phrase mal et je l'ai tout simplement corrigé vous trou du cul. Maintenant que je peux plaire juste la tête à la détention?"_ What makes me more qualified? Well, let me tell you. I lived in France for 6 years of my life. I went to dinner parties and spoke it to sleezebags in suits. So don't tell me I am less qualified than her. She said the phrase wrong and I simply corrected her you asshole. Now can I please just head to detention? _I am pleased with my speech as I say it, but when I look at David he obviously isn't impressed. I look down and sigh.

"What did she just say to me?" Hays asks a bit pissed off, and a bit shocked.

"She pretty much said that she knows more about it because her mother is an Ambassador. Which is true. I personally agree with Emily in this situation. I'm sorry, but you should probably just send her to detention. I have to get back to work. See you at the house Emily." David said retreating from the office. I stand up, and head to detention. When she got to detention she gave the teacher her note, and sat at a desk. She picked at her nails, and read her favorite book. Which was ironically in French. She looked around the room, and saw all the other kids. She smiled when she saw a cute boy that looked about 17 staring at her. He smiled too, and she looked right back. He had bright blue eyes, and looked as if he hadn't shaved in a bit. She saw him write something on paper, and lay it on her desk. She pulled it over and looked at the writing.

_"What's a gorgeous girl like you, doing in a dump like detention?" _I read, and roll my eyes. I find myself writing back though.

_"Do you use that line on every pretty girl you meet in detention or just me? I called my teacher a stupid bitch in Arabic."_ I slip the note to him, and watch him smile.

_"Usually. Only on special beauties though. Nice going, and I am very impressed and intrigued. Most of these teachers are stupid bitches. It's Ian by the way. You?" _he slips the note to me under my desk. I grab it, and smile as I read it.

_"My name? Guess." _I tease him just for fun. He groans when he reads it.

_"Um...Lauren?" _I laugh out loud earning a look from the teacher. I put my head down, and she looks away.

_"Not even close. Emily." _I write it, and give it to him. He smiles wide.

_"After we get out of here, wanna skip with me?" _I read it and seriously consider it, but then shake my head.

_"David and Erin would have my ass if I skip. How about we just cut to the chase and you pick me up at 7?" _When I write it I am smiling from ear to ear. Maybe this would be good for me. I can't stay in love with Matty for the rest of my life, and no matter how strong a crush on Derek is I'm pretty sure him and Penelope are a thing. I ponder this train of thought till I get the piece of paper back in my possession.

_"Great! Give me your address." _I write my address, along with my number, on the piece of paper. Then the bell rings, and I am free to go. I smile at him, and walk out. When I get outside I am met with the worried look of JJ, and Penelope. "WHAT HAPPENED!?" Penelope asks. I shrug.

"It was just a trip to Mr. Hays' office, and a little detention. Not like I haven't been to either places before." I say. Just then Ian walks out of the room in his leather jacket. He turns me around, and gets close to my face. I smile at him, and sigh.

"See you tonight Lauren." he says with a hand on my chin. I note his accent. It sounds Irish maybe. I smile, and watch him walk away. I turn to the two girls who managed to look even more shocked than before.

"That's Ian. He's picking me up at 7." I say with a hazy smile.

"You met him in detention?" they ask me. I nod and shrug. "Guys...it's not a big deal." I say as we walk to class.

"It will be." Penelope mumbles. I turn around.

"Why will it be a big deal?" I ask in confusion. "Do you think Erin or David will have a problem with it?" I ask. Penelope shrugs.

"They may not...but Derek will." JJ says with a smile. I look even more confused now.

"Why will Derek have a problem with me going out with Ian?" I ask. Penelope and JJ laugh.

"Oh please! Have you not seen the way he looks at you? He doesn't put his arm around anybody but me, and he sure as hell doesn't give me that smile." my heart leaps at this information. I don't let it show. Instead I just shrug it off. The bell rings, and we go to class. The rest of the day is your average school day. No talk of Derek, or Ian. Doesn't mean I didn't think though. I thought all day about the both of them.

* * *

><p>When I get home I run in and tell David and Erin I am going out tonight. David tells me he shouldn't let me go out because of the little stunt I pulled but I beg him and he says okay. My homework is done quickly, and I start to get ready. I put on a black dress with a ruffled bottom, and my tie up boots with the red laces. I fix my hair so that it's curled, and apply a little bit more make up than normal. I start to head down stairs, and when I get there I hear a whistle. "Damn princess. You got somewhere to be?" I hear Derek ask. I laugh, and glance out the window again.<p>

"Actually yeah. I got a date tonight." I continue to look out the window, and don't catch the look Derek gives me.

"With who?" He asks sounding a little bit more mad than he should. I smile a little bit. Maybe he does like me.

"This guy I met today." I smile as I see a really nice car pull up at the curb. "In detention." I say with a mischievous smile. He gives me a worried look, but lets me go. I see him watching me through the window, but I shrug it off. I run outside and Ian is leaning on his car. I walk up to him, and say hi. He says hi too, and gives me a smirk. When we're in the car he lights a cigarette and I watch him put it in between his lips. "Can I have a hit? I haven't had one all day." I say. He nods and passes it to me. The nicotine hits my system and I love it. We get to a park, and he lets me out.

"I thought maybe we could take a nice walk, and talk. Maybe stop to stare at the sky." I smile at him, and we start to walk. "So...do you only speak Arabic?" he asks me. I sit down by a tree, and he sits with me.

"I actually speak about 6 languages." I say with a smile. "Mother is an Ambassador. I have lived in several middle eastern countries, along with several European countries. I speak um French, Italian, Arabic, Spanish, and a tiny bit of Russian." I smirk. His face lights up, and I blush a little.

"You speak Russian?" he asks in shock. "_So if I was to talk to you in it, you'd be able to understand me?" _he says in Russian. I laugh, and think about it for a minute. When I realize what he says I smile even wider.

"Yeah...but it takes me a minute." I say.

"Can you something in Russian for me? Please?" he begged. "It would be...so sexy." I laugh, and roll my eyes. I get my serious face on, and lean forward.

"_Is this sexy enough...for you?" _I whisper. He smiles, and nods.

"That was pretty damn sexy." he says. We are inches apart, and I can feel his breath on my skin. I put distance between us before I do anything I regret. The rest of the night is perfect. He talked about his family, or lack thereof. His mother and father were both dead. It was just him and his older brother now. His brother was off fighting a war. I told him about my family. My mother. Soon I tell him we have to go, and he nods. "I like you Emily. I like you a lot." he says. I blush, and turn my head.

"Ditto." I say in a whisper.

"Can I see you again?" he gives me that look he gave me when I first saw him. That look with those piercing blue eyes. I nod, and smirk. Soon he is closer, and closer. Till we are centimeters apart. I take a breath, and stare in his eyes. _"You are so unbelievably beautiful." _he says in Russian. I shake my head no, and laugh.

_"No I am not." _I reply in the same language. He leans closer, and tilts his head.

_"Yes. Yes you are. I want to kiss you. May I?" _he asks. I just nod. When our lips go together I can feel the sparks between them. He slips his tongue into my mouth, and I open up to him more. Soon after we break off the kiss I feel a pang of guilt hit the pit of my stomach. When I closed my eyes to kiss Ian, I pretended I wasn't kissing Ian. I wasn't even seeing Matty. I saw Derek. Full bodied, mocha skinned, muscular Derek Morgan and I didn't know how to react. When I got home I ran upstairs to change. Derek? Why did I see Derek?

**This chapter was more about the relationships Emily is developing rather than what she has gone through. I think the next chapter will be all about her past troubles, her dreams, and her monster. I know having Ian around makes things horrible, and he isn't going to be the fantastic guy Emily thinks he is. He is going to be a bad influence, and he will lead her down an even more destructive path. He is a bad boy. Anyways, REVIEW PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for all your reviews! This is the chapter that would have made my story M. It isn't the good type of rated M either. Just to warn. This chapter does have a one month time jump! Also, much longer than last one.**

**I watched episode 200! It was amazing. Except for the lack of Demily in it. Not even a hug, or a look. I'm just going to assume after the little dinner party he told her how much he misses her then they made out. Anyways, Enjoy!**

_I hear a knock on my door, and I keep my eyes closed hoping he will go away. "Emily?" he is calling my name in a whisper. Maybe he will see I'm sleeping and leave me alone. I don't want to do this tonight. Not tonight. He shakes my arm, and I open my eyes to see his face. He smiles, and runs a finger along my face. He kisses me but I keep my eyes open. I don't want to do this. He reaches for my pajama pants, and I back away._

_"No. Not tonight. I...I don't want to tonight." I say. All it does is anger him. He slaps me across my face, and I know it's going to happen no matter what I do. I feel the tears collect in my eyes, but I wont let them fall. Not until he is gone. He tears off my pants, and does what he came to do. I keep my head turned the whole time. I don't want to look at him. I can hear him though. I feel it in there, and one tear slips from my eye. After it's over he grabs my face in his hands, and makes me face him. _

_"Don't tell me no again. I know what I came here to get, and you will give it to me. Alright?" he says in a harsh whisper. Then he is gone. I curl up, and cry. I don't wanna do this anymore._

I wake up with tears running down my face. The dreams of him were getting worse the farther Ian tried to go with me. It had been a month since my first date with Ian. Since he kissed me, and I saw Derek. Ian is sweet most of the time. He has a temper though. A bad temper, and I'm so afraid of him when he gets mad at me. He loves me so much though. He tells me all the time, and looks so sincere when he does it. I feel bad for not loving him back. It's only been a month, but he worships me. Treats me like I have never been treated. Except when I deny him sex. I'm just not ready. Especially when I don't know who I will see when we're having it. Derek has been invading my dreams lately. When they aren't the nightmares they are flashbacks of Matty, or new memories of Derek and I.

Derek and I have gotten closer over the last month. We both like awesome action films that JJ, and Penelope don't enjoy. We bonded over that and ended up having a movie night full of popcorn, laughing, and Die Hard. We now have a movie night almost every Friday. Every Friday I'm not with Ian. Sometimes we stay up, and talk till early in the morning. I even sneak into his bed so he can hold me when after I have a nightmare. I know it's wrong because Ian would most definitely not like that. In fact Ian doesn't like any of my friends. Especially Derek.

I open the door, and look around. The tears are still coming, and they wont stop till I hear his sweet whispers. I pad across the hallway, and take a breath before walking into his room. He is tossing, and turning and I gasp. He is mumbling something. Telling someone to go away. My tears dry up, and I immediately form a concerned face. I walk over, and shake him a little bit. His eyes snap open and he grabs my arm in a second. He is grabbing it hard, and it hurts. I try to pull away but he holds on. Soon the look in his eyes change, and he quickly lets go. I am at a loss for words. I just let out a sound meant to be the start of my sentence.

"I'm so sorry princess." he says. I am in shock, and my arm hurts. I hope he didn't leave a mark. That would be really bad if Ian saw. I just stare at him, and he pulls me into a hug. I hug him back, and he pulls me to lay down.

"I'm sorry I...I just...I had a nightmare, and I...I just...you make me feel better." I stumble over my words. I see the tears in his eyes, and the pained look on his face. He grabs my wrist gently, and studies the small bruising I have on my arm. He shakes his head. He goes to say 'I'm sorry' again, but I put my fingers to his lips.

"What were you dreaming about?" I ask tentatively. My hand goes to his face, and for some reason I can't stop touching him. His face turns to pain, and I see it now. Why haven't I seen it before? Something bad happened to him. Something worse than his father dying. "You don't have to tell me." I whisper. He lets out a breath, and wraps his arms around me. I feel his cheeks wet with tears against my neck. I put my face in his neck too, and let him hold me. Soon the darkness takes over, and I feel his breathing even out. My eyes droop, and I am asleep once more.

* * *

><p>The alarm clock goes off, and I groan. I go to turn it off only to be stopped by something holding me down. I look over, and see the sleeping face of Derek Morgan. I then notice how his arms are around me. Then I notice what is pressing into my hip. I gasp, and bite my lip. My mind is running through escape plans. A groan, and fluttering eyes makes my heart beat fast. He leans over, and turns out his alarm clock. When he turns back around he must have noticed his body pressed up against mine. We've never stayed together the whole night. One of us eventually left. He backs off of me, and I get out of the bed. An awkward silence evades the room.<p>

"I...uh...we have to get dressed for school. Ian is picking me up soon to..um drive me." I say before I dash out of the room trying hard not to take one last look at the body that was so wonderfully pressed against me. I run into my room and shut the door quickly. I lean against my door, and close my eyes. Then I hear them. Giggles coming from my bed. I turn around to see JJ and Pen on my bed giving me raised eye brow looks. I blush a deep color of red, and gape at them.

"So..." JJ starts as she hands me some liquid breakfast. Some kind of nutrient chocolate shake that JJ makes in the morning for us when we are rushing. "Penelope and I were wondering where you were this morning, why you hadn't come down to the living room like you usually do. We got curious, and knocked on your door. When you didn't answer we opened up, only to find you were not in your room! We got even more curious, and thought maybe you had snuck out or something like that. Then we hear it. A distinctive sound coming from the other side of Derek's door. Only it wasn't Derek. It was a girls voice." JJ says with a smirk. Penelope then continues.

"So even more curious. We both smile, and open said door. Only to find you two...my Raven Haired Beauty, and my Chocolate God of Thunder cuddled up looking so cute together!" Penelope said with a grin. "You guys looked so comfortable...we thought...why wake you?" I groan, and sip my breakfast. I get into my drawer and take out my outfit for the day. JJ continues to go on with their little story.

"So we thought we would sit, and wait. That brings me to the one, big, very big question. What led you to fall asleep in the protecting, large, amazing mocha smooth arms of Derek Morgan?" JJ asks the big question. I shrug, and downplay it.

"I had a nightmare. We talked and I fell asleep, so did he." I say. Penelope's grin dropped.

"Seriously? That's all it was? And since when do you sneak into his room in the middle of the night to talk to Derek?" JJ asked. I groan and take of my shirt to change. I hear a loud gasp from Penelope. She grabs my arm, and examines the bruised skin.

"What happened to you? Who did this? Was it Ian? Emily now!" Penelope said angrily. I snatch my arm away and think about it. Should I tell them? I mean...it's not breaking any rules is it?

"No. Gosh stop making a big deal. It's from...um...last night. It wasn't a big deal. He was asleep and I startled him. I guess I just wasn't ready for his reaction." I say, and turn away thinking about how I saw a different side of Derek Morgan. Penelope's face drops and she sighs.

"Was he having a nightmare?" she asks softly. I just nod.

"He's never held onto me that tight. Usually he just holds me till one of us falls asleep. He just held tighter, and I didn't..." I feel tears come to my eyes, and all the jokes are gone. My mind flashes back to the dream I had last night of him. I close my eyes, and pull my shirt on. Once I'm changed JJ smiles, and we all go down stairs. The sad moment is gone, and we are all back to normal. Laughing, and teasing. David pulls all of us into the dining room, and has us sit down.

"As you all know Erin, and I are having our anniversary this weekend. I want to take her away for the weekend. Since all of you guys are old enough to be responsible I am trusting you not to wreck the house. I know you are free from whatever rules we hold here. I just have one big rule. Go to parties somewhere else. Whatever you do, do not throw a party here. One of you must also stay with Spencer too. Go out. Do whatever you do." then he pointed to me. "Emily...no Ian in the house, much less in your room. You may think I would never know, but no one in this household likes him. Especially Spencer. He won't hesitate to tell the truth." he says. I nod and roll my eyes. Soon I hear a car pull up outside. I wave bye, and run out the door. My boyfriend is leaning against the car, and when I get near he grabs me. He pulls me too him, and kisses me hard on the lips. His forces his tongue in my mouth, and I grow uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure people from inside are watching. I break away and try to move.

"Ian...let's just go. We don't need to put on a great big show for my family." I surprise myself when I say family. He backs off, and opens the door. I get in, and we drive off.

"So love, I was thinking maybe we skip school today, and just spend the day together. After David and Erin leave for work your house is empty." he says. I think about it, and know I am uncomfortable with it. He puts his hand on my knee. "Please love. I just want more time with you today." he says with a small smile. That's what gets me. I smile too, and lean over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Sure babe, I'm cool with that." I say with a wide smile.

"Wanna head to the park?" he asks me. I nod, and he takes my hand. We stay at the park for an hour or so. He kisses me hard, and starts to move down my neck. I stop him, and he nods. We get in the car, and head back to the house. When we get to the door he pushes me against it. He starts at my shirt, and my stomach drops. I break away, and tell him we should go upstairs. He takes that as a signal and pulls me to my room. He sets me down on my bed, and kisses my neck. I try to control my breathing. We can't do this. I'm not ready. I stop his hands after he gets my shirt off.

"Ian. I'm not ready. I told you I don't want to have sex yet." I brace myself for the frustrated sigh I usually get, but instead he smiles.

"Well...if I can't make love to you, can I at least touch you. I want to please you so bad." he says. I wasn't expecting that. I freeze, and think about it for a minute. Maybe if I let him do this he'll stop pushing me to have sex with him. I nod, and he moves for my pants. When he takes them off I close my eyes, and try not to flash back. He takes off his shirt, and hovers above me. He kisses me, and I kiss back. I feel his hands on me, and I tense. He breaks away. "Love, you seem tense. Relax." he says. "I'll take care of you." I nod, and he touches me. I relax, and let myself give into the pleasure. He takes my bra off, and spends time on my breasts. He kisses my neck, and moves lower and lower until his mouth is...I haven't ever felt this before. No one has ever taken their time to do this for me. It's giving me chills, and I close my eyes.

"Ian." I whisper. He keeps going till my legs start to shake. My body has only done this once before, and it was when I was with Matty. Before I see the white clouding my vision I scream a name in my head, and thank God it was only in my head because it wasn't Ian's name. It was Derek's. After I'm done I groan, and open my eyes. He is above me, and just like it did when we first kissed I felt a large wave of guilt pulse through me. I mask it, and smile. He kisses me, and I can taste something on his lips. This is all so new, and slightly confusing. I trust him though, I think. He backs away, and gets in his bag. He pulls out a pack of cigs, and lights one up. He walks over, and lays on top of me. I take the cigarette from him, and inhale. He smiles at me, and kisses me. He kisses the corner of my mouth, then trails kisses down to my ear.

"My friend got me something. Wanna try it?" he asks. I give him a confused look then he pulls a bag out of his pocket. It has what I assume crushed up pills, or something like that in it. "It's real good. C'mon Em. Have some fun with me?" he asks. I think about it, and bite my lip. I have been looking for something like this. Something to help me forget. I smile and nod quickly. He pours it out, and we snort it. Soon I'm flying. He takes off his pants so he is down to his boxers. He kisses me, and I stop it.

"I uh...I have some uh tequila. We could do a few shots?" I ask. He smiles and nods. Soon after the shots I am so messed up, I can't tell right from left. Ian starts to kiss me, and he is pulling his boxers down.

"Please baby. I want you so, so bad. Let me do this with you." he whispers. I pull back, and mumble.

"No. No I can't." I say turning my head. I was far to high to notice the sudden rage he has. He rolls her over, and makes me fall off the bed. He gets his pants on, and I don't know what to do. My head is foggy, but it starts to clear a tiny bit. Enough to hear him yelling at me.

"Goddamn it Emily! I was so good to you! Why can't you do this for me!? Ungrateful bitch." he yells. I sit up, and look at him with tears in my eyes. I stand, and face him forgetting momentarily about my lack of clothing.

"I'm sorry." I mumble. He's right. I should be ashamed of myself. He grabbed my hips and pulled me to him roughly. I was so scared, and so confused. My mind is still a haze.

"If you were sorry, you'd do it!" he screams at me before slapping me hard across my face. It stung so bad, and I was so confused. Tears came to my eyes as he threw me back down on my bed. I cried, and mumbled sending a silent prayer that this won't happen again. Not again. A man can't do this to me again. Tears stream down my face, and I curl up in a ball. His face changes from anger to guilt. He tries to reach for me, but I push him away.

"Don't touch me!" I scream at him. He just stares at me.

"Em...I'm so...so sorry." he says reaching for me again. I shake my head, and bury it in my blanket covered knees.

"Get out! GET OUT OF MY HOME! LEAVE!" I cry. He grabs his shirt, and his bag then looks at me crying in a corner.

"I love you." he says before walking out. I walk over to my dresser, and grab another cigarette. When I finish it, I snort the rest of those pills. I down the tequila and lay out on my bed. My head is soaring, and I forget everything that has happened. I guess I was still tripping when the others got home. I pretended to be sleeping when David came to check on me. I had sent him a message earlier telling him I wasn't feeling good. He just said okay, and told me to feel better. I think he knew something was up, but he wouldn't say anything unless one of the kids told him. They wouldn't though. Through a fog I heard David tell me they were leaving from the door. I mumbled bye, and continued to stay that way. When they were gone Derek walked into my room. He went to wake me up. He shook me, and I mumbled.

"No! Go away. Please." I say slurred. He gives me a concerned look.

"Jesus, princess you're mascara has been running. Have you been crying?" he asks me. I shake my head no.

"I don't wanna talk about it Derek." I slur even worse than before. He looks me in my eyes, and sighs.

"Did you take something?" he asks me. I feel tears come to my eyes.

"I don't want to talk Derek!" I say letting tears fall over. When I yell though, he smells the liquor on my breath.

"What did that bastard give to you?" he asks angrily. I shake my head, and hide my face.

"I don't wanna talk about him. Please, don't make me talk about him." I whisper the last part, and wipe my eyes.

"What are you on?" he asks me. I look at him angrily.

"None of your damn business!" I snap at him. He looks at me sadly, and I shake my head again. "No. Derek...I'm sorry." I say. I shift a little bit, and move toward him. I climb into his lap, and wrap my arms around his neck. I lean in, and nuzzle my face against his. "Derek...I hurt. Hold me. Make me feel better." I say holding him tighter. Once again, I had forgotten my state of undress. I am completely naked, except for the blanket barely covering me. I put on my best pouty face and ask him again. "Derek, hold me." I say. He shakes his head, and I look up at him.

"Jesus princess...what did you do to yourself?" he asks me. I feel my eyes watering again. He holds me as I cry, then eventually fall into a deep sleep. Through a dreamy haze Derek hears me whimper.

_"I don't want too again."_

_"Mommy, why don't you know?"_

_"Stop him from hurting me."_

**Well, this was much longer than I anticipated. I ended up getting on a role then going till 5 in the morning. Anyways, hope you enjoyed it! PLEASE REVIEW!(:**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you to everybody who is reviewing! I love them so very much! Also, I just want to say I am not a hater of Tamera Barnes, this new girlfriend Savannah, or Jordan Todd. Because they all have history with Derek I feel as if they would make good mean girls. I actually like all three of them. Anyways, I just wanted to get that out there! Enjoy!**

_"Emily." I open my eyes, and sigh. I just lay there as he does this to me. How could mother not know? She shares her bed with this man. Doesn't she know that he leaves her in the middle of the night to do this to me? How could she not? He is above me. Panting like a dog. When it's over he throws the condom, that he decided to use tonight, away. This has been happening almost every night for the last month. Every night he would stay over, he would do this to me. I know I should tell mother, but I won't be able to take it when she tells me that I'm lying. I won't be able to take it when all she does is leave him. When she stays silent, and tells me it's better to forget about it._

_I feel his hand on my face. My eyes close, and he whispers to me. It makes me feel sick. I want to tell my mother so bad, but he has the power to kill me. To kill Matty, or Johnny. I can't. He tells me how great I was tonight, and praises me for being a good girl. I just want to die. I just want him to die. To go away for the rest of my life._

I wake up from my nightmare and see Derek is still holding me. He looks at me, and my head is pounding. "Princess...what did you do to yourself?" he asks me. I roll my eyes.

"Nothing I haven't done before. It was just some tequila, and I snorted something." I say still a little slurred. I look at the clock, and my eyes roll back. No wonder I still can't see straight. I have only been asleep for about 30 minutes. I groan, and take a deep breath.

"What did you snort?" he asks me, and I groan. I lean forward. The sheet, somehow, still managing to cover me. I crawl to him, and sit on his lap.

"Don't be mad at me Derek." I whisper into his ear. I don't know what posses me to do it, but I lay one open mouthed kiss on his neck. He turns his head quickly.

"Emily, what are you doing?" he sighs as I pepper kisses all over his neck, and jaw.

"Something I have wanted to do since I met you." I say still kissing him. I feel him pushing me away, and I look at him in confusion. He looks shocked, and frustrated. "What? Derek, don't you want me too?" He did. I know he did. I thought he did. He pushes me off of him, and stands up.

"Emily, you don't know what you're talking about." he says. My jaw drops, and I'm more hurt than I should have been.

"Derek, why don't you want me?" I ask, and he looks angry. I immediately cower.

"Because you're fucked up Emily! You are high, and drunk! You're dating that bastard!" he yells at me. I hear the yelling, and I know I have made him mad. I react quickly to his rage, and brace myself for the blow.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I won't, I...I'm sorry." I start hyperventilating. I see Ian, and my monster. I hear them.

_"You ungrateful bitch!" _

_"You little slut!"_

_"If your friends knew the truth they'd hate you!"_

I scream as I hear what they are saying to me. "Please don't hurt me Derek." I say through sobs. I'm so scared. Another man I love can't turn on me like this. I can't breathe. Just then JJ and Spencer walk in. Spencer runs towards me, and moves me so I can breathe. He tells me where I am, and what's going on. I'm having a panic attack. Well, a flashback that caused my panic attack. My breathing evens out again, and I am so embarrassed. Spencer shouldn't be here. He shouldn't see me like this. Not him. He was my little brother. Little brothers shouldn't see their sisters like this. Soon JJ is by my side, and I am laying down again. Derek is gone. It's only her and I. I soon fall asleep in her embrace, and am out for a good while this time.

* * *

><p>When I wake up I am dressed in underwear, and a large t-shirt. I see JJ next to me in my bed with her arms around me. The first thing I think to say, comes out of my mouth. "I fucked up Jayjie." I say. She reaches over, hands me some water and an Aspirin. I take it, and drink the rest of my water. My mouth was so dry. "Why doesn't anyone love me?" I asks her. I know it seems selfish to even ask, but I don't feel good about this. Derek flat out rejected me. I know I was drunk, and high but I didn't lie. I do want him. Bad. He would've at least been nicer to me if he did want something to happen. Why didn't he just say, 'Maybe when you aren't drunk.'? That would've been so much less upsetting. He didn't have to freak out, and yell at me. Maybe he doesn't want me. Did I really disgust him that much for him to freak out, and yell at me? I sigh. JJ wraps her arms around me, and I let her hold me.<p>

"Everyone loves you Emy." before she can continue I turn to her somewhat angry.

"Mother doesn't love me." I snap. I keep going before she can continue. "Derek doesn't love me. Ian doesn't love me. He says he does, but if he did he wouldn't ha-" I stop myself, and pray I didn't say to much. JJ sits up quick, and gives me a serious look.

"What did he do to you Emily?" I turn my head, and shake off her question.

"Nothing. It was nothing." _He didn't mean too. He was drunk and high. He just got frustrated._ I say to myself in my head. "I um, I'm hungry. We should go eat something." I say standing up. I slip on some sweats, and pad down the stairs. JJ behind me.

"Penny made some chicken for us. She's eating salad." I get to the kitchen and heat up the chicken cooked by Penelope. I stand and keep my head down. JJ pours me some milk, and I continue to heat these up. I feel arms wrapped around my waist, and I get what could only be a PG hug.

"I heard about it gumdrop. Feeling any better?" she asks. I shrug, and make my plate.

"I don't really want to talk about it." I mumble. I leave her in the kitchen, and go to eat my food.

The rest of the night is slow. I haven't seen Derek, and I can't think of where he may be. I don't care. I watch TV with Spencer, and he does something I don't expect him to do. He curls up into my side, and falls asleep. I can't believe he saw me like that. He looks so little and innocent asleep. I run my fingers across his face, pushing the long hair away. He had seen too many horrible things. Read too many books. He was never oblivious. His mother is a schizophrenic, and his dad sent him here so his mother could go to the institution. He told me this a while back during one of our French lessons. I thought it was so adorable he came to me, and asked me if I could teach him the language. He wanted to know Italian too, but I told him to slow down. One language at a time.

I pick him up, and take him upstairs. I lay him down on his bed. You'd think an 11 year old would weigh more than 80 pounds, but he doesn't. I take his glasses off of him, and lay them on his bedside table. I kiss his forehead, but he grabs my wrist before I can leave. "Don't leave me alone again mommy." he says in his sleep. My heart breaks for this poor kid. Most of the time he is the most logical kid I have ever met. He throws out random facts, and is usually unemotional about things. I bet he's seen it all. He isn't even a kid most of the time. I forget he's 11. Right now though the light is hitting his face and he looks so little. He is small for his age. Scrawny, and short. For a brief second I think about where I would be now if I hadn't killed my baby. _Dead in an alley._ I say to myself. Right now my baby would be about...6 months old maybe. 5 months of healing, then coming here. I would be feeding it. Rocking it to sleep. Waking up in the middle of the night to take care of him, or her. I smile as I think about it, but then remember I am only 16. I wouldn't have been able to take care of a baby. I sigh, and turn on Spencer's lamp for him. He is scared of the dark. I walk out, and head to the kitchen for some juice. When I walk in though I see a dark haired, mocha skinned woman the counter top with her lips locked to Derek's. My jaw drops, and I am just shocked. They break away, and they both turn to me.

"I'm sorry. I um...just wanted some juice. I'll leave." I say quickly. I then turn around, and run out. I think of the girl. I recognized her. She was gorgeous...and she was on the cheer leading team at school. A cheer leader. No wonder she was with Derek. She was one of those girls who would push me into lockers like I was invisible. She gave me a dirty look when she saw me, and Derek was too busy looking guilty to notice. I walk out and feel my anger start to build up. Anger, and hurt. He knew how I felt about him, yet he still brought her here. How could he? At least now I know he really isn't interested in me. Her name is Tamera. Tamera Barnes. She runs in the little group of snobby preps. Her best friends are Jordan and Savannah. All of them stare at Derek like a piece of meat. I guess Tamera won him. I feel my lip tremble, and I sigh. I'm getting way to emotional about this. The phone rings, and I roll my eyes.

"Ian?" I say. I hear him over the phone, and he sounds sad. My heart breaks for him.

_"Emily. I have been thinking about what happened all day, and I feel so horrible about it. Can I come over?" _he asks. I bite my lip, and I'm getting ready to deny him but then I hear her giggle. I feel like punching something. I bite my lip harder and consider it.

"I don't think anyone here would like that, but..." I say. I look at the clock and smirk. It's only 11 o'clock. "You still going to that party tonight?" I ask with a grin on my face. I can practically see the grin forming on his face.

_"Only if I have a super sexy Emily Prentiss by my side." _I laugh, and roll my eyes playfully.

"See you at midnight?" I ask him.

_"Yes. Thank you love. I'm still so sorry about what happened. I love you." _I hear him say. My heart leaps, and I smile.

"I love you too, baby." After I got off the phone. I ran upstairs and got ready. I strip down, and put on my lace. I slip on my rockin' leather pants, and red halter top that shows a good portion of my flat stomach, and my pierced belly button ring shines. I got this done a little while back. A friends cousin did them, and I knew it would piss mother off. I put a diamond one on that dangles. I throw a black see through shawl over my shirt. I smile as I do my make up. Blood red lips to match my shirt, and dark eyes to finish it off. My hair is straight, and I slip on some red pumps I borrowed from Pen. I examine myself in the mirror and smile wide. I grab my bag, and run down stairs. Before I get fully down stairs I run into a tiny little scrawny body. "Heya kid. I thought you were asleep." I say and ruffle his hair. He smiles at me, then frowns when he notices my attire.

"Where are you going Emily?" he asks me. I open my mouth then close it again.

"I'm going to a party. I'm probably gonna stay the night with Ian." I say sadly. He hugs me, and puts his face in my stomach.

"Please don't stay. Come home." he says, and my heart breaks. "Derek isn't going to be happy." he states. I sigh.

"I don't care what Derek thinks. If he takes it out on you tell him Emily said he can take a fucking hike." I say in a sweet voice. "I'm going buddy. Don't wait up for me alright. I'll be okay." I say softly.

"Don't come home messed up." he says so softly I barely hear him. I feel so guilty about earlier.

"I'm sorry you had to see that earlier." I whisper to match his tone. He nuzzles my stomach, oddly affectionate for him. He is usually awkward about stuff like this.

"I just don't want you to hurt yourself." he says. "I love you Emy. Please come home later." he whispers. I feel tears in my eyes, and I kneel down to his level. I don't know what has gotten into him, but he isn't being the Spencer Reid I know. Somehow he isn't a high schooler. He is an eleven year old boy scared to death by something that happened to his sister. I kiss his cheek, and move down the steps. I wait at the window for Ian, and pull out a cigarette. I huff on the cigarette, and close my eyes. Ian told me he was driving the bike tonight, and I got excited. I love his motorcycle.

"Emily?! Where are you going?" Derek says from behind me. I hear her say something to him about not worrying about me. I then am reminded of why I am going to this party anyways. I turn and flash him a smile through my cig.

"Um...Ian and I are going to this party Jake Kramer is throwing. JJ and Pen went there. I'm sure you and..." I cock my head to the side, and put on a pretend smile. "What's your name again Thalia?" I ask. She looks at me annoyed, and I smile. "Oh yeah, sorry. Tamera. I forget things. Um you guys can watch Spence."

"Emily. Why are you going back to him?" he asks angrily. I laugh.

"Well...I need a night to get out. Excuse me for not wanting to stick around alone in this house. Spence is asleep. I'm just gonna go. Don't wait up." I hear the loud roar of Ian's motorcycle, and I smile. I head for the door. "See ya tomorrow!" I yell. I run to Ian, and kiss him hard on the lips. Tonight is about letting go and forgetting! I throw my leg over the bike, and wrap my arms around his waist. As we drive I lay a few kisses on his neck. When we get to the house I see lights flashing, and the yard covered in beer cans. Ian and I show up to the party, and he keeps his hand firmly planted on my ass. We walk up, and he high fives his buddies. He keeps me tight, and not a one male in the room stares at me. They know who I belong too. I hate to put it that way, but it's true. Everyone knows that I am Ian's property, and to touch would mean death. We get inside, and he pulls me to him tightly. He kisses me, and I kiss back.

"So you promise you aren't mad at me?" he asks me. I nod, and kiss him again.

"Just don't," I say in between kisses. "ever do it again." I continue. "Ever." he grabs me by the hips, and I moan.

"There is a room in the back. We could reprise what happened earlier." he says. I smile wider, and wider. I moan into his kisses.

"Not right now." I say. "But later...oh yeah." I smile as I say it. It's the truth. I wanted him to do what he did earlier, just with out the violence. Hours passed and we danced a bit. Him grabbing my ass the whole time, or kissing my neck. He even snuck a hand down my pants in the middle of the dance floor. I was too drunk to care. We did end up repeating our activities from earlier, only I took my turn with my mouth. I hate doing that, but if it keeps him away from the sex subject I will do it all day. Somehow we ended up where we are now. Smoking weed in Jake's room. I take my hit, and hold it in my mouth. I sit on my boyfriends lap, and blow the smoke into his mouth before kissing him. I feel the drug take effect, and I love it. It takes me back to those nights with Matty. After another few times around I hear one of his buddies say something to him.

"Ian. I got some of the good stuff today. Want some?" he asks him. Ian smiles, and nods. They all crush up the pills, and put them into little lines. I just stare at it. After everyone is done there is one more line left for me. Ian takes my belt loop, and kisses me behind my ear. I am sitting on his lap so it's easy for him to push me forward a little bit.

"C'mon love. You know you want too. They made us feel so good earlier." he whispers in my ear. I look down at it, and he's right. I do want it, but I promised Spencer. I promised him I wouldn't come home messed up. I always have time to sober before I get home. I look at it, and I want it so bad. It's not the right thing to do. I lick my lips, and hear Ian in my ear. "You know you want too. We could have so much fun flying high together."

**Cliffhanger! Will she do it? Will she? I should have this updated at least by morning. I have all night. Anyways REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I would love to know your thoughts. Thank you for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for all your kind reviews!**

"Emily...it'll make you feel so good. Remember." I take a moment, and look at it. I lean down, and snort the powder into my nose. I feel the drug take effect. After one line I do another. Then another, and another. I feel Ian kissing my neck, and moving his hands all over my body. I turn and kiss him hard. We start to kiss, and he makes me lean back. The world is spinning, but I feel so good. He is spreading my leather clad legs open so I am straddling him. I feel him touching me. He moves to my shirt, and pulls it all the way down. He is gripping my sides hard. It kind of hurts, but I can barely feel it. All I know is I'm grinding on him, and he is not looking at me. He pulls my shirt down, and I see other guys looking at me. I don't like it. I kiss him again. I don't like being watched by everybody. My heart rate speed up, and I get worried because I don't know what's going on. I can't even hear Ian's voice. I'm so drugged up. I feel two sets of hands on me. One is wrapping them around my stomach, and pulling me back. I kick my legs because I don't want anyone else touching me. Then I was pulled against his chest. His hard, big muscular chest. I shake my head no. This cannot be happening! Not again! I don't want too. I feel tears prick my eyes till I hear the voice.

"What the fuck did you do to her man!? Her shirt is ripped, and she is fucked up! I'm taking her home." I hear Ian stand and kick his chair down. I shake my head no.

"What right do you have to take my girl away from me?!" Ian yelled his accent showing more than ever. I don't want this to happen. The haze clears a little, and I can see clearer now. They are pushing me. I hear someone say something about taking this outside, and I have had enough.

"STOP!" I scream. I turn to Derek. "YOU!" I say pointing to him. "Do NOT own me! You have no right to be here making my decisions for me! I'm not going home with you..." I say quieter. "I can't. Not yet. I promised Spencer I wouldn't come home fucked up. Just...give me an hour or two." he looks at me angry. I swear Derek was a dark shade of red.

"Emily! There is an eleven year old boy sitting on a couch waiting for you to come home! He is terrified something bad is going to happen to you! I am worried too! You can't keep doing this. You can't." I turn to him angrily.

"You don't tell me what to do. You don't even care so leave. Get out, and leave!" I yell. After he is gone Ian grabs my waist, and pulls me to him roughly. We go into another room, and he attacks my neck with bites, and kisses. He tears the top of my shirt, and pulls at my pants. Before I know what is happening to me he is inside of me. Too drunk and high to notice me saying no. Maybe I'm not even saying no. I just want to leave. After it's done. He hold me and kisses me. I kiss him back, and he tells me he loves me more than anything in the world. In an hour or two I am stumbling him with bruises, and hickeys covering me. I cry all the way home, but I am sober. I just hope Spencer is asleep. I crack the door open, and peek in. I take off my heels, and see Spencer asleep on the couch. He looks exhausted. I sneak into the kitchen, and grab some water and another Aspirin. I make myself something to eat, and hold my shawl to cover myself.

"Jesus Emily." Derek says when he walks in, and see's me here. He must see the bruises on my back. I think I'm bleeding but I don't know. Ian just went to town on me. He didn't even care if I was hurt. At least he had enough sense to use a condom each time. I hurt so bad. I start the coffee, and my lip trembles. I plant my hands on the counter top, and dissolve into tears. I shake my head no, because I can't believe Ian would do that to me. I was drugged. Maybe I didn't say no. Maybe I consented, and just...didn't remember. Yeah, that's probably what happened. It doesn't stop the tears from spilling over. I feel Derek lifting up my shawl to examine the bite marks, and scratches, and bruises.

"I'm fine. It's not as bad as it looks." I say my voice cracking. I can't do this. I don't want to turn to Derek. My face isn't any better. Smeared mascara and a small bruise on my jaw. He held my jaw in place, and made me look at him. I tried to just let myself go in the pleasure. He was rough, but I was mad. It worked out in the end I guess.

"You aren't fine Emily." he removes my shawl, and wraps his arms around me. He traces the bruises on my back. I turn around, and cry into his chest. He holds me tight, and I shake my head into his chest.

That night, I shower and try to wash Ian off of me. Just like I tried to wash _him_ off of me. I can't do this. I dissolve in the shower, and cry as the water washes over me. I can't take this anymore. I go to my room, and cry myself to sleep. That night my nightmare was at it's worse.

_"Emily?" I hear him, but it's not _his _voice. It's Ian's voice. He comes in, and smiles. He walks over to my bed, and lays his hand on my thigh. I squirm away before he reaches behind my head, and grabs my hair and pulls my head back. I let out a cry, and he rips my pants off. I shake my head no, and yell out. Some one has to hear me. He slaps me across my face and tells me to shut up. I scream. Just then I feel a hand over my mouth, and I hear his voice. _

_"Shut up or they die." he says covering my mouth. I turn my head, and see Derek. He is standing there watching this. He tries to reach out to me, but I'm too far away. He needs to save me! Ian is gone, and I feel him in between my legs. I let out a squeal, and shake my head no. He tells me I messed up then he walks over to Spencer who is where Derek was. He takes the knife and put's it to his neck. He moves it, and blood seeps from Spencer's neck. I scream out in horror because I can't do this. I turn the other way and see Ian's blue eyes staring at me. He smiles, and puts a finger to his lips. _

_"Shush love. Don't speak, or Derek get's it too. We both know how much you love him." I shake my head no. Ian can't do this. He can't be doing this to me. I tell him I will give myself to him, but he laughs. "But I love it when you struggle." he whispers. I cry even harder, and I don't know who is raping me. I try to reach for Spencer, but he is gone. _

I wake up screaming bloody murder. I open my eyes, but I'm still there. They aren't gone yet! Why aren't they gone!? They are still there. Pinning me to the bed. I can't stop screaming. I cry out, and don't even notice the people filing into my room. JJ and Pen are at my sides, and Derek is in front of me. He is shaking me trying to tell me to wake up. I see him and I calm down. "Spen...Spenc...Spencer...I...is he okay?" I cry. Spencer is in front of me in a heartbeat. I wrap my arms around him, and rock him as I cry. "It was so real. I thought they hurt you." I cry. I can't live like this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I just want it all to go away. I feel everybody wrap there arms around me, and I cry into Spencer's hair.

After I calm down Derek holds me, and kisses my forehead. I feel so bad, because I know they are all dealing with there own things. Derek holds me then I'm fine. I feel a little better, and we get up and head down stairs. I need a real day. A day away from drugs, and sex. I need a movie night. I'm tired of men right now, and everything that comes with it. When we get down stairs I hug my girls, and I apologize. I get a we understand from Penelope. I know they understand. They wouldn't be here with me if they didn't understand. This house is only for broken kids. David and Erin take care of us, but darkness is something far too familiar. I smile, and tell them I want a girls night. They nod, and smile. We haven't had one of those in a long time. I cook lunch, and soon we are all back to normal. Derek teases me, and we make jokes. We tease Spence together, and Pen makes one of her insane desserts. I find myself smiling more than usual on this day and I know it's because what happened this morning.

Soon I run into Spence and ask him if we can have a talk. He smiles and nods. We sit in his secret spot under the stairs, and I sigh. "I broke your rule last night, and I don't feel good about it at all. I took something, and I shouldn't have. I take it because it helps me forget. That's why, but I'm done with that. I can't do that anymore. No matter how bad I hurt." he nods, and I hug him.

"Emily?" I smile at him.

"Yeah buddy?" I say. He looks at me with tear in his eyes.

"I know how it feels." he says simply. I look at him in confusion.

"You know how what feels?" I ask.

"To be alone. To feel trapped. When mom would have a bad day she would sometimes forget I was me. Sometimes I wasn't even lucky enough for that. Sometimes she would just forget me. I don't have any friends, and you guys are the closest thing I have ever had to a family. You are like my sister, and I don't want you to be hurt. I hate it when you hurt. I know what hurt feels like. I know what being alone feels like. I don't want you to feel that way. I love you guys, and I don't like it when you hurt yourself. Please stop hurting yourself." he says with tears in his eyes. My jaw drops because I didn't know I meant this much to me. "You're so good to me. You tuck me in, and don't forget to turn on my lamp. You kiss my forehead, and remind me to brush my teeth when Erin doesn't. You guys take care of me, and I can't ask for anything more. You all are my family." he says hugging me. I stroke his head, and hug him back.

"I'm gonna get better. I'm gonna stop hurting myself because you guys don't deserve to watch me destroy myself. I love you too, buddy." I say. After our conversation I feel better. Much better. I have something to change for. Some one to change for. A family that cares about me to change for.

* * *

><p>That night we are all crowded around my room on the floor munching on ice cream. Penelope gives me a smile then turns to me. "JJ has a guy." my eyes go wide, and I turn to her. My jaw drops.<p>

"Whatwhenwherewhy?" I ask all together. I laugh at the look on her face. She smiles, and sighs.

"I just...well...I met this guy the other day. He is the new kid in our grade. Will LaMontange. His uh, his dad just died so he had to move here with his sister. They went to his mom's house up here. He is really sweet, and the accent helps." JJ says laughing. "We have a date this Friday." she says with a big huge smile. I freak out with Penelope and we hug her. I have never really had this. A group of girls to geek out about guys with. "He is so cute! His sister is in college and she is getting married to a guy that just so happens to work for David! He says she doesn't have the accent like he does because she has lived with his mom for a long time. Her name is Beth. She is only a stepsister so her last name is different. I can't remember it though. She is getting ready to be Beth Hotchner though." JJ rambles. We laugh at how caught up she seems.

"Wow...you guys talked a lot didn't you?" JJ blushes a deep red, and I smile at her. I feel happy for her.

"Anyways, change of subject. Are you and Ian done?" she asks tentatively. She knows it's a sensitive subject, but I need to talk about it.

"I'm gonna break up with him on Monday. I can't be in a relationship like that. He is either trying to fuck me in the middle of the school yard, or pushing drugs down my throat. I promised Spence I wouldn't live like that anymore so I wont." I say with a small smile. Penelope smiles too.

"That would also open you up for a date with a certain mocha God." she hints. I groan.

"Guys...if Derek wants to date me he'll ask me himself. I just...I don't know how he feels about me and..." I trail off and run out of excuses.

"He wants you. You want him. Give it time. Let yourself heal. Let him hold you at night, then go for it when you're ready. You guys would be great together." JJ says. I smile a small smile, and think about how great he would treat me. Then I think about Ian. How will I end it with him? I'm so scared of him. I shake my head, and try not to think about it.

"Anyways, I met a guy." Penelope says. We both turn to her.

"Huh?" I ask with a smile.

"His name is Kevin. He is crazy sweet, but I feel like he would propose any minute. It's nerve wracking. He is really nerdy, but sweet. I don't know what to do. I think I'll just forget about it." she says. We give her this look, and I shake my head.

"I think you should go for it. Who cares if he can't compare too the body of your Chocolate God. Go for it. Be happy. If anyone deserves a guy it's you." I say. She bites her lip and thinks about it. Soon we are all laughing about something Penny did, then we're talking about Will again. When it get's to bed time we all just curl up in my bed.

_I feel my bed dip just like it does every night. I feel him peel off my clothes just like every night. I don't fight, and I don't even open my eyes. I don't open them till I hear the voice in my ear. "Emily." he says. My eyes open, and I smile wide. "He isn't coming for you. I've got you princess." Then he kisses me. I haven't felt so much love in one kiss since Matthew. I let out a breath and stare at him in his eyes. I shake my head._

_"I'm so scared. They'll be mad if they catch you. They'll kill you." I say. He shakes his head, and kisses me again. He grabs my hand and puts it against his cheek._

_"They can't get me. I'm here. Just to love you. Let me love you. Forget them. Look at me." he says. He kisses me again, and wraps his arms around me. "It'll be okay baby." he says._

* * *

><p>When I wake up I am shocked. I bite my nail, and smile. I didn't have a nightmare. That definitely was not a nightmare. Maybe it was time to give Derek a chance. Maybe it was time to let go of my past. I just have one big thing to do first. Leave Ian.<p>

**I needed a break from all the crazy, and drugs and stuff. I needed a little fluff in my life. Don't worry though the drama comes back. Emily just can't catch a break! Reviews are like puppies, you just need them to make your life better! Thank you for reading!(:**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for all the reviews! I love them so! I had almost the whole chapter written then crashed or something. I lost EVERYTHING! What can you do though? Write! ENJOY!**

_No one looked  
>I walked by<br>Just an invitation would have been just fine  
>Said no to him again and again<br>First he took my heart then he ran_

_No one knows how I feel_  
><em>What I say unless you read between my lines<em>  
><em>One man walked away from me<em>  
><em>First he took my hand<em>  
><em>Take me home<em>

_Stand back, stand back  
><em>

Soon after my dream of Derek, I let the girls sleep, and I go into the kitchen. I start to make pancakes for everybody. One thing I know how to make is pancakes. That's about it. Spencer is the first to file in, and take a pancake. He takes some of the chocolate chip pancakes from me. I also made banana pancakes, and blueberry. JJ comes down, and smiles when she sees me eating pancakes with Spencer. JJ calls upstairs to Derek and Penelope who are still sleeping. "GUYS EMILY MADE EMILY PANCAKES!" JJ yells out. Sure enough a few minutes later both of them are downstairs. Neither of them fixing themselves before they came down stairs. Derek made a giant plate of every kind of pancake I made. He drenches them in syrup, and put's a giant bite in his mouth. I laugh as he smiles a smile that shows all the food in his mouth. I shake my head and laugh at him. The door opens and we hear David and Erin laughing.

"Guys! We're home!" they say. We smile when we all peak out and see them. David kisses her hands, and they are walking towards us with bags in there hands. JJ pokes her head out further.

"Emily made pancakes." she says. David, and Erin both speed up and run into the kitchen. We all laugh. Breakfast is good, and soon people file out of the kitchen. I ask David and Erin to stay in the room. Now is the moment of truth. Literally. I have to tell the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. Truth. Truth...truth truth. _Shut the fuck up and talk! _I hear the other voice in my head say. I'm so weird. I open my mouth, but quickly close it. How do I start this?

"Um...I know you guys just got back, and this isn't the greatest thing to hear after a nice trip. I don't want to ruin anything bu-" I ramble, and David looks at me full of concern.

"Cut to the chase, Bella." he says. I realize I am rambling.

"I went to a party...wait no...I..." I try to explain, but he stops me by standing. He lifts my chin, and examines my bruised jaw. "It's noth-" I go to say but he cuts me off.

"Stop. What happened?" he asks. I can't lie to him.

"It started when...I messaged you and told you I was feeling sick. I lied. I skipped school with Ian." David nods, and I bite my lip. "I'm not going into detail about the things that happened, but I told him no at one point and he got really mad at me." I say softly. "He gave me a lot of drugs, and I took them. Willingly. I wouldn't have done it, but he wanted me too and I...it helps me forget everything that happened before I came here. I just...I don't know what I was thinking. I got mad at him, and made him leave. Derek and JJ took care of me after he was gone. I was really messed up." I say. I look down and feel the tears coming. "That night he called me, and I was so mad over a stupid thing. I went to a party, and it all happened again only it was worse this time. Much worse. The one on my jaw isn't the worst one I have. Above my hips, and on my legs are the worst. I am ending it with him because I can't live like this anymore. I don't want to press charges because I can't remember saying no in my drunken haze. Hell, I probably said yes. I just...I want this to be over." I say and I don't start really crying till the end of it. I feel Erin wrap her arms around me, and I smile a bit. This is oddly affectionate for her. She is usually distant about these things. I look up to see David taking deep breaths.

"I don't support you not wanting to press charges, and I'm worried about what he might do when you end it. Emily, he isn't safe." David says pacing the kitchen. Erin is playing with my hair.

"Look he only hit me once, and he wasn't sober then. He didn't get angry at me for telling him no, and just decide to use me as a punching bag. He just kind of took it as a yes while we were both drunk and high. He didn't hit me. He was just rough. All my bruises...they aren't from him slapping me or punching me. They are from him grabbing me, and pulling me and biting me. Unfortunately, I can't press charges no matter what I do. I don't have a case. He was drunk. He was high. Both times. I was too." I say. David looks angry, and I have to remind myself I'm not the one he is angry at. He walks over and wraps me in a hug. I sigh, and smile. I feel like I finally have the family I have always wanted. After our little talk I go upstairs and change out of my pajamas. I get on some jeans and a blue short sleeved shirt. I throw my hair into a messy ponytail. It's different from my usual drab but maybe that's a good thing. The phone rings, and I pick it up.

_"Hello?" _I hear over the other end. I get a tiny sick to my stomach at the sound of his voice.

"Ian." I sigh his name. Maybe I should just do this today, and get it over with. "Wanna go to the park? We kinda have to talk." I say.

_"Alright..." _he says. He sounds confused, and I hate it. _"Be there in five. See ya soon, love. I love you." _he says. I bite my lip, and rock back and forth on my toes.

"Yeah, you too." I say. When he pulls up I give a quick hug to David because I know how worried he is. I go outside, and get in the car. We get to the park, and he takes my hand in his. We walk side by side with our hands linked together. This is odd for us. He hasn't touched me inappropriately yet, hasn't tried to make out with me. He is different right now, and I love it. He is being perfect. I bite my lip and he turns me.

"What's going on with you today, love?" he asks me. I feel tears pool in my eyes because today is the day he chooses to care about how I am feeling. Today he shows concern. Today he doesn't touch me when I don't want him too. Why today?

"I came here to break up with you. I have too. I can't live like this anymore and you keep feeding me drugs, and touching me. I want that, I just wasn't ready to go all the way. You did though. You went all the way with me, and I didn't want too." I say my voice cracking. He looks at me and I don't know how he can fake the pain etched on his face. He leans over and kisses my lips softer than he ever has. My breath is taken away, and I don't know who this is. He is being so sweet. So kind. Like he was the first night. The night of our first date.

"I love you. Please don't do this." he is so convincing with out having to say any more words than that. I feel my heart breaking. I was expecting anger. Rage. I don't know what else.

"I have too." I say feeling my eyes water. He nods, and hugs me tight. Why hasn't he ever held me like this before?

"Call me if you change your mind." he says. I nod, and smile a sad smile.

"I wont change my mind Ian." I start to walk home, and I can feel him staring a hole into my back. When I get home I tell David that it's over, and he hugs me once more.

"I'm just worried about you Bella." he says shaking his head. "I have seen cases like this, and they don't usually go well. I have to trust you though. I get that. We need to have a discussion about the guys you date before you date them from now on though. I never liked that guy." he says still hugging me.

The rest of the day I just hung around the house, and listened to my music. I was still confused at Ian's reaction to me telling him we were done. I was expecting rage. Something. Him to yell. Fight for me. I don't know. Maybe my mind has made him out to be worse than he actually is. I don't really know. I am laying in bed when JJ walks in. "So heard you broke up with him." I nod. "Are you okay?" she asks me.

"Yeah...I just it was weird. He was so nice when we broke it off. He didn't fight me or anything. It was just a simple, 'I love you please stay'. The look on his face was just so sweet, and usually he looks rugged and rough. He just...he was so...I can't explain it. It took everything in me to break it off." I say in a confused, slightly rambly voice.

"Maybe it was just to get you to stay." JJ says to me. I shake my head, but then think.

"But he was even like this before I told him I wanted to break it off. He didn't try to ram his tongue down my throat in front of the house. He didn't touch me anywhere inappropriate. We held hands and he kissed me softly. He told me he lobed me with sincerity. I just...it was so weird. I guess it's fine though. I mean what matters is that it's over." I finish. We talk a little bit longer about her, and Will. Then she says goodnight. I lay down in bed and think about Ian, and how he behaved today. Maybe this wasn't for the better. Maybe this was a huge mistake.

* * *

><p>"Hey! How's my pretty princess doing today?" Derek asks me in the hallway. I smile and turn to meet him. I make a playful disgusted face.<p>

"Pretty princess? Really? Really Derek Morgan?" I say. We lean against the lockers, and talk for a bit.

"What can I say? I have a way with words." I roll my eyes, and smile at him. "I was lying though." he says matter-of-factly. I give him a confused look, but still manage to hold my smirk. "You are not a pretty princess." he says. I feign offence. I gasp, and put a hand over my hurt.

"Wow. You just lost points there, buddy." I say while shaking my head. He smirks and leans in close to me. He moves a piece of hair from my eyes, and for a minute I expect him to kiss me, but then he speaks.

"I was wrong because a more appropriate phrase would be; how is my beautiful, wonder, smart, amazing, sexy, pretty princess doing today?" he says. I go to speaks but am at a loss of words. I blush, and his hand grazes my cheek. "See ya later gorgeous." he says then walks off. I am aware people are staring, but I don't care. I feel like doing a happy dance, and running down the hallway singing.

During lunch I sit with my Penelope, JJ, Derek, and Spence. Will has joined us today and I must admit he is gorgeous. The accent is adorable. The conversation flows easily, and I can feel Derek's hand stroking the small skin that is showing from my shirt riding up. I'm pretty sure I can mark this as the best day of my life. I look at the time, and bite my lip. I have a good fifteen minutes before the bell rings for lunch to end. I could probably sneak to Pen's car for a few min. "I'm gonna go smoke a quick cig, and I'll be back before lunch is over." They say okay, and I am off towards the car. I throw a smile in Derek's direction before I go.

On my way to the car I hear something. I turn to look behind my shoulder, but I don't see anything._ "Maybe it's nothing." _I tell myself. When I get to the car I open the door, and pull out my smokes from the console. Just then I feel my body being pulled back by belt loops. My ass is pressed against a mans crotch, and I can feel him against me. I go to scream, but mouth is covered by his hand. He smells like cigarettes and booze. He drags me off and I see a car that I have seen many times before. I know that car. Ian's car. I hear his voice in my ear, and feel something sharp and cold against my back. "Move, and you're dead. You need to answer some questions for me, love." Now I know for sure it's Ian. What the fuck is he doing?!

He takes his hand, and moves it down to cup my crotch. He gently strokes me through my pants. I hear an awful laugh, and I shake my head no. My tears spill over as he throws me in the back seat of his car, and handcuffs me to the handle above the window. He gets in the front seat, and my heart beats so quick I forget how to breathe. I finally let out one deep breath, and get the courage to ask him what the fuck he thinks he is doing! "Ian! What are you doing? Why?" I plead with him. We head towards the park, and I know where he plans on taking me. When he takes me out of the car he puts the knife where it was against my back.

"You try to run, and you die." he says quickly. I get a horrible feeling this wasn't the first time he has hurt someone like this. He drags me out to a fenced area far back from the paths, and people. Once we get to the fence he drops me on the ground, and cuffs me to it. He slaps me hard against my face, and I feel blood pool in my mouth. Water fills my eyes, and I'm so scared. David was right. He has never hit me this hard. I spit out the blood, and he grabs my face in his hands. I look into his eyes, and know. He is on drugs right now. Not to mention the fact he smells like liquor. "Why did you break up with me?" he screams in my face. I look at him in confusion.

"I...I was tired of the drugs, and you...you hurt me! You left bruises!" I say trying to get through to him.

"No! You little bitch I never hurt you. You wanted that. Don't you remember? I remember how much you loved it. You were so good. So willing." he says with a sick smile. He takes the knife, and runs it from my neck down.

"I was drugged, and drunk. You gave those to me then you knew how fucked up I was and you used it to your advantage." I say angrily. The tears are pouring but how dare he say I wanted that!

"Whatever. I have one more question before the fun begins. When did you start fucking Derek?" he asks me. He is serious. Completely serious. I shake my head no.

"I never! He is just my friend. That's it." I say silently praying he will believe me. I feel a foot kick my stomach and I roll over as much as I can with my hands cuffed.

"LYING BITCH!" he screams at me. Then he is up again, and I can tell he is angry. "I mean...at the party I thought I heard you say something like his name when my mouth was on you, but I didn't want to believe it. Then you guys at school today. I knew it. I knew you were fucking him. You're such a whore Emily. A fucking whore." I have to think of something quick to say. I have to stall him.

"Ian I would never betray you like that. I wouldn't sleep with Derek. I wouldn't. Not now, not ever. I haven't been with Derek I swear. Derek is only my friend." I say. Ian scoffs.

"Yeah right. You guys live together! The way he touches you. Looks at you. How could he not be sleeping with you?" I turn my face refusing to give him any more ammunition than he has. My arms are starting to hurt. I try to move them, but all that does is put pain on my wrists. "You're such a whore. Did you fuck every guy up in Rome too? Oh yeah, you talk in your sleep. Your friends wouldn't ever believe that anything bad happened to you. I bet you wanted it. I bet you wanted it so bad, just like you want it now!" he said coming toward me with the knife. He grabs a handful of my hair, and pulls my head back hard. He starts to bite my neck hard. So hard blood would seep from some of them. When I would put up too much of a fight he would kick me or punch me. I screamed loudly as he beat me to a bloody pulp. He made sure to stay away from my face. My body hurts. So bad. I fight him hard, and he fights me. I wont let him rape me again. I try to fight as hard as I can until I feel his hands around my neck. I start to see white spots, and the last think I can think of before I pass out is; _You sure know how to pick 'em._

**OH NO! Told you more drama was coming up! Will she be alright?! Will they save her? Don't forget about the cuteness between Emily and Derek though. They really are so cute. How could you forget? Anyways! REVIEWS ARE WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND! Thanks for reading!(:**


	9. Chapter 9

**Just wanted to let you guys know this chapter is rated M...not the bad violent kind of M either, but the good, sexy kind of M. If you aren't comfortable with it you will know when to stop reading. The leading up to it makes it fairly obvious what they will do. Also, these chapters are getting longer. Be sure to review or private message me about whether or not you like that or dislike that. Anyways, ENJOY! **

"Emily?!"_ I hear Derek's voice and I hope it's him. My eyes flutter open, and I see him standing above me. He smiles down at me, and wraps me in his arms. "You're okay now princess." he says softly into my ear. "I got you." he says. I'm not tied to a fence anymore, and he is here holding me. Soon he changes though. He isn't Derek anymore. He is Ian. Blue eyes, and angry look on his face. _

"Emily!" I hear the harsh voice and I don't want to open my eyes. I need Derek to be here. I need him to hold me, and make things better just like he does after a nightmare. "Goddamn girl don't get me worked up like that. Before I checked your pulse I thought I had killed you." he says angrily. He slaps me across my face, and I notice he is even more high before. I take in my surroundings and all it does is make me even more at a loss of hope. My clothes are gone. My shirt is torn to shreds and my jeans are ripped and dirty; both in a pile next to my battered body. That leaves me in my underwear, and bra. It's also gotten dark. I'd say about evening time. Seven maybe a little bit later. It's also getting cold. It is fall, and today's high was only 55. I can't imagine what it would feel like in the middle of the night. Cold, and uncomfortable.

I can't help but wonder what his end game is? What was he thinking? My thoughts are interrupted by his harsh voice. "God fucking damn it Emily! If you weren't such a whore we wouldn't be here. I can't believe you dumping me for HIM! HIM! He can't treat you like I do. He can't give you what you want." my nostrils flare, but I don't say what I want. I need to approach him differently so the bruises on my face don't get worse. Bruises. I look down and see the very large bruises on my stomach. Some are new and looking black and blue. Others are old, and turning a yellowish green. I feel the tears start to come, and I just let them.

"You're right. I am a whore. He can't give me what I want." I say. He looks at me in shock. He gives me a skeptical look.

"You lying bitch this is a trick!" he says slapping me once more. I cry even harder at the pain. I deserve this.

"I deserve this. I deserve the beatings you give me. I should have just let you make love to me so you could prove you actually do. I was too busy looking at Derek. I see it now though." I say through tears. "I don't deserve you Ian. You are far too good for me." I say as I sob.

"Love. Don't say that. I can give you what you need. Just...be with me. Let me love you. He can't give you what I can." Ian says. I look at him in his eyes, and see the shining blue in them. He still looks somewhat skeptical till I lean towards him, and plant my lips on his. When we break away I smile.

"Okay." I say at a whisper. "I love you so much Ian. You can give me everything. Let's run away to a place they'll never find us. We can build a new life together. I know people that are willing to help me. I know where we can disappear too. We can live a happy wonderful life together. Forever. We could get a new life together." I finish with tears still flowing down my face. He smiles and kisses me again. I can taste the liquor in his mouth.

"I love you too Emily. We can change our names. Leave here forever. Maybe you could be Lauren from now on." I nod, and smile as I look into his eyes. "That name did always look good on you." he kisses me again, and I open my mouth to him.

"We should go before they find us here. We have to get out of town and quick. I don't think they will stop looking for me. They just pretend to care. They don't actually. The only person that cares about me is you." he nods and starts to dress me. He slips on my filthy jeans, and puts his shirt over me. He unlocks the cuffs, and kisses me. I kiss him back with tears in my eyes. "I love you so much." I say. He smiles down at me, and puts his shirt over my bruised body. I am now fully clothed, and he takes my hand. He hands me the bottle of liquor, and I take a swig for some liquid courage. We walk a few more feet, and I start to look for my moment. Finally, he lets go of me a minute to reach for his knife. When he does let go of my hand I lunge at him and push my full weight into him. He falls down, and I don't stop running to look back. I can imagine it would take him a long time to get up in his drunken state so I think I have time. He is so drunk he wont get me. It wouldn't matter anyways because I am focused on not stopping till I know for sure I am safe. I know the path towards the house by heart. I pass a few people that notice me, and try to talk to me but I leave them behind quickly. I am focused on getting home. No stops on the way. I will get there and nothing will stop me. I run as fast as I can then I finally get on my street.

When I get to my block I see cops in the distance. A bunch of cops. The lights are flashing all around and it's making me dizzy, but I fight through it. I run towards it as fast as I can. As I get closer I notice that the cops are at my house. Probably looking for me. I run past the yellow tape, and accidentally fall into an officer. "Help...help me." I mumble into his shoulder. I see black spots, and hear voices. I feel arms around me. Strong arms. I think they're Derek's arms.

_"Princess?" I hear it through the blackness, and I wonder if I'm dreaming again. I hear my name getting called before every thing just fades to black._

* * *

><p><em>"Emily?" I hear the soft voice saying. He is coaxing me awake like he usually does in the mornings when I wake up late. I feel his hand on my arm, and my eyes flutter open.<em>

"Derek." I say. My voice is hoarse, but then I remember I haven't drank anything since lunch. Looking at the clock I realize that was about 10 hours ago. It was midnight, and I was in a hospital. My mouth is so dry, and my stomach rumbles. I feel sick though. I look over, and cough a little. Coughing hurts my bruised stomach. "Water please." I say. I see him smile and nod to some one behind me. I feel another hand on mine. One is Derek's. I turn behind me, and see Spence holding JJ's hand. JJ is holding mine. They all look as if they had been crying. Especially JJ.

"Emily...what happened?" JJ asks me. I feel my lip start to tremble, and I shake my head no. Everything hurt so bad. _At least he didn't rape you while you were conscious. _The voice in my head says. I know he raped me while I was asleep. I could feel the evidence of it on my lower thighs. Thank God not inside me.

"Ian." I say, and her face turns to horror. Derek bites his lip, and I know he wants to kill him. Derek gets up to leave, but I grab his hand. "Don't go!" I say quickly. I'm scared. I'm scared Ian will show up, and I will be all alone and helpless again. JJ takes a deep breath, and walks out to go tell David who did it for sure. _As if they already didn't know._ The voice says. I have come to agree with it. They knew who had me. They knew who it was. They just had to know it wasn't one of my mothers enemies, or..._him._ Of course they didn't know about _him_, but it still could have been _him. _I think about _him_ for a minute. Once he told me that no one would ever be able to love me after what he did to me. That I was never meant to be loved. I was only good for one thing, sex. He even said that I wouldn't achieve to very much. A girl dumb enough to let a man like _him _do what he did to me. The sad thing is he's right. When Derek finds out the things I did he will hate me. How I just let _him _do everything to me. I turn my head, and feel myself really thinking about what happened tonight. Why didn't I run away when he first pulled on my belt loops? Why didn't I just elbow him, and suffer a small slash of the knife? How could I be so stupid? How did I ever trust him? It was stupid of me to think that I could actually do something right. I went to the party with him. I let myself get raped by him. I took all those drugs and he raped me. What can you expect from a situation with a drunk and high girl, and a more than ready sexually deprived guy? _Derek didn't have sex with you when you threw yourself at him. _There that voice is again. That voice is almost always correct. Almost. My thoughts are interrupted by a hand on my face.

"Princess? You okay?" I smile up at him, and notice the salty water on my lips. I have been crying. A lot. I wipe my tears quickly, and try to hide my face. "Want me to lay there with you, and hold you. We could sleep. You really need it." he says quietly. Usually I would have a quick quip about getting him into bed with me, but not today. I need him right now. I shift over, and let him lay down before laying almost on top of him. My head goes to his chest, and his hand is in my hair. I feel his arms around me. Holding me, and I think of how perfect this is. Him holding me, and me laying on his chest. I'm only sixteen. I don't know anything about love, but there is just something about the way he holds me. The way he takes care of me. It makes me want to kiss him everyday of my life. It's different from what I had with Matthew. I love Matty with all my heart, but I can't imagine ever spending the rest of my life with him. Derek though. For some reason as we lay here I can see our whole life play out before our lives. A life where we have a baby, maybe another kid running around somewhere. He holds me just like this when I have a nightmare. When something bad happens. It's weird to think of how wonderful this feeling is.

I curl up into his chest even more, and he holds me tighter. I close my eyes, and try to think of that better world. Try anything to forget about Ian, and what just happened. In Derek's arms I don't think I will have a bad dream. I am safe in his arms.

_"Princess! I'm home." he says. He has aged a lot. Probably about thirties. He still looks crazy gorgeous. He is wearing a black shirt, some dark jeans, and has a gun strapped to his side. He is an FBI agent. He drops his keys down, and walks towards the kitchen. I bite my lip when I see him. He walks up, and wraps his arms around me. There is a gun on my hip too. "How's my favorite co-worker today princess?" he asks me. I flash him a smile over my shoulder. I have wanted a position at the BAU for so long that I was elated to find out that the Bureau would allow us to work together even though we are married. _

_"Great, Sadie is sleeping right now. She had a crazy long day. I stayed at the office since you all were out on a case. I just brought some paperwork home with me, and spent the last few days with her. I get to go on the next case right? Hotch said it was my turn." I say. He laughs, and wraps his arms around me. _

_"Of course. I would be happy to stay behind next time." Derek says, and I frown._

_"Hard case baby?" I ask him. He just nods, and kisses me. _

_"Nothing watching our baby girl sleep safe and peacefully wont fix." he says, and kisses my nose. I turn around, and continue what I'm doing. After a few minutes I travel up the stairs, and hear mumbles coming from Sadie's room. The 11 month old is sitting in her daddies arms smiling away. Spouting out gibberish. I can make out the word 'dada' but that's about it. Derek is bouncing her, and playing with her. She has a nice head of black soft hair like mine, but she has a shade of skin a tiny bit lighter than Derek's. Her eyes are big and brown. Derek says they look just like mine, but I say he just doesn't look at himself in the mirror often enough to see how our baby looks just like him. He hold Sadie close to his chest, and I walk over to them. I kiss him behind his ear, and smile a goofy smile at our daughter. She laughs, and he leans back to kiss me. "I have been waiting all day to come home to this beautiful sleeping princess, but this is even better." he smiles as he bounces her. _

_"I bet. I love to come home to this." I say and kiss him one more time. _

_The rest of the night is slow. I fed Sadie, and she soon fell back asleep. We put her to bed, and go to our bedroom. I pick up a book as Derek goes into the bathroom. I hear the water running, and smirk to myself. I open the door to the bathroom and see that the door is filled with steam. I unbutton my blouse, and drop my black jeans. I strip the rest of the way down. I catch a glimps of myself in the mirror. I am aged too, but in a good way. I reach for the shower door, and slowly pull it open. His eyes are closed and his back is turned to me. I sneak in, and wrap my arms around him. I feel him turn around in my arms, and smile down at me. The height difference isn't much but it's enough. He kisses me, and turns me to press me up against the wall. "I...missed...you." he says in between kisses. He kisses down my body, but stops at my stomach that is a tiny bit more round. He kisses a certain spot, and says something that will always make my heart flutter. "Daddy missed you too baby." he says. He kisses back up my body, and smiles. I look down, and see he is more than ready for me. He puts two fingers inside of me too see if I am. My eyes roll back and I moan loudly as he pushes inside of me. He laughs and kisses me once more. "Now I know how hard it is for you, but you have got to be quiet princess. Can't wake the baby." he says. I laugh and roll my eyes. Even in a heated situation like this he can still manage to do that._

_"Shut up you cocky bastard and move." I tell him playfully. He starts to move slowly, and I can feel the water running down our bodies. He start to kiss my neck, and I am lost in another world. He speeds up as we get closer, and soon I feel my legs start to shake. I hold in a scream as I orgasm multiple times, which is something I tend to do whenever I'm with him pregnant or not. Soon after I feel him filling me up, and I can't help but think about how amazing this is. He kisses my neck, and after we both calm I kiss him lovingly. He washes me down not so innocently, and then we get out of the shower. We put some clothes on, and crawl into bed. He holds me, and kisses my forehead as we both drift into sleep._

I wake up from my extremely vivid dream, and I come back to the real world. I almost cry at how much I miss the world I was in. I think about my dream, and find myself confused at a few things. FBI agent? That doesn't sound too bad. It would piss off mother. Also, David is in charge of the team. That guy Hotch is brand new, and I haven't even ever met him before. How do I know he will lead the team anyways? I shake everything about that off, and think of the less confusing parts of my dream. Like Sadie. I like that name now that I think of it. I don't know where it came from. I'm not the type of girl to be picking out names for my future offspring. She was a gorgeous baby though, and Derek was so good with her. I scoff aloud. Who am I kidding? He may not even want kids. He is known for being a player around school. I'm probably really stupid to think he would want me more than just for one night. That would be the worst because then I would have to deal with him everyday in the house. What if it ended badly? Then what are we going to do? I mean we have to live in that house all together. He is seventeen. He'll be gone in one more year. We would only have to get through the summer and senior year then we could never see each other again...I ponder this thought, and cringe. That's not what I want though. I always want him to be there with me. Even if he is only my friend. Maybe that's how it should stay. Friends. I bite my lip, and finally come to a decision. I can't lose him as a friend, so why even change that? I could lose him forever if I went for it. I can't handle that.

I'm a little uneasy on my feet, but I soon get it. I pad across to where I see a pile of clothes probably brought by Pen or JJ who still seem to be outside. Maybe they even left while I was sleeping. I don't know. I walk into the bathroom, and change painfully into my sweats and a tank top. As I do this I stare at myself in the mirror. _I cannot go to school like this. People will ask me what street I was walking across when the bus that hit me came out of nowhere. _I say to myself. My lip is busted and swollen. My eyes are sunken in, and I am insanely pale. Dried blood in a small line down the side of my mouth. A black eye, and not to mention the other ones. I have two really long gashes from where he cut me when I fought against him. Two hand prints around my neck. The fading hand prints on my sides. The bruises all over my stomach, and thighs. My wrists are chafed from the handcuffs, and my arms have bruises too. I examine my chest, and my breasts. If you look close enough one of the fading hickeys looks like a four-leaf clover. How ironic? He has a tattoo like that on his wrist. I close my eyes just so I can look away from the awful things I see in the bathroom mirror. I put on my clothes quickly, and exit the room. I see an awake Derek, my family, and a doctor all standing around. They all turn to me, and I get nervous for some reason. David walks up, and hugs me. "Bella, I'm so happy you are okay." he says hugging me. I love his hugs. It's like he is giving me all the love in the world through a simple embrace. "We have something to tell you, and I'm not sure how you will feel about it when I tell you this but...Ian is dead." he says. I gasp. I never wanted that to happen. I feel sick to my stomach.

"What!? HOW?" I ask loudly. I stand up and look David right in the eye. I wish everybody would leave. They are crowding me. I need space. I need time. I need Derek.

"When we got there he had taken so many drugs, and pills we were too late." David says. I look up at everybody and they seem to be waiting for a specific reaction. Happiness? Anger? Relief? Sadness? I don't know what to feel. My stomach hurts, and I can't help but think I was the one that did this. What do they say? I'm sorry this happened to you? I'm sorry your ex boyfriend/kidnapper/rapist is dead? What are they supposed to say? I don't even think they know. How did this even happen? I broke up with him that's what happened. I take a deep breath, then run a hand over my face. I nod, and sit down. I look at the doctor and put on my best emotionless voice. The one I use with mother.

"When can I leave?" I ask him. JJ, and Penelope look confused. Derek looked shocked at how well I could pull it together, and make it seem as if this was just another day in the hospital. The doctor nods, and looks at his sheet.

"Right now if you would like. Your injuries aren't bad enough to keep you over night, and I trust you will have people looking in on you. Just sign this form, then have your dad sign this form, then you are good to go. I sign the forms quickly, and hand them to my "dad". He signs them, and we start our way out. They offer me a wheel chair, but I insist on walking. I decide to ride with Erin, David, and Spence instead of JJ, Pen, and Derek. I just don't think I could handle the questions they would ask. When we get to the house I run upstairs and lock my door. I lay down and cry for a long time. He may have done those horrible things to me, but somehow I remember the sweet boy he was when he was sober. The way he would just hold my hand, and tell me about his dreams to find his brother. Now he'll never get to do that. How could I grieve for him? He was horrible to me most of the time. It doesn't stop the tears. I feel pain wash over me. I feel so guilty about not seeing anybody. I haven't said more than two words to them all day, but how can I? I'm not ready to face them. They spent a whole day worried about where I was, who I was with, if I was hurt. I am safe. I was beaten badly. Maybe they know even a little bit more. I should talk to them. Give them the answers they need, but how can I face them when I am this broken? How can I? A knock on my door startles me, and I go to it. I talk through the door when I ask who it is.

"Erin." she says. I wipe up my tears, and open my door a crack.

"What do you want?" I ask. It isn't mean or sarcastic. It's just a simple question, and she knows that. She takes a breath before saying the worst words I have ever heard come from her mouth.

"I called your mother." she says. Before she can continue I feel anger build within me.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" I scream.

**Wow. Intense chapter. Well anyways, hope you enjoyed it. Emily will eventually find her peace, but for now she is healing. It will be a bumpy road. She's not great at coping with things either. I can't wait to bring her mother in! Tell me whatchya think! REVIEWS ARE LIKE PAGET BREWSTER AND MARISKA HARGITAY THEY MAKE ME SMILE, AND ENCOURAGE ME TO DO BETTER IN LIFE! So please review...pretty please...(:**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you for all the reviews. Warning this chapter is a bit rough, but necessary. ENJOY!**

"David thought it was a good idea. Emi-" she starts but I cut her off.

"MY LIFE IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS GODDAMN IT!" I yell. "She doesn't even care! How could you?!" I continue. Erin looks at me and keeps calm.

"Emily, she cares enough to come here." Erin says. No no no no no no no no no NO! This is bad this is so bad. What if she wants to talk about what happened? What if she wants to talk about Rome? What if she wants to take me away? Oh god. What if she is coming to take me away?!

"No! She can't come here! She can't!" I say tears coming to my eyes. "Erin...why would you do this!? She has never been anything but awful to me! I don't want to see that bitch. I never want to see her again!" I scream. I slam the door and lean against it. I saw everyone standing outside staring at me. I don't want to see mother. What if she makes me go away from here? What if she thinks it's not safe?

I am so angry. I change into some yoga pants, and a sports bra. I grab my tapes, and take it down to the basement. Everyone is staring at me, but I don't give a fuck. When I get to the basement I see it. The bag hanging from the ceiling that Derek works on nightly. I put in a tape I made of every loud rock song that I can work to. I put it in the stereo and crank it up as loud as it'll go.

_I WANNA ROCK! ROCK!_

I walk up to the bag, and start out with a hard kick. I give it one hard punch, and start to do the training that Donny taught me so long ago. He taught me how to work over a bag a long time ago. I used to do it when I was really angry at mother or something like that. I closed my eyes, and just went for it. Every punch, every blow to the punch bag made it fly. I even learned to dodge it when it came flying back at me. I was angry. Angry at myself. _If you are so good at fighting, why didn't you fight Ian off? _Because I was high. I was scared. _No excuses!_ I yell out the next time I lay one solid right hook. _Why did you let them take advantage of you if you can hold your own? _I yell out again because I hear the voice yelling at me in my head. I am angry at myself. At my mother for being a bitch. At Matty for letting me leave. At the world for doing these things to me. At the priest in Rome for giving me that look when I walked into church. I feel sweat pouring down my face, and the song has changed. I don't know what too. I can feel the base though, and the guitar solo vibrating through my blood. I'm so done. So fucking done with everything. I shouldn't be doing this with all my bruises, but I don't give a fuck. Not anymore! I'm done caring about things. I'm done caring about what my mother fucking thinks. What David and Erin think of me. Of what anyone that has ever met me thinks! Fuck politics! Fuck those people that made my mother a heartless bitch! Fuck those men at the fancy parties that would grope me, and stare at me when mother wasn't looking! Fuck all of them. I'm so done. Fuck Ian for making me upset about his death. For pretending to care about me! I let out another scream because it feels good. So good. Just like a cigarette did, or those pills, or all that booze. I find myself craving each of those things every day. Just to help me forget. Forget the world. Forget what Derek must think after my little meltdown in my doorway. I can't though. Now I'm down here in a basement, and I'm sure I'm breaking this thing. Punch right. Left. Kick down. Duck. Dodge right. Kick left. Right. Left punch. Breathe. Scream. Fucking scream for yourself losing your fucking mind!

I let out one last scream right as the music stops, and I throw one last kick. Both feet come off the ground, and when it hits the bag the bag flies off the chain in the ceiling. I take a breath, and turn around to see who stopped my music. I see David with his eye brows raised up high, and a small smirk. "Well Erin made me come downstairs to talk to you because she knew you were angry with us, but...after that I'm a little scared of you." I roll my eyes, and take the fighting gloves off my hands. Because I did this barefoot I examine the fresh bruises, and marks on my feet.

"Whatever. Say what you have too..." I say walking to my bag, and pulling out a cigarette. I light it up, and David looks at me with raised eye brows. "Don't pretend like you didn't know from day one." I say with a roll of the eyes. David just smirks, and I choose not to sit.

"Derek's going to be upset about his punching bag." David says nodding his head toward it. I scoff.

"One. I don't care what the fuck Derek thinks, and two well he can put on his big boy pants and get over it." I'm not trying to be mean to Derek or anyone I love, but I'm angry and what I say doesn't matter. I take a hit off my cigarette, and David looks at me surprised that I said it so casually. He has finally got to meet rebel Emily. Not many people get to meet her. I like to put on a pretty face for people. That's what mother likes best. Mother never payed any attention to me to see the crazy basketcase rebel I had become.

"You wanna fix it? We just have to bolt it to the ceiling." he says. I bite my lip, and nod. I lay my cig on the side of the ashtray I brought down here. I bought one the other day at the store because I was tired of using old coke cans. We work together, and get the tools. Soon it's up good and new, only not in the same place. I'm still mad, but my breathing has evened out. I have a pulsing headache. When it's hung, I land one solid kick to it to make sure it's in there. I smirk when it stays. I grab my cigarette, and relight it. David sits back down on the bench, and looks at me standing.

"She's only coming here so she can help you." I laugh out loud. It's a cold and bitter laugh.

"Sure. Okay. So when she tells me about how I have great taste in men that's helping me? Or when she straightens her back, and tells me that if I wasn't living this kind of lifestyle this never would have happened?" I laugh again. "Or maybe when she tells me that I should come home so I can be alone again." I say bitterly.

"Emily...your mothe-" I cut him off before he can finish.

"Look David you may think you know my mother but you don't. Maybe you once knew a cool, fun Elizabeth but you don't know the one that raised me. My mother is a bitch. A self-riotous, pompous, arrogant, ignorant bitch." I say and I shake my head thinking of how she has been. "You know why my 'lifestyle' is the way it is? Do you? Her. When mommy stopped paying attention to cute little perfect Emily, I thought maybe 'Hey if she wont pay attention to a piano playing, genius, ballerina that listens to classical music, maybe she'll pay attention to a drunk, drugged up, electric guitar playing, party girl rebel. Guess what changed? She stopped letting me go to official parties. That's it. That's all. Which was great because even at those she didn't know what happened when she wasn't looking. How one of our guest would bump into me, and get a handful of something that they aren't supposed to be touching. How maybe one of them would lean in a little bit too close or stare a little bit too long. You know. Just that old thing. 'Oh Emily you are just overreacting.' You know what she did once?" I shake my head as I remember. My breathing is labored and I'm so hurt and mad that I'm trying to stop the tears from falling. "On my seventh birthday, she promised to take me out. I had only had a day with mother once, and it was awesome. When I was seven all I wanted was time with my mommy. Guess what? She payed Donny a good extra 50 bucks to take me out to dinner. I ate dinner in silence, and I cried all the way home. Mother had something come up. Every dance recital, piano performance. Something came up. You know what I say. Fuck her! I bet you anything she wont even show up here, something may come up." I say.

"Emily. Your mother worked a lot, that doesn't mean she doesn't care. She just didn't have time for you." David says. I turn my head around to him and give him a fierce look.

"Don't you say she didn't have time! She had time to meet some one. Bring him home. Bring him into her life. Into my life. Into our home! Don't tell her she didn't have time. She had time for him. Why not for me? I don't know maybe she stopped having time for him. Maybe that's why he started coming to me." I say letting the tears start to fall. "Maybe that's why he would leave her in the middle of the night to come to my room. MINE! I could hear her say the words 'Oh darling don't be silly. Thomas would never do anything bad.' Well guess what, he did do something bad! Something horrible, and I had to deal with it! On my own. Like a big girl. Every night that he would spend the night! I had to lay down like a good girl and deal with it! I'M DONE DEALING WITH IT! SHE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE ALL THOSE NIGHTS I WANTED TO JUST END IT ALL, AND SLIT MY WRISTS!" I scream and kick the bag. It doesn't fall off the ceiling but it was close. David looks sad, and at a loss for words. "I came here because mother found out I aborted the unborn child inside me. She didn't know it was her ex-boyfriends child. The day they got into a fight, and broke up was the best day of my life! He was gone. He was gone from our lives. Then a week later I find out that he put a baby inside of me. I went to my boyfriend, and told him I was pregnant. He ditched me. Thought I had cheated on him with a guy. He got mad, and left me. We had never had sex, so I had to be a whore that cheated on him. I went to my friend Matthew and I got an illegal abortion at a shady clinic in Rome. We stayed in a shitty motel, and...it hurt so bad. How could one man give me that much pain? How could a human being do that to a little girl? A fifteen year old clueless girl." I ask falling into his arms and crying. "Why would he hurt me like that dad?" I ask. I don't even think about the fact I just called David, dad. He just holds me, and I rock back and forth in his arms. "She's gonna take me away, and I don't wanna leave you guys." I cry into his arms. He strokes my hair, and holds me. "I just want this pain to go away." I say.

"I know Bella. I know." he whispers.

"I'm so tired." I say. It's the truth. I just want to sleep forever. I wanna go back into my dream world with Derek, and Sadie. I wanna go back there. I wish I could just stay there forever.

"Then sleep Bella. I can get you up the stairs. Cry as long as you need too." he says. I shake my head no, and wipe my tears away. I sniffle a few times, and then smile a tiny bit.

"You'd kill yourself carrying me up a flight of stairs. Much less two." I laugh. He laughs too.

"There she is. There's my girl." he says when he sees my smile. I wrap him in a hug, and hold on tight.

"Thank you. For everything." I whisper in his ear. We hold on a couple more seconds, and then I compose myself and head up the stairs. Everyone is sitting in the living room together waiting. I walk in and hear Penelope speaking.

"What do you think is taking them so long..." the sentence stops when she sees me standing in the doorway.

"I'm sorry for the music guys, and Derek your punching bag is now hung up in a different spot. The hook came out of the ceiling." I say. Derek's jaw drops, and I see him smirk a little. I do too. "I'm sorry for the way I have been acting since I got here. I'm sorry about everything that has happened. I'm mostly sorry about making you guys worry about me. I know I say I'm fine a lot, but I'm not fine. I can be if you're willing to help me though." I say. Everyone in the room smiles, and I blink away my tears. Pen stands first, and wraps me in a tight PG hug.

"Don't ever apologize for nothing to me again. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for." Penny says. I nod. JJ is next. She just gives me a hug, and tells me something about how she is there for me. I smile, and kiss her on the cheek. Spence walks up and tells me a statistic about family. I know it's his way of saying he loves me. I ruffle his hair, and hug him tight.

"Je'taime aussi." _I love you too. _I tell him in French. I hug Erin, and pull her to the side for a minute.

"I know I've been a handful. I'm sorry about yelling at you earlier." It goes the same as everybody else. She tells me I have nothing to worry about. I hear David tell Erin they need to talk from behind me. She nods, and they leave. I look at the couch, and see Derek looking up at me. He stands, and wraps me in the tightest hug ever.

"I'm here if you want to talk. I'm here if you need to talk to me about anything. I'm here princess. All you have to do is come to me." he says into my hair. I smile wide, and put my hand to his face. I lightly caress the skin where his neck meets his shoulder right above his collar bone.

"I need you." I say. He nods, and holds me tighter. This is a moment I cherish. Him with his arms around me. Holding me. Telling me he is there for me. He wraps his arms around my waist, and picks me up. He throws me over his shoulder and I scream. I start to laugh, and the sound is almost foreign to me. Probably to everyone around here. He walks me into my room, and throws me on my bed. I laugh, and watch him open my pajama drawer. He gets out a pair of sweat pants, and he gets one of his t-shirts that I stole from him. He throws the both of them at me, and looks at me.

"Now. You are going to put those on, and meet me down stairs while I make the popcorn. When you get down the stairs you will put Red in, and we will watch it." he says walking out. I sit up to change, but then he walks in quickly. I raise my eye brows with attitude and smile.

"Now what do you want? Give me another order?" I say with a laugh.

"Actually I have a question. How did my punching bag fall down?" he asks me. I laugh again.

"Let's just say, don't make me mad. All it took was one anger filled power kick. Of course several violent punches, and more kicks made it loose." I say with a certain pride. "Now leave! I have a movie night to get ready for, and you have popcorn to make!" I say pushing him out the door. I think about how things managed to turn around in less than five minutes. All it took was a few words from him, and I was happy again. I know David is telling Erin right now, and I still can't believe I told him that. I swore I would never tell anybody that. It doesn't matter now. Though. I feel so much better.

* * *

><p>When I get dressed I run down the stairs, and close my eyes when I smell the shirt I'm wearing. It smells like him. Just like him. I get downstairs and see him slaving away at the microwave. He is staring at it going round and round. I laugh at him. He has a goofy expression on his face, and I love it. He gets the popcorn out, and I get the melted butter while he gets the cheddar salt. I dump all of it over the popcorn, and he pours half of the cheddar salt on it. I take a bite of the insanely salty, and buttery wonderfulness of our popcorn. I remember once JJ came by and took a bite of our popcorn, and spit it back out. She coughed a bit, and asked us what we were eating. I laugh at the memory, and he gives me a wonderful dreamy smirk.<p>

"What you laughing at princess?" he asks me and I shake my head, and laugh a little bit harder when I imagined the face she made.

"I was just thinking of the time JJ took a bite of our popcorn." I say. He laughs too at the memory, and soon we're talking about the face she made.

I pour a glass of milk, and take it with me. He pours some juice, and we head into the living room. We start the movie, and it feels so comfortable. My feet under his legs to keep them warm. His arm draped across my knees. The popcorn in between us. His finger starts to move on my knee, but I don't think he notices. I smile a little bit, but keep to myself. I grab his juice, and take a large drink. I set it back down on the table, and bite my nail as I watch the movie. Soon I shift, and move my legs on top of his. He grabs my feet, and massages them a little. He is the best as foot massages. _I bet that's not the only kind of massage he's good at._ Shut up voice! I went through a traumatic experience earlier now is not like time for improper thoughts about my best friend. He is really good at massages, and a girl can't help but wonder. I shift a little closer, and watch him grab my glass of milk. We always do this. One of us will get something then end up switching in the middle when we get tired of what we're drinking. I shift closer to him, and he drapes his arm across the back of the couch. He lightly caresses my shoulder. I laugh out loud when something funny happens, and I catch him looking at me. Over time the popcorn disappears and we manage to get cuddled up. My head on his chest, and his arm wrapped around me. For a moment I am taken back to that other life I dream't about. I smile and look up at him. He catches me staring, and I smile ever wider.

"What?" he asks me. I shake my head, and shrug.

"Nothing." I say. I blush and look anywhere that isn't him. I feel a hand on my chin, and he turns my face to his. He smiles down at me, and I feel my heart melt. "It's just...I'm really happy here." I say. He smiles, and looks down at my lips. I bite one of them, and I see his smile go even wider. My brain is officially mush.

"Where?" I turn an even deeper shade of red, and I feel my heart speed up.

"In your arms." I say, he leans even closer. This is it. It's gonna happen. He glances at my lips again, and the whole world fades away. My hands are at the side of his cheeks, and I gasp when I look into his eyes. They are a shade of brown I have never seen before. I want him to kiss me. What is he waiting for?!

"Emily! I need your help! What does this word mean?" I hear. As soon as we hear the voice we separate. We both fly to opposite ends of the couch when Spencer walks in with one of my French books, and points a word out to me. He is oblivious to what he walked in on. I sigh in frustration. I point to it, and help him.

"We talked about this word. Say it out loud and think hard." I say with a smile. He says it out loud, and then I watch realization come to his face.

"Oh!" I nod, and smile. Then I realize what he is reading.

"Spence! You are not supposed to be reading this one!" I say. He blushes. "You already got passed page 127 didn't you?" he nods, and I sigh. "Fine. Just don't tell David and Erin you are reading a book like that. No more after that!" I scold him. He nods, and goes away. Leaving me in a situation that was so not supposed to be awkward. "So..." I say drawing it out. Way to go. Start this conversation out like that.

"Yeah...we almost..." he says. I shrug nervously, and shift awkwardly.

"Yeah. We did. I mean...we would've if you wanted too. Right?" I ask him hoping he will say yes.

"Yeah." he says. "I shouldn't have done that though. You are going through a lot." he says. I nod because I know he is right.

"Yeah, but I mean...we can...just..." I don't know what to say._ I want to spend the rest of my life with you and have at least two children. We will have amazing shower sex while I'm pregnant with the second one, at least once. _I laugh at myself, and he gives me a shocked look.

"What is so funny over there?" I shake my head no, but continue to laugh. It wasn't even that funny! Why am I laughing so hard?! I compose myself, and shake my head.

"Nothing. I want this, but I think you're right." I say. He nods, and bites his lip. "My last boyfriend did die less than twenty four hours ago." I say. He nods. "It would be a good idea to take a break from dating. Also mother is visiting, and you'll have to deal with her being around just as my friend." he nods. "Friends?" I ask. He smiles, and shakes the hand I have put out toward him. He nods.

"Until you say we can be more." I nod. I want this so bad, but I can't right now...doesn't mean I can't tease him, right? I smile, and kiss him on the cheek. Way too close to his mouth.

"Thanks for the movie night." I say. I run upstairs, and lay down thinking about what just happened.

**Wow. Well hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know if you didn't. I know the Demily shippers are disappointed right now, but don't be! Several cute, adorable, healing moments coming up! A few fun fluffy scenes too. I need a break from all the angst sometimes. Anyways same as usual REVIEW! I have realized I am addicted to them. With out them I am sad, and sluggish. Don't make me sad and sluggish. Review! Thank you for reading!(:**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you to all who reviewed! I'm so happy my story is doing so well! To tell the truth I wasn't expecting it to do this well. Anyways, ENJOY! **

"Emily!_ You know you can't get away from me." I hear his voice, and I let out a scream. Soon he is above me. He grabs my face and tells me to shut up. I feel the tears fall from my eyes, and I can't do this. He turns my head, and makes me look towards my door. The walls change and I see them turn into a little girls room. A crib is in the corner, and Sadie is standing. She is crying, and Derek is holding her. He is shirtless, and Sadie seems to calm almost immediately stop crying when he holds her in his arms. Like mother, like daughter. Right? I almost forget about the fact Ian is on top of me holding my face toward Derek and our baby until I hear the harsh whisper in my ear. "Make a sound. They die. Make another sound after that. It dies." he says dragging a knife along my rounded stomach. I gasp, and shake my head no. "Good girl." I hate those words. I hate them. I hate him. I hate them._

_"What the fuck are you doing to my wife?" I hear coming from the doorway. It's Derek, and he's here. I watch him get his gun out, and point it at Ian. In the next few moments Ian tries to run, and Derek shoots him. I stare at the lifeless body of Ian on my floor. I curl up in the bed, and I see him walk over and hold me. I look back and my floor is clear of Ian's dead body. I look at Derek, and he just looks confused. "What's wrong Emily? Emily? Emily?" he repeats my name, and I feel him shaking me. _

My eyes shoot open, and I see Derek by my bed. "Emily you were whimpering, are you okay?" I nod, and think of what would happen if he really knew what it was about. That I was thinking about him saving me, and our children. Him calling me his wife. I feel him wrap his arms around me, and I close my eyes. Soon we're both out.

_Derek kisses my lips softly after making love to me, and I lay there responding to every touch of his lips. I love him so much. I hear a loud sound that sounds that gibberish mixed in with 'mama' and 'dada'. He looks at me and smiles. _

_"I got her babe. Good morning." he says kissing me again. Soon he leaves me, and I finally catch my breath. I hop in the shower quickly, and head down the stairs. I see Derek, and Sadie in the kitchen. She is in her highchair, and eating cheerios. He is making eggs and bacon. I walk over to Sadie and kiss her forehead. She smiles, and mutters 'mama' I walk over to Derek, and kiss him again._

_"I love this life." I say, and he holds me tight. _

My eyes open, and I feel Derek's sleeping form underneath me. I run my fingers over his face, and nuzzle his shoulder with my nose. "I love you." I say. It's barely even a whisper. I get out of bed, and go to my drawer. I get out some clothes, and change kind of hoping Derek will wake up and catch me changing. I put in a Stevie Nicks tape. Her voice flows through my room, and I start on my make up. I look over my shoulder and see he is still sleeping. I laugh, and finish my make.

_Is love so fragile  
>And the heart so hollow<br>Shatter with words  
>Impossible to follow. <em>

I sing along as I do my hair. "_Lovers forever. Face to face. My city of mountains. Stay with me stay. I need you to love me. I need you today." _I sing it loud, and proud. I hear the bed shift, and see through my mirror he is awake. I blush because I know he heard me singing.

"Don't blush. That was fantastic." he says with a smile. I shake my head no, and turn away from him. "So, does every girl wake up looking like as beautiful as you?" he asks me. I laugh and roll my eyes.

"How about you never find out." I say quietly. I can't believe I just said that. I see him smiling, and he shakes his head. He kisses my cheek, and leaves to go get ready himself. I go and turn up my stereo a bit more. I sing along to Stevie with a smile on my face.

* * *

><p>I come down stairs, and see everybody rushing around the kitchen. I see David, and he kisses my forehead. Erin hugs me, and now I know she knows. I knew David would tell her. We all get breakfast, and talk for a bit. David smiles at me. "Heard you playing Stevie again this morning. Thank goodness." he says with a chuckle. "That other stuff is too loud, and crazy for me." he says. Erin scoffs.<p>

"Oh please. You love that stuff and you know it." she says walking over to him. "Now me on the other hand prefer Stevie Nicks much more." I laugh, and stand up getting ready to leave with everybody in Pen's car.

"So does that mean you guys wouldn't mind if I got a tattoo of a one winged dove, or a nightbird?" I ask. They give me an 'are you serious' look, and I laugh. "JJ and I want to get matching Blackbird tattoos. All we need is the consent forms!" I yell on my way out. That is actually the truth. We talked about it once. I hear them laugh, and yell sure. In the car Penelope drives, and Derek sits in the back with me. His arm goes across the back of my seat, and he caresses my shoulder like he did the other night. I close my eyes, and when we get to school I take a deep breath. I insisted I go to school today. I can handle the stares I will get. I underestimated the stares though. All the stares. Walking down the hallway I feel eyes on me, and whispers. I feel Derek take my hand in his, and whisper that it's going to be okay. The day goes by, and a few guys even tell me that I deserved better than Ian. They followed it with "You deserve a guy like me." I would roll my eyes, and tell them I don't need another asshole in my life. Classes go quick. I just sit and do my work quietly.

When the end of 5th block finally comes I run out the door, and get out as quick as possible. I run into Derek in the parking lot, and he wraps his arms around me. I smile when he embraces me. My eyes close, and I take a deep breath. We go to the car, and get in. Back at the house I walk in and hear voices. "I thought she was going to do well in here after what happened with the whole thing in Rome." I hear. I run into the kitchen, and see her sitting there talking to David. I walk up, and hug David. Pretending she isn't even there.

"Hey David. I'm gonna go give Spence his Italian lesson. Call for me if you need me." I say. David gives me a look. "What? He can speak fluent French. I thought it was time to learn some Italian." I say with a shrug.

"Emily. Just because you are angry with me, and your mother doesn't give you the right to ignore your mother." he says to me, and I glance at mother.

"I'm still angry about her being here." I say walking off. I go upstairs, and slam my door. I hate her so much. I hear a knock on my door, and the voice outside it.

"Emily. I came here to see how you were doing." she says. I open the door, and storm away from her.

"I'm fine. There you go, you can leave now." I say. I then look up at her for the first time, and study her face. She looks older than I have ever seen her look. Her make up is gone, and she looks tired. Really tired. I wonder if she's been sleeping.

"I...you are still my little girl, and I do care about you." I turn my head. She will not manipulate me into thinking she cares. If she had cared she wouldn't have been gone all the time. I would have remembered what she looked like.

"If you care so much why weren't you there?" I ask her with tears in my eyes. She came over to sit next to me on my bed and I let her. I'm sure to keep my distance.

"I work, and things come up and I couldn't always be there for you." I shake my head.

"You were never there for me. You weren't there when I got bullied for being the new kid. You weren't there when I almost killed myself because I was pregnant with his..." my voice breaks before I finish.

"I didn't know anything, and that's my fault. I didn't even know you and Johnathan were having sex!" she said putting her head into her hands. I look at her in confusion.

"Johnny and I weren't having sex." I say. She looks up at me, and then I realize. David didn't tell her. He probably didn't tell her anything.

"But...you got pregnant. It wasn't Johnathan's child? Who's was it? Was it Matthew's? Emily." she says, and I'm at a loss for words.

"No. Mom it was...he..." I feel the tears come and I'm so done crying. "It was...Thomas." I say his name, and almost throw up. I hate saying that mans name. She looks at me in shock and shifts.

"You were having sex with Thomas?" she asks me. Why is she not getting it! Do I have to say it aloud? I shake my head no. "Well Emily that man put a baby inside of you somehow." she says still managing to keep her cool.

"I wasn't having sex with him. He was having sex with me. Every time he spent the night he would...sneak out of your room, and come into mine. I thought about telling you, but I knew what he did for a living. He threatened to kill Matty, and Johnny, and you. I just...I kept my mouth shut, and I...I just..." I put my face in my hands and cry openly. "Mommy he just..." I look at her face, and she looks shocked. I see tears in her eyes. Mother never cries. Never.

"Oh god what have I done." she says. "I let him into our home, and he...what have I done. This is my fault. It's my fault that you got into drugs. That you...you...you could have died! That boy could have killed you. He could have, and it would have been my fault. You wouldn't even had come here if I didn't...I should have known. I...I'm sorry." I hear her voice break, and I don't know what to do. She is sobbing, and I don't know how to react. She has never done this before. Ever. She is usually so emotionless.

"I...mother there was a lot you didn't notice." I say wiping my tears. I say it in a calm tone. "It's okay. It isn't your fault. You were just too busy to notice something was wrong. I just...I hate that world you work in. The people are so mean, so rude, so cold. Thomas wasn't the first official person to get handsy, but he was the only one who ever...did that." I say. She needs to know this. "When I came here I met Ian, and I just...he was so sweet, and nice to me. He gave me drugs, and did things to me that no one had ever..." I take a moment. "Then I told him no. When I told him no he would get mad. I went to a party last Saturday, and I guessed I was too drunk and high to say no. That's how I got the hickeys. The hand prints on my hips. The bruises on my thighs. I came home, and I...I couldn't believe it happened to me again. I guess I just have a sign on my back that says "No means yes". I just I couldn't do it anymore mother. Don't take me away from here though. I love it here. David is like a dad, Spence is like my little brother, Penny and JJ are my best friends...please don't make me leave here and be alone again. I can't handle being alone." she looks at me with tears in her eyes. She moves a piece of hair away from my eyes, and she wipes my tear.

"You don't have to leave." she says. I smile, and hug her. "I'm so sorry Emily." she repeats. "I love you so much. You're my baby girl, and I am so sorry. I'm here from now on. Call me whenever you want to. I promise I will answer." I nod, but don't take her word on it. She is sincere, but I understand that she has a job to do. We hug, and continue to talk about things. I tell her about having sex with Matthew. I told her about Derek.

"I...we have a crush on each other, but he doesn't want to start anything with him till I'm ready. I agree we shouldn't. He is amazing though. He holds me when I have nightmares, and he...he's amazing. He can always make me feel better, and he isn't mean about it." I say. "He's good mom." I say. She nods, and I hear David call us down for dinner in Italian. The rest of the night is good, but I think mom and David are pissing of Erin. David is a natural flirt. As is my mother. They know each other well, and Erin knows how well they know each other. I watch Erin pour a glass of wine, and give it my mother. She then pours herself one, and downs it. Then another. We all eat our food, and I see everybody watching Erin closely. Soon Derek approaches her, and grabs the wine bottle away from her. I hear him whisper to her.

"Erin. You need to stop. You can't drink this much. Remember?" he asks. She sighs, and nods. He takes it away from her, and David is still talking to mom. I'm getting a little angry at them, but I know they don't mean any harm. I soon hug mom, and send her out to Donny. Donny gives me fist pump through the window, and I give him a hug.

"Take her to the hotel safely. She's a bit tipsy." I say. He nods, and they drive off. When I walk back in I see Erin storming off to their bedroom and David looking confused. I walk up to him, and he shakes his head.

"I swear the only woman that Erin has ever been jealous of is Elizabeth Prentiss." he says. I chuckle, and steal his glass of wine. I take a drink and give it back to him. "Emily!" he scolds.

"What? It's just a little wine. It's good for my heart. Plus, I used to have at least five of those at mothers parties. No one bats an eye." I say with a smirk. "So, what happened between you and mom anyways?" I ask. He sighs, and smiles a tiny bit.

"Well...a long time ago. In fact only a bit before your mother found out she was pregnant with you. We were at a wedding. She knew some one that was invited. We saw each other, I turned on the charm, and we ended up in bed together. Anyways, it was only one drunken night. She met your father the next day at the wedding. They fell madly in love the moment they saw each other. I didn't mind much that she had left me after one night. I always hung on to it though. There was just...something about her." he says with a look in his eye.

"Hm...when did you meet Erin?" I ask. This is actually interesting.

"Well...I met her through your mother actually. They both went to school together. After her and your dad eloped she felt bad for leaving me like that. She told me she knew this woman that was single. I met her turned on the charm, and it didn't work out. In fact she hated me. Three marriages later I went back to the bureau and she was my boss. We still hated each other, then one night I said something funny. She laughed. We went through so much together that it was just...fate. I just knew. Of course by this time you were at least ten years old. Your mother kinda came back from her honeymoon pregnant. I first met you when you were five. You were a gorgeous little thing. Running around in a princess too-too, and butterfly wings. You looked just like your mother. I was married to my second wife. She hated your mother. Very much. Your father had died the year before, and your mother wasn't doing great. We ended up getting together for another night. Causing my second divorce. You loved having me around. I soon had to leave, and Lizzy wasn't ready for another relationship. They had only been married for 4 years. She was a wreck after that. She really dove into her work. That's when I told her to watch out or she'll lose you forever. She never like to listen to me though." he laughed. "Your mother really never told you about all that?" he asks. I smile and shake my head no. "Oh kid. Those were interesting times way back then." he says. I take one more sip of his wine, and nod my head towards the stairs.

"Well the woman you love you so much hates my mother, and is currently sitting upstairs waiting anxiously for you to tell her she has nothing to worry about." I say. "You should really get going, or WE'RE going to have to deal with it." I say moving my hand to gesture all the kids. He sighs, and nods.

"Wish me luck!" he says leaving me in the kitchen. I look up, and then look around. I grab his wine glass, and take one more look around. I put the glass to my lips, and go to take a sip. Before I can though David appears, and snatches the wine from my hand. He finishes the glass off, and sets it back on the table. I roll my eyes, and watch him walk up the stairs. I start to clean up the kitchen and I hear Pen and JJ come in.

"Emily! Your mother is actually kinda cool." JJ says sitting down on the stools. I nod.

"Yeah. She is cool to talk to." I say now that I think about it. "I just haven't ever talked to her." I say. They nod. Then I see PG smiling. "What Penelope?" I ask her with a smile.

"What's the deal with her and David?" Penelope asked. JJ was smiling too. I shrug, and pretend not to know anything.

"I don't know. Have to ask him." I say, but my smile gives it away. "Maybe nothing happened." I respond, but they know better.

"Oh whatever!" JJ says. She puts on her best proper face. "_Oh Dave. I haven't had your cooking in soooooooooo long. I really miss it." _JJ says mocking my mother. Penelope laughs too, as do I.

"No! What got me was the..._" _Penelope waits a minute before speaking. "_Man Lizzy, you look so good after what was it? Sixteen years we've known each other. How is it you look as beautiful as the day we met?" _I laugh as she mocks David. "I know you were in here asking questions."_  
><em>

"I would be if it was my mother." JJ says with a smirk. "I thought Erin was going to lose it on your mother." I look both ways and smile.

"Well...he says that what happened was is he was friends with my dad. Him and mom had a one night stand at a friends wedding. Well the next day she met my dad, and they ended up eloping. He never really got over it. She set him up with Erin and him and Erin hated each other at first. When I was four my dad died. When I was five David came to visit us. They ended up in bed again, but that was the last time. Ten years later him and Erin hit it off. They got married, and lived happily ever since." I smile as I say the story. It's a really great one that I never got to hear. JJ's jaw drops, and they both smile.

"That is so sweet!" JJ says. I nod, but then I see JJ's face change.

"Whoah. Wait a minute. When did your mother find out she was pregnant with you?" JJ asks. I shrug.

"David said after they came back from there honeymoon. From my understanding they were only together for a few days. It was a spur of the moment thing. I like they were crazy." I say continuing to clean up.

"If her and David had a one night stand and then your mom and your dad met." I look at her and start laughing.

"That's impossible JJ. I would know if I was Italian. I would not be as pale as I am. Plus, I've seen pictures. No matter how much I would want David to be my father, he isn't." I say with a smile. JJ shrugs.

"It was worth a shot. He is a flirt isn't he?" Penelope says. I laugh, and JJ nods.

"He hit on my mom when she came over to visit. I think Erin was just used to it." JJ says.

"She was drinking tonight." Pen says. JJ frowns. I look at them confused.

"Why can't Erin drink?" I ask.

"She has had her problems with alcohol in the past. We let her have a tiny bit sometimes, but when she starts knocking them back we have to put a stop to it. Derek came home to her wasted one night, and had to take care of her. David came home, and we all had to talk to her about it." I nod, and bite my lip. I glance to the top of the stairs, and hope Erin is okay. That night I go upstairs and lay down. Today was odd. For once a visit from my mother didn't make me want to kick in a punching bag. I think about how great things were, but then I think about Erin. I hope nothing bad happens to her. I wonder what made her drink so much that things were bad. I think she has some kids, but I don't really know them. There are pictures around the house. I think about how little I actually know about the people who are taking care of me.

**Thank you for reading! Examiner s'il vous plaît! Je suis désespérée! _Review please! I'm desperate! (: _**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for all your reviews! Updates will get slower because of school coming back after this wonderful week of snow. I will try to update as much as I can though!**

The weekend came around, and I was happy for it. School was proving to be far to much. Everyday people would stare at me. Ian's friends sometimes harass me. The three cheerleader bitches that like Derek wont stay off my back about Derek. I haven't told him about it. I know he would want to know, but I can't bring myself to tell him. I have been keeping my distance from him at school. I think he knows something is up, but he hasn't said anything yet. I can still here those three just telling me how Derek is out of my league. How Derek would never love a fuck up like me. I wasn't pretty enough. I was just a slut. They thought of everything they could, and would just yell at it me. I tried to just look past it, but it's working. I want to tell them to shove it, but a part of me knows they're right. He is far to good for a basket case like me.

"Emily? Wanna hang out for a bit?" I hear him on the other side of my door, but I don't feel like answering it. It's Friday, and we're the only two home along with Spence. David and Erin are working on a case that she has to consult with. JJ is at a friend from the soccer team's house. Penelope is on a date with that computer kid Kevin. That leaves us and Spencer. He is probably bored. Spencer is off reading a book somewhere. I open the door, and smile at him. "Hey, I was just wondering if you wanted to talk or something. We haven't seen much of each other since your mom visited." he says. I know he's right. I give him a small smile.

"Yeah, sure. We could make a little dinner." I say he nods. We both head downstairs, and I defrost some chicken and start on rice. He gets out a can of cream of mushroom soup, and puts it in a sauce pan. We work in silence, and I know he knows something is up. When he tries to touch me I move away. When everything is done I put the rice in a cooking pan, then I pour the soup over it, then I place the chicken on it. While it's cooking I clean up. The silence is awkward. I make a move, and trip. I fall into his arms, and it's awkward again. He wraps his arms around me tightly. I let him for a minute then back out of it. "I...I'm gonna check on Spence." I say with a fake smile. Before I go though he wraps his hand around my forearm, and turns me back toward him. He walks closer to me and closer. Soon I am caged against the counter.

"What's going on princess?" he asks me. I turn my head away, and shake my head.

"Nothing. It's...nothing." I say trying to get away from him. He gives me a look of concern, and backs off.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asks me. I open my mouth to respond, but I don't know what to say.

"No...you didn't." I say. "It's just...some people don't like the way you have been paying attention to me at school." I say dismissively. "Maybe we should just put some distance between us for a while. I mean...they're right, and I don't want to get hurt again." I say. It's the truth. They are right, and I have been thinking about us lately. Our friendship is so strong, and if it didn't work out it would just be bad. My best friends are his best friends. Maybe I should just stay in my dreams about it. I turn my head sadly, and hear the timer on the oven go off. I run to the oven and get the food out.

"What are they saying?" he asks me concerned. I shrug.

"Just stuff. Like...you would never love me because your out of my league, or that you wouldn't want me because I'm...a slut." I shake my head, and pretend to brush it off. I bite my lip, and feel the lump in my throat. He gasps, and turns me around. I see the intensity in his eyes.

"Emily. Who is saying these things? Because they aren't true!" I shrug. "Emily. Tell me now." he says. I bite my lip, and shift uncomfortably under his gaze.

"Gosh Derek it's not a big deal. I just...we should move on from it. It's not a big deal. I should have never mentioned it." I say and move away from him to put our food on plates.

"It is a big deal Emily." he says. I hate him using my first name instead of princess. "If some one is telling you these they aren't true." he says wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"I...Tamera, and her little crew or whatever. Jordan cornered me, but she isn't that tough. I just pushed her out of my way and moved along. Then Tamera tried to say shit to me, but I told her she was already kicked out my house. Savannah was the only one that really got to me." I say setting the plates out. "SPENCER! DINNER IS READY!" I yell. He comes running, and takes his plate. He goes to run out of the kitchen but I stop him. "No, no, no. Living room. Not your room or your reading space. Living room table. You drop anything and I will kick your scrawny little ass. Okay?" he chuckles then nods. He walks into the living room, and turns on the history channel. I turn back to Derek. "It isn't a big deal. I can hold my own. Especially when I'm up against three major bitches. There friends have been helping them out though. The whole cheer squad is going to gang up on me one day." I say grabbing my plate. He grabs his, and we sit down at the dining room table. "I just think until I get it under control maybe you should stop being so intimate with me. People are starting to think we're going out or something." I say. Derek sighs.

"I don't want too." he says seriously. "In fact I want to take you by the hand walk you into that school. Show them all that you are mine, and no will ever hurt you again." he says. I look at him in shock, and stare at my food.

"You do?" I ask him. He just nods. "It's such a bad idea though. We have to think clearly. What if it doesn't work out? We share friends, a family, a home. How are we supposed to get through that? Plus, you are a flirt and a good looking guy. I highly doubt you are looking for a forever partner right now. We're only kids. There is a very low chance of it succeeding. We have to think about everyone and not just ourselves. Plus...if he didn't work out I couldn't stand to lose you forever." I say. It's not what I want. What I want to do is run into his arms and have him love me forever. Where we both get our dream job, and have a baby girl named Sadie. Where he saves me from all the bad in the world, and we run off into the sunset. That world is just a dream though. A figment of my imagination and I have to look at the big picture. I watch him stand up, and walk to me. He looks down at me, and pulls me up from my chair. He pulls me to him, and our bodies are close. My hand goes to his face, and his goes to my hair.

"I'm done thinking about 'what if's' and who cares. I know what I want. I want you, and I want forever. If it doesn't work out then at least we wont regret this what if for the rest of our lives." he says. I look up at him in shock and my heart speeds. He inches closer, and closer to me. Spencer is still watching tv. He isn't there to interrupt us again. I take a breath before closing my eyes, and feeling his lips against mine. His lips are soft, and wonderful. The kiss is gentle, and tentative till I go in for a second one. Reason has flown out the window, and I just don't care anymore. I kiss him hard, and he kisses me back. Soon I am sitting on the dinning room table with my legs wrapped around him. My hands are around his neck and his are at my hips. My really old bruises have faded, and even most of my new bruises are faded. I break away from him to catch my breath, and smile. My eyes are halfway closed, and my mind is mush.

"I thought we were going to wait till I was ready for a relationship." I smile saying. He shakes his head, and laughs.

"I'm impatient." he says. He leans in and kisses me again. And again. And again. Our food is sitting there cold. We both giggle and laugh. We hear the door open, and PG's voice rings through the house.

"PENNY G IN DA HOUSE!" she yells. We both laugh, and smile at each other.

"We have a minute before she walks in. Do we keep it a secret or let the world know?" I give him the option, and he backs away.

"I like secrets. Just for a little while. It could be fun." he says to me. He kisses me one more time, and then backs off. He is walking toward the microwave with our plates to heat them up. PG walks in and she is rambling.

"Hey guys so I decided that I'm going to do that every time I walk into the house. It's funny because my last name starts with a G and my name is Penny so you know I could be Penny G, and did you know that Kevin is so amazing. We played video games all night long and tried to see who could hack the fastest. Of course that meant lots of soda and candy. Candy. I love candy. It's my favorite. I drank so much soda Derek you wouldn't believe me. Kevin is so cute, and he has this thing. I always wanted a boyfriend that did a thing. He calls me cute nicknames. He is so romantic. He gives me chocolate! Chocolate! And soda! Yummy orange soda, and that makes me talk fast, but I don't think I'm talking fast. Do you think I'm talking fast of course I'm not talking fast. You can understand everything I'm saying. Not like I'm speaking a foreign language or anything. I wouldn't dare. That's Emily's thing. Well now it's Spencer's thing too because you, Emily are teaching little genius man how to speak languages making it his thing now too! Did I tell you guys I had soda! I love soda." Garcia rambled with out even taking a breath, and I looked at Derek shocked. Also, somewhat scared. "Wait a minute. You two were awfully close when I walked in. Why are you sitting on the table, and why is your hair a mess. I'm very confused. I don't care. Did you hear about the candy?" she says. She keeps rambling but I have stopped listening. She is giving me a major headache. I give her a plate, and make her sit on the couch. I give her water hoping all the sugar will dissolve. I'm going to kill Kevin. Just then the door opened again, and we hear a "we're home!" come from the doorway. I fix David, and Erin a plate and give it to them. I quickly eat mine, and pat them on the back.

"Good luck." I say glancing into the living room. "He gave her candy, and chocolate, and orange soda." I say. I run up the stairs, and get ready for bed. When I come out of the shower I see Derek sitting on my bed reading one of my magazines. I take the magazine out of his hand, and go to my dresser. "What are you doing in here?" I ask him.

"Well, isn't it obvious. I came to watch my girlfriend change." he says. I laugh, and take everything I need out of my drawer.

"Yeah, right buddy. In the closet you go." I say pushing him into the closet, and shutting the door. When I know it's shut I flicker the light from outside to mess with him.

"Not right princess! Not right. You done yet? I swear it takes you girls forever to put clothes on. All you have to do is throw on some underwear and a shirt. That's cool with me." he says. I roll my eyes, and slip on a tank top, some underwear, and a pair of sweats. I go to my stereo and pop in Stevie Nicks. I go to my mirror, and scrunch my hair up a bit before letting him out of my closet. "I like this song." I laugh.

"You? A fan of Stevie Nicks?" I ask. He nods.

"Wasn't till I met you." he says. I grabs my hand, and twirls me. He pulls me to him, and we start to move to the song. I laugh, and he shakes his head.

_So I'm back, to the velvet underground_  
><em>Back to the floor, that I love<em>  
><em>To a room with some lace and paper flowers<em>  
><em>Back to the gypsy that I was<em>  
><em>To the gypsy... that I was<em>  
><em>And it all comes down to you<em>  
><em>Well, you know that it does<em>  
><em>Well, lightning strikes, maybe once, maybe twice<em>  
><em>Ah, and it lights up the night<em>  
><em>And you see your gypsy<em>  
><em>You see your gypsy<em>

We sway, and he keeps twirling me. He brings me in close, and holds me tight. "Sing it for me. Please." he asks me. I take a deep breath, and sing the next verse.

_To the gypsy that remains faces freedom with a little fear_  
><em>I have no fear, I have only love<em>  
><em>And if I was a child<em>  
><em>And the child was enough<em>  
><em>Enough for me to love<em>  
><em>Enough to love<em>  
><em>She is dancing away from me now<em>  
><em>She was just a wish<em>  
><em>She was just a wish<em>  
><em>And a memory is all that is left for you now<em>  
><em>You see your gypsy<em>  
><em>You see your gypsy<em>

I can feel his cheeks widen with every word I sing. Both my arms wrap around his neck. He pulls my body closer to his. He leans forward, and barely touches his lips to mine. "There you go. Now you can be my Gypsy Princess." he says kissing me. My eyes close, and we continue to kiss. Kissing Derek is like sticking a vacuum in my lungs, and sucking all the air out of them. He just takes my breath away. He makes my heart melt, and my brain turn into mush. He holds onto me, and we just stand there kissing. My knees are about to give out.

"I like that. Gypsy Princess. I'm more of a Gypsy than a princess. I'll take both though." I say kissing him again. _Whole Lotta Trouble _comes on my stereo and he listens for a minute.

"Wait! I take that back. This song fits you the best." he says. I push him back and swat his chest. Soon he manages to get me back in his arms. He kisses me again, and we lay down while he holds me.

"I like this being a secret, but at school you better lay one on me right there in the hallway. I wanna see what color of anger those three bitches turn." I say with a large smile. He chuckles, and nods.

"I was going to suggest the same thing." he says leaning down for one more kiss. "If Pen, JJ, or Spence see?" he asks. I think about it for a minute.

"We should deny it until Pen locks us in a dungeon and makes us tell." I say. He laughs too.

"What about David and Erin sees us?" he asks nervously. I'm worried about that too. I shrug.

"Then they do. They can't kick us out, and I'll be damned if I break up with you because of it. I don't care if it's against the rules." I say. He knows I don't care too. I know I don't care.

"I know you can break rules. Like I said, TROUBLE!" he says, and we laugh. "I should probably go, and we should watch tv or something downstairs. Don't want to raise suspicion." he says. I nod, and look him in his eyes.

"Five more minutes I mumble into his mouth as our lips press together. I never want this to go away.

* * *

><p>Five minutes later we were coming down the stairs. We sit down and cuddle just like we always do when we're watching tv. Somehow it seems more intimate now. I could hear David saying something in the kitchen, and Erin snapping at him. They have been like that lately. It wasn't about mother though, and that was good. They had been fighting more and more though. It's just about little things. I know something else is wrong to make them on edge, but they are only fighting about little things. Not the real thing that is bothering them.<p>

It doesn't help that JJ's dad is sick. Really sick. They aren't sure if he'll make it much longer. She hasn't been good this week. Will has helped though. She's in love with him. I recently found out that JJ had lied to us. They had actually been in a relationship a whole month before she said anything. They met when he moved here and came to school with us earlier than she had said. She just knew we didn't have any classes with him. I think they are in love but she doesn't want to admit it. That's where she is tonight. She lied to everyone else and said that she was going over to some girls house named Samantha. I knew though, and she told me when I asked her. Will's mom is out of town this weekend, and she is staying the night. I told her to be careful because I think I know what she is going to do. I have my bad experiences with sex, and I hope her first time is filled with love. Unlike mine. I also hope they are safe about it. We may be juniors in high school, but I don't think she is ready for anything big.

I am pulled out of my thoughts by yelling coming from the kitchen. I hear Erin yell something from the kitchen, and a loud pan crash. I close my eyes, and dig my head into Derek's side. I hear Spencer walk in, and he has tears in his eyes. I sigh and open my arms to him. He lays down in my arms, and I hold him tight. Derek huffs, and holds me and Spence tight. Penelope crashed from her sugar high long ago. He cries because he hates the sound of yelling. "Mom and dad used to fight like that before he left. Why can't they be happy? They love each other." he asks me. I shake my head, and shrug.

"Honey, sometimes when two people love each other they will have fights. They love each other enough to stay strong though. It'll get better." I say kissing him on the forehead. I look at Derek, and he looks mad. I know he is mad at them for making Spencer cry. I am too, but I have to keep my mouth shut. At least if they are wrapped up in each other they wont know anything that is going on here. Soon Spence falls asleep in my arms, and I take him to his room. Derek follows me. We look at the clock, and head to my room. We put on music to drown out David, and Erin. We lay down, and I'm back where I belong in his arms. He kisses me, and I kiss him back. Soon we are wrapped up in each other, and I am on top of him. We stop before things go too far, but he still kisses me goodnight. I lay down, and smile wide even though I can hear the fight going on downstairs. Soon enough though Stevie Nicks drowns the sound out. I hear my door crack, and I look over to see who it is. I see the outline of shaggy hair, and big glasses. "Come here, buddy." I say. He gets into bed with me, and I hold onto him. I know how bad he is hurting because of their fighting. Erin doesn't talk much, and barely ever gets angry. She has this way about her though. She is more deep than she lets people see. She is a lot like my mother in that way. Very cold on the outside, but warm and nurturing on the inside. I close my eyes, and drift off to sleep.

About an hour later I wake up to Spencer tossing and turning. "Daddy! Don't hurt her. She doesn't mean too. Please." I see he is crying, and it breaks my heart. "Daddy please stop fighting! She doesn't mean too! She's sick. Stop it!" he yells out. I lay my hand on him, and whisper in his ear.

"Spencer. Spencer." I whisper. I shake him a tiny bit, and soon his eyes open.

"Emily." he cries into my shirt. This fighting has to end. "Emily, he hurt mommy." he says into my shirt.

"What did he do to her Spencer?" I ask. He sat up, and wiped his eyes. He is so young emotionally, yet so old intellectually. I feel so bad for him. He cried, and looked up at me.

"He...would hit her. Yell at her. She didn't mean to do those things though. She's just sick." he sobbed. I held him tight, and now I knew why Spence was really here. He is far to young to see all that. He's just a kid. I wrap him up tightly, and think about it.

* * *

><p>The next day at around noon JJ walks through the door. She has a smile on her face, and I know. I run up to her, and look around. "Watch out they have been fighting all afternoon." I say. Penelope comes downstairs and she has what I call a sugar high hang over.<p>

"What about?" she asks me worried.

"Everything. Spencer spent the night in my bed last night. He is starting to have nightmares about his mom and dad." I say with a sigh. "Anyways, how was the thing that happened?" she smiles a happy smile, and nods her head toward the stairs. We run up the stairs, and Penelope gives us a tired look. On my way past her I see the couch, and notice it's been slept on. Probably by David. When we get into my room she sits on my bed.

"It was amazing. He's done it before, so he knew what to do so that made things less awkward. It was just...I love him so much Emily." she says with a smile. I lean over and hug her tight. "Anything happen while I was gone?" I smile inwardly thinking about Derek and I, but I just show JJ a shrug.

"A lot of fighting." I say she frowns.

"You think they'll get over what ever happened?" I ask. JJ shrugs. "How's your dad?" I ask her. She frowns.

"Better. Much better. They are saying he will make a full recovery." she says. I smile, and hug her.

"JJ that's great!" I say. "We should get out of here, and get some ice cream or something. I have a feeling they wont stop fighting, and we need to get Spence out of the house. JJ nods, and goes to get ready. When she leaves I sneak over to Derek's room, and knock. He opens the door, and I kiss him hard. He kisses me back. He laughs.

"What was that for princess?" he asks me with a smile. I smile and wrap my arms around him.

"Well the first one was my invitation to get ice cream. The second one was for being you." I say smiling up at him.

"Well after that invitation how can I refuse?" he asks me. I laugh and he takes my hand. We walk out after getting ready, and we pass the fighting couple to get out the door. We spend the afternoon with each other, and for the first time in at least a week I see Spencer smile a real smile.

**Oh my! So much is happening! Will David and Erin work it out? Will Spencer be okay? Will Derek and Emily be able to hide this? JJ did what? Thank you for reading and don't forget to REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!(:**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you for all your reviews! I just wanted to make this known, I am writing this while a bird is flapping around my house. Also school is out again because of snow. Who cares? I get to write don't I? This does have a one month time jump again. :D ENJOY!**

After we got back from ice cream they were still fighting. As we approached we heard them.

"Erin just because you wanted that to go down smoothly doesn't mean it was going too! These things take time. I know you need to keep the politics under control but unless we make this move-" David starts.

"David! It isn't that simple. We have to think of every one here not your big ego!" she yells. "We have to think of the kids. We have to think of us. Our safety. Just because you want to do this doesn't mean we don't have things to think about. We're not alone anymore." she says softer. "I can't imagine what would happen if I had lost you." she says. "We have to think about the kids. They've gone through enough. Most of them don't need to lose another parent."

"Yeah, your right. This guy just gets under my skin. We haven't been thinking about the kids. All this fighting." he says, and I look at Derek.

"I think I saw Spencer sneak out of Emily's room last night. He looked like he had been crying. How can we be fighting about the welfare of our kids when our fighting about their welfare is upsetting them. I'm just terrified about this operation. We all know it isn't safe." she says. I bite my lip, and I watch Penelope stumble a bit. She grabs the door, and makes a loud sound. We hear chuckles, and it's nice to hear them laugh.

"Guys. Come on. Get in here." he says. "How long were you standing there?" we all file into the kitchen, and I can feel Derek's hand on my side moving his thumb back and forth on my skin.

"Um, enough to know what the fighting has been about." I say as I watch Spence move to JJ's side, and lean into her. "What's the problem with the mission?" I ask curious. With my mothers work I have heard people at parties talk about this stuff, or even at dinner mother would say something about a friend doing something like this.

"It's just dangerous. Stuff we do everyday. Only thing is it's a tiny bit more dangerous because the guy deals with bombs. Erin has to sign off on it. She wont." he says putting his hands on his face.

"I'm just worried about you!" she says. I think for a minute but JJ beats me to it.

"What if you just don't do the mission?" JJ asks. He sighs again, and Erin turns to him.

"David really wants to get this guy and I can't say I blame him. It's kids. One of them resembles one of you, and we just...he is a bad man, and David wants to be there when they get him." Erin says. David sighs. We nod in understanding. "I'm just scared for you." she says turning to David. He nods, and so do we.

"I think you should sign off on it, and I don't think you should go. What you said earlier is right, we can't lose another parental figure. I can't." Derek says. I can't. He can't. Penelope can't. Spencer can't. Now that I think about JJ's dad is the only one still around out of all us kids. Pen's car crashed and both her parents died. Mine died when I was little. Derek's died in a shoot out or something. Spencer's just left. "Please. I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important to us. I know it's personal, but we kinda need you around. People survive gunshot wounds. Most don't survive bombs. Let the others handle it." he says. We all nod, and hug him. I see him staring at JJ, and holding her a minute longer than the rest of us. The girl that died probably had blue eyes, and blonde hair. I feel sad knowing about this, but I know it's just the world we live in. As we leave I see them wrap each other in a hug.

* * *

><p>When we get up the stairs JJ and Penelope go into JJ's room to talk. They ask me if I want to come along, but I say no. When they both disappear Spence runs to his reading place. I look around and see Derek. He is smiling at me, and I just smile at him. He manages to get me so giddy. He takes my hand, and I open my door and pull him in. As soon as we're in my room, and the door is shut I kiss him. I wrap my arms around him, and continue to kiss him. I open my mouth to give him access, and I groan. He is so good at this. Tamera was a dumb bitch for ruining that. It all came out to my benefit though. I put his lip to mine again, and I pull him to my bed. We lay down, and continue to kiss. I love him, but it's far to early to say that. I don't even know if he feels the same way.<p>

"I'm glad that David and Erin are working that out. She was right. I can't lose another dad." he says after he breaks away. I sigh, and nod.

"I can't either." I say sadly. "He is the only real father figure I have ever had." I tell him. He looks at me curiously.

"How old were you when your father died?" he asks me. My father isn't a sensitive subject for me. I was too young to remember it.

"I was four. He was assassinated. They almost got my mother too. Odd enough my mom told me that if he had killed her on that day then I would've ended up going to David. David is my godfather." I tell him. I remember mom saying that last week. I had asked her about my dad and she said it was ironic that I ended up with Uncle David anyways. She's hiding something about him, and my father but I don't want to know. I need to keep out of their business.

"That is ironic." he says. I smile at him, and he smiles too.

"I know it's sensitive and you don't have to talk about it...what about your dad?" I ask hesitantly. He sighs, and hold me tighter.

"He died when I was young. He took me to a store, and while we were there a man with a gun came in. My dad being a cop stepped forward. They both said things. Dad tried to negotiate with him. The guy got spooked and shot. I didn't know what to do. I was just a little kid." he says, and my heart breaks for him.

"I'm so sorry baby." I say to him kissing him again. "What was his name?" I ask him.

"Michael." he says. "Michael Ray Morgan." he says with a small amount of pride. "It's my middle name." he says. I smile.

"Derek Michael Morgan?" I ask him with a smile. "I like it." I laugh. He does too. "Thank you." I whisper.

"For what?" he asks me.

"For telling me that. It means a lot that you would trust me enough to talk about a subject like that." I tell him. He looks at me surprised, but then it changes to a small smile.

"Always my Gypsy princess." he says kissing me again. He wraps me up in his arms, and I find myself dozing. It's Saturday. Who cares? My eyes drift closed. I notice his does too. That's how we stay.

* * *

><p>One month had gone by and things have finally got better. Derek and I would sneak around, and sneak kisses. Maybe even make out a little in one of our bedrooms. We're taking our time on the sexual aspect of things. He knows I'm not ready, because I'm not. We did prove to Tamera, Savannah, and Jordan that I got my guy though. I even winked at them after Derek put his tongue in my mouth. Jordan looked really upset, Savannah looked mad, and Tamera had steam coming out of her ears. Like the whole her head turned red, and popped off then went back. I thought smoke alarms would go off. I hung onto him as we walked down the hallway, and we smiled with pride. The rumors had already started. One person said I killed Ian so I could be with Derek with out being scared of what Ian would do. I laugh them off and they don't bother me. Penelope has been asking me stuff like crazy, but we deny everything. JJ just hasn't been herself lately.<p>

I have cut down on my smoking. I only have one at least once a week and it's been the hardest thing I have ever done. Derek has been a great distraction though. It's Saturday. David and Erin are gone for the weekend. I'm turning seventeen tomorrow. I can't believe it's already October. October 11 in fact. There is a party tonight, and I have been Derek to come. It's at Will's house and I want to go so bad. I need him there to make sure I don't drink to much and do anything too crazy. Right now I am in my room getting ready and he is laying on my bed. I am only wearing a towel, and I see him glance up every so often to get a peek. "Buddy, you aren't gonna see a thing so stop looking." I tell him reaching into my drawer for some sexy underwear. Doesn't mean I can't tease him. I laugh out loud, and he gives me a look.

"What?" he asks me. I shake my head no, and grab the sexiest underwear I can find and my robe. I run and change in my closet. Half way through changing I see the lights go out. I groan because it's pitch black.

"DEREK!" I yell. I find the light and turn it back one. He turns on my stereo and loud rock music plays. Aerosmith to be specific. I slip on my robe, and tie it up tight. My thigh high panty hose show about an inch of skin between the hem of the robe. I walk out, and do my hair. I see his jaw drop through my mirror and I love it. I take some hair gel and scrunch my hair up till it's messy and curly. I do my make up, and get out the skirt I'm wearing tonight. It resembles a too-too with the ruffles. It's low enough to stay modest though. I put on a red tank top, and a black vest to finish off my outfit. My eye make up is mostly blacks with a tinge of red, and my lips are bright red to match the tank top I'm wearing. I throw a shawl over it in honor of Stevie, and lace up my knee high boots. I give Derek a look and roll my eyes at what he is wearing. He is in a white t-shirt, and sweats. "What do you think?" I ask him. He looks up, and his eyes go wide.

"Well shit. Now I have to go." he says with a huff. I give him a look and raise my eye brows.

"Why?" I ask him with attitude. I don't see why he wont go with me.

"You can't go out to a party looking that hot with out supervision." Derek says. I smile and chuckle.

"Well guess you'll have to go." I say with a smile. He wraps his arms around me.

"Or we could stay in." he leans in and kisses me. We continue to kiss until I break it off.

"This is why I had to buy the lipstick that doesn't smear." I say then leaning in for another kiss. "You can't stop me from going tonight. JJ says I have to go." I say breaking the kiss. "I really wish you would go." I say sadly. A party just wouldn't be right with out him there.

"Ok trouble. I'll go. Only because the princess put on a dress." he says kissing me once more. I swat his chest.

"It's a skirt." I say pushing him into his room so he can change. He comes out in jeans, and a black shirt that hugs his body. "I really like this shirt." I say. When we get to the party I walk in, and everyone shouts surprise. I see a banner that says Happy Birthday and I'm in shock. I have never had a birthday party that I could remember. One person turns on the stereo and classic rock plays. I smile wider than I ever have and turn around to look at Derek. He grabs me, and kisses me.

"Happy Birthday Princess." he says. I hear JJ and Penelope scream, and I laugh at their reaction. "Guess the cats out of the bag?" he says. I laugh and nod. I feel my girls wrap me in tight hugs, and every one here starts to party. AC/DC plays loudly, as I hug the people that put this together.

"I knew you guys were together!" Pen yells out.

"Yeah. We are. Thank you guys!" I tell Derek, and JJ, and Penelope. I wrap my arms around them, and hug them tight. Beth and Hotch said they could watch Spencer tonight. The music is up crazy loud, and Will passes us beers as he wraps his arms around JJ. I can feel the bass through the floor, and I let out a yell. I kiss Derek again before the girls drag me to the dance floor, and we all start to dance. Rhiannon starts, and Derek pushes me on the make shift stage they have. He hands me the microphone and hands me three shots. I do the shots, and sing my heart out.

_Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night_  
><em>And wouldn't you love to love her?<em>  
><em>Takes through the sky like a bird in flight<em>  
><em>And who will be her lover?<em>

_All your life you've never seen a woman  
>Taken by the wind<br>Would you stay if she promised you Heaven?  
>Will you ever win?<em>

_She is like a cat in the dark  
>And then she is the darkness<br>She rules her life like a fine skylark  
>And when the sky is starless<em>

_All your life you've never seen a woman  
>Taken by the wind<br>Would you stay if she promised you Heaven?  
>Will you ever win? Will you ever win?<em>

_Rhiannon  
>Rhiannon<br>Rhiannon  
>Rhiannon<em>

After the song finishes I run off stage in embarrassment but all I hear are cheers. The night is crazy, and we stay out till it's light outside. At about 4 we kick everybody out of the house, and sit in a circle. It's just me, Pen, Jay, Will, Derek, and Kevin. "We should play a game!" I yell in my drunk state.

"If that game is who's gonna pass out first, I vote Emily!" Penelope says. I throw a wrapper at her and it hits her forehead.

"I got mad skillz when I'm drunk. What now Penny G!" I say to her, and I giggle. "We should play never have I ever." everyone shrugs, and takes out there beer.

"Never have I ever snuck out of the house." JJ says. Penelope, me, and Derek all take a drink. I turn to Derek shocked.

"You have? When? Why wasn't I invited?" I ask giggling. He smiles.

"It was a long time ago before I came to Erin and David's house princess. I'm a little scared to sneak of David Rossi's house." he says with a laugh. At the same time Penelope and I reply to him.

"It isn't hard." we high five at our jinx. We laugh, and Penelope goes.

"Never have I ever messed around with my boyfriend in a public place." Penelope says. JJ, Will, Derek, and I all look at the ground as we drink. "The people I live with I swear." she says with a giggle. It's my turn, and I think. What is something I haven't done? I giggle when I can't think of anything. That's so bad of me.

"Come on princess. We can't wait forever." Derek says. I hit his arm, and put a one minute finger up.

"I'm thinking!" I say. "Never have I ever hacked a computer!" I say turning to Penelope. Her and Kevin take swigs, and I laugh. It goes to Derek.

"Never have I ever thought will was 'super hot'." he says chuckling. I smack his chest as I take a drink. As does Penelope, JJ, and Will. I laugh when I see will taking a drink.

"What? I am super hot." he says bringing JJ onto his lap. Kevin smiles because it's his turn.

"Never have I ever got on a table and danced." he says looking at me. I take my drink, and so does JJ. Pen does to. Then Derek takes his.

"What? I wasn't going to let my girls dance alone. I had to make sure my girlfriend kept all her clothes on." we laugh, and Will goes immediately after Derek says that.

"Never have I ever said that sentence!" he says. We laugh, and Derek takes his drink. It gets back to JJ, and she says hers.

"Never have I ever kissed a girl." she says looking at the guys. All the guys take a drink. I turn my head and take a "secret" sip of mine, and I notice Pen does too. JJ's jaw drops and we all look at Penelope. She shrugs.

"We all go through our stages mine was a bit earlier." she says. "Plus Emily drank too!" she says with a laugh. Every one looks at me and they shrug then look back to Pen.

"We expected Emily to drink." Derek says. I turn around, and smack him. The game goes on and on till we all get tired. Derek carries me up the stairs to the guest room were we spend the night together.

* * *

><p>The next morning I wake up I notice JJ is wide awake a bright eyed. I stumble into the kitchen where she is making breakfast, and she laughs. "Either you can hold your liquor or you didn't drink." I say walking over to her. She hands me aspirin and water. I down the aspirin, and drink up the water. Derek and I slept in the guest room. We kicked everyone left out at 4, and ended just hanging out till early. It was noon, and I was thankful for the six hours of sleep I did get. She laughs.<p>

"I didn't drink. Unlike you crazy people." I think about it for a minute, and push through the haze.

"The game?" I ask. She laughs.

"It was just bottled lemonade. I told Will I didn't want to drink." she says. I nod, sounds like something JJ would do. She sighs and continues to make us breakfast. When she serves the eggs though she gags and runs to the bathroom. I hold her hair. She sighs when she is done, and sits on the floor. "Sorry. My stomach has been sensitive lately." she says biting her lip. She washes out her mouth, and goes back into the kitchen. She rubs her head, and continues to serve breakfast.

"Are you sick?" I ask her. She shrugs.

"I think I am getting sick." she says. I shrug it off, and finish my day. Derek and I celebrate my birthday at the house together. He wishes me a happy 17th birthday, and drives me to get my for real licences. I drive home, and we all eat ice cream and cake. That night Derek and I have a movie night. We spend our time on the couch eating our salty popcorn, and cuddling. I fall asleep in his arms, and he carries me up the stairs. I spend the night with him again in his room.

_"Happy birthday Emily." he says giving me a gorgeous diamond necklace. Sadie trots into the room, and she has grown. I feel my stomach and it's flat this time. Behind Sadie I see a little baby boy. His name is Dylan. Dylan Michael Morgan. He crawls over to me, and tugs on my pants. Sadie is about two, and Dylan is only about one. _

_"Happy Birfday mommy!" Sadie yells wrapping her adorable little arms around me. I pick up Dylan, and Derek holds Sadie. "Daddy can I give mommy a her present?" she says in a pretend whisper. Her words are only slightly better than they were. He nods and she hops down. She runs in, and gives me a very messy cake. "Me and daddy made it while yous was away with Auntie Jay and Aunt P'n'lpe." I laugh at her attempt to say Penelope, and I grab the cake from her. _

_"This is gorgeous Sade!" I look on the cake and see what it says. 'Happy Birthday my Gypsy Princess'. I laugh and look at Derek. I hug him, and we kiss. "You haven't called me that in years." I say._

_"Well, Sadie keeps saying that she's my princess not mommy. I thought maybe she would stop complaining when I told her your real title." he says wrapping his arms around me. "I can't wait to give you your other present when the kids go to bed." he whispers in my ear. I smile at him, and kiss him quickly. _

"Emily. Wake up. I need you." I hear I turn and see JJ. She has puffy eyes, and her lip is trembling. "We need to run to the pharmacy." she says.

"Are you sick?" I ask her again for the second time that day. She shakes her head no then I realize what this is about. I grab her hand, and pull a jacket on over my tank top and sweats. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask her. She nods, and we head out. I left a note for Derek just in case he wakes up. I told him I was gonna go somewhere with JJ, and I will explain later. I hold her hand the whole drive to the pharmacy, and she holds it tight. "So this is a possibility?" I asks her.

"Yeah." she croaks out. "I'm sorry. I know it's your birthday." I shake my head no.

"Don't do that. It's fine. I'm helping out my best friend." I say. I know why she didn't go to Penelope about this, but a part of me wishes she had. I find myself slightly jealous. She may get the chance I didn't get. She could do it too. She could make it through school. Will could go to the academy if he wanted. It would just be harder. If anyone could do it though, it would be her. We get to the pharmacy, and I buy what we need while she waits in the car. I get inside, and back in the drivers seat. I hand her the bag, and she looks at me. "I bought three just in case." she nods. We get back to the house, and she opens one. She stares at it for a long time, and I look at her. I hug her tightly. "I know how hard it is. I've had to do it before. Just go in there. Take it." I say. She nods, and takes the test. She comes back out, and the timer goes off. She looks at it, and collapses in my arms.

"I'm pregnant." she says. My hand goes to my empty womb, and I feel tears come to my eyes. I wrap her in a hug, and she cries in my arms against the bathroom door.

**Oh JJ. Things were going so good for them too. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! They make me smile, and fill my heart with joy.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! ENJOY!**

"I'm pregnant." was the first thing she said right before fell into my arms, it was also the first thing she said when she got out of my arms. "Emily. I'm pregnant." she says. My mouth opens, and I don't know what to say. I don't know what she would want to do. I was pregnant with my rapists baby. She is pregnant with the guy she loves. "Oh god. I have to tell Will. I have to tell David. Oh god Emily...I have to tell Erin. They wont be happy! Emily what if Will doesn't want it? What if...oh my god." she started to hyperventilate and I put one hand on her back.

"JJ you have got to calm down." I say. She nods. "Look, you're right. We do need to tell them. All of them. In fact we need to tell the whole family. I think we should tell them when you are ready, but it needs to be soon...unless you want to...terminate your pregnancy then I will stand by you then too." I say nervously. She turns around, and puts a hand to her stomach.

"No! Not that. I would...I would never." she says shocked. My lip trembles and I feel guilt consume me. _You were only fifteen. You didn't love him, he didn't love you. He hurt you. _I shake my head no, and try to stop the crying. I have had the worst conversations with myself about this. "I couldn't do that. Not to an innocent little baby." I look at the ground as she talks more to herself than to me. My hands go over my stomach, and I stare at the ground. I just wish the guilt would stop. I can't change what I did. JJ doesn't know anything so she doesn't know how bad her words are hurting me. I feel the tears come to my eyes, and I stand.

"I'm really sorry JJ. Just...do what you want." I say my voice cracking at the end. I'm not angry with her I just need to get away. "I'm sorry." I cry. I run into my room, and slam my door. Then I remember Derek is there. I can't stop my tears so I try to get away from him when he notices.

"What's going on Emily?" he asks me. I shake my head no, and keep my mouth shut. He will hate me if he finds out! JJ will hate me. I should be out there with JJ instead of crying in my room.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I say over and over. I am sorry. Very sorry. He wraps me in his arms, and holds me. I push him away from me, and he looks confused. "Leave. I just need you to leave." I tell him, and he puts his hands up defensively. I'm taken back to that night. The night I did it.

_"Matthew. I don't know." I say standing outside of the clinic. He shakes his head, and wraps his arms around me. _

_"Emily. You already said it before, you are only fifteen and you can't have his baby." he tells me. "Be the tough Emily I know you are. You can do this." he tells me. I nod. We go inside, and the procedure is done quickly. After it's over I look at the nurse._

_"I'm not pregnant anymore?" I ask her. She nods, and I don't know how to feel. There was a time I could see myself raising this baby with Matty, but I know that would never happen. Half of me loved my baby, then half of me hated our baby. That was the difference. I loved MY baby. I hated OUR baby. That night I screamed out for the loss of my baby. I threw things, and hit things. Angry at him for doing that to me. Angry at myself for going through with it. Just angry, and sad. I even tried to kill myself that night because of the guilt I felt. Matty was there for me though. He stopped me before it got to be too much. He held me so close._

I hear a knock on my door breaking me from my thoughts. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I sob. I thought I was over it. That I had grieved.

"Emily, open up. We need to talk. Are you okay?" it's JJ's voice, and she sounds concerned. "Emily." she knocks again, and I just rock back and forth. "What did she say to you?" I hear JJ say in a whisper tone.

"She just kept repeating 'sorry', and then when I tried to comfort her she told me to leave." Derek said. "Do you know what's wrong?" he asks JJ. There is no answer from her so I'm guessing she just shook her head no. I keep rocking, and apologizing. I think about my dreams. I think about Sadie and Dylan. I don't deserve them. Why would I when I murdered there sibling? _It was his child. _The voice in my head is right. I can't help the guilt I feel though. One day it was there. The next it was gone. How could I have done something like that? "Princess please open up." he says. I move away from the door, and I hear it open. They both rush to my side, and kneel to my side. "Baby, you have to tell me what's wrong." he says taking my hand.

"You'll...you guys...wi...will...ha..hate me." I get out. "I'm so sorry." I say. Neither of them notice my hand over my empty womb. "I'm so so sorry." I cry. I just cry. "Don't hate me." I say sobbing.

"Princess I would never hate you." he says wiping my tears away. I shake my head.

"Yes. Yes you will when you know what I did. JJ will hate me too." I say. She shakes her head, and puts her hand on my shoulder. "I...I killed it." I say. They look shocked for a minute.

"What did you kill?" Derek asks me. Trying to get information out of me.

"My baby!" I sob. My head goes into my knees, and I don't want them to look at me.

"Oh my god. Emily, when?" JJ asks me. "I don't hate you Emily. I don't." she says. I feel so bad. This was about her, but I made it about me.

"In Rome. That's why mother sent me here. I killed it. I was fifteen. I couldn't have that man's baby. I couldn't." Derek's face changed to pure sadness. He gulped, and wrapped his arms around me. JJ still looked confused.

"What man?" she asked. Derek answered for me.

"The man from her dreams. You talk in your sleep princess. I never brought it up." he says. JJ gasped, and sat back. I wipe my tears away and he just holds me. He doesn't hate me.

"I'm sorry JJ. This is about you. I'm being so stupid. What are you going to do?" I ask her. I feel Derek's arms around me. He looks at me in confusion. She deflates.

"I'm going to tell Will. This is going to change our lives forever. I only have one more year of school, and I'm going to be made fun of the whole time. Not even just that. I can handle the bullies I just...I had so many plans. I mean I can still go through college, and I will. Just...no more parties, no more soccer, no more anything." she says sadly. "I...mean...it's our fault. We should own up to the consequences." she says nodding her head. She is so brave for this. I am shocked that she's going to do this. "We can do it. It'll change everything, but we can do it together. If he wants too." she says. "If not then I'm on my own." I sigh, and wrap JJ in a hug.

"I told you guys to be safe about it." I say hugging her tight. She backs off briefly, and looks at me.

"We did Em. I don't know how this happened." JJ says.

"It doesn't work 97% of the time Jayjie." I tell her.

"I know I just...why am I in that 3 percent? I bet this is how Rachael felt when she found out she was pregnant with Ross' baby." she says. I smirk at her bringing up her favorite show at this moment. Then I laugh. She starts to too, and Derek notices. His jaw has dropped.

"JJ? Are you..?" she nods, and he looks at her in shock. "How are you gonna tell Erin and David? Or Will?" he asks. She takes a deep breath.

"Will is coming over, and I'm going to tell him tonight. When Erin and David get back I'm sitting them down and...I...I'm gonna tell them." JJ says. I take her hand in mine, and hold it for a minute.

"I can be there through it if you want me too. I know what it's like to tell someone you're pregnant." I say. She nods and holds my hand close to her. We hug one more time, and she lets go.

* * *

><p>About an hour later JJ is in the kitchen talking to Will. During this time Derek and I stay up in my room. Penelope has been told, and so has Spencer. I trace the lines on Derek's chest. "What do you think Will's gonna do? I mean, they are only seventeen. He is a senior, but she is still just a junior." I ask Derek.<p>

"I don't know princess. Will is a good guy. I think he'll do what's right. This will change there whole entire life." he replies.

"Don't you dare knock me up while we're this young." I tell him.

"I swear to you I wont." he says. "I can knock you up eventually though right?" he asks me moving us so he is on top of me. He kisses me, and I laugh.

"Oh yeah...I see at least two kids." I say telling him the truth. He looks at me in confusion. "I've been having dreams about our future. If my imagination does them justice, which I somehow think it will, Sadie and Dylan will be absolutely perfect." he looks at me with a large smile.

"Why haven't you told me about these dreams princess?" he asks me. I shrug.

"Because...it's nothing." I say with a blush.

"I like the sound of those dreams baby." he tells me, and I smile.

"You do?" I ask him. He nods, and I kiss him. We stay there talking about it for at least another hour. We go downstairs to find JJ and Will hugging. Will nods his head, and walks over to us.

"I'm gonna be a dad. Didn't think this would happen at eighteen." he says with a small chuckle. He sighs. " Now I just gotta tell my mom." Will says. He shakes his head, and sighs. "I'm gonna be a daddy." he says. JJ nods, and holds her stomach. She has tears in her eyes.

"Now we just have to tell Erin and David. Then my mom." she says closing her eyes. "The only thing I am positive of is this wont ruin Will's chances at going into the academy, and my chances at going to college. I probably wont go to the colleges I want to go to, but I am going. No matter what." Just then the door opens, and we hear our guardians yell through the house.

"We're home!" they then walk in the kitchen to see JJ's puffy eyes, and Will standing there. I grab her hand and she turns to them.

"Guys I have something I need to tell you." she says. When she says this they start to look worried. Erin takes a look at her, and gasps.

"Oh god you're pregnant." she says. We all look at her in shock. "A mother always knows. Jesus, what are you going to do?" Erin asks. JJ took a deep breath, and told her about having a plan during school, after school, and college. Will will be there to support her all the way, and they will talk about marriage when the time is right. "Wow. You really have thought a lot about this, haven't you?" JJ nods.

"Well I'm not a stupid kid that doesn't realize how big this is." JJ says with a slight frown. "I'm gonna be a mother." she says. I can see the tears in her eyes. "I can choose to regret it, or accept it and be happy. I chose the latter. I already love this baby, and I'm not gonna have any regrets about it." JJ says. My hand flies to my stomach instinctively. Will takes her hand, and holds it tight.

"And I'm not gonna let her do this alone. It takes two people to make a baby. I did this, and now I am responsible too. We know it isn't going to be easy, and we aren't ready." he says. "But I'm not gonna leave her." Erin and David nod. David pours himself some scotch, and downs it. He runs a hand over his face, and we all leave.

* * *

><p>"Erin this is a big deal what are we going to do?" David asks. I can hear them from where I am standing near the door.<p>

"We do what we can. She told me about it when it happened. I knew, I just didn't expect this." Erin says sounding shocked. "We're such great guardians aren't we? Emily get's raped and beaten. JJ is pregnant. I don't understand what we're doing wrong." Erin finishes.

"We aren't do anything wrong honey. They're just...special. All of them have been through so much, and they're gonna come here with a certain amount of issues. They're gonna go through even more. It's not our fault Bella. It's not their fault. They're kids. We watch them as much as we can, but...they're still gonna be kids. At least JJ told you about what happened. She could have just showed up, and told us she was pregnant. We would have no clue to anything. It's like Emily, and Derek hiding their relationship." I can practically see the quotation marks above "hiding". "The way they sneak into each others rooms at night. I can't believe they don't think we know. We're aware of what happens, it's just sometimes we can't stop it." he says. David has always been a wise man. I glance toward the kitchen and see them wrapped up in each other. He kisses her once, and they hug again. I walk into the kitchen, and grab some juice.

"Emily. I saw you standing there. It's true we do know. Don't hide stuff from us for now on. Also because of JJ's situation you better tell me when you and Derek take it to the next level because I will murder you if you get pregnant too." Erin says. David nods. I laugh, and shake my head.

"Don't worry about it. He promised not to knock me up while we're young." I say with a smile. It's the truth. David walks over, and hugs me tight.

"I know how this must be for you. If you ever need to talk I'm here for you. You know that right?" David asks me. I nod, and hug him again. I feel Erin's hand on my back.

"We're here kiddo. If you ever need us." she says. I smile because Erin isn't that affectionate usually.

The rest of the weekend was especially hard for JJ, and Will. Me too in a way. JJ is being so calm about this. She broke down for a few minutes, and then she had a plan. She knows she isn't ready for this, but somehow she isn't freaking out. Will is scared what his mom will do. She's not the nicest of people, and she has started to drink heavily due to something that happened to her. I think her new husband died. Will says that she was also upset about his dad. She isn't being kind to him right now though. JJ is scared too. He says he's gonna hold it off for a little bit, but he needs to tell her. I think he does. Especially since they're keeping it. Erin and David talked to her about adoption, but she says she wouldn't be able to do it. She says that if she created something out of love then she should be responsible for what she did. If anyone can do it, she can. I know that sounds odd, with her only being seventeen, but she is the most responsible good girl I know. She doesn't regret what she did with Will. She wont regret her baby. She knows she didn't want this to happen early, but she also knows she can't change that. I admire her in a way.

On Monday school was hard for JJ. She walked in, and you could tell she was uncomfortable. She kept looking around. Worrying if anybody will notice. At lunch I found her crying in the bathroom. I wrapped my arms around her, and she just cried. Soon her tears dried, and I stroked her hair. "I just feel like everybody is staring at me. It's like I have a sign on my back that says 'I'm pregnant'." she whispers to me just in case some one is in here. "Emily, what about when people really do start staring at me? They'll look at me like I am a slut. I'm not. My baby was made from love." she says quietly. I nod, and try to think of something.

"Jayjie, it'll be okay. Who cares what they think? I'm not gonna lie, and say you won't get picked on. You will, probably a lot. Tell me, or Derek, or Will. We'll get 'em. We can put a stop to it. You know you aren't a slut. You know what kind of love your baby came from. You know, we know, and that's all that matters. You'll be a great mother. I know you will. You and Will already care so much about that baby, and it's only been one day." I tell her softly. "You got this. Don't let bitches get you down." I say and hug her again.

"How did you handle it?" she asks me. "I know it's sensitive, but I'm so lost right now." she says. I can't resist those big blue eyes.

"I cried a lot. Thought people were gonna hate me more than they already did. I lost my boyfriend. It was bad. I didn't handle it well. I was only 15 though. You wouldn't believe how much more of a perspective you have when you're seventeen rather than fifteen. You can handle it better than I did. You're more stable, and much more responsible." I tell her. She smiles, and looks at the ground.

"This is all so crazy. Part of me is elated. I mean, we're going to have a baby. A cute little mini version of one of us. Then the reasonable part of me keeps telling me I'm too young. Which I am, but I can't change it. I have to accept it. I choose to be happy about it. Not everybody will be though." she tells me. "Will is telling his mom tonight, and several things can happen. His mother gets angry, and does something drastic; she doesn't care...so many things could happen. I just want her to not be angry with Will." JJ says. "It takes two to do what we did. I should know. I was there." she says with a smile. I nudge her, and she smiles at me. I remember where we are and I cringe.

"We should get off this floor. Lord knows what has happened here." I say with a smirk, and a laugh. She smiles, and nods. I take her hand in mine, and we go back to the lunch table. The rest of the day is a little bit easier on JJ, but I know it will only get worse. She has her first doctors appointment this Saturday, and she wants me to come along. I agreed, but this has been weird for me. I have seen JJ, and the way she loves this baby and my body fills with guilt. I know it shouldn't but it does. I wasn't a willing participant in the making of my baby, but I still created a life. I push it away and head towards the car. Mother bought me and brand new one for my birthday, and gave it to me outside of the house. She hugged me, and told me that she loved me. I told her about JJ, and she says she'll help out JJ if she ever needs it. I grab Derek's hand, and when we get to my car he pushes me up against it. I smile, and wrap my arms around his body and lean on my tip toes to kiss him. He kisses me back, and his hand goes to my waist. Mine goes to the back of his head. Penelope would have killed us if we had been doing this against her car. I open my mouth to him, and smile when his tongue hits mine. We break away and I smile up at him. "We have two more hours, then Erin and David will get home. Wanna go somewhere?" I ask him. He smiles, and grabs my keys. I yell hey, and swat him on the chest. Instead of giving them back to me he gets in my car, and starts it. I get in the passenger side, and we get in. He leans over and kisses me.

"There is a really nice field about three miles up that way, and a tiny bit of walking. It's a pretty sight. Wanna go?" he asks me. I kiss him again, and nod. We drive a little ways out. I text JJ and tell her where we are. When we get there he picks me up, and starts moving through some grass. I giggle at him, and tell him to let me down but I know deep down I don't want him too. When we get to the field I notice it's on a hill. It's a nice and warm day for October which is slightly odd, but I'll welcome it kindly. He grabs the blanket I didn't notice he had, and lays it out on the soft grass. He lays down and extends his hand to me. When I take it he pulls me down on top of him. I giggle, and kiss him. Soon kissing turns into hot and heavy kissing. I feel his hands wanting to move, and I think about it for a minute. I keep my eyes closed, and break away from him. I bite my lip, and take his hand in mine. I move it to my breast, and lean in close to his ear.

"Touch me." I tell him, and he gasps. He looks at me with wide eyes.

"You sure?" I nod biting my lip with a smile on my face. I reach down, and take off my shirt. He gapes at the sight of my breasts. He has seen them before with accidentally walking in on me, or those many times he had to examine my bruises. This time though they are bruise free, and he can touch. He reaches out, and touches me. I kiss him hard, and he undresses me. He trails a hand up my thigh, and I nod. When he first does it, it takes me minute to come back down to Earth. He knows what to do. He lost his virginity several months ago before I came here. He was seventeen. He must have learned from her because he knew all the right places. I moaned into his mouth while he kissed me, and moved his fingers. After it was all over we fooled around a bit longer, and made out a bit longer. He put his hand to my face, and I stared into his eyes. He couldn't stop smiling. "I love you." he whispers. My mouth goes wide, and I guess he takes it the wrong way because he frowns and moves away. I stop him by leaning up, and grabbing his arm.

"I love you too." I say quickly. "I was just a bit shocked for a minute. I do love you. So, so much." I say leaning towards him. I capture his lips in mine, and he wraps his arms around me. "I'm not going to do anything else soon, but I liked what we just did." I say with a smile. He nods.

"I did too baby." I hear my phone going off, and I answer it.

"Where the hell are you!?" JJ yells into the phone. I put it away from my ear.

"Derek, and I are still hanging out at the field." I say turning to him.

"Emily. We have a situation, and you're David's favorite. I need you to get home quick." I furrow my eye brows, and grab my clothes. I get dressed quickly, so does Derek.

"We have to go. Something is going on at the house." I say shaking my head. I drive home quickly, and turn to Derek. "One kiss before we find out what else has gone wrong in our wonderful life?" I ask him, and he chuckles. He leans in, and gives me a passionate kiss.

"I love you princess." he whispers running a hand through my hair.

"I love you too." I reply. We get out, and I gulp before walking into the house.

"He isn't staying here and that's final!" I hear David say.

"David. Where is he supposed to go?" I hear Erin respond.

"Please, it's just until he get's enough money to get his own place. He is already working a job, and going through school. Please, you help damaged kids. Why can't you help him?" JJ asks obviously sounding pissed.

"Where will he sleep, and don't say with you because that is NOT happening in a million years." David says. I walk in, and see Erin sitting down at the table, David standing drinking scotch, and JJ standing in front of them holding Will's hand. Will turns around, and I see a giant ass bruise on his face.

"What the fuck happened to you?" I ask him. I run over to examine it. I go to the fridge, and make an ice pack. I walk over, and put it against his face. He struggles away from it. But I smack him on his head. "Don't move. This helps." I say. I turn around. "What's the situation?" I ask. Everybody looks at me. JJ raises her eye brows.

"How did you do that? I tried to get him to ice it twenty minutes ago, but he wouldn't." JJ says.

"You ain't scary." Will says. I laugh a little bit, but soon turn to David.

"What's all the yelling about?" I ask them. Will answers first.

"Mom kicked me out after throwin' an empty bottle at my face. She called JJ a bunch of mean names, and told me to get out. I ain't got a place to stay. JJ has convinced herself that David would let me stay here. I was right though. He ain't gonna. This is a waste of time Jay, like I told you. I'll just sleep in the car till mom decides to let me back in." he says. He grabs his bag, and starts walking out the door. He was dead serious too. It wasn't an act to get them to let him stay. He is genuinely going to do that. I look at David in shock.

"Really?" I ask him. I see JJ run after him, and I sigh. "Why not?" I ask David. "Give me a good reason why." I say seriously. Erin turns to him, and cocks her head with attitude. Obviously angry with David too.

"He got her pregnant. I can't have them living in the same house. She's my little girl." he says. I sigh, and I understand but it still isn't right. "I know, I know. I don't want him out in the cold either." he says.

"You let me and Derek stay in the same house." I say matter-of-factly. I notice now that Derek has gone. Probably to check on Spence. We all know how he get's when there is any kind of fighting. David takes a swig of his drink.

"Yeah, but you two aren't having sex." he says looking at me. I sigh.

"No, we're not." I say.

"I couldn't kick you guys out anyways. You'd have no place to go." David says with a smirk.

"Neither does Will. He'll sleep on the couch, or the spare bedroom. JJ can sleep in my room tonight if you don't trust her." I say. He sighs because he knows I just won. "I'm gonna go get his bag. Be nice." I say. David gives me a shake of his head, and I watch Erin stand.

"It'll be okay. Your little girl will be fine. She's already pregnant. What worse can happen?" Erin says. I chuckle a little bit on my way out. I take his bag to the spare bedroom because I refuse to let him sleep on the couch. He thanks me for convincing David, and we hug.

"No probably buddy. You're gonna be like...my brother in law technically one day." I say with a smile. I hug JJ, and she smiles. I know they wont stay in the same room tonight, but hey David doesn't have to know. Plus, I won't be in my room tonight either.

**Thank you for reading. Wow, so much has happened. This chapter got much longer than expected. Eh, more to read right? Anyways REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! If you are enjoying my story, or having anything you wanna say PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! REVIEW or PRIVATE MESSAGES are amazing! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for all your reviews!**

**Lexie4MP: It's funny that you asked me about Derek's past, because I was already more than halfway done with this chapter when you reviewed! Great minds think alike I guess!(:**

Monday night Will stayed in his room, and JJ stayed in hers. I was impressed with how they handled things. Derek and I on the other hand't, didn't follow that rule well. We never have, and we never will. When I do wake up in the morning I am snuggled against his hard chest. I see the look on his face though, and it worries me. He is thrashing, and moving around. "Stop." he says, and I see the pain on his face. I shake his arm, and he does it. Something he hasn't done in a long, long time. He grabs me hard, and his eyes open but he isn't really there. Both his hands gripping my biceps.

"Derek!" I yell, but he keeps holding on. I move my arms to get away, but he only tightens his grip. I feel tears prick my eyes, and I move again. "Derek! Stop!" I yell. I try not to think of Ian, or _him_. I try to stay concerned about him, but it's starting to hurt. "DEREK WAKE UP!" I yell at him. I see his face change, and he drops me. I just look at him, and feel the pain in my arms begin radiate out. I know he was just a dreaming, but that was scary. He leaps up, and stares at me looking like a lost puppy dog.

Emily. I'm so so so sorry. I don't know what I..." I just gape at him, and then he sighs. "I'm so sorry princess." he says coming toward me.

"I...I just..." I mumble. "It was just a little scary. I'll be fine. Are you okay?" I ask him. I put my hand on his shoulder, and move closer to him. I lay my hand on his shoulder, and I can practically feel his heart beat. "Derek, are you okay?" he nods, but I see the unshed tears in his eyes. "What was it about?" I ask him. He shifts uncomfortably.

"Noth...nothing...I just...it was nothing." he shrugs and stands up. I hate when he does that. I've told him everything about me. Well, almost everything. I used to cry about _him_, and Derek would hold me so tight. I never said what Thomas did to me, but Derek knew. I know he does. If he asked me I would tell him. Why can't he open up to me though? I then come to the realization that I don't know anything about his life before me. I don't know about Chicago, or his parents. I know his dad died. I don't know if he's an only child. I don't know anything about the guy I have been dating a little longer than a month. I don't know anything about the guy I love. He wont tell me either. I get ready for school, and I go downstairs to find Derek. I don't see him down here though. I see JJ making breakfast, and Will leaning over to kiss her cheek. She smiles, and looks around before kissing him. They look so happy considering what's been happening with them. I look around, but still don't see Derek. I walk into the kitchen, and hug JJ. She serves me some eggs, and bacon.

"Where's Derek?" I ask JJ. She looks at me in mild confusion.

"He left already. I thought you knew. Didn't he say bye?" JJ says. My mouth opens, but I close it quickly. I don't know why he would just leave like that with out saying a thing. I forgave him about this morning. He usually kisses me and tells me he loves me before he goes. My mouth opens, but I close it quickly. I don't know why he would just leave like that with out saying a thing. I forgave him about this morning. He usually kisses me and tell me he loves me before he goes. If he wasn't riding with me.

"No. No he didn't." I tell her. "I'm gonna head out." I say grabbing my keys, and standing up. I get in my car, and drive to the school. What's wrong with Derek? Why won't he come to me about whatever it is? When I get there I see him. He is sitting alone staring at the football field from the bleachers. I go to him, and sit next to him. "Hey baby. Why didn't you say bye to me this morning?" I ask him. He just shrugs, and looks at his hand.

"I gotta get to class Emily." he says standing up, and walking away. My jaw drops. He called me Emily. He didn't even say he loved me. I...what's wrong with him? I wish he would tell me. The rest of the school day sucks. Derek wasn't himself. In fact he seemed angry. When I got home I went to Penelope. She seemed to know a lot about him. I knocked on her door, and she yelled come in.

"Pen?" I say. She smiles and turns away from her computer.

"Oh, what's up my raven haired beauty?" she asks me. I shrug, and sit next to her. "What's wrong gumdrop?" she asks me.

"Derek is mad at me for something, or he is just mad. He hasn't said he loved me all day, and when I saw him today every time I would touch him he would pull away from me. I think it has something to do with this morning, but he wont talk to me about it." I say sadly. I'm really worried about him.

"What happened this morning?" she asks me.

"He had another dream and he grabbed me again. Hard. It took a while for him to wake up, and it was really scary. After the dream though he just left. He stood up, and walked out. I asked him what it was about. He told me nothing, and I didn't push it. He just left. Then at school he was avoiding me. Your his baby girl. Do you know something?" I ask her. She frowns and says no.

"He never told me what his dreams were about. In fact he hasn't even told his sisters, or his mom." my head pops up, and I give her a look.

"He has sisters?" I ask Penelope. She nods. I smile a little bit.

"Didn't he tell you? Desiree and Sarah." she says. "His mom name is Fran. She is the sweetest lady ever. In fact they are visiting soon. His moms birthday next week." she says. I feel a saddness overwhelm me. Why wouldn't he tell me about that? She seems to see that too. "Has he not told you anything?" she asks me. I shake my head no.

"I didn't even know his mom's name, or that he had sisters. I don't know anything about him." I tell her. My hands cross over my abdomen, and I bite my lip. "I'm gonna try to talk to him again." I say. "Thanks." I say not feeling any better about it. I walk across the hall to his door, and knock. JJ and Will are downstairs watching tv. Pen is in her room. Spencer hasn't come out much lately. I should check on him in a bit. I knock first, then walk in. I see him laying there. "Derek? Baby?" I ask. He turns around, and looks at me with an emotionaless expression.

"What Emily?" my mouth opens, and I feel tears come to my eyes. He hasn't been the guy he usually is today. It hurts. I compose myself, and try to sound strong.

"What did I do?" I ask him. My voice comes out sad and weak rather than strong. "Why are you so mad at me? You haven't looked at me or touched me all day. You keep calling me Emily." I tell him slightly angry with him, but more upset than anything. He looks at me angry now.

"What am I supposed to call you? Why are you overreacting? Maybe I just don't like you crowding me." he says.

"What the fuck? You've been hurting my feelings all day, and you say I'm crowding you! I have given you space today. Maybe because I didn't want to see you. Maybe because I knew when I did see you, you would just ignore me. I don't even know what I did? Have I been crowding you? Fine. I'll leave then. Didn't know I was such a nuisance." I say angry. I walk out, and slam the door. I know he is just hurting about something, but I'm hurt too. I've been crowding him? He doesn't seem to be uncomfortable lately. In fact he has been nothing but sweet, and wonderful. _Ian was sweet and wonderful at first too. _Derek is not Ian! I tell my voice. He isn't. Derek loves me. _Why didn't he tell you about his mother? Or his sisters?_ I need to stop talking to myself. I run downstairs, and JJ gives me a look. "What?" I ask her, in an angry voice. She looks at me in shock.

"What happened Em?" I feel tears come to my eyes, but I shrug it off.

"Nothing JJ." I can't stress her out. She's pregnant. "I'm sorry." I said. "It really isn't a big deal. Derek is just in a weird mood today. We'll be fine." I say with a fake smile. I go to the kitchen, and get something to drink. I see the milk, and juice and laugh a little bit like I always do when I see it. I get out some juice, and pour it. I drink it quickly, and lay my elbows on the table. I don't want to go into my room, because then I'll think. Thinking is scary. I take a deep breath, and go to Spencer's reading spot. He smiles when he sees me, and puts his book down. "Hey buddy." I say smiling. "What's been going on with you? We haven't talked in a bit." I tell him pushing away my current confusion about Derek, and focus on Spence. He smiles.

"Nothing at all." he says. He hugs me. "I missed you. It seems like JJ and Derek have been taking up all your attention. That's okay though. I know with JJ being pregnant she needs a friend." he says. "I have been working on my Italian phrases like you told me too." he recites one of the phrases perfectly. "What's wrong?" he asks quickly. I look at him in confusion. "You've been biting your nails, and your smile didn't make your eyes crinkle when I spoke Italian." he says. This kid knows me too well.

"How long have you been here?" I ask him. He looks at me in confusion.

"Four years, six months, and 23 days." he says. I nod, I'm used to him being exact.

"How long has Derek been here?" I ask him. He smiles.

"Three years two months, and 14 days." he says.

"So that would make him fourteen." I think aloud. "Spence, do you know why he came here?" I ask him sweetly. Maybe he knows. He shakes his head no. I sigh, and bite my lip. "Does anyone know?" I ask him. He shakes his head.

"His mom sent him here because he was really unhappy in Chicago. David knew her because he worked on a case with Derek's dad a while back. When he got here he wouldn't let anyone touch him. He was angry about being sent here. He was nice to me though. His sisters are really nice to me. Desiree is older than him only by a year or so. Sarah is five years older than him. His mom gave me candy once." I smile. It's good to know Derek was raised in a nice household.

"So they're nice?" I ask him. He nods.

"His mom's birthday is next week. She should be coming down for a visit." he says to me. Why wouldn't Derek tell me these things? I told him about how my dad had died, how my mom treated me. He know's the names of Donny, and Dad, and Mom. I didn't know anything.

"I'm gonna go buddy. Thanks for the chat. You let me know if I start to not pay attention to you." he nods and smiles. I ruffle his hair, and he laughs. When I go outside of there I walk toward the kitchen because I'm hungry. When I walk in I see Derek. He looks at me. "Sorry." I say, and turn my back. This is the worst feeling I have ever felt. I walk out, and I hear him sigh. He didn't even stop me. I go up the stairs, and feel my eyes fill with tears. I walk in, and turn on my stereo. Music is the greatest escape ever. I feel tears escape my eyes. A knock on my door startles me. I open it, and breath out. "Derek." I say wiping my tears away quickly.

"Hey, princess. Have you been crying?" he asks me worried. I look at him in shock. He hasn't called me that all day long. I shake my head no.

"No. It's just, you know allergies." I say with a shrug. "It's that season." I say awkwardly. He sighs, and wraps me in a hug.

"I'm sorry about everything I have said and done today. Especially earlier. You aren't a nuisance to me Em." he whispers. "I love you." I feel the tears start to fall, and I don't want to cry about this.

"If you do need space though, just tell me. I don't want this to happen again." I tell him. He backs away, and I see the tears in his eyes.

"It wasn't about space. I just...it was about this morning." he says. My eyes widen, and I sigh.

"I forgave you. You were just dreaming." I say to him. He sighs, but nods.

"I know, I just...I know how Ian used to hurt you, and I don't want to hurt you. You're still healing about it. You still have nightmares about it. I know you do." I nod, and hug him tightly.

"Derek...what was your dream about?" I ask. He shakes his head no, and pulls me to lay with him.

"I don't wanna talk about it." he says. I sigh in disappointment. He never wants to talk about anything.

"Pen told me it's your mom's birthday next week. Why didn't you say anything?" I ask him. He shrugs. He is distant again. "I also found out your mom's name. Fran, and that you have two sisters. Both older than you. Sarah and Desiree." I say, and he looks at me confused. "Penelope and Spence talked about them. I felt really stupid for not knowing the names of my boyfriends family." I say with a sad chuckle.

"I never told you?" he asks me. I shrug.

"You just...never really talk about anything from your past. I know nothing except your fathers death." I say tracing the lines on his chest hoping he'll tell me something, anything about his family.

"Oh, sorry princess. I thought I told you. Yeah, ma is coming up next week. She kinda doesn't know about us. Neither do my sisters." he says looking at me. I look up at him.

"Why not?" I ask confused, and a little hurt that he wouldn't think us being in a relationship would be something important.

"I just...didn't think it was something she needed to know." he says. I told my mother. Guess because I'm a girl that makes things different I don't know. I just thought he would be excited about us when it happened. We've already said we loved each other, and his mom doesn't even know. "I'll tell her baby." he says. I nod, and curl up with him.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week went a bit fast. Saturday rolled around, and it was time for JJ's doctors appointment. She wanted me there with her, so I drove while she rode passenger, and Will in the back. When we got there she took my hand, and I saw her take a breath. She knew that once she actually saw the baby it was going to be real. Really real. When we got in she signed herself in, and filled out the form. When her name got called she took both mine, and Will's hands. "Jennifer Jareau?" the aging doctor asked. She looked to be Erin's age. She had dark brown hair, and green eyes. She led us into the office, and smiled. She pointed to me and JJ. "Which one is Jennifer?" JJ smiles weakly, and raises her hand. "Ok then let's get started." I studied JJ's face during the questions. When she got asked the date of conception she couldn't remember so I told the doctor.<p>

"How'd you know?" JJ asked me. The doctor looks confused too.

"You told me you, and Will slept together the days leading up to the...Ian thing." I say and shift uncomfortably. I gulp, and give a small fake smile. The doc didn't say anything else, but continued to ask JJ questions.

"Now we're gonna take a blood test, and set you up in a room." JJ nods, and we move. We move into a room, and JJ sits on the bed thing while Will and I take chairs to sit around her. She turns to me with a shaky voice.

"Thank you for doing this. I thought I was ready to get through this but I'm not. I want this baby, but I'm so scared." she tells me. I nod and take her hand. Watching her go through this makes me imagine what might've of happened if I had my baby. All the questions. Matty holding my hand. It would be about one I think. Probably have a cute full head of dark hair. Brown eyes. A smile like mine. I feel the tears come to my eyes as I imagine what my baby would've looked like. My lip goes into my mouth, and I shift in my seat. I wonder what they would've looked like all together. Sadie, Dylan, and my baby. I shrug it off when the doctor comes into the room.

"Well Jennifer you are pregnant. Wanna take a look?" she asks. I can practically feel JJ's heart stop. She nods slowly though. She lifts her shirt to expose her barely barely rounded stomach. "The gel will be a bit cold." the doctor says. She then puts some on, and smooths it around. She places the thing that you move around, and puts it over JJ's stomach. I look around at the screen, but then find myself staring at JJ's stomach. I know I was so young, but a certain kind of envy runs through my body. I don't want a baby, but I just keep thinking about how life would've been if I hadn't gone through with my abortion. "Hold on one moment. Something is off." the doctor says. JJ looks at me in a panic. "I just can't seem to find it." the doctor says. I see JJ stop breathing for a moment. "I'm sorry, but I can't..." she says looking around. I know what JJ is thinking. I'm thinking the same thing until the doctor lets out a heavy sigh of relief. "It's right here honey." she points to a spot on the screen, and I watch JJ's face change from fear to stunned to a smile. I see the tears in her eyes, and she turns to Will with the biggest smile I have ever seen. He looks happy too. I can't keep the jealousy away. I smile too though. I have to be happy for her.

"We made that..." she says to Will biting on her lip. He chuckles and nods. He let's out a breath, and his jaw drops.

"Yeah Jen...yeah we did." he says. She let's out a laugh, but it isn't a real laugh. It's a happy laugh. It's breathy. She wipes her tears away, and kisses Will. She cleans off her stomach, and I just smile a small smile to her.

"Emy! You're gonna be an Aunt!" she says. I laugh at her, and she cries some more. I smile wider because of this moment. I can't feel jealous of JJ. Her baby was made from love. Mine wasn't. Not to say my baby shouldn't have been born. I think it should've, but I wasn't as responsible as JJ. I couldn't have dealt with having that man's baby. JJ can handle this though. I see it on her face. She get's print outs for the family. I look at it, and she hugs me. "I love it so much. I didn't think I would, but I do. I mean, I knew I would love it...but it wasn't planned, and I'm so young, and I thought maybe I wasn't thinking clearly but now I'm just...I want this baby. I know I do because when she couldn't find it I was ready to dissolve. It's okay though. We're gonna have a baby." she rambles. The last sentence though is a light whisper. Will kisses her again. When we get home she shows Erin and David, and they actually seem happy about this. Which is good. I knew they would have to start thinking that way, but it can take David a bit to warm up to things. I see Derek, and hug him. We go upstairs, and I turn on my radio.

"Are you okay baby?" he asks me. I shrug. "What's wrong?"

"I just...I don't want a baby, but watching JJ go through this is everything I missed out on. I know I was so young, but I'm just...I feel so guilty about everything, and I'm watching JJ go through this...I don't know how I feel. I'm excited for her now. I'm also worried about her. I'm also jealous of her. It's all so crazy." I tell him nuzzling his side with my nose.

He nods, and turns around to hold me closer. I know he is still hiding something, and it bothers me that he wont talk to me about anything. I brush it off though. I can't worry about that right now. I lean up, and kiss him. Really kiss him. He smiles, and kisses me back. We haven't kissed like this since before we found out Will's mom kicked him out. I got on top of him, and kissed him some more. He put his hands on my back, and move them up my shirt. I giggled when his fingers grazed over my side. "Baby?" he says. I kiss him again.

"What?" I ask him. He smiles, and we both continue to kiss.

"I..." kiss. "Love..." kiss. "You.." kiss. I chuckle, and say it back to him. He flips us over, and I laugh when he does. Just then the door opens, and he jumps back. I fix my shirt and stare at the face of Penny.

"Oh no...please continue. Don't let me ruin your fun. You're lucky David sent me up here, and didn't come to get you himself. That would been awkward. Especially with your shirt open like that." she says pointing to me. I look down, and sure enough my shirt is open. My bra is showing, and I quickly fix myself. "Dinner is done." she says with a smirk. "Maybe you should eat some real food. That may calm down your hunger for each other." Derek rolls his eyes, and I blush. She runs downstairs, and he gulps. He walks over, and kisses me.

"I love you princess." he says. I look up in amazement, and think about how lucky I am.

"I love you too baby." I say. He kisses me again, and I take his hand. We come downstairs, and sit at the table. Homemade pizza night. I grab three slices, and Derek shakes his head. I smack him, and take a bite. "Don't you judge me." I tell him with a mouthful of pizza.

"I'm not aloud too pizza mouth." he says. I take another bite.

"So JJ have you thought about what I told you?" Erin says with a small smile. JJ nods.

"I'm gonna do it." she says. I look at them in confusion.

"Do what?" I ask. Derek, and everybody else looks confused too. JJ takes a breath.

"Well, I changed up my schedule and only taking courses that give me credits. It'll be more work, but with all my AP classes I'll have enough credits to graduate this year. Making it possible for me to take a year off to take care of the baby before going to college." JJ says. I smile and she nods. "Also Will will be in the academy during that time. It'll be a good system." she says.

"I'll miss you senior year." I tell her. She laughs.

"Eh, you'll still have to see my face everyday." she says. I nod.

"Derek your mom is coming on Tuesday." David tells him. He nods, and I shift. I remember that tiny problem about not knowing anything about Derek. He told me he would tell his mom about us. I'm anxious to meet his family. I really love him.

**Wow. Another chapter. I know it wasn't as long as the last one. I tried, but I have plans for the next chapter. This was just a good stopping point. Hope you enjoyed it! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you to all who are still reviewing! Some people that reviewed aren't reviewing anymore. I'm not sure if they are still reading! Anyways, I NEED FEEDBACK!(: ENJOY!**

Tuesday came far to fast for my liking. I'm still nervous about meeting Derek's family. His nightmares have been getting worse. He will thrash around in the middle of the night, and wake me sometimes. He grabs me in his sleep, but he doesn't recall any of it. Sometimes he will grab me so hard it would bring tears, or leaves bruises but I don't say anything. I can't. He doesn't mean too, and I know that. He has been more distant lately, and I hate it. I don't know if it's because his mom is coming or what. I find myself waking before him on this October day. I trace the lines along him face, and lean down to kiss his lips softly. It's been the safest way to wake him up. "Baby, Derek honey, wake up." I say into his ear. His eyes flutter open, and he smiles a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. He kisses me softly, and nuzzles my nose.

"I love you so much princess." he whispers looking me in the eyes. His hand is on my cheek, and I lean into it so I'm nuzzling his palm.

"I love you too baby. Come on. We have a long day ahead of us." I say. I get up and run to my room to get ready for school. That day he rides with me in my car. He puts his hand on my thigh as I pull out of the driveway. He hates not to drive. We walk around talking, and I lean my head on his shoulder while my hand is intertwined with his. He isn't in a happy mood again today. We go back to my car for a bit so I can smoke a cig. I light it, and he pins me to the car. He kisses my neck, and I take a puff before looking at him like he's crazy. I blow out the smoke, and he kisses my mouth hard. He hates the taste of cigarette, why is he doing this today? I'll take it though. I kiss him back. Again, and again, and again. He takes my cigarette from me, and drops it to the ground while our lips are connected. "Baby," I breathe in between a kiss. "What." kiss. "Are you..." kiss. "Doing?" I ask breathing heavily. He picks me up by my waist, and I gasp. I go further onto my car.

"I need you Emily. Let's go home. I don't wanna be here." he says with sadness in his tone. "Please baby. We don't have to do anything. We could just sleep." he says looking at me with the most adorable, yet saddest look I have ever seen. I place my hand on his face, and kiss him once more.

"Okay. Let me text David." I say. He nods, and wraps his arms around me. What ever his dream was about, it was the worst last night. He seems so vulnerable. I turn around and shoot a text. _'Hey, Derek is in a really sad mood and I'm worried about him. I wanna take him home, and stay with him. Something is really wrong. See ya later.'_

_'Okay Bella.' _he replies. At least David understands how bad Derek has been lately. We get back to the house we go to the living room, and I take off my shoes. He takes my coat off of me, and he caresses my arms. He wraps his arms around me, and I close my eyes. There is something oddly sensual about this. He kisses my neck softly, and I turn around to face him. He has this look in his eyes like if he doesn't hold me in his arms right now then he will break. I grab his hand, and we go up the stairs. He takes off his shirt, and pants leaving him clad in his boxers. He turns to me, and I have taken off my shirt and pants. I go to grab the shirt he's wearing, but he stops me. "I just...I need to feel your skin against mine. I need to know your heart is beating." he says. I nod. He pulls me to him, and lays his head on my shoulder. We lie down, but he lays down on top of me. His head to my chest listening to my heart beat. "They took you away from me." he says and I can feel the wet from his eyes on my chest.

"Who Derek?" I ask him desperate for whatever it is that is making him so sad.

"All of them. Every one of them. They hurt you so bad, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I had to watch them hurt you." Derek says. "Three against you, and it wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair." he says. "Why didn't he take me instead? He used to. Why not now?" My head pops up when he says used too.

"What did he used to do to you?" I ask him caressing his shaved head. He lets out a sob, and pulls me closer to him. Instead of answering my question he just kisses me. He pulls me to him, and he kisses my lips. He opens my mouth with his tongue, and grabs my leg. I can taste his tears on his lips, and I don't know if it's his or mine. I kiss him back though. As if my life depends on it. He is kissing me that way, and I can't bring myself to think of all the things an evil man could do with a fourteen year old boy. "I'm here." I whisper into his mouth. He nods, and smiles a small sad smile.

"I know you are." he says, and he kisses me again. His hand goes to my chest, and he grabs my leg with the other. He pulls it up over his hip, and I wrap it around his back. He moves at once, and crashes his lower body into mine. I let out a yell when he does because the friction is so good. He moves back and forth. The only thing separating us is our underwear. He keeps grinding on me, and it feels so good. His touching me, and kissing me while we're half naked has turned me on. I tried to ignore it because I knew this talk was important. This is important to him too. I can see it as he continues to bump into me. This is wrong we shouldn't be doing this right now because if we do we aren't talking about what we need to talk about. I let out another yell as he hits the right spot. My breathing increases, and I don't know what to do. I keep kissing him. His hand is still over my heart, and I'm sure he can feel it's beats going faster and faster as I get closer. He grunts too, and I don't know how he hasn't entered me yet because my panties aren't doing much covering. Soon we both feel release, and I feel bad.

"We shouldn't have done that." I whisper. He looks at me in panic.

"I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me to stop? I wouldn't have forced that on you if you...god Emily. I'm sorry, I can't seem to stop hurting you lately can I?" he says looking ashamed. I grab his face and make him look at me.

"Stop. You are amazing. You didn't force me. You're vulnerable right now, that's why I said we shouldn't have done that." I say trying not to upset him. "It's okay. You never hurt me." he sighs when I say this.

"Yeah, I do. Don't think I don't see the fresh bruises when you change. You get them when I hurt you in my sleep. I'm so afraid I'll really hurt you." he tells me.

"You wont Derek. You wont." I tell him. He looks at me, and buries his face in my hair. I can still feel his tears and it breaks my heart. "What are you dreaming about that makes you so upset? Why wont you open up to me?" I ask him my own tears falling.

"Because what happened isn't something people talk about! You don't understand Emily." he says standing up. I know that I have made him mad. I never wanted to do that. I quickly stand up too, and slip on his shirt.

"I'm sorry Derek don't leave." I say reaching for him. I can't be left alone in a bed again. Not after the last time. "Please." I beg him. He nods, and we lay back down again. He doesn't talk though, and it's increasingly frustrating. I close my eyes, and try to sleep. I soon do, and I know Derek has too.

_I could hear Sade yelling from the kitchen. "Mamma, mamma, dddadddaaa, mama, dada, mama, dada, Dywan!" she yelled. I walk in, and she is sitting in her high chair yelling out to the world. Dylan is right next to her eating away at spaghetti. There faces are covered in it, and I can't help but laugh. Derek hears it, and he wraps his arms around me from behind._

_"They are insanely adorable." I say with a laugh. _

_"Yes they are." he says while kissing me behind my ear. "Wanna make another one?" he laughs into my ear. _

_"Noooooooooo..." I say with a laugh too. "Maybe some day but man two kids are enough right now." I say. _

_"DEREK MORGAN!" _my eyes pop open at the sound. I see a tall mixed woman with short curled hair, and in a business suit. "What the hell?! Who is she?" the woman asks. Derek is awake too, and his jaw is slack. I look at him.

"Sarah!" he says. Oh god, that's his sister. Wait, she didn't know about me? I take a chance.

"I'm...Emily." I say with a small awkward smile. I bite my lip, and get out of the bed. She looks at me in confusion and my heart breaks. "I thought you were going to tell them?" I say, and shake my head. "Almost two months." I say trying not to be so hurt by this. I walk out, and go to my room. I slam my door. I pull on sweats, and change out of Derek's shirt. I grab a tank top, and an over shirt. I pull them on, and put my hair in a bun. I look at myself in the mirror and smile a fake smile. I trot down the stairs, and get a dirty look from Sarah. I still manage to smile. I see everybody sitting around, and I see another mocha skinned woman and a lady with red hair. Derek is there too sitting next to the red haired woman. I walk over, and sit next to JJ. "Hi, I'm Emily." I say. She smiles, and takes my hand.

"You must be new to the household. I'm Fran." she says. I laugh a little.

"I've actually been here a few months. I'm surprised Derek never said anything." I say with a smile. It's bitter in my head when I say it, but I don't want to be that way. He doesn't want me to show I love him in front of his family, then fine. Everybody that isn't his family look surprised that she doesn't know anything.

"Wow, Derek hasn't mentioned you yet." she says. It's really sweet, but the words hit my heart hard.

"It's okay. We've actually become good friends." I say. He smiles a weak fake smile. JJ takes my hand.

"JJ, this is the Emily that has been helping you so much?" she asks JJ with a large smile. JJ nods.

"She's been like a sister through out all of this. Even went to the first appointment with me." she says, and holds my hand tight. She knows how upset I am. Fran leans forward, and takes my hand in hers.

"A friend of ALL my children, is a friend of mine. You seem like you are an extremely caring friend." she says. I open my mouth, and blush. That was so sweet. If only she knew that this amazing friend was in love with her son.

"Thank you!" I tell her. Sarah rolls her eyes, and I see it. She's pissing me off because she doesn't understand what she saw. Maybe she just thought we were sleeping together, maybe Derek told her something different. I don't really care right now. I'm angry with him.

"You're welcome." she tells me.

"I'm gonna go start dinner." I say. I need to get away. Erin speaks up.

"I'll help Em." she tells me. When we get into the kitchen I start to make dinner keeping my head down and the hurt off my face. "So, I assume Derek hasn't told his mother about the two of you. Do his sisters know?" I laugh a bitter laugh while chopping vegetables. I get my pan on, and start to make the meal David went over with me the other day. He has been teaching me how to cook lately.

"Well, I don't think so. I mean earlier Sarah walked in and saw me curled up on his chest. He was in his boxers and I was in a t-shirt. Nothing happened." I tell her quickly. "At least not sex. Now she is looking at me like I'm some whore that is sleeping with her brother. You know why she looks at me like that? Because I'm pretty sure if her brother had a girlfriend he has claimed to love then he would tell her, right? Same goes with his mother. How do you not tell your mother ANYTHING about your girlfriend?" I say the tears coming to my eyes. "Why? Is he ashamed of me or something? What is so horrible about me he can't tell his mom? I talk to my mom about him. I tell her how amazing he is, and how much I love him. How he would NEVER hurt me like those other guys did. Guess that was a lie too." I say throwing the vegetables into the pan. Erin looks at me sadly.

"Emily, Derek hasn't had a real girlfriend in years. He's probably worried about what his mom will say or do. It's probably just him being a kid about it." she says.

"I know but why is it so hard to just tell your mom that you're in love? He won't talk to me about it either! Ever. He never talks to me about it. I'm gonna have to just put on a happy face, and let it be." I say. She walks up, and stops my movements. I look at her, and she takes a moment before saying something.

"David used to have the same problem. He would never open up. To anyone. He never wanted to get peoples hopes up that this time he would do it right, then watch it crash and burn. He'd rather just not talk about it. He waited a while to tell his family about me. He just wanted it to be us for a while. Maybe that is what Derek is trying to do. I know you won't feel better after hearing that, but it's the truth. Just get through dinner, and if you want be angry with him. He'll remember what he has, and he'll be begging you to come back. Give him time. It'll all work out." she says. I hug her, and I am thankful for this small moment that we share. When dinner is done I call everybody in. Derek tries to sit next to me, but I choose a spot between Spencer and JJ. During dinner I show off a bit, and talk in several languages. Fran complements my cooking skills, and Derek makes a joke about my cooking. I laugh at it, and tease him back. After dinner I keep my distance from everybody. As I wash dishes I think about this all. I just want to know why Derek was thinking that this was okay. Two months we've been going out. Two months.

I keep thinking, but then I feel a pair of hands at my hips. I shrug them off, and move my hips away from him. "I thought you weren't mad at me?" he said with a small huff.

"Ohh buddy. You thought wrong." I said continuing not to look at him.

"Emily..." he says. I put my hand up.

"Tell me later when your family is in bed. Wouldn't want them to over hear." I say bitterly. I know I'm being a bitch but I can't help it. He sighs, and I can practically see him run a hand down his face.

"I do love you..." he whispers in my ear. I laugh that same bitter laugh again. This time I turn to him and he can see the tears in my eyes.

"Sure doesn't feel like it." I say gritting my teeth. I walk out, and I can hear him say the word 'princess' as I go. I run upstairs before anyone can see my crying. I end up running right into Sarah. She flashes a small smile, and I apologize weakly. "I'm sorry." I say trying to wipe away my tears. She looks at me for a moment, and then goes to walk away. I turn to her with anger written on my face. "What is your problem with me?!" I ask her. "What did I do that was so horrible to you that made you stare at me like I killed your fucking puppy?" I ask her. She scoffs.

"My problem is you sleeping with my brother!" she says. "You're using him." she says angrily. My jaw drops.

"I'm not sleeping with your brother. At least not in the figurative term. We haven't had sex. Sometimes in the middle of the night or whenever one of us is feeling sad we'll lay down, and he'll hold me. Today he was upset. We came home, and we did what we do almost everyday. We go upstairs, we change, we lay down together, we kiss, he tells me he loves me, I tell him how much of an amazing boyfriend he is, he holds me, and I can finally sleep with out being haunted. We're not having sex, and if it makes you feel any better I don't think I'm the one using him. You guys didn't even know I existed." I tell her before I walk away, and slam my door. She is stunned. I saw it.** I**** hear a knock on my door, and JJ's voice calling my name. I open my door, and she wraps me in a hug.**

"What happened? Why didn't they know about you guys?" she asks.

"He didn't tell them." I respond. "He didn't tell me who they were, what there names were, that it was his moms birthday. He doesn't talk to me about anything! When he does it's just to change the subject away from him, or to tell me it's none of my business." I say to her. She sighs.

"He isn't an open person Emily. You know that." she says, but I shake my head.

"I'm not either, but I at least tell you stuff about myself. I don't know any of his likes, or dislikes. I don't have any cute stories about his life. I don't know what he was like before he came here. What happened to him. I know nothing about who I am in love with." I say. She bites her lip. "If I asked you why you were here would you tell me? You don't have too." I say. She grabs her necklace, and moves it around a little bit.

"My sister killed herself." she says. I look at her, and I feel sadness radiate through my body.

"I'm so sorry Jay." I tell her. She shrugs.

"I really have gotten over it, but I miss her sometimes. I always will. It's nice to have you around though." she says. I smile a bit, and she does too. "I'm not very uncomfortable with talking about it anymore. I can talk about why I came here freely because I have grieved her. Some people can't talk about why they came here though. Some haven't quite dealt with it. Like Derek." she says. I nod.

"I get that. I wouldn't have opened up to him a couple months back." I say. "I have learned to trust him though, and I just feel like he doesn't trust me. I can understand not trusting someone with your secrets, but everything about you? I just...I feel like him saying he loves me is a lie. Love is about trust, and if he can't trust me like I trust him then I don't know if I can do this." I tell her. That was a lie. I would do anything for Derek as long as he was mine forever. "He has been acting so weird lately. His dreams are getting worse. He's grabbing me more often, and the bruises are starting to show." I tell her. She nods.

"It may have something to do with something he saw on the news the other day. An old football coach from his old town was arrested for murdering, and molesting some boys. I asked him about it, and he shrugged. He says the guy was creepy anyways. For a minute though he looked paler than you do right now." she said. I thought about it for a moment, and everything kind of came together.

* * *

><p>I stayed out of his room that night, and I knew when we saw each other neither of us had slept. Sarah must have told Desiree because they are now looking at me sympathetically. Can't spell sympathetic with out pathetic. That's how I feel. Derek and I don't talk, and I feel like I'm dying inside. I just can't do this anymore. I need him so badly. I get dressed quickly. Hair make up and everything. I'm a little more drab than usual, but I don't mind. It's how I used to dress. When we get down stairs I see Fran's face light up when she sees me. She walks up and furrows her brow. "What's wrong?" she asks me. I shrug. How did she know?<p>

"Nothing. I'm fine." I tell her, she gives me a 'I know you know that I'm not buying it'. "It's just...I didn't sleep last night." I tell her, and Derek frowns. I sigh, and start toward the kitchen. She frowns, and Erin sighs.

"There's something I don't know." she says, and she turns to Erin. "Erin, David? Derek? You guys wanna tell me something?" she asks and I turn to her with wide eyes. "Emily?"

"Derek and Emily are dating, and she's mad at him for not telling you. Now they're fighting, and she thinks it's Derek's place to tell you." JJ said with a mouth full of her...'breakfast'. It's a peanut butter, pickles, ketchup, and chili cheese fritos! I gag at it. Fran doesn't bat an eye. Soon she smiles widely.

"I knew it!" she says with a laugh. She then turns to Derek. "Why did you lie to me!?" He looks like a fish out of water. I bite my lip, and stifle a chuckle. She turns to me, and wraps her arms around me. "I love this girl! What was so bad that you couldn't tell me? Except for her tenancies to dress all in black, and smell like cigarettes," she turns to me. "which we will have a talk about." I blush. "Honey, don't worry about him, he's an idiot." she says stroking my hair briefly. I laugh out loud, and smile at Derek. He sighs and looks at me then cracks a smile. "No go make up! Derek fix it." she says grabbing her coffee and walking away with Erin, and David. JJ laughs out loud, and eats like a pig. I shake my head at her. Derek walks up, and grabs my hips. He pulls me too him, and whispers in my ear.

"I'm sorry princess." he says kissing under my ear lobe. "You are the most amazing, wonderful, gorgeous, beautiful, crazy, fantastic, sexy girl I have ever met and I love you." he says kissing his way to my mouth. He kisses me, and I smile biting my lip. I smack his chest, and look up at him nose to nose.

"I'm still mad at you." I say laughing. He kisses me again, and wraps his arm around my waist. I hear a sob, and turn around. JJ is crying, and watching us. "Jay? Are you okay?" she nods, but puts her head into Will's chest. Oh my god she's so pregnant. I look at Derek, and laugh a little bit at her expense. We go into the kitchen, and see the adults talking. They all look at us, and I smile as I walk to the fridge. I get out the juice, and milk. I pour two glasses, and give Derek one of them. I lean over the counter and listen to his mom talk to Erin, and David. At least I can pretend too. Derek takes my hand behind the counter and steals my glass. His mom turns around.

"Hey! You give her, her drink back." Fran says with a smile. I reach over and steal his glass and take a drink.

"Mama! She gave us two glasses because we can never choose what we want." he says laughing. David nods.

"Yeah...they do that when they have a movie date in the living room. That and that god awful popcorn they eat. I took a bite of it when they fell asleep and I swear to god I physically felt my cholesterol go up!" David says. We laugh, and Fran rolls her eyes.

"I'm glad he finally found a person that could eat that, it's horrible." she says. I laugh, and give David a quick hug on our way out. Before I close the door I hear him say something.

"She's a daddy's girl." he says. I smile at it because it doesn't sound too horrible. I have never got to hear anything like that growing up. We get into the car, and he leans over.

"Baby, I am really sorry I was just...I was gonna tell her, then time passed, then I was afraid that if I told her too late she would be mad at me, then it just kept going...I really am sorry. I love you so much baby." he says putting a hand on my leg. He kisses me, and I kiss him back.

"It's okay, you just hurt me really bad baby." I tell him. He nods.

"I hate to hurt you. I hate that I did hurt you." he says to me. I see the pain on his face, and I just want to love him till he is better. I wish I knew how to make him feel better. I would do anything for this man. He's the love of my life.

**Thank you for reading! I have started another Emily/Derek story. Check it out! It should be posted soon. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!(:**


	17. Chapter 17

**I loved how many reviews I got for the last chapter! Thank you to the people who reviewed AND to the people who read my other story! I know it's very, very sad but that just so happened to be how I was feeling a few months ago when I wrote it. I'm better now.(: ENJOY!**

**Guest: I don't think they'll have sex for a while. Emily isn't showing it as much but she is still dealing with everything that happened to her, as is Derek. With what happened to him in Chicago I don't think he is ready himself for a step like that. Emily even said in the last chapter that they shouldn't have done what they did. They are both still very vulnerable. I predict maybe Christmas.(Their time, not ours. It's Halloween right now in their world.)**

Time had passed faster when Fran had left. I missed her a lot. She is a very kind lady. I talk to her sometimes over the phone when Derek calls her. Halloween is in two days. It falls on a Friday night this year, and I'm so excited. Halloween is one of my absolute favorite holidays. I recently found out that it's Spencer's favorite holiday too! He has been running around with masks and scaring people, especially Derek. He hates Halloween. I walk down the stairs and go to the kitchen for some breakfast. I woke up this morning wrapped in Derek's loving arms. His dreams have been getting worse the more he hears on the news. At night he'll hold me, and I start to think he'll never let go. I think about what we did, and how I should have stopped it. I wanted it, yet I shouldn't have. We were both too vulnerable, too emotional. I round a corner and Spence jumps out in a goblin mask. I laugh, and keep walking.

"Why aren't you scared of me!?" he asks irritated. I laugh.

"Because I'm expecting it...plus, Goblins aren't scary." I tell him. I go to the fridge, and Derek wraps his arms around me from behind. He kisses me behind my ear.

"Morning princess. I missed you this when I woke up." he says chuckling. I have been waking up before him, and getting ready in my room. He needs his sleep. He's been waking in the middle of the night a lot. Usually he'll stroke a finger over my face, and wake me up too. He'll cry or I will and we'll just hold each other.

"Shh, David and Erin are right there outside the door." I tell him. He laughs in my ear, and moves with me. Never letting go of my waist.

"Like they don't already know." he tells me. I laugh, and swat him behind me.

"They do, but we don't broadcast it." I tell him. I turn in his arms, and kiss him. He presses his hips into mine, and I wrap my arms around his neck. I open my mouth to him, and his tongue pushes against mine. We kiss a bit longer till we feel a hand separating our bodies.

"Please keep the PDA out of the kitchen." David says getting his coffee. "I don't need to see his tongue in your mouth before breakfast." he says with a grumble. I kiss him one more time, with my mouth open, then move to drink my breakfast. I had JJ make me one before she got her breakfast. A bag of chili cheese fritos. I don't know what it is with her, and those chips lately. We have a whole pantry full of them because if we don't have any she goes insane. JJ has a bump now. It isn't noticeable, but it's there. She get's so angry because she can't fit into her clothes anymore. She's been an emotional wreck. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's terrifying. Will is still here. I don't think his mom will ever let him back in the house. "Bella, is your English homework done?" he asks me. I nod. English is easy. So is Math. "What about Science?" he asks me. Shit. I forgot to do that.

"No." I tell him truthfully. He shakes his head.

"You keep that grade up or I'll take your stereo." for most kids a threat like that wouldn't be bad. For me...I would die with out my music. Derek's been trying to get me too do choir at school but our choir teacher is freaking crazy. I don't want to get into something like that. I chose art instead. That's my favorite class of the day. Our teacher is cool. He is really young, and quite attractive. He can draw outrageously impressive things too. I love art. I have a sort of passion for it that I like to keep a secret. The arts are actually my favorite things ever. Painting, music, even acting, literature. I love it all. It's so cultured and it fits me well. I don't like to show off my talents though. I got charcoal, and really good paper last year for Christmas. Every time I feel alone or upset I will draw. One night I couldn't sleep. I spent almost the whole night drawing Derek's sleeping face. He hasn't seen it yet because I'm embarrassed by it, but it's hidden in my sketchbook. I let Derek drive to school today, and we took Spence with us.

"So princess? What are you going to be for Halloween this year?" he asks me. I smile because I have an outfit picked out and everything. I'm going to be a devil, JJ is going to be an angel. Which is ironic because she is the one with a baby belly. I'm wearing red leather pants with a black hem. A red half-halter top that shows a good portion of my stomach also with a black hem. I have arm sleeves that hang off my elbows and have black bows on my bicep. Devil horns, and insane red pumps. JJ is wearing a long white flowy dress with sleeves a lot like mine. Only instead of everything red and black, hers is white and gold lace. Her shoes are those tall golden sandals that go up to your knee. Then she has the wings and halo to go with. Derek doesn't know any of it either! Neither does Will.

"It's a surprise." I tell him with a mischievous smile. "Do you think David and Erin will catch a case this weekend? I mean...with it being Halloween and all." I ask him semi hopeful. He nods.

"They usually do end up working on Halloween. Why princess? Do you want them to work on Halloween?" he asks me. I smile.

"They can come back Saturday night." I say laughing. "I won't be hungover then." Spence groans.

"Who's gonna stay with me?" he asks us.

"I'm sure Beth would love to watch you again." I tell him turning around to see the boys adorable face with those giant glasses. He smiled a smile that I love with all my heart.

"Yes! Jack will be there!" he yells in excitement. I look at him in confusion.

"Who's Jack?" I ask him. He smiles.

"Well, Hotch had a baby with a girl named Haley but she died in a car accident last year. Jack is there baby. He's only a year or so old." he says smiling. "He smiles when I do magic." he says with a smile. I smile too. Poor Hotch. At least he has Beth now. We pull up to the school, and meet JJ and Will. JJ has officially made the announcement to her other friends that she is pregnant. Some shunned her, others are sticking by her. Some kids are mean, some kids are "sorry", some kids don't care. She's making it known that she doesn't regret her baby. She is also making it known she isn't a whore. She knows who her baby's father is. She also knows that she is in love with him. Kids are excepting it everyday. Yes, some days are bad, and the three evil bitches and the whole cheer-leading squad are mean but we're all used to them being mean. Derek and I walk through the hall with JJ and Will talking. I don't know what JJ is saying because I'm too busy staring at the boys picking on Spencer. I let go of Derek's hand, and push one of the guys off of him. They look at me angrily.

"What the fuck Prentiss?!" Everyone knows my name after I dated Ian, because every one knew Ian. This kids name is Kyle. He used to run in the same circles as I did. He wears too much black, has long hair.

"This kid! Is one you do not mess with!" I yell at him. People have stopped in the hallway and are staring now.

"Why are protecting the little dweeb, not like anyone else cares." I see red, and I go for the hit. My right fist hits him in the face, and when he tries to come back at me I kick him hard in his stomach. He bends over and coughs. He falls and I see blood coming from his nose.

"I care. Go fuck yourself when you start to breathe right." I say and turn to his other friends. They look at me, and they look terrified. "Look...fuck with me. Fine. Fuck with them," I say pointing to my family. "and you'll die." I tell them. They nod. I push a heaving Kyle down with my foot, and walk back to Spence and Derek.

"That was amazing Emily!" Spence said with wide eyes. "Can you follow me around all day?" he asks me, and I laugh. The others look shocked.

"That's how I broke your punching bag baby." I tell Derek.

"Now she get's to come with me." I hear from behind me. I groan, and turn to see the principal. Derek walks up, and kicks the guys chin hard. "You too young man." I turn to Derek, and chuckle. He takes my hand, and we head to Mr. Hays' office.

"Now we get to be suspended together." he says kissing me behind Mr. Hays' back. I can hear cheering from behind us. I laugh at it, and roll my eyes as Hays gives us a lecture on fights. He calls David, and Erin. We wait inside his office.

"Why would you do something like that Miss Prentiss?" he asks me. I raise my eye brows.

"Well sir, if you would have shown up moments before you would've seen Kyle pushing around Spencer. Calling him names, and taking his books away from him." I tell him. "I confronted him before he could lay another hand on my brother, and when he called Spencer a name he started to come at me so I punched him." I say truthfully. "I then kicked him because he called me a bitch under his breath then proceeded to come at me again. I have always been taught that it's the right thing to do to help a kid out, and to defend myself." I say in a professional voice. He then turns to Derek.

"Why did you kick him?" Hays asked. Derek chuckled.

"No one calls my girlfriend a bitch, and no one insults family." he refrains from saying that he just wanted to be suspended too. Erin walked in looking angrier than ever.

"They were picking on Spencer. He has had too much of that in his life." I say before she says anything. She turns to me calming down.

"What were they doing to him?" I turn to her, and keep my straight face.

"They took one of his books, well mine, you know how he's been reading my French literature books? They were throwing those in the air, and I'm pretty sure one of the spines on that book broke. If I was a really mean person I would make him pay the six thousand dollars that he owes me for that damaged book. It was an original from the early 1900's. They called him a dweeb, and nerd, and loser. They told him he was worthless as if his father didn't make that known enough. He's only eleven years old. He's in high school because he's brilliant. The only thing I regret is not teaching him how to defend himself." I say. The principal looks at me in shock. I was still angry after what had happened.

"Six thousand?" he asks in disbelief.

"Sir, my mother is an ambassador and my grandfather lived in France. I have several old books at home that are worth a lot of money. You're lucky I'm not making the school pay for it. I will if he doesn't get punished." I say. Derek smirked, and Erin did too. Even Erin a stickler for rules had to back me up. "That one is my favorite too." Erin looks at me in confusion.

"Wait a minute? How can Spence read your books?" Erin asks me. I laugh a little.

"Did you miss that whole week and a half of French classes Spence and I had? Not like it even took me long to teach him. He could have read almost the whole book after two days. He knows Italian now too." I say with a proud smile. "You should really protect Spence because he is your best bet when testing comes around." I say truthfully. Erin looks up, and smiles at the principal.

"Mr. Hays I think we're done here. How many days are they suspended?" she asks. I just now realized he is eyeing her FBI badge which is out on her belt. I laugh because I love having powerful parents.

"Two?" he says in the form of a question. I know how much he hates dealing with me. I nod.

"That'll do. See ya next week." I say with a smile. I grab my stuff, and Derek's hand. Derek wraps his arms around me from behind and nibbles at my ear.

"That was so hot. Now we have the house to ourselves all day." he says. I smile too. Erin looks at the clock.

"I gotta go. You'll deal with your punishment when I get home." she leaves and I laugh a bit. I walk out of the office and wink at Kyle who is laying on a couch with ice on his broken nose. I get to my car, and me and Derek go home.

* * *

><p>In the middle of the day after some not so innocent activities with Derek he is asleep in my bed, I run down stairs to make lunch. I'm only wearing his old football jersey from his first year here. He used to play football, but he can't anymore because of his knee. He kept his jersey though. It's my favorite shirt to wear. I make pancakes because I haven't made them in so long. When they're done I take a plate upstairs and crawl on the bed. I lay them down on the side table, and crawl toward Derek. I lean down and kiss him softly. I kiss him down to his ear. I lick his ear lobe a little bit, then I whisper in his ear. "Baby...wake up." I say still kissing on his neck. I feel him shift under me, and then his hands move. He's awake. I lean up, and bite my lip. I nod my head toward the pancakes, and sit up. The rest of the day is perfect. We don't talk much about what happened to him in Chicago. We spend the day talking, and dancing in my room. I hook up my guitar and strum a little while he is down stairs. I stick in my Rumors album, and I Don't Wanna know plays. I crank it up as loud as possible, and strum to the song.<p>

_I don't want to know the reasons why  
>Love keeps right on walking down the line<br>I don't want to stand between you and love  
>Honey, I just want you to feel fine<br>Finally baby  
>The truth has come down now<br>Take a listen to your spirit  
>It's crying out loud.<br>Try to believe  
>You say you love me, but you don't know<br>You got me rocking and a-reeling_

When the guitar solo plays I rock out on my guitar too it. I sing along too. Derek comes upstairs during it, and watches me play. He takes a video of me singing, and playing guitar. I love my guitar, and I realize I haven't played since I came here. After I'm done I hear an applause. "You never cease to amaze me, where'd you learn to play like that?" he asks me. I shrug a little.

"I learned how to read music when I used to play piano. When I got into my rebel stage I bought a few teach yourself books, and I taught myself how to play. I only know rock and roll though." I say with a smile. He wraps his arms around me, and we kiss. I put my guitar down so I can give into him better. I kiss him and open my mouth too him. We fall onto my bed, and keep kissing even when my door opens.

"Ew." I hear coming from my door. It's JJ. Derek goes to back off but I pull him closer. I don't really care. I can make out with my boyfriend if I want too. "Em? School sweat pants? Where are they?" I break away from Derek and move my neck too open that up for him too kiss.

"Bottom right drawer." I say. He hits that spot and I moan aloud.

"You guys are gross." she says. I laugh and kiss my boyfriend again. I think I can take two more days of this. The smile on my face is wide. That night at dinner Erin doubles my chores. Oh well, I don't really care. David was going to let me off, but Erin wants me to stay. I shrug and say okay.

* * *

><p>The days fly by fast, and I wasn't lucky enough that David and Erin caught a case. We're still going out, but I can't drink as much. I run down the stairs in my costume, and tell everybody goodbye. The night is wild and I can barely remember any of it. I know I got so drunk. I didn't mean too, but it's Halloween. Derek did too. As did Will. Penelope didn't drink much, Kevin didn't drink at all. JJ ended up driving all of us home, and laughing at us when we get into the house. As we go up the stairs I see a light in the kitchen turn on, but I don't think anything of it. I go upstairs strip down, and fall on the bed with Derek.<p>

_"Em, what did you drink last night?" Derek asks me. I pull my sunglasses higher, and take my sleepy daughter into my arms. _

_"Mommy. I don't feel good." she says to me. I sigh, and nod._

_"You too?" I say with wit. I hug my baby tight to my chest. "Wanna take a nap honey?" I ask her. She nods. I turn to Derek and kiss him. "We'll talk later. I really gotta sleep this hang over off." I say. He nods and laughs a little. _

_"I'm gonna go with you guys. I could take a nap time with my girls." he says and I smile. We all go upstairs, and I strip down while still managing to hold my sick daughter. I lay her down and then get settled myself. Derek lays in front of me, and Sadie is in between us. I lift her up a little, and move closer to my husband. His nose nuzzles my cheek, and soon I'm out. About 10 minutes later I hear crying coming from the other room. I groan, and lay there._

_"If we stay quiet. He may stop." I say to Derek. Derek just chuckles, and gets out of bed. Soon enough I am back asleep. I only wake up once more when Derek comes into bed with our well fed, changed, sleeping son. He lays Dylan next to his sister, and cuddles up against us. I can feel his hand carressing the back of my neck, and I smile at how perfect this is. Our beautiful sleeping children in between us. I close my eyes, and fall back asleep with my daughter pressed against my chest in a little ball. _

"WAKE UP TIME!" I hear so loud. My head is pounding, and it's making me feel dizzy. I hear the sounds of stuff being banged on, and yelling. Derek groans too. I take a pillow and put it over my head. "COME ON EVERYBODY! UP!" David yells loudly. We all groan and go outside. I close my eyes because every curtain and light is on in this fucking house. I smell breakfast being cooked, and feel a wave of nausea hit me. I look around for my sunglasses only to find them in a transparent locked box. Every pair all in one box. Taunting us. He knows, and I hate him. I run to the bathroom, and lose everything I drank last night. David holds my hair and laughs.

"I fucking hate you." I groan. He laughs.

"I know you do. We're out of coffee by the way." he says letting go of my hair and sipping his coffee that smells so damn good. When I get downstairs I lay on the couch, and try to hide my face in it. Dark. I need darkness to come. I feel Derek sit next to me, and then Will does too. JJ sits on his lap, and she has a giant smile on her face. Obviously taking pleasure in our pain. "So guys!" he says way to jovial for my liking. "Your punishment for drinking is a fun one. You guys are cleaning up the house. I mean I want it spotless. Scrub on your hands and knees if you have too. Inspection will be very very very close. If you don't do it then Will, your xbox and computer is gone. Emily say goodbye to every electronic you own, plus your books. Derek, the basement will be locked till I say. No working out for a while. Plus no xbox or computer. That is if, you don't get the house cleaned. I'm going to take my gorgeous wife out for the day. When I get home, you guys better be done." he looks at a smiling JJ. "What are you going to do all day JJ?" he asks her. She turns to Spence, and laughs.

"We're going to get ice cream then probably watch some movies." David laughs, and pats put backs on his way out.

"Good luck guys." he says.

"Cazzo odio che l'uomo a volte." _I fucking hate that man sometimes. _I mumble in Italian.

"You love me!" he yells and walks out the door with a laughing Erin. I feel my head beating in time with my heart and I groan. I really need to stop drinking like that.

**This one is a bit shorter than the previous ones, but I swore to myself I would post tonight. I am thoroughly exhausted though, and want to sleep. I'm sorry it's shorter. I will make it up to you guys next chapter or so. I needed a break from tension so I thought I would add a mellow chapter. Hope you enjoyed! Be sure to let me know. REVIEWS ARE AMAZING! I LOVE TO WAKE UP TO THEM!(:** **REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for all the reviews! Time jump by the way!**

The punishment he gave us was a good punishment for him. Not for us. In fact I wanted to hurt him after I cleaned the kitchen till it shined. When they walked in we were all three spread out on the floor while JJ and Spence watched tv. I was curled up to Derek and almost asleep when the door shut. "Bellissimo! Perfetto. Amo punizione vostri ragazzi '." _Beautiful! Perfect. I love your guys' punishment._ "Mrs. Rossi isn't this a perfect punishment?" he asks Erin who I can imagine has one arm through his.

"I think it's one of my favorites." she says. They walk into the living room, but we don't move. "Oh yes. Definitely in my top 5." The rest of my day was spent groaning, and sleeping. I drank...way too much last night. Way way way too much. David and Erin were taking too much pleasure in our pain. I will never drink again when they're home. Never.

* * *

><p>Sunday morning everything was much much better. I went down stairs after being well rested on the bare chest of my boyfriend. It was cold outside, and I hate when it's cold. Halloween was officially over, and life was back to normal. Normal was becoming a regular thing around here. Which is good. Since Halloween JJ has gotten bigger, and had almost all her credits. Christmas was in a few days, and we all couldn't have been happier. That man from his hometown was convicted. He still wont tell me what happened with it, but I think I know. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of such horrible things. Derek will become depressed on some days, and wont talk to me. When he get's this way I don't know why he wouldn't talk to me. I'm here for him. Always. Forever. We haven't gone any farther than what we've done. Touching, kissing, sometimes just moving against one another. He put his mouth against me the other day, like Ian did that one day. I returned the favor. That's about it. I want to take that step with him, but I'm so scared. The last time that I willingly gave myself to some one it was good, but it wasn't stable. I knew I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life with Matty, but I needed to feel something real. It wasn't right for me to do that, and I don't want to make another mistake like that. Some times Derek will touch me, and I will want to so bad. I imagine us together a lot. Especially in my dreams. He'll touch me and kiss me and we'll make love. Like it's supposed to happen. Not like it's happened in the past. We're on winter break so no school. I sleep till twelve everyday. David and Erin have been joking about letting me and Derek share a room from now on, but I don't think that's a bad idea. He is never in his room, I love my room too much to not sleep in there, and I don't see the problem with it.<p>

"Morning princess." I hear, and feel a body press up against me. I keep my eyes closed, and wrap my arms around him tightly. I feel his lips on my neck not moving, but they're there. "JJ's on an emotional rampage today." he says and I groan. David and Erin are at work, and it's just the kids here.

"Great." I say with sarcasm. I let go of him and start to make myself breakfast. Left over pizza. "Soooo, whatchya getting me for Christmas?" I ask him with a smile as I put the pizza in the microwave. He chuckles.

"That's for me to know and you to find out." he says. "Unless you tell me what you got me." he says I shrug.

"I didn't get you anything." I say casually. He looks at me in confusion.

"Really? You didn't?" he looks disappointed and I smack him across his head. "Hey! What was that for!?" I laugh.

"I can't believe you really thought I didn't get you anything!" I tell him with a smile. Just then a voice is heard from the doorway.

"Emily. Can I talk to you?" I turn around to see Spencer standing there with a blush and a small smile. I look at Derek and he raises his eye brows. I nod, and pat Derek on his chest.

"Yeah, sure buddy." I tell him. I give a breathy laugh, and walk toward him. He looks over my shoulder at Derek, and looks back at me. "Let's go talk in your room. How about that?" he nods and we go upstairs. When we get up there he sits on his bed and sighs. "What's going on Spence?" I ask him.

"Well...at school there's this...girl." he says with a blush. My jaw drops and I smile.

"A girl huh?" I say and he nods. "Well what's so interesting about this girl?" I ask him. He smiles bigger and bigger.

"Well she is so beautiful, and she knows David because of something that happened with her dad. She has blonde hair like JJ's and blue eyes like JJ's too, and she is really really smart. She's thirteen so she only skipped one grade. Her name is Ashley. Which did you know that Ashley means 'Lives in the ash tree grove.' Did you also know that Ashley..." he rambles and I laugh. Is this Spencer Reid I'm talking too?

"Stop buddy." he stops and I laugh again. "Well, she sounds like a wonderful girl. What's your problem?" I ask him. He sighs, and frowns a bit.

"I want her to like me." he says sadly. I nod.

"Thought so. Have you tried talking to her?" I ask him. He nods.

"She's in my science glass, and we were partnered up. She said I was funny, and that just confused me." he says with a frown. "I was telling her about how the science books in our class were probably wrong due to..." I put my hand up and his rambling stops.

"Well, you made her laugh that's good. Even if it wasn't intentional." I tell him.

"There is nothing interesting about me though. I'm not like Derek, I can't say a good line and flex or what ever he does. I'm not like Will, I don't have an interesting life story and an accent." he says. "I'm a nerd from Las Vegas with a mother that is in an institution, and a father that doesn't love me either." he says and I can see the tears in his eyes. This isn't just girl troubles. This is bigger than that. He's upset because he doesn't think he's interesting. I bite my lip and think.

"What about your magic? Chicks dig magic tricks." I say with a smile, and he looks up at me with wide eyes.

"Really?" he asks. I nod.

"I like magic. It would be cool to date a magician. She probably feels the same way as I do about magicians. You should do a few tricks for her." I tell him, and he blushes.

"You think?" I nod once more. "Which one should I do?" he asks me in all seriousness.

"I don't know. What's the one you do best?" I ask him. He smiles, and reaches up and pulls a quarter from behind my ear. I laugh and look at him. He smiles, and I look at him.

"Anything else?" I ask him. He bites his lip then grabs something from behind him. He stuffs something into his hand, but when he opens his hand it's gone. I laugh out loud, and smile.

"Those two!" I say excitedly. This kids good. "Only on the last one you should pull a flower or something out, and your number to give to her. That's were you should talk to Derek. He's good at that stuff. You got it kid." I say, and he hugs me.

"You think she'll like it?" he asks. I nod.

"Oh yeah. Pull out all those moves, and keep the facts down and you'll be great!" I say, and he nods. He looks like he's thinking, and I shake my head. I ruffle his hair again and get back down stairs. When I see everybody looking at me I smirk.

"Is Spence okay?" JJ asks, and I nod with a smile.

"The kids great. He's gonna wanna talk to you later though." I say pointing at Derek. Derek looks at me in a crush. "He'll tell everybody when he's ready." I say with a chuckle. JJ nods.

"So he is okay?" I nod, and give her a reassuring look. She takes another bite of her chips, and looks around. "We should do something today. Like go to the park or something. Play around on the play grounds." she says. I laugh, it's like 20 degrees outside and there is snow on the ground. She turns around to face Will. "I wanna go out. Can we?" she asks him. He shrugs.

"I'm with JJ!" Penelope yells. She's been spending more and more time at her counselling place. I'm starting to get worried, but JJ says she does this every year around this time. "We should go shopping!" she says looking at me and JJ. I sit on Derek's lap, and look at him. He shrugs.

"You girls can go. I'm cool with chillin here." he says. Will nods. JJ turns around and raises her eye brows toward me in question. I nod, and turn around.

"Well, we should go get ready." I say turning to Derek, and smiling at him. I lean up and kiss him quickly, when I go to get up he pulls me back down on his lap and I giggle. I give him one slow, passion filled kiss then get up. When I go upstairs I just throw something on quickly. I spray perfume, and head downt he stairs. We get our purses, and I kiss Derek one more time before I leave. We all get in the car, and I turn the radio up after I turn it to my specific channel. I sing "I Love Rock and Roll" at the top of my lungs, and the girls laugh at me. We get to the mall, and walk in.

"So...Emily. You and Derek have been dating for a long while...what's it like to be with tall mocha yummy chocolate thunder god?" she asks me. I laugh and shrug.

"He's the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. He's really sweet, and he loves me." I say. I hear 'awws' come from JJ and Pen.

"That's good...what about in certain situations? Like when you guys get all...hot and heavy?" JJ asks me. My jaw drops, and I look at her in shock. "What? I'm just curious. How is he in that department?" she asks me.

"He's great in that department." I say with a smile. I bite my lip. "I mean...the guy knows how to use his hands." I say and we all erupt in giggles. "We still haven't had sex though." I hear a chuckle from JJ.

"Good. Jesus, I love that my kid was made from love and I except it in every way but it's killing me. I'm only four months and I want it to be over!" she says. "Don't have one of these until you know you're ready." I say. I laugh at her.

"Why no sex yet?" Pen asks me. I shrug.

"Considering our pasts neither one of us are quite ready for that step." I say. Penelope looks at me in confusion.

"So you found out about his past?" she asks me, and I shake my head no.

"I put stuff together though, and if I'm right then we should wait." I say wanting to change the subject. I can tell Pen wants to ask questions, but I don't know how I would answer her. She knows that and we both drop it. I turn around to see JJ with a wide smile on her face.

"Penelope! Emily! Look at how adorable this is!" I look at what she's looking at and I smile. It's a crib that is solid white, but has cloth designs on it that is a light green with monkeys on it. "This would be perfect. Will is already calling it monkey, why not get a crib to match the nick name?" she says with a smile. She buys it on the spot. They pack it up, and Pen and I move it to the car. When it's packed we go shopping for some stuff to match it.

"So when are you going to find out the sex of the baby?" I ask her. She smiles.

"Next week. I have a doctors appointment. Will says that it's a special Christmas present for the both of us." she says resting a hand on her belly. We go to a clothes store, and Penelope buys several outrageous Christmas sweaters. I buy a few cute Christmas outfits. We pass Victoria's Secret and I snicker at the Santa nighty and underwear to go with it. Pen laughs too. "You should get that for Derek, and you." JJ says and I burst out laughing.

"Where would I get the time to wear that during Christmas? I mean come on, and oh my god what if Erin or David saw that in my room?" Penelope and JJ crack up. "How about you get it Jay?" I say teasing her. She looks at me and crooks her head to the side.

"Yeah, because I would totally be able to pull that off with my insane belly." she says sarcasm lacing every word. "I would be so sexy." she says with a chuckle. "You have the body, and look to pull that off too. You should buy it. Surprise Derek. It could be his Christmas present." she says with a smirk. I look at Pen and she isn't laughing anymore. I look them in surprise, and I actually consider it.

"You really think I should?" I ask. They nod.

"Just hide it after you use it. I'm sure David and Erin will have to work Christmas eve. Do it while they're at work. Maybe you guys could even seal the deal if you want too." Pen says. I bite my lip, and look at the lingerie. I buy it and I think I'm going crazy. How would this work? God, I have lost my mind. I put it deep in my bag, and the girls look at me. They smile, and Pen shakes her head. "He's going to have a heart attack. You will kill your boyfriend with that outfit." she says. I laugh.

* * *

><p>When we get back to the house my bags are full of clothes and sexy underwear. We send the guys out to get the crib, and some paint from the car. We're going to start on the nursery today. I promised JJ I would paint it for her. When I walk in I hear voices and am shocked to see mother drinking tea with David. "Mother? When did you guys get back?" I ask David.<p>

"I actually just got here, as did Elizabeth. Erin is working a case tonight and tomorrow. She wont be here till late Christmas eve." I grab his arm, and pull him out of the kitchen.

"Does Erin know that my mother is here?" I ask David worried that Erin wouldn't be okay with leaving them alone together. I'm not okay with leaving them alone together. He frowns.

"I was actually just going to go tell her next time I called her. One more catch." he says. I raise my eye brows in question.

"Your mother is staying at the house." the breath leaves my lungs. It's not that I don't trust David, and my mother but...I just don't trust them together! Especially not in the same house. "Last time she was over here we told her she could stay at the house when she visited. Erin's words." he says. I pray to god this doesn't cause problems. I walk in the kitchen and take mother upstairs with me. When we get to my room I set my bags down forgetting about the certain pieces of clothing I bought. When she reaches for it I leap to get it. I let out a nervous chuckle.

"Mom. These are mine. Off." I say with a smile. She narrows her eyes, but lets out a laugh.

"Fine!" she says raising her hands. I put it away in the very very very back of my closet. I hang up my new clothes. "Oh darling that is adorable!" she says looking at the outfit I bought for Christmas. It was a red shirt with a light green sweater to go over it. I smile.

"You think so?" I ask her. She nods.

"So...David tells Derek isn't sleeping in his bed, and that I should just take his room. This is true?" she asks me. I blush because it is.

"Yeah...it started when we would have a nightmare, and now I just...can't sleep with out him next to me." I say nervously. I hope she understands. She just nods, and I try to decipher her facial expressions. She looks around.

"He doesn't have much in there. Why doesn't he just move in here with you?" she asks me, and I look at her in shock. I was not expecting that. At all.

"Because David and Erin are worried we may have sex or something." I say with a shrug. She looks at me and smirks a little.

"Have you?" she asks me. I look at her in confusion.

"Have I what?" I ask her.

"Have you all had sex?" she asks and I don't know what to say. This is fairly awkward.

"Not yet." I answer truthfully. She looks around, and then back at me.

"Why not?" she asks me. I chuckle. Second time that has been asked today.

"Well...I'm just not ready for that right now, and I'm not sure if Derek is. We haven't really talked about it." I say and she studies me.

"Something has happened though, and I just have a feeling something will happen soon. Be safe if it does. Are you on birth control?" she asks me. I don't know how to talk to this woman.

"Yeah...Erin got me some when I was dating Ian because she thought he was bad news. She was right." I say with a sigh. Mother wraps her arms around me, and I lean into her embrace.

"We all make mistakes honey." she says in a whisper. I nod. "How are you holding up?" she asks me. I shrug.

"The nightmares have gone away." _they've been replaced. _I finish in my head. They've been replaced with dreams of Derek, and Sadie, and little Dylan. She nods, and then we hear David call us down for dinner. When JJ see's me coming down the stairs she goes to ask me what happened, and then she sees mom. Mother smiles and hugs her.

"How've you been Jennifer?" she asks. JJ hugs her back and places a hand on her stomach.

"Pretty good. I get to find out the sex next week. Emily is helping us with the nursery." she says, and mother smiles.

"That's good. Do you think you're ready?" JJ let's out a laugh.

"Mentally and emotional no I am not ready for him to come. Physically he needs to get out of my body." she says. Mother chuckles.

"That's how I felt with Emily. I was terrified with being a mother, yet I wanted that baby out of me. Pregnancy get's old quick." she says. "Have you felt it move yet?" JJ nods.

"I'm only 16 weeks, but he is starting to move a bit. I feel like he is gonna really start moving later on. I have a future soccer star in my uterus. I'm terrified." she says, and we all laugh. We go to the kitchen, and get our plates.

"Oh David your food has always been to die for." mother says when she takes a bite of David's home made pasta, and chicken. It's the best. He passes her the wine. "The best wine too. Where do you get this stuff? I have been across the country, and in private wine cellars yet nothing beats the wine you get." he laughs.

"Well the wine I get is extremely expensive, and very hard to find." he says with a smile. She takes a sip, and closes her eyes.

"I can imagine." she says, and they both laugh. When dinner is over Spencer clears the table, and they stay talking. I go into the living room, and curl up on the couch and turn to Derek.

"Derek." he turns to me, and smiles.

"What princess?" he asks me holding me tighter.

"Do you think David would ever cheat on Erin?" I ask him. He shrugs.

"I don't know. He loves her so much, I don't think he would ruin it like that. He's cheated on his wives before though." he tells me. I nod, then give a nervous chuckle.

"I know he has. My mother was the one that helped him ruin his marriage." I say looking toward the kitchen, and gulping. "I love my mom, and I love David. I would be so angry if they did that to Erin though." I tell him, and he looks at me and smiles. He pulls me down, and holds me.

"I don't think David would do that. Don't worry." he says. I nod, and yawn. "You look exhausted baby, wanna go to bed?" he asks me. I take one more glance at the kitchen, and then nod. I walk into the kitchen, and see them talking. The wine is almost gone. I hug them both goodnight, and mom tells me to watch it when Derek and I get in bed together. I assure her nothing will happen. Derek and I get upstairs and cuddle up on my bed. I close my eyes, and soon I'm out.

_"MOMMY!" I hear. My heart races and I run to my daughters room. She is on her bed against the wall with her thumb in her mouth. Derek is right behind me. I see tears, and I walk up to her._

_"What happened baby?" I say scanning the room. I take her into my arms, and she points to her closet. _

_"Monster!" she says, and Derek opens it. We both breathe a sigh of relief. _

_"Okay honey. Daddy's got the monster." I tell her stroking her forehead. I'm just so relieved no one was in her room. Because of her screams I hear Dylan let out a few of his own. _

_"Mommy, don't let the monster get me." I hug her tight, and she hides in my arms. _

_"I wont baby. You're safe with mommy." I tell her, and kiss her head. I rock her, and lay down with her in her small bed. Soon Derek walks in with Dylan. Sadie turns in my arms, and reaches for her daddy._

_"Daddy! Daddy!" she says. I chuckle, and we switch kids. Dylan smiles in my arms. We all head down the stairs, and I put on some music to soothe them. I find it ironic that the same music that soothed me, soothes my children. I play soft classic rock, and quietly sing to my kids. I rock my baby boy, and Derek smiles watching me. I swat his shoulder, and he leans over to kiss me while the kids sleep in our arms. _

_"Let's put these monkeys to bed, and have a little bit of adult fun." he says. I roll my eyes. We go upstairs, and I lay them down. We look at them and smile after a minute. They are so sweet, and so little. I turn on a night light for Sadie, and then we leave. When I close their door Derek wraps his arms around me, and starts to nibble on my ear. I turn around and kiss my husband. He reaches for my pants, and pulls me into our bedroom by my sweats. I open my mouth to him, and he puts his tongue against mine. We lock the door, just in case, and he drops me to the bed. I flip us over, and strip down quickly. He kisses me, and I swipe my tongue over his bottom lip. He flips us over so he is on top of me. I push his pants down with my feet, and continue to kiss him. He holds me close, and I flip us over again. I move my lower half and feel him inside. I close my eyes, and just feel. I love the feeling of him. I let out a quiet moan. I start to move above him, and he wraps me in his arms. Our bodies press together and I kiss him hard. "I love you." he says. I smile, and we continue to make love._

_"I love you too." I say out of breath. He moves slowly, and my eyes roll back as I move with him. _

_"You are so beautiful." he says. I start cursing in a language that I can't name right now. He bites at my collar bone, and I move a bit faster than before. After we're done making love his arms wrap around my naked body, and he holds me close. "You are the best wife a man could ask for." he says. I smile, and kiss him once more. "Merry Christmas princess." he says. _

_"Merry Christmas." I say._

My eyes flutter open, and I feel a blush spreading my cheeks. The dream had more than one effect on me, and I needed to calm down. I change out of what I'm wearing, and pull some pants on instead of just his shirt. I trot down stairs for some water, and hear Billy Joel playing on the speakers. Soft music plays and I hear laughing. "Oh David. Remember when we were younger..." she says and I can see the distant smile on her face. "We could listen to what we wanted, and rock out all the time. Now we have to worry about our children doing the same crazy things we did." she says with a laugh. "I sure hope Emily hasn't done half of what I used too." she says, and it makes me curious.

"I know. I'm so worried about those girls, only because I remember what we would do when we were young." he says laughing. "We would get into so much trouble." David says. _They only knew each other for a few days though, right? _

"Yes we would. My mother would've hated you." she says to him. "I always loved you though." my jaw drops. Did she just say that? "From the moment we met, to the moment I die. I will always love you." she says. I can hear the smile in her voice.

"I always loved you too." he sighs. "When you met Joey...I didn't know what to do. I only ever wanted you. Emily was my world too. It wasn't meant to be though." he says. _Did they date? What did David leave out? _

"No it wasn't. I loved you, but it was bad timing every time we met." she says.

_She's got a way about her  
>I don't know what it is<br>But I know that I can't live without her  
>She's got a way of pleasin'<br>I don't know what it is  
>But there doesn't have to be a reason anyway <em>

"Oh, I love this song." mom says, and I sigh. I should really stop this, but I don't even know what's happening. I creep down the steps a bit more to see two empty wine bottles, and my mom smoking a cigarette on the couch next to David. She takes one last huff, and puts it out in the soda can beside her. She stands in front of David, and reaches for his hand. He takes it, and pulls him too her. "Dance with me David. One last time." she says and he wraps his arms around her.

"I'm sorry for never sticking around long enough to love you. Emily would've been my child, and you would've been taken care of for the rest of your guys' life. None of this ever would've happened to Emily. I'm so sorry." he says putting his face in her neck. I see tears in my moms eyes, and I feel my heart breaking for them.

"You love Erin, and would never hurt her. That's all that matters. You all have been so good to our little girl, that's what I care about." _Our little girl. _I put a hand to my mouth, and feel tears fall from my eyes. What do they mean our little girl? I gulp, and continue to cry. "Erin is a good woman." she says. _  
><em>

"She is my world." he says. Mother nods. "So is Emily." he says, and mom nods again.

_She's got a smile that heals me  
>I don't know why it is<br>But I have to laugh when she reveals me  
>She's got a way of talkin'<br>I don't know why it is  
>But it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere<em>

"To be honest I was so scared to send her here. I knew you would love her, but...it's hard to let her go after so many years. I know I did wrong with her. I'm trying to fix it. Over these months I've been trying to find a way to tell her the truth, but it's a hard thing to do." David nods. "Does Erin know?" she asks David. I see David nod, and I should be feeling thankful that she knows. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I cry a bit more, and run up the stairs. I get on top of Derek, and he wakes up. I cry in his arms, and he holds me. Why now? Why this? What am I going to do?

**Oh my goodness! How will Emily handle what she just found out!? How did Erin react to Elizabeth staying at the house?! REVIEW and let me know what you think. I personally love Elizabeth and David's story. It's so fascinating at times. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! PLEASE. I'm begging. Thank you for reading!(:  
><strong>


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you for all your reviews. I love them so. A little bit shorter, and a lot of family in this chapter. Also, I posted a new very very very happy, cute fic. It has Jack and Henry. Demily of course. Check it out! Not like the last one at all. It's actually quite adorable. Anyways, ENJOY!**

I sit in Derek's arms till early running there words through my _head._

_I'm sorry for never sticking around long enough to love you. Emily would've been my child, and you would've been taken care of for the rest of your guys' life. None of this ever would've happened to Emily. I'm so sorry._

_You all have been so good to our little girl, that's what I care about._

_Our little girl. _

_Our little girl._

_Our little girl._

I bring my knees to my chest, and hold them. Derek is asleep again, and I look at him. Why would they lie to me like this? I was always told Joseph Malley was my father. I took my mother's name when I was 10 because I told her that I didn't want to have the name of a man I don't know. She agreed, and now I kind of know why. I never had the last name of the man that was my father. I was lied to my whole life. My whole entire life. All 17 years. I am Emily Rossi. I cringe at the name. I hate it. Now, I must admit David would be an amazing father, but it's that they lied to me. They lied. Erin did too. My mother did. David did. I wonder if they lied to dad-Joseph. I mean after all the man I spent the first four years of my life, the man that held me when I had nightmares and made the monsters go away, wasn't actually my dad. Seventeen years I have thought that the man in the photos, the man I longed to know, then man that I would ask my mother about all the time, wasn't my father. I wonder if I when ever I asked her about my father that she thought about telling me his name was David Rossi. I shake my head. It seemed so long ago that mother first came to the house. That JJ and Pen grilled me about there story. How one of them, I can't remember who got the insane idea that David Rossi was my father. I wonder if he ever looks at me, and wants to tell me the truth. I feel Derek stir next to me, and I stroke his face with one hand. His eyes flutter open, and I lean down to kiss him softly. "What happened last night princess?" he asks me through a rough voice.

"I heard my mom and David talking about something. I don't want to talk about it." I tell him. I latch my lips on his and push my tongue into his mouth. I kiss him hard, still upset about what I heard last night. Derek makes me forget though, and that's what matters the most. "I love you." I say in between kissing him.

"I love you too. Are you okay baby?" he asks me. I just nod.

"I'm fine." I tell him, but I feel the tears come to my eyes. I spent my whole life upset about not knowing a man that wasn't even my real father. Derek wraps me up in his arms. I don't want to go downstairs. I don't want to see them. Have them lie to me. I would love knowing David Rossi is my father. He's so good to me, and he loves me. It's not that I wouldn't want him as my father, in fact it wouldn't be bad at all. They lied to me though. The story of my exsistance is a LIE. I just, I don't know how to feel. David is the best father a girl could have. That part is great, but they betrayed me. My mother lied to me, David lied to me, Erin lied to me. Every one I love and look up to lied to me. To my face. I can't help but think about all those times I had to tell people that they weren't my parents. That David wasn't my father.

"You wanna go downstairs, and help out. Erin's coming home today." he says with a smile. We hear a yell come from downstairs that kind of sounds like 'I'm home!'. We both walk downstairs and I hold onto Derek's arm.

"Derek! I brought a Christmas surprise." Erin says with a smile on her face. I look at her in confusion until I see a red haired lady emerge from behind Erin. I smile wide. Fran never lied to my face. I wrap my arms around her before her own son does. She laughs.

"I missed you too dear." Fran says. I blush a little at my sudden reaction. Hearing the commotion mother walks in sporting sunken eyes, and an obvious hang over. David does too.

"Oh, mother. This is Fran Morgan. Derek's family." I say a bit nervously. Mother looks at them with a smile.

"I apologize, David and I drank way too much wine for our own good last night." mother says. She laughs and shakes Fran's hand. "I've heard so much about what a wonderful young man you've raised." she says. Fran blushes.

"Thank you. I could say the same exact thing about your lovely daughter." Fran says wrapping an arm around me.

"You stayed the night in the house? You and Dave were drinking last night?" Erin says with a hint of bitterness in her tone. Not enough for Sarah, Des, or even Derek and JJ to know of. I know though. I can hear it. Mother used to use the same voice for guests that annoyed her. Mother just smiles in that way she does, and looks at Erin.

"Yes, I told Emily I was sick of all the hotels and stuff. She wanted me to stay here, and David said it was fine. Yes we were drinking. It was only a few." _nothing happened last night Erin. _I can practically hear the words mother is trying to communicate to Erin. Erin takes a deep breath and heads towards David. She pulls him in the kitchen and I close my eyes. I hate that they fight when mother is around. I hate it so much. Mother sighs, and takes her coffee. I thought maybe she was going to talk to Fran a bit more, but doesn't. She just picks up the paper and goes back to my room. Derek takes my hand, and whispers that'll be alright. Fran sighs as I watch the path my mother created.

"Does Erin not like your mother?" Des asks me. I shrug.

"It's a long and complicated story. Let's just say David and my mother are...old friends." I say. Sarah raises her eye brows, and Fran nods. Des nods too, and we all sit down.

_Our little girl._

I wish those fucking words would get out of my head. Seeing David and my mother wasn't as bad as I thought. In fact I felt a wave of happiness flow through me. They lied to me though. That's what hurts the most. That doesn't matter now though. Fran is here. "I've missed you so much since your last visit. I feel JJ come toward us, and she sits next to me. "Oh JJ!" Fran says with a smile. "How far along are you?" Fran asks.

"Almost 16 weeks. The little monkey is already starting to move." she says. Fran puts a hand on her belly. She laughs.

"It's a boy. I'm telling you." JJ smiles.

"I think so too. Erin thinks it is, as does Elizabeth. Pen wants it to be a girl, Derek wants it to be a boy, Emily and Will keep saying as long as it's healthy." Fran laughed.

"All men say that, but the truth is they want one of the two. Trust me though. I think it's a little boy." she says. I smile. JJ does too. "How are you and Will?" JJ smiles.

"We're good. He's living here because his mom kicked him out when she found out about the monkey." JJ says a bit sadly. She holds her belly. "Emily is going to help me paint the nursery because she's insanely talented." JJ says. I look at her and blush a little. "What? It's the truth. You are the most artistically inclined person I have ever met!" JJ says. Fran looks at me in surprise.

"You are? Why haven't I ever heard of this?" Fran asks.

"Because it's not a big deal." I say trying to change the topic.

"Oh whatever. She paints, and draws, and plays the guitar AND the piano. She sings like an angel. She's downplaying it." JJ says boldly. I blush more than I already am. Fran looks at me in amazement.

"All of that on top of speaking six languages?" Fran asked. Derek smiles, and wraps his arms around me.

"Not to mention the girl can fight like a pro. She kicked Derek's whole punching bag off the damn ceiling." David says walking in.

"Oh my boy how did you find some one like her?" Fran asked, and I laugh. "Will you play for me? Michael used to play guitar, and I love it whenever some one does." I see the love in her eyes, and how much she misses him. I want to say no but the look in her eye makes a small 'sure' come out of my mouth.

"Later though." I say with a blush.

"She can dance too." I hear mother say coming down the stairs. "My little ballerina. Don't look so shocked. You started when you were four, and you looked so adorable in your little tootoo and tiara." mother says. My eyes open wide, and I can't believe she just said that.

"Tiara, huh? So you are a little princess!" Derek says, and I swat at him while laughing.

"Your first day of class you were so excited that you ran into the class as fast as you could. Didn't even give me a kiss goodbye. I watched for a minute and you were so clumsy." she says sitting near me. "You were graceful though, and it lasted till you were about 8 years old. You were so good. When you were 7 you had a recital and got to lead a dance, and I cried watching you." mom says. She looks so lost in thought, and I can't believe she's telling this story. Then I remember.

"Mom, you weren't at that recital. Donny said you had to work." mother let out a smile, and a breathy laugh.

"Yeah, I was. I caught the end of it. I was right on time to see you take the stage. I was embarrassed after it for being late. I waited in the back. I wanted to talk to you, but Donny said you were so upset with me by that point it was useless. You quit a year later, and you bought your first guitar. I swear to goodness I still remember Rhiannon word by word. You used to play it on the piano when you discovered it. Then Stevie Nicks filled the days and nights. You would dance to those songs, and beat on things to the rhythms of them. When you got your guitar you started to branch out, and soon you were singing Billy Joel and the Beatles. Then the hard rock came Aerosmith, and ACDC. The first time you came out in a black t-shirt, and blue jean skirt I was shocked. Maybe when I was working you formed into a woman. Who knows? I wish I was there to see it though." she says with tears in her eyes. I can't believe she's saying this to me. I can't. I forget about the other people in the room smiling at the thought of me running around as a little girl. I look up at her and I have my own tears in my eyes. I look behind me and see David with a sad, but happy look on his face. Like a father that didn't watch me grow. He was a father that didn't watch me grow into a woman. I consider confronting my mother in Arabic, or something that no one else in the room knows.

"_I heard you talking to David last night. I know the truth._" I say in Arabic before I can control it. She looks at me in shock.

"_What are you talking about?_" mother asks me.

"_I heard you tell David how happy you are that he and Erin are taking good care of 'our' little girl. I know David is my father. Why did you lie?_" mother puts a hand over her lips, and glances at David. David stands up straight.

"Oh my god, Emily." I look around at everyone and they look concerned. "David, she knows." mother says. "Can David and I have a moment with o-my daughter? Please?" she asks kindly with tears. Fran smiles, and takes my hand.

"We all need to visit Derek anyways." Fran says. "Come on girls. This is none of our business." Fran says. They all walk out, and David sits next to mom. Erin bites her lip, and nods towards mother. I know now that Erin doesn't hate mom, and mom doesn't hate Erin. They are friends that came at a cross by a man. That doesn't change how much either of them love me. Erin leaves the room, and starts dinner.

"What do you mean she knows?" David asks mom. I take a breath, and let a few tears escape my eyes.

"Last night. She heard me say 'our little girl'." mother says shedding tears of her own. David let's a sigh escape him.

"You all were dancing, and I didn't want to intrude but I also...I don't know why I stayed and listen, but I did. Why did you lie to me?" I ask, they look at each other, and I see my mother show all the sadness on her face.

"Your father, Joseph, was the love of my life. I met a few days after I met David. I was young, and impressionable. I fell in love fast with Joey." she rubs her head, and I listen. "He was such a good man. When I told him I was pregnant, he was ecstatic. Telling me how we were all going to be a family. When you were born I had you and I knew that you didn't belong to Joey. I knew who's baby you were. You had that Rossi look about you." she says with a slight smirk. "I had a choice to make. Lose the only man that would've been there for me, or be that happy family I longed for. I chose the second one. When Joey died, I lost it. I started to work. David came by, and he saw it in everything you did. He was married though. Not only to a woman, but to his job. We got together again for some crazy reason. He left after that." David looked down in shame, but I couldn't be mad at him. "I dived into my work. It was my way of coping with grief. I lost you in the process." mother said. I feel the pain wash away from me, and I think about it. "David is your real father. Merry Christmas." she says, and I laugh. I turn to him, and he looks deflated. I hug him, and feel him hold me.

"I'm sorry Bella." he says. I shake my head no.

"I understand." I whisper. He has helped me so much in these last few months. He has been the best father a girl could ask for it. He held me when I cried. No wonder he hated Ian so much, and was on a war path when I told him about Thomas. Just like those times he held me, this was no different. "I love you daddy." I say. He looks at me in shock, but soon smiles.

"I love you too Bella." he says hugging me tighter. "Can you show me how well you play that guitar?" he asks me, and I smile. I chuckle.

"Sure. How about after dinner?" I ask him. He nods.

"Go tell Derek now." he says. I laugh a bit, and then run up the stairs. "She's perfect." I hear him before I disappear. He's holding mom's hand. I knock on Derek's door, and no answer. I then go to mine, and knock. I open the door, and see him with one of my sketch books sitting in front of Fran.

"Hey!" I say snatching it away from him.

"Emily, why'd you take them away from me? I was just showing mom!" he says, and Fran laughs from the bed.

"No! Did you through it before hand? No. No you didn't. These are my drawings. I will pick out the drawings she can see!" I say. I blush when I think of the one in the back of the book. I was embarrassed when I drew it, but it's fantastic so I didn't have it in me to get rid of it. I look at it, and bite my lip. It's a man on his back with a woman laying on top of him. His arms are wrapped around her, and she has her hands on his face. Her black hair falls to the opposite side of her. There lips are pressed together, and they are both naked. The man in the picture just so happens to be insanely muscular, and black. The girl happens to be thin with black hair, and pale skin. It's just a colored sketch. It's an amazing sketch, but I wouldn't want anyone to see it. Especially not Derek's mother. "My art is my privacy. That's the secrets I keep, it's like a diary." I tell him. Fran looks at me with a smirk as I run a hand over my sketchbooks.

"I understand dear." she says with a hint of mystery in her tone. This woman understands me. I go back to my bed, and cuddle next to Derek.

"I promised David that I would sing and play a song after dinner." I say, and Derek smiles.

"What are you going to sing?" he asks me. I shrug.

"I have no idea. What ever comes to mind." I tell him. He looks at his mom.

"She'll sing a Stevie Nicks song." he says with a chuckle. I laugh too mostly because it's true.

"Ah, but there's just something about Stevie." Fran says with a dreamy look in her eye. "I love Stevie Nicks. She's got some kind of charm about her." Fran continues. "Nice guitars." she says nodding over to the corner where my prizes are. "Michael would have loved them. He liked to play blues, and jazz on his. He would play for me, and it would be so beautiful. He could sing too. He had so much soul. He would sing around the house. Sing Sarah to sleep." I look in awe as she talks about her love for this man. I want to ask what their story is, but before I can I hear yelling from downstairs. I chuckle.

"Dinner is done." I say with a smile. I get up, and Derek takes my hand. When we get down stairs we eat our dinner, which is delicious. Erin and David hold hands and the scene is perfect. We're a family. I even talk to his sisters a bit. Mom tells more stories, and Fran tells her own. After though everyone looks at me. I sigh, and Pen runs upstairs to get my guitar. JJ holds my hand, and shakes her head.

"Don't be so nervous. You're amazing." Pen comes down with the acoustic, and I strum a bit. I sing the first thing that comes to my mind.

_Do you know what this is  
>No, I don't<br>But whatever it is  
>It's very powerful<br>Have you felt this way before  
>Oh, I thought I knew<br>Do you know that I love you now  
>Oh yes, I do<em>

Love is...  
>You've got the softest lips<p>

_You know that I cannot stay  
>Yes, I know<br>It has nothing to do  
>With you or with love<br>Oh, yes it does  
>Do not call or come around here<br>Do not tell  
>You know that I loved you then<br>Oh well..._

Love is...  
>You've got the softest lips<br>Love is...  
>The touch of your fingertips<br>Love is...  
>Knowing you won't let go<p>

_She awakens things  
>That he said he thought were dead<br>He says, are you happy now  
>Oh yes, I am<br>But when it's over  
>How then will you feel<br>Will you miss those arms that used to go  
>Around you<em>

So she stood there in the hallway frozen  
>In the dark<br>And her heart broke down  
>She cried<br>She fell to the floor

One tear slid across her lips  
>To the corner of her mouth<br>Love is...  
>And dropped to the floor<p>

Love is...  
>You've got the softest lips<br>Love is...  
>The touch of your fingertips<br>Ooh, she says love is  
>Knowing you wont let go<br>Love is...  
>Watching you go<p>

You're so very powerful  
>Love is...<p>

Am I happy  
>Yes I am<br>Do I know you love me now  
>Yes I do<br>Do I know you cannot stay  
>I know<br>All about love  
>All about love<p>

You're so very powerful

When I stop strumming and singing I feel the air in the room leave, and I look up to see every one's face looking at me in amazement. I see David take mother's hand, and I see the tears in mothers eyes. This was them. This song. It's them. Maybe that's what love is. I managed to sing their song in one moment. They look at me so proud. "Isn't our little girl the greatest?" David says to my mother, and they both smile at me as almost every one looks in shock.

"Perfect, David." Pen's face lights up, and so does JJ's. The truth is out, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I walk up and I hug my parents. For the first time I can remember I have a moment with two parents. Both of them. My mother and my father. It's unbelievable. Fran smiles like she knew something like that was going on. Every one just smiles.

"Are you guys serious?" JJ says out loud. I nod my head yes.

"David is my father. It's a long complicated story, so let's just skip to the end." I say with a smile. Derek hugs me, and let's out a chuckle. Spence does too. The rest of the night is full of laughs, and music. Every one gets along better than I thought they would. Derek holds me close all night, and I think about tomorrow. Christmas eve. David and Erin would have a few hours to work. I'm sure JJ and Pen could drag the girls out to do something like shopping. It would just be me and Derek. Alone. In the house together. With my red and white, fluffy Santa nighty. I have thought about it. Through all the drama. We're ready. If he says yes, then I'm willing to take it to the next step. I want to make love to him.

* * *

><p>Before bed I sneak into JJ's room, and pull her aside for a minute. "Hey, do...do you have any..." I sigh as I say this and blush too. "Condoms?" I ask her. She smiles, and opens her mouth wide. She starts to giggle. She nods.<p>

"They were for before I got pregnant. Now we don't have to use them." she says rubbing her hand over her belly. She hands me a few, and I look at them and take a deep breath.

"Thanks." I say nervously. "I...I also need one more favor." I say to her.

"Anything Em." she says.

"Get Fran and mom out of the house. Try to get Spence, and the others too. Please?" I ask her. She laughs, and nods.

"I'll try." she says. I hug her, and stuff the condoms in my pocket. I take a deep breath and glance downstairs where Fran, mom, David, and Erin are all sitting. They are drinking wine, and talking about us. Earlier I told David goodnight. I was finally getting to tell my mom, and dad goodnight. This whole thing is crazy but I couldn't have been happier. I head back up the stairs and go into my room. Derek is laying down he is taking off his shirt, and I just smirk and watch. He turns around, and shakes his head at me.

"What?! I can't like the show?" I ask him. He smiles at me, and I walk over to him. I climb on his lap, and he holds me tight to him. I kiss his neck. "I have a present for you tomorrow." I whisper huskily into his ear. He smiles. He falls back, but I stay on his lap.

"Is it my Christmas present?" he asks me. I laugh a bit, and place my hands on his chest. I nod, and bite my lip.

"Only if you're willing to accept it." I say kind of nervous. He smiles and I smile. I stroke his face. He takes my hand in his a we intertwine our fingers. I lean down, and kiss him softly. "I love you Derek Michael Morgan." I tell him.

"I love you too Emily Valerie Prentiss." he says kissing me. I kiss him harder, and soon his hands are roaming. He reaches for my top and I gasp.

"Several of your family members, or my family could walk in right now. We...need...to...stop...before...I...stop...caring..." I say between kisses. He flips us over. He kisses down my neck, and soon I move away before another one could be landed on my body. "Babe, JJ is going to try to take our mothers and your sisters out tomorrow. We'll have several hours of this. We must sleep though." I say chuckling at the puppy dog look on his face. I make him lay down, and I reach to turn off my lamp. "Night Derek." I say cuddling to his bare chest.

"Night princess." he says softly. I close my eyes and dream of my other life. When I fall asleep I think of tomorrow. How will he react when I bring that out? How will he react when I tell him I want to make love to him? How will any of this happen? I don't care. I just know I'm in the arms of the man I love. The man I want to spend the rest of my life with.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you for all reviews! Also thank you guys who read ****_Oh, The Children_****! It means so much that you would. ENJOY! M rated for wonderful naughtylicious fun.**

_"Emily. Emily!" Derek whispers in my ear. I let out a breath, and close my eyes as I take in the sensations. _

_"Jesus Christ Derek!" I yell out as I feel that familiar feeling course through me. Derek lets out a groan, and kisses me hard. I can feel him there inside me. Moving even though he has already came inside me. Soon he rolls off of me, and I curl up to his chest. "I love you Derek." I say with a small smile._

_"I love you too princess." he kisses me, and then I hear the alarm clock at our bedside go off. "Come on. We've gotta get the kids ready. It's Dylan's first Christmas, and Sadie learned how to open presents! It's so much fun now!" Derek says with a smile. We get up, and I throw a robe on. I slip on a tank top, and pajama pants too. We walk into Sadie's room and she runs to us.  
><em>

_"Santa come here? Santa come here mommy?!" she asks with a big smile on her face. I laugh, and pick her up. _

_"Yeah he did! Are you ready to open your presents?" I ask her. She nods wildly._

_"Yes yes yes yes yes! Pwesents!" she yells out. Derek walks out with Dylan in his arms as I put Sadie down, and she goes running for the tree in the living room. I watch her go straight for one, and rips it open. _

_"Whoah! Slow down there tiger!" Derek says with a smile. He picks Sadie up and sets her in his lap. Sadie rips open all her presents, and half of Dylan's presents. Once it's over Derek walks to me and we look at the kids playing on the living room floor with their new toys. "Now mommy gets her present." he says with a kiss on my lips. I smile mischievously. _

_"I thought I got my present this morning?" I say with a laugh. He shakes his head. He reaches for a small box, and gives it to me. I open it and gasp. "Oh my god! It's gorgeous Derek!" I tell him. I look at the necklace with the pendant at the center. It's shaped like a dove, and I look at him with a smile._

_"I asked the guy to make a one winged dove one, but he looked at me like I was crazy." he says with a smile. In reference to a Stevie Nicks song. I stare at the diamonds along the necklace, and the bird at the center._

_"I love it baby!" I lean up and kiss him. He places the necklace around my neck, and I hold it tightly. I kiss Derek again then I feel a pull at my pant leg, and I look down to see my son opening his arms asking to be picked up. I pick him up, and he holds on to the necklace around my neck. I couldn't ask for a better Christmas._

"Princess." I hear. My eyes flutter open, and I see Derek hovering above me. I love when he's like this. I close my eyes again as he kisses me. "Come on. We've got a day to get too." he says. I groan, and we go downstairs. When I get there I see Fran and mother talking on the couch. I can't help but think how odd it looks to have mom sitting and conversing with other women that aren't of international importance. I get my own coffee, and make it quickly. I walk out holding it, and sit near them.

"Morning." mom says dryly.

"Morning mother." I say. I'm so tired. Those dreams kept me up late. As good as they were. "I don't feel good today." Fran frowns, and I comes toward me.

"What's wrong?" she asks. I shrug.

"I'm just really tired." I tell her. She nods. "My head is killing me too." I tell her. I see JJ come downstairs, and she is covered in green paint.

"Hey, guys! I need some help with the nursery, and some new supplies. Want to go with me to pick up stuff? We could make a day out of it?" JJ asks. Fran smiles, and so does mother.

"I would love to JJ!" mom says.

"As would I!" Fran says. "I'm sure the girls would love to come with us too. Is that okay with them?" Fran asks. I feel a smile tugging at my lips but I keep it at bay. Thank you JJ.

* * *

><p>About an hour later everyone is gone. Derek and I are laying in my bed. "JJ is taking my mom and sisters, and your mom out to help her shop. Pen and Spence went for hot chocolate. It's just us." he says with a grin. He kisses me and soon I open my tongue to his mouth. I'm so happy JJ got them out of the house. I'm nervous, but an excited kind of nervous.<p>

"Your present is in the closet. I need to put it on." I say biting my lip. His eyes widen and he smiles. He looks like a little kid eating ice cream for the first time. He gets off me quickly, and moves me toward the closet. I laugh, and roll my eyes. I run into my closet to put it on. I use the mirror in there to examine how it looks. I look grown up. I look like a woman. I'm seventeen. Practically a woman already, but I feel grown up. I run a hand over the lace, and satin. I bite my lip, and crack the door. "Close you eyes!" I say. I peek out to make sure he does close his eyes. I stand and model. "Open." I say biting my lip. He looks at me with wide eyes. I blush under his gaze. He walks over, and runs his fingers along my body. I close my eyes and take in the feel of his hands.

"Jesus Emily. You are...wow." he says. He shakes his head. He leans down and he kisses me hard. I reach up and gasp into his mouth. He sits down on the bed, and pulls me onto his lap. I straddle him, and kiss him again. We make out for a few minutes before I break away, and look him in the eyes. I'm going to tell him what I want. I can do this.

"Derek...I want..." I take a deep breath and stare into his eyes. "I want you to make love to me." I tell him. He opens his mouth, but then closes it again. He takes a deep breath.

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you." he says, and I chuckle at his sincerity. Any other guy wouldn't have cared. They would have just said okay, and laid me down on my back. I nod, and take his face in my hands.

"I love you." I say kissing him quickly on his lips. "I trust you." I kiss him once more. "I want you." I tell him. He reaches for my nighty, and opens it up fully. He reaches, and pops off the red bra. He slips it down my arms, and I feel myself getting more and more turned on. He leans forward, and kisses my neck and chest. I moan, and reach for his shirt. I pull it off quickly. "Derek..." I say in a moan. He smiles, and I can feel it. I pull down his jogging shorts that he wears for pajamas. He is left in his boxers. I reach for his manhood under his underwear, and he groans when I do. Well, he's ready. His hands move south too. I let out a loud moan when he puts his fingers inside. He lays me down, and pushes the hair away from my face. I hand him a condom from the dresser where I hid them. He looks at me, and smiles. There's that awkward moment when he puts it on. I feel his hands grasp at my panties, and pull them down. I stare into his eyes as he does it, and there is something so powerful about what is happening. I feel tears hit my eyes, and he leans down to kiss me. He breaks the kiss away, and I use my feet to push his boxers down. He wipes my tears away, and looks at me in concern. "I'm okay. I just...I love you." I say. There is something just so emotional. So wonderful about this. I have never had anyone that I truly loved do this to me. With me. It takes my breath away at how wonderful he's being. How every touch is soft, and carefully planned. He takes care of me unlike any other man that I have ever known. After everything that has happened to me I think this is what I have been waiting for. Some one to love me, and care for me. To be so damn gentle.

Soon I feel him push into me. I let out a strangled moan, and grip his shoulder tightly. He groans too, and I try to control my breathing. At the first move of his hips I'm in heaven. Our relationship was never about sex. It was always about trust, and love. That trust and love has just been formed into a physical act. I savor the moment, and he starts to move slowly. I wrap my arms around him, and close my eyes briefly before staring into his. Thomas used to make me stare into his eyes when he would rape me. I love how different this is. No lust in his eyes, no hate...only love. Pure love and desire. He moves and moves. We kiss and move around a bit. It's just like it is in my dreams. Soon he speeds up, and moves faster. My fingers curl around his shoulder blades. I kiss his neck, and move with him. My heart beats faster, and I see white cloud my vision. My toes curl, and I let out a loud moan. Almost a scream as I hit that point. I feel my body shake, and Derek watches me in amazement. He keeps moving, and soon he reaches that point too. He groans, and pulls out of me just in case. He disposes of the condom afterward, and lays down on top of me. I flip us over, and lay flat on his chest. "Oh my god. That was..." I start, but he finishes.

"Amazing." he finishes for me. "You are amazing. I love you so much." my back flexes as I lean down to kiss him, and I have a realization for a moment.

"I love you too. This is weird." I tell him. He looks at me in confusion. "Not that! I mean...I've drawn this." I tell him. He looks at me in confusion. "Don't judge me." I tell him with a smile. I get off of him, and pick up my sketchbook. I flip to that page, and show him. He smiles.

"This us?" he asks, and I shrug.

"I just drew it. Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't." I say to him. He laughs and looks at me with a smile.

"Can I see the rest that you're hiding?" he asks me. I laugh, and flip to a picture of Sadie and Dylan.

"This is Sadie, and this is Dylan." I tell him. He smiles even wider.

"Wow, your dreams are vivid if you can remember details like that." I shrug, and blush at the sight of our future kids. He flips to the next page, and sees a little blonde boy with bright blue eyes. His hair is shaggy, and long. He looks to be about 4. He has an adorable smile, and looks perfect. Derek looks up at me. "Who's this?" he asks. I blush once more.

"That's JJ and Will's baby." I tell him. "I got the image in my head one day, and drew it. He's adorable." I tell Derek smiling at the page. Derek strokes my face.

"You are so talented." he says. We hear yelling from downstairs, and both of us scramble to get our clothes on. I kiss him once I'm dressed and he kisses me back harder. I reach and put my arms around his neck. Just then my door opens, and I feel a pillow hit us.

"Tongue out of her mouth!" Des says. "I need you Emily." she says with a smile. I turn to Derek and kiss him once more...with tongue. When I get down stairs I see Fran, Sarah, Pen, JJ, and mom in the kitchen. Des and I join them and Fran smiles. "We're making cookies! Thought you would want to join us." Desiree says. I smile at the thought. After several hours of baking, and talking with all the girls JJ and Pen pull me to the side in a private room.

"So? Did you guys?" Pen asks with a smile.

"You told her!?" I ask JJ. JJ smiles.

"What!? I have pregnancy brain!" JJ says. I nudge her, and she laughs.

"You know you really have to stop using that term every time you do something dumb." I tell her, and she frowns. "Don't do that thing where you get upset about everything either!" I tell her, and she smirks. I know she fakes her mood swings sometimes.

"Who cares! Did you do it?" Pen asks me. I blush. "You did it! JJ they did it! They did it!" Pen says happily.

"Why do you seem more excited about this than me?" I ask. That's a lie, but why not go with it?

"Oh whatever you know you're dying inside freaking out about this. What was it like? Is he good?" Pen asked quickly. I blush.

"It was the greatest sexual experience of my life." I tell her, and she smiles. "Second question. He's Derek Morgan, what do you think?" I say with a laugh. Pen smiles, and takes my hands in hers.

"Oh...my baby is growing up! Are you going to tell your mom?" she asks me, and I laugh out loud.

"Maybe some day." I say with a laugh. "Not today though. She has enough on her plate with David and Erin." I say with a small frown. "They aren't fighting but I heard a conversation this morning, and there is still animosity there." I tell them. They both also frown with me.

"What even happened with them?" JJ asks. I shrug.

"Sounds like a fairy-tale every time I go over it in my head. They met when they were younger, they had a one night stand, mom met this guy the next day and fell in love. When she got pregnant she thought it was her husbands. When she saw me she knew who's baby I was. David came to visit a few times, and they had feelings for each other. Joseph, the man I thought was my dad died, and David consoled my mom. They fell in love over the years, but mom says it was just never good timing with them. It's like a tragic french romance." I say with a smile. Those are my favorites. Soon we are all called back and we go back to doing our own thing.

* * *

><p>That night when every one else gets home we eat dinner. Dinner happens to be a make it your own. We all end up camping in the living room with anything from leftovers to cereal or ramen noodles. I eat my lucky charms, and listen to the adults talk. I love hearing stories about when they were kids. Fran starts to talk about Michael again with that sparkle in her eye. I wonder if I look that way when I talk about Derek. I look around at the family I have now, and I think of how alone I was at fifteen. Less than a year ago. Looking at all these people I see everyone of them in a different way. Maybe because this is my first Christmas with an actual family. Opening presents alone Christmas morning was never fun. I love having a family to be with on Christmas. A family to share stories with.<p>

"Can we go play in the snow?!" Spence says after Fran finishes her story. He was just staring out the window, and watching the snow as it fell. I smile and hop up.

"Please! I know it's dark, and late but please daddy!" I beg David. He laughs at my desperate use of the word daddy. It's weird calling him that, but if that works it works. I love the snow. I finally have a family to make the snow even more fun! David smiles and nods. I go and bundle up. I help Spence get bundled up too. I walk outside, and Derek laughs when I throw a snowball at him. He picks one up and tries to throw one at me, but I dodge it. I run behind a tree and make a snowball. I turn around and throw it before Derek can hit me with one. Derek ducks and it hits Will. Will picks up a snowball and throws it towards me. I run behind some bushes, JJ and Pen follow me. Will, Spence, and Derek duck behind another bush. We start to throw snowballs at each other like crazy. I laugh out loud at Spencer's attempt to throw something. You'd think a genius would have better hand-eye coordination.

"We need some one to surprise attack them." Pen says in a hushed tone. "I'm not leaving here till they are goners!" Pen says, and JJ and I laugh.

"I'll do it!" I say. I laugh as I sneak out from behind the bush. Pen teases them and cat calls them so they pay attention to her. I make a bunch of snowballs, and move to a point where I can see them better. I pick up a snowball and throw it at the boys hard. Each one of them getting hit by the snowballs I'm throwing. I run over and jump on Derek. I take him to the ground, and we laugh. "I got you." I say with a smile on my face. He rolls us over.

"Now I got you!" he says. My cheeks are red and flushed from the cold, and I laugh when he says I look like an angel.

"No I don't. I look like a cold angel." I say with a smile. He brushes my hair out of my eyes, and for the millionth time today I feel myself fill with a certain amount of gratefulness. How I went from the depressed girl who wanted to die, to a person that couldn't imagine a being taken away from her perfect life I have no idea. I look at Derek, and he must see the tears in my eyes because he looks at me in worry.

"Are you okay princess?" he asks me. "What's wrong?" I'm probably so confusing right now.

"Nothing, I'm just...nothing baby. I'm just happy." I tell him. He leans down and kisses my cheek.

"No more tears. Happy or not. Let's get you warmed up inside my cold angel." he says. I laugh, and when we stand up we are pelted with snowballs.

"That's what you get when you are being disgustingly cute together!" Penny says. I laugh at her, and roll my eyes. We all go inside, and see six cups waiting for us. Hot chocolate in all of them. I also smell home made cider on the stove. Must be Fran's doing. We all file in, and get warm. Derek takes me in his arms, and we sip our hot chocolate together. Will does the same thing with JJ.

"I'm going to bed. You all have a nice night, it's going to be a long day tomorrow." Fran says with a smile. Soon our little group wears down bit by bit. Till it's just Derek and I lying on the couch with the tv running. Derek leans down and kisses me. I smile at him, and see that the clock says midnight.

"Merry Christmas Derek." I say against his lips.

"Merry Christmas Emily." he says against mine. I can't wait till tomorrow. Presents, and Christmas. My first Christmas with something real. A real family.

**Sorry it was shorter. I ended up being insanely busy today! Ugh! I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. I reread it, but I don't trust myself. I'm very tired. Thank you for reading though! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Review as much as you can! They impact my life more than you will ever know! I LOVE REVIEWS!(: **


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry about the short chapter last time. It was 1 in the morning, and I still had some math homework to do. It's better now though! Here's a longer chapter! Warning drug use and a lil bit of naughtiness. ENJOY!**

Last night Derek and I crashed on the couch. I didn't feel like getting out of his embrace to go to bed so we just stayed where we were. I open my eyes because of the commotion around me. I see Spencer flying toward the presents just like any kid would. I lay my head on Derek's chest even though I should be running for the presents too. I don't feel like it though. This is my last year of Christmas before I am an adult, and I want to take advantage of it, but the presents are so far away and I'm just so comfy. Instead Derek moves us so we're sitting up. "Merry Christmas princess." Derek says with a smile. I lean up and kiss him.

"Merry Christmas baby." I tell him with a smile. I see that Pen has already gotten to her presents and is eagerly ripping the paper off of them. I think of my dreams, and how cute Sadie and Dylan looked opening their presents. It was so vivid. Like a memory or something. David hands me my presents, and I take them. We get all the presents out and I smile when I see one from mom, David and Erin, Fran, JJ and Will, Spence, Pen, and Derek. Derek get's the same amount of presents, plus the ones we got together. As everyone opens their's I take my time. I open Fran's present first and smile when I see a full art set. Paints, canvases, sketching pencils, charcoal, etc. Everything! I hug her and she smiles at me. "I love it!" I tell her. She smiles.

"After seeing your drawings I knew exactly what to get you. You are talented put those things to good use!" she tells me. I nod.

"I will I promise." I say. The next one is from mother. I open it, and it's a new guitar pick and a new pair of black boots. I kept going and got a variety of things. A new album, a new book, and so on. I gave Spence my collection of Italian novels I also gave him a book on Sociology. He got so excited and I thought he was crazy. He says that it was his favorite. After I'm through everybody's present I look at Derek's present. We look at each other and Will and JJ are trading gifts too. Actually all three of the couples are trading presents. Derek opens mine, and smiles widely. He runs his hand over the sketch of him. Of us. Happy. It's the two people in my dreams standing there. Arms wrapped around each other. Dancing. The picture is so intimate and sweet. I also got him a new football. He smiles and kisses me.

"I love it baby." he says softly. "I love the picture. You are amazing." he says. I smile at him. "Now yours." he says with a wide smile. I open the wrap and notice that everyone is looking at me. I see a box and I open it. I see a necklace with diamonds in it, but then I see a piece of paper underneath it. I furrow my brow, and pick up the paper. I look at what's in my hands, and my jaw drops. My heart is beating fast, and it's amazing.

"Oh my god! Derek! How...how did..." I feel tears come to my eyes, and I wrap my arms around him and scream. "These are real?" I can feel the tears as I hold onto him. I look at the small pieces of paper in my hands and feel my heart swell. "I get to go...and...listen...live...I get to see her?! On stage! In person! I love you...oh my god. Mommy! I get to go see her...I get to see her live!" I say jumping up and down best Christmas ever. Best boyfriend ever!

"What are you talking about? Who do you get to see?" mother asks me. I turn to her choking on my words as I say it.

"I...I get to...see Stevie on her tour for Secret Love! I get too...oh my god!" I say and jump up and down. I jump into Derek's lap and kiss him hard. I don't care who is watching. I hear Fran cough, and I break the kiss. I put my head in his neck, and he holds me tight. "I love you so much." I tell him. "This means..." I'm at a loss for words with my boyfriend. It probably sounds stupid but Stevie Nicks is my idol. _'Has Anyone Ever Written Anything for You' _stopped me from killing myself once. I know it sounds extreme but I was in a dark place. When ever I go to that dark place, I think about that song. She's saved me. My gift for him sucked compared to this. This is the best present of my life. The tickets are for April. I hug him once more. I...I can't even begin to get over the initial shock of the fact I'm going to get to see her live. The day goes on and we all have dinner together. Later on when Derek and I are alone I stare into his eyes as we sit on my bed. "How did I get so lucky to have you? I really don't deserve all of this. I don't at all." I say with a smirk on my face, and tears in my eyes. "I don't deserve to have you all as my family." I say, and I feel him wrap his arms around me tighter and tighter.

"Don't you dare say that again. You belong in this family. We wouldn't have you any other way. I love you so much, and you deserve every bit of this happiness." He says. I smile and wrap my arms around him and kiss his lips.

* * *

><p>The day after Christmas we all say goodbye to Fran and the girls. I hug all of them tight, and say my goodbyes. Mother is staying one more night. Erin is leaving over night again. She is nervous about it, but I guess she is proving that she can trust them together. David says goodbye to Erin how Derek would say goodbye to me. He holds her a minute longer than he usually would. They kiss, and say they love each other. He tells her to be safe, and kisses her once more. Mother takes her glass of wine and sits in the kitchen while they say goodbye. I sit in front of her. "Mom, can I ask you a question?" I ask her.<p>

"Sure darling." she says. I take a breath.

"Do you still love David?" I ask her and her jaw drops. I watch her turn her head, and bite her lip.

"Don't make me answer that." she says. Just then David walks in and she smiles. I feel bad for my mother. I love Erin, but mom is hurting so much from this. I can see it every time she walks in and looks at them together. David smiles at her and she smiles back. She has that gleam in her eye when she's around. He lays his hand on her arm, and I think it's time for me to leave the room. I go upstairs, but I wanna stay at the door to listen but that seems wrong. Everything is so quiet. JJ has been sleeping. She's exhausted. Derek is out, and I really have nothing to do. I go to my room, and pick up my guitar. I run my fingers over the guitar and I use my new pick to strum. The sounds that come from it are amazing. I think of the new Stevie song New Orleans. It's my new favorite. Aside from Rhiannon of course.

_In the city of dreams_  
><em>Lies the city's ghost<em>  
><em>There's a beginning<em>  
><em>There's a middle and an end in this city<em>  
><em>We reach out for the middle ground<em>  
><em>We throw a great party<em>  
><em>So hearts will start to mend<em>  
><em>We forgive… at least we try<em>

_In the midst of the sea of dreams_  
><em>Lies a perfect storm<em>  
><em>In the sea of tears<em>  
><em>Lies a city ghost<em>  
><em>In the spirit of the Mardi Gras<em>  
><em>Well, the people hope<em>  
><em>That their lives will get better<em>  
><em>The people hope<em>  
><em>That their lives will get better<em>

_I wanna get a room in New Orleans_  
><em>I wanna sing in the streets of the French Quarter<em>  
><em>I wanna dress up<em>  
><em>I wanna wear beads<em>  
><em>I wanna wear feathers and lace<em>  
><em>I wanna brush by Anne Rice<em>  
><em>And go down Bourbon Street<em>

_I see a sea of smiles_  
><em>I see a haunted city reachin' out<em>  
><em>I see hope in all their faces<em>  
><em>Behind the mask of Mardi Gras<em>  
><em>Where the good and the righteous walk<em>  
><em>And the wicked as well<em>

_I wanna get a room in New Orleans_  
><em>I wanna sing in the streets of the French Quarter<em>  
><em>I wanna dress up<em>  
><em>I wanna wear beads<em>  
><em>I wanna wear feathers and lace<em>  
><em>I wanna brush by the vampires<em>

_I wanna dress up, ooh yea_  
><em>I wanna wear feathers and lace<em>  
><em>I wanna brush by Anne Rice<em>  
><em>And go down Bourbon Street<em>  
><em>Mmmm, go on down Bourbon Street<em>

_Within these rooms_  
><em>I go up to my balcony<em>  
><em>And I hang the paintings on the wall<em>  
><em>And I open up my gallery<em>  
><em>And I open up my doors<em>  
><em>I stare at the city<em>  
><em>I stare at my city<em>

_I wanna get a room in New Orleans_  
><em>I wanna sing in the streets of the French Quarter<em>  
><em>I wanna dress up<em>  
><em>I wanna wear beads<em>  
><em>I wanna wear feathers and lace<em>  
><em>I wanna brush by the vampires<em>

_I wanna get back to New Orleans_  
><em>I wanna sing out in the streets of the French Quarter<em>  
><em>I wanna dress up<em>  
><em>I wanna wear beads<em>  
><em>I wanna wear feathers and lace<em>  
><em>I wanna brush by Anne Rice<em>  
><em>Go down Bourbon Street<em>  
><em>Go down Bourbon Street<em>  
><em>Go on down Bourbon Street<em>  
><em>Go on down Bourbon Street<em>  
><em>Go on down<em>  
><em>Go on down<em>  
><em>Go on down<em>  
><em>Go on down Bourbon Street<em>

_In the city of tears_  
><em>Lies the city ghost<em>

I sing loudly, and strum fast. I dance along to it with my guitar in hand. This song is amazing. I wanna go to New Orleans. Just then Will walks in with a grin on his face. "I like that song Cher." he says. I laugh.

"Of course it would. Does it remind you of home?" I say. He nods.

"New Orleans is amazin'." he says with his accent thick. "I loved Mardi Gras. Beads, drinkin', dancin'. It was the best. I'm gonna have to take y'all down there some time. I smile and think about it. "How'd that song go again?" he asks me. I smirk, and sing the chorus for him.

_I wanna get a room in New Orleans_  
><em>I wanna sing in the streets of the French Quarter<em>  
><em>I wanna dress up<em>  
><em>I wanna wear beads<em>  
><em>I wanna wear feathers and lace<em>  
><em>I wanna brush by the vampires<em>

I sing it for him and blush when it's over. "You know I don't think we've actually ever had a real conversation." I say with a chuckle. He laughs too.

"You're a good sister." he says. "Talented one there too." he says pointing at my guitar. I blush a little. I lay down and study Will's face. He's very attractive, but he's no Derek Morgan. "What did you used to do in your free time, besides be amazing at every thing you do?" he asks me and lays down next to me on the floor.

"Smoke weed." I say with a laugh. He looks at me and furrows his brow. "What?" I ask him.

"I just didn't expect a girl like you to do something like that?" I smirk and laugh out loud.

"Jesus, we really haven't had a full conversation have we?" I say laughing. "I'm far from good. I quit smoking a few months ago, but I have a cig occasionally. I used to wear short skirts to get boys to notice me. I snuck out. Did drugs. All kinds of bad things. I am not a good girl. At least I wasn't. I've been good lately though." I tell him. He laughs.

"Do you miss it?" he asks me. I look at him in confusion.

"Miss what?" I ask him.

"Weed." he says. I laugh and think for a minute.

"Yeah...I do. It's not something I had to have, but it was nice to have." I say with a smirk and a shrug. He coughs for a minute and smirks a bit.

"You want some right now?" he asks me. My jaw drops. I knew it!

"Where?" I ask him with a smirk. He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a small bag. I smile, and look around. I bite my lip and make a split decision. I check outside the door and see David and mother on the couch together. I close my door, and he rolls one.

"I got it from my friend just for this one time. I don't usually do this kind of stuff." he says with a smirk. I light it and take my hit. I lay back and exhale.

"Hell yeah!" I say with a laugh. Thirty minutes later we are stoned. I laugh, and laugh at something he says. He's actually a cool guy. He tells me about his sister, and his uptight brother in law. I laugh at him even when he isn't saying anything funny. I lay on the floor, and turn on my stereo. "I wanna dance." I say and Will laughs. I turn the stereo on and blast Stevie. Rockin roll Stevie not soft and pretty Stevie. I stand up and I start to dance. I'm light on my feet and Will laughs when I pull out some Breakfast Club moves. Soon there is a knock on my door, and I grab the air freshener while giggling. I trip on my own feet and get to the door. I compose myself before opening it. When I do I see Derek standing there.

"Why was the door locked princess?" I let out a burst of laughter and open the door to my boyfriend.

"Come inside before they smell it!" I say laughing as I pull him into my room. Will is still sitting on the floor, but now he's strumming his own tune on the guitar. He never told me he played till tonight. "Hey! Listen to this!" I say picking up my other guitar. I strum on it, and Will plays with me. He told me to teach him New Orleans. We take turns singing the verses and playing the melody.

"Are you guys high?" Derek asks me. I giggle and pass him our joint.

"They're downstairs you won't get in trouble." I tell him. He laughs and rolls his eyes. He shrugs and takes a hit. Soon we're rolling on the floor laughing. We put the stuff away and I spray air freshener out of habit.

"Will?" I hear JJ calling, and Will hops up. He blinks a few times because of the eye drops I gave him. He runs over to take care of her. I giggle, and sit on Derek's laugh.

"I..." kiss. "Love..." kiss. "You!" I say once I kiss him a third time. I attach my lips to his again, and he wraps his hands around my waist and lifts my shirt a bit. I giggle into his mouth.

"I love you too." he says, and kisses me harder. I open my mouth to him, and moan. "You're brilliant, and amazing, and wonderful, and sexy, and did I say brilliant?" he says with a laugh. He moves us so I'm on my back on my floor. He kisses me again, and I change out the discs to my stereo. My favorite filthy rock song floats through the air.

_Step inside, walk this way  
>You and me babe, Hey, hey!<em>

_Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on_  
><em>Livin' like a lover with a red hot thong<em>  
><em>Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp<em>  
><em>Demolition woman, can I be your man?<em>  
><em>Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a little light<em>  
><em>Television lover, baby, go all night<em>  
><em>Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet<em>  
><em>Little miss ah innocent sugar me, yeah<em>

Derek laughs out loud as he pins me down again. This song is perfect. Pour Some Sugar on Me. Yeah, perfect. We kiss and I open my mouth to him. His hand sneaks up my shirt, and he pops my bra off. "Mmm...baby." I moan. He kisses me down my neck and moves to take off my shirt. Once that's off he makes patterns on my neck with his tongue. I reach for his shirt too, and take it off quickly. I love the feel of his skin against mine. It feels so perfect, so wonderful. I let out a moan again, and he moves me to straddle his leg. I grind on him, and kiss his shoulder as his hands move lower, and lower, and lower until they're...oh, yes. My eyes roll back and I grip his flexing bare shoulders.

"Emily?" I hear. Derek and I shoot up, and grab out shirts. I pull mine on quickly, and ignore the wet feeling between my legs. The door opens and my mother walks in. I sprayed air freshener the moment before. Mother studies us, and I smile. "Emily. I see you're keeping company." she says with a smirk. Dear god mother, why?

"Yeah..." I say and my voice comes out more breathless than I wanted.

"Well I just wanted to check and make sure you were okay. David was worried. We could hear you guys playing and singing. It sounded great." she says with a smile. She turns around and walks out. I swear I could hear her mumble something like 'If you're gonna do it, do it right. More air freshener Emily.' my mom literally almost caught me and my boyfriend with his hand down my pants. I blush and put a hand to my face. I turn to Derek and he smiles. Then he starts to laugh.

"Imagine her face if she walked in a tiny bit earlier." he said laughing. I imagine it, but it isn't funny. It's my worst nightmare. At least one of my worst nightmares.

* * *

><p>That night I lay on Derek's chest and I can hear mother giggling with David. I think about her situation. I feel for her. She likes Erin too much to break that up, but I can see the want in her eyes. You can't help who you fall in love with. I walk a little bit down the stairs where they can't see me, but I can see and hear them.<p>

"Oh David...our daughter is being a teenager. She was smoking weed in her room earlier! Gosh, she didn't even do the air freshener trick correctly." mom said. I laugh at her.

"She will be. Not like we were any better." David says.

"Shut up! We can't talk about that!" she says. David leans closer to her.

"What? Emily doesn't know about how mommy dearest got drunk at a party and took her top off. Not to mention said party was when she was twenty two, and going through college. Does she know about that time we all got high, and said that we were gonna start a heavy metal rock band? Or that time we took that cross country road trip, and we fooled around in your mothers house when she was right downstairs?" I snicker. I never realized how much I was like my mother.

"No she doesn't and I don't plan to tell her!" mom said. I laugh a tiny bit louder. "Where did the years go?" she asks and drinks her wine.

"Well for me I lost myself in work and never had time to enjoy the simple things till it was too late. That's why I never married you." he says with a smile. There is a moment of silence just like the first night that I overheard them talking.

"I would've married you. We would probably be divorced, but I would've done it." mom says with a hint of regret in her voice. "I still love you, you know?" mom says and I sigh. "I'm sure I can forget all about you eventually but I mean...I never got closure. We never got closure." mom continues. I can see the tears in her eyes.

"I still love you too." David says and he shrugs. He chuckles. "A few times with you was never just enough. You're too good for me anyways Liz." he uses her nickname, and I see him take her hand. "Remember the night we...well made Emily?" David says. I cringe, but shrug it off.

"How could I forget? You made me feel like I was the only woman on the planet. You reminded me I was still sorta a kid. That I could have fun, and feel free with you. The pressure was so great on me that I was getting ready to give up. I had to be so cold towards everyone else, then I met you and...well...somehow you managed to chip away at the icicles and get me warmer. By the end of the night I was...you were so amazing." mom says with a tearful laugh. "The second time when you just held me, and held me. Whispered to me. Then in the morning you got Emily and you were so good with her. She asked who you were and you told her you were Uncle David. It broke my heart because I knew that the moment you saw her you would know." she says.

"And I did. I knew the moment you walked toward me with your hair pulled back in a clip, and a little five year old in a too-too hiding behind your leg. She was a gorgeous little thing. She still is. Just like you." he says looking at mom. He leans forward again, and I feel worry build in my stomach. They can't do this. They can't.

"Don't flatter me David Rossi." mom says leaning forward and giggling. He moves to brush hair out of his face.

"I'm not trying to. I just call it like I see it. You are so damn beautiful. You always have been." he says. Mother blushes, and I can see some tears drip from her eyes. "Don't cry Liz. Please, you know I always hated to see you cry." he says leaning forward and kissing a tear away. I watch her head turn then I see something I never wanted to see. David's lips attach to her's in a passionate kiss. They break away and mother buries her hands in her face.

"We can't do this! You love Erin! I can see it. Every time you look at her. Your eyes light up when she walks in the room, and you hate to fight with her. You love Erin as much as I love you, and I can't ask you to ruin that for what will be a small fling. I couldn't do that to her, you, or the kids. I care too much." she says. He nods. She looks up at him. "A part of me will always, always love you, but I think this is good. I think this is needed. I think this is closure." he smiles a bit, and I think I even see his tears.

"I tried not to love you, but guess we can't always get what we want." he says. "One more. For goodbye?" he says and she nods. She places a hand on the side of his face, and he wraps an arm around her. She lets out a shakey breath and he leans forward and takes her lips again. This time the kiss is longer, and they hold each other in it. When they let go there foreheads touch. I feel my own tears and I don't know why. It's like they aren't just saying goodbye to each other, but they are saying goodbye to a chance with each other. I just feel so bad for my mom because I can't imagine how much this hurts her. I love mom and I hate to see her in pain. I watch mother hug him, and he continues to hold her for what seems like forever. Soon she says goodnight and I run back to my room, and curl back up with Derek before she sees me. "Goodnight." I hear outside my door.

"Goodnight David." I hear my mom respond. Silence after that. I close my eyes, and slip off into my dreamland.

**Thank you for reading! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I love reviews! If you couldn't tell. Also, I'm just curious and it doesn't matter, how many people know or listened too the songs in the story? I'm just curious to see. I've been on a kick and it's cool to hear others talk about it. No one has mentioned the music selection yet. Anyways, REVIEW! Hope you enjoyed.(:**


	22. Chapter 22

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter! It was odd though, a few people that haven't ever reviewed reviewed, but many people that always review didn't. Odd. I don't mind though. I JUST LOVE REVIEWS! Not many people let me know about the music though. I was just wondering because Emily's music is a bit old.(: Stevie is timeless though. If you haven't heard her stuff I suggest it. Every song that I've used in this story are amazing! Especially Rhiannon and New Orleans. They are my FAVORITE SONGS! Flashback lyrics are underlined. M rated content, not the fun kind. Anyways ENJOY!**

_"Emily! Let me see it!" Derek says toward me frustrated. I move my bloody head away from him, and stand up. _

_"I told you, I'm fine!" I tell him angrily. I'm sick of him babying me. I am a grown woman. Derek grabs my wrist and pulls me back toward him. "I'm fine. I don't need a doctor either." I tell him. He sighs, and puts a hand on my stomach. I freeze. I know, I know, I know. "Derek...a bump on the head wouldn't hurt her." I say turning from him. I'm so scared that what I did caused something horrible. I love my baby so much, and I would never hurt her._

_"Emily. Please get checked out. You don't know anything yet, and it would be beneficial to you and my little princess." he says. He rubs my swelled belly and smiles at me. "I need this. I need to know that-" I look at him and finish for him._

_"That I didn't hurt our baby?" I say, and he looks at me hurt. _

_"No. I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say I need to know that the two people I care about the most on this planet are safe, and okay." he tells me. I nod and look at him. I can feel the tears._

_"What if I did hurt her though?" I say barely above a whisper. He looks at me, and I see the pain in his eyes. _

_"Then I would kill that bastard in that room for doing that to my baby. You didn't do anything baby. He hit you! He's responsible." Derek says. I nod at him. He's right. He's always right. He holds me tightly in his arms, and I hold his face in my hands. I lean up and kiss him. "I could've lost you." he whispers to me. I know he could have. I nod.  
><em>

_"I know baby." I tell him softly._

_"I could've lost you both. I can't lose either of you. I love you guys so damn much. I can't lose you. Ever." he says. My hands go to my bump, and I feel my tears. Damn hormones. I look at him and kiss him hard. He kisses me back, and I just want to feel his heart beating. I know he wants that too. I turn and see Hotch and JJ and Spencer. I smile at them and Derek leads me to the ambulance. _

I wake up and think about the dream I just had. It's never been like that before. I've never seen JJ or Spencer, I haven't even met Hotch or whatever you can call him. It was officially a week after mother left the house. Her and David weren't as close as they used to be. I guess it was the closure they had that night. She was a tiny bit sad the next morning but they were better now. I think Erin and David were better too. JJ's doctors appointment was today and I can't wait to find out the sex of the baby. It's going to be a boy. Somehow I just having this feeling. I just know. Derek and I snuggle a bit then we head downstairs. JJ is standing above the stove with a big smile on her face, and she's cooking breakfast. She turns and her eyes are bright. I walk up and lay my head sleepily on her shoulder. "Whatchya cookin good lookin?" I say. She laughs and tells me.

"Scrambled eggs." she says. She puts a fork up to my mouth and I smile. I open my mouth and she feeds me the eggs. I groan. She has always made great scrambled eggs. Erin and David are at work, and it's just us kids here. We only have tomorrow left out of school then Monday comes. I eat up my breakfast that JJ made, and her and I get ready for the appointment. I throw on my new boots from Christmas, and some black jeans. My red shirt fits nicely and my hair is straight. I grab my purse and look in it. I see the little blue bear that says 'It's a boy' on it. I know it will be. I run downstairs, and kiss Derek before I leave.

"I love you!" I say on my way out the door. I get in the car with Will and JJ then we head out. When we get to the office the doctor smiles at me. Her and I have had talks in these meetings before. She takes JJ to the room, and we all sit down just like the first time we were here. She rubs the gel on JJ's belly and puts the thing on her stomach. After a minute she furrows her brow, and I get a bad feeling in my stomach. She turns the screen away and studies it. JJ's hand goes protectively to the side of her stomach. I panic too. "Is everything okay?" my heart stops when she doesn't answer me right away. Just then we hear the heartbeat.

"Oh my god." the doctor says. I feel JJ squeak. She looks so scared. She grips my hand tight, and it starts to hurt a little bit. "JJ...your baby is fine. Your other one isn't. I really don't understand how we missed it before, but it looks as if you've suffered a miscarriage. You were pregnant with twins." she says and my jaw drops. JJ looks like she is relieved, but then that changes to sadness.

"I was going to have two babies?" she asks the doctor. The doctor nods. "Really?" she asks and she looks confused.

"You're having a little boy though. Do you want to see him?" I smile because I knew he was a boy. I don't know how I knew but I was certain of it. JJ gasps when she sees him. Tears flow over her eyes, and she holds our hands.

"Look at him." JJ says. "My baby." she says with a smile. On our way home JJ was unusually quiet. The whole drive home she kept her hand on her belly. When we got to the house she went straight upstairs and into her room. Will looked at me and frowned.

"Is she goinna be alright?" Will asked me. I bite my lip and hold up my hand.

"I got her Will. Don't come up till I say. Keep others from coming upstairs too." I tell him. I climb the stairs, and knock on Jay's door. "It's me Jay. Let me in." I tell her and I open the door. She is sitting on the bed, and staring into space. I sit down next to her, and take her hand in mine. "You okay Jayjie?" I ask her.

"I'm fine. Just thinking." JJ says.

"About what?" I ask her. I already know but it'll make her feel better about it once she talks.

"I just...I still have my doubts about this. I mean. I'm seventeen years old. I just...I...when she started to freak out my heart stopped. I froze. Everything slowed down and I wanted to make sure that everything was fine. It was like I was dying and my future was passing across my eyes. I imagined blonde hair, and blue eyes. A little laugh, and bedtime stories. Everything I thought I had could've been taken away in a moment. A single moment, and I just thought that if I had lost it my life would be normal again. I don't want it to be normal though. I want this baby! I want everything that comes with it. Yes I may be young, but I can't...I can't...I can't imagine a life with out him anymore. He's the best gift I could have." she says with a small smile.

"Okay. Then what's wrong?" I ask her confused as to why she's upset.

"When she says that I had a second child. That I was pregnant with not one, but two babies. When she said that one was dead but the other one was alive I felt...relieved. How can I feel relieved? My baby died. One of them. I lost a baby, but it doesn't feel that way. I don't know how to feel about it. I shouldn't be relieved, yet I should. It's all just confusing, and I...I lost a baby." she says with tears in her eyes. I think about how I acted after my abortion in Rome.

"JJ...you...there isn't a good way to react when you lose a child. It was still growing inside you. You may not have known about it, but...it was still yours. Yes you have this other one. It's okay to be relieved, and it's okay to be upset." I tell her. I rub her back and she cries a bit. "When...when I was in Rome I kept thinking that if I could do it over I would. If I could then I would take that chance and have my baby no matter how bad things got. I did the same thing you did. I saw this life flash before my eyes and I still went through with it. It's okay to be relieved. I would be. You still have that chance. Cherish it. Yes you lost a baby, but one of them is okay. You can be happy. It'll be okay." I tell her. She turns to me, and wraps her arms around me.

"I love you Emily." she says. I smile a bit.

"I love you too JJ." I say. She holds me tight, and I let her cry. This makes me think of Matthew again. I wonder how he's doing...mother says that his parents hate me and wont answer her calls. I feel so bad. I feel like he is doing drugs, and everything that he does because of me. Of course it wasn't actually my fault that I got pregnant. That was _his _doing. My abortion wasn't his doing though. I had a choice. It was the right choice, but sometimes I can still feel the guilt. I hold JJ a bit longer, and then go back to my room once I tell Will to come in and be with her. I lay down on my bed, and play my music. I think about the songs that are playing and it takes me back.

_"Johnny." I say with a smile. He walks up, and runs a hand over my face lightly._

_"Emily. How are you today beautiful?" he asks me. I smile, and hold his hand that's on my face. I giggle. He is gorgeous. I wrap my arms around his neck and smile as he kisses me. _

_"I haven't been feeling good lately." I say with a small shrug. He came to my bed last night. He made me take off my clothes and he touched me everywhere. He whispered in my ear and he moved in and out of me for the night. I feel tears cloud my eyes, but John can't know what's wrong! I can't tell him. Ever. If I did he will look at me like I'm a victim, or like I cheated on him. I couldn't take that. I never could. He will never look at me the same way. He will pity me. I can't have that. "I love you, ya know?" I say sadly. "I really have to go." I say pulling my sleeves down further. He can't see that either. Matty walks up, and he sees my tears. _

_"Emily! Are you okay?" he asks me. I try to push pass him but he stops me. I wrap my arms around him, and he does the same to me. _

_"I can't." I say. _

_"Let me take you home." my eyes widen and I shake my head no._

_"No. No. No. I can't...I can't go home. I can't. I don't want too." he'll hurt me. I finish in my head. I know he's home._

_"Let me take you home. I'll stay with you, and we can lay down together. Listen to Stevie. Come on Emily. Just as friends." he says. I nod. John watches us, and I know he's angry. He has every right to be. Matty takes me home and Thomas scowls when he walks in. We both go up to my room, and I can't stop thinking about last night. I have pushed everything into my boxes but I can let go when I listen to Stevie and let Matty hold me tight. We lay down and the music moves through my room. _

_Has anyone ever written anything for you  
>In all your darkest hours<br>Have you ever heard me sing  
>Listen to me now<br>You know I'd rather be alone  
>Than be without you<br>Don't you know_

Has anyone ever given anything to you  
>In your darkest hours<br>Did you ever give it back  
>Well, I have<br>I have given that to you  
>If it's all I ever do<br>This is your song

_I feel like she's talking to me when she says this. Matty stays till it gets dark. "I have to go Emily." he says. I grab onto him, and hold his arm to me._

_"Please. Please don't go. Please stay. I'm begging you. Please. You can't leave me here." He's going to hurt me again, Matty! Don't let him hurt me. I stay silent again about it. I can't tell him, but I'm praying he'll know if I look at him hard enough. That night I lay down, and wait. I wait in fear. "Emily." he whispers to me from my door. I look at him and shake my head._

_"Go away." I tell him. Instead he walks in, and comes over to me. He gets on top of me, and I struggle underneath him. "Please stop this. Please go." I tell him. _

_"Who was that boy you brought over?" he asks me. I shake my head. I can't tell him Matty's name. He puts his hand at my throat, and I cry. "Tell me!" he says. I want to scream but I can't breathe._

_"Mat...Matt...Matty." I get out. He smiles._

_"Oh. That's Matthew." he says. "Did he touch you?" he asks me. I shake my head no, and he slaps me. "Don't lie you little whore." he says._

_"I'm not lying please go away." I beg him. He yanks down my pajama pants, and touches me. I turn my head because I can't stand the feel of him. "Stop. Please stop." I say._

_"This is mine. No one but me touches you. You hear me you little whore!" he says as he...gets inside. I close my eyes, and go away. After he is gone I go and get in the shower. I wash every part of my body, and make sure everything he did is washed away. I see a razor sitting there on my sink. I did it last night. I knew what I did was wrong but it felt so good. I reach for the shiny blade, and I look at it. I put it to my skin then I push down. The blood seeps out of my skin, and I feel the pain go away. The hot water burns it in a good way. I put a towel to it, and hold it till the blood stops. I take care of it. I rub the ointment on it, and bandage it up. I can't do this anymore. It's bad, and I know it's bad but it feels so good._

My thoughts of my blade, and Thomas, and Matty are interrupted by a knock on my door. Derek walks in and I smile. It doesn't reach my eyes though. "Hey baby. I haven't seen you since you got home. You kinda went straight upstairs. You okay?" he asks me. I shrug.

"I don't know why, but I keep thinking about Rome today. I just...I hate it." I say as he hugs me. He lays down with me, and holds me. My tape stopped long ago.

"I know baby. I know. I hate when you think about it because all I wanna do is hug you and hold you. I always just want to make you feel better." he says.

"You do make me feel better. You're here. You're my protector." I say. It's not a lie. He protects me. He always has. Forever, and ever. "I love you." I say to him.

"I love you too. I will always be there for you Emily. I won't let anyone hurt you again." he says. I smirk. That's the Derek Morgan way.

"JJ is having a boy." I tell him. He smiles and looks at me.

"Wow. You were right. How'd you know?" he asks me. I shrug.

"I just...had a feeling." I tell him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asks me. I nod.

"I'm fine." I tell him. He sighs loudly and I turn to him.

"What was that for?" I ask him. He bites his lip before answering.

"It's just...some times you say you're fine but the truth is you aren't. Why won't you talk to me Em?" he asks me. I get uncomfortable.

"That's not fair." I say to him slightly angry. He looks at me in confusion. "You don't talk to me about anything. I don't even know why you're here." I tell him. He frowns and I can feel him pulling away from me. "Every time I ask you something I don't pry because I'm afraid that you'll...you'll pull away from me." I say. I stand up, and I wrap my arms around myself. I look at him, and I instantly regret saying anything. His face is full of pain, and hurt. "I hurt you. I knew you would be mad with me. I shouldn't have ever said anything. I...I'm sorry. Please don't be mad." I hit myself for being submissive with him. I know I shouldn't be but I'm so scared of him being mad at me. He looks at me, and pulls on my arm. He brings me too him. I don't look at him, but he moves my chin toward him.

"I love you. I won't be mad at you. I'm glad you told me. How long have you been feeling this way?" he asks me. I shrug.

"Since I met your mother." he looks at me shocked.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asks me.

"I don't know. I was just...scared I guess. You were so depressed and I wanted to help you but I could never get you to open up to me then we were all mad at each other and everything happened." he stops me before my rambling get's worse.

"Baby...You don't have to be scared to come to me with things. We need to talk about things. It will help our relationship. I won't do the things other guys did. I won't get mad at you. I won't hate you." he says moving my hair away. I nod. "Em...I need to tell you something." he says and I shake my head.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want too." I tell him.

"I want to though." he says. "When I was fourteen I started to play football at the local youth center." he says. I'm scared of what he'll say. "I was the star player. One day I was changing in the locker, and..." he takes a minute and puts a hand to his face. "I...Carl...my coach he...he brushed against me, and I didn't think anything of it. He became like a father figure to me. He...then he..." Derek was crying now, and he doesn't have to finish. I know what he did. I know now. I could've assumed, but now I know.

"I know what he did. You don't have to say. I know how you felt. I felt that way every night that, that man would...leave me alone in my bed. Feeling violated. I know what you feel." I say, and he nods. We hold each other and I cry for him. He is the sweetest most wonderful man I know. How could someone ever hurt him? He holds me, and soon we just lay in silence. Me wrapped up in his arms. The warmth and love I feel is amazing.

* * *

><p>That night after dinner David and Erin are on the couch together being oddly, and grossly affectionate. JJ, Pen and I are sitting in the kitchen after dinner. JJ is sipping on some juice, and eating her fritos. Pen and I are drinking hot tea. "So how have you and Kevin been?" I ask her. She looks at me in shock.<p>

"I didn't tell you?" Penelope says.

"Tell me what?" I ask in confusion.

"We broke up." she says simply. I look at her in shock. They were perfect for each other.

"Why?" I say a little bit sad.

"He proposed!" she says in a loud, 'I think he's crazy now' voice. I laugh a little, and so does JJ. "It's official. I have been asked to get married at age seventeen." Pen says. I laugh at her and shake my head.

"Will proposed when I told him I was pregnant." JJ says. I smiled, but then quickly frowned.

"Wait a minute! Am I the only one at this table that hasn't been proposed to yet?" I ask with a small laugh. JJ and Pen think about it for a minute then we all laugh.

"Wow. I never thought of that." JJ says with a smile. "You're a winner." she says with a laugh.

"So you said no huh?" I ask Penelope.

"I'm seventeen. I'm just...not ready for that. I still have college and everything to go through..." Pen says. "I just want to have a bit of fun. Since our dark haired beauty stole my chocolate god of thunder I must find a new one so I know what it's like to be with perfection." she says in a matter-of-fact tone. I give her I smirk.

"Well, just in case you did want to know...it's wonderful." I say with a laugh. I take a drink of my tea, and shake my head at the look on their faces.

"Oh Emily. You've got the taste of Chocolate. You aren't ever going back." Pen says, and I laugh.

"I don't want too. So, JJ why did you say no? I mean with the baby and all." I ask her. She shrugs.

"I don't know. It's just...at my age I already have one thing tying me down, I love my baby but it's the truth, and I just...I don't need another. It's not a big deal." JJ says with a small nervous laugh.

"I don't think it is either." I tell her. She smiles at me, and I smile back. Soon we finish our drinks and turn in for the night. Instead of my bed though I find myself in the nursery. I slip on old clothes, and set up a light. I play soft music and I paint the light green on the walls. Hours pass and I find myself staring at a blank green wall. I take the brown and start to paint my monkeys. I look at the clock and see the time. I have been painting for four hours. It's four in the morning. I rub my eyes, and consider taking a shower before curling up next to Derek, but I'm too tired. I strip down and lay next to my boyfriend. I curl up to him, and soon I am fast asleep.

_"Emily. It's Matthew." Johnny says. It was raining outside and we both are drenched. I stare at him. "He's dead. It was a heart attack." I gasp. Not Matty. Not my Matty. Please no. When I get home I see Derek and Sadie. I walk right into Derek's arms and dissolve. Why Matty? The drugs. They said that the drugs took him. It's all my fault. He's dead and I killed him!_

_"Whata wong mama?" Sadie asks me but I can't answer. _

_"He's dead. Matty died." I say crying in Derek's arms. I can't do this. I can't. Not Matty why Matty. I pick Sadie up and she wraps her little arms around me._

_"Don' cry mama. It k." she says, and I cry even harder. I rock back and forth with my baby. He isn't dead. He can't be. The world around me dissapears and somehow I'm in my old room again. I hear his voice coming from my door._

_"Emily." he calls, and I let out a scream but it's silent. He comes over and pins me. I can here Sadie crying. I have to go help her. Where's Derek? "They're dead. They're all dead. I told you I could make them disappear." he says, and I let out a scream. _

My eyes pop open and I'm still screaming. Why is this happening again? Will the pain ever stop?

**Thank you for reading! ReVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! REVIEW or I will stop staying up so late to make updates! It's so late. I should really stop this, but I love you guys so much! It's hard to stop when I have all the motivation! Once more I really suggest that you look up some of the music that I write on here. I love it! Let me know if you do. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. REVIEWS!(:**


	23. Chapter 23

**Holy crap! I'm at 23 chapters! Thank you to anybody who has reviewed. I love the love! Warning violence and a bit of craziness in the beginning.**

**Guest: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR KNOWING AND LIKING THE MUSIC! I love this music. It's my favorite even though it's way older than me. Stevie is a hero to me and her music is so very timeless! Thank you for reviewing that.(:**

"Emily! Are you okay?! I got you...I got you." Derek says holding onto me. Everyone in the house comes to my door, and peers in but I'm too busy crying on Derek's shoulder. He holds me, and I can't get that voice to go away. Derek shews everybody away, and I climb onto his lap. He holds me, and I put my ear to his chest.

"He killed you. He killed them. I can't...Derek..." I cry into his shoulder, and hold him tightly. I can't hear his heart. I need too. I need to hear him. I need to feel him. I need him. "Derek. I need you...I need you so bad." I say. "He killed you. He killed them. Sadie was crying and...then she just...she just stopped crying and he told me what he did! Derek...he killed Sadie. He killed Dylan. He killed you. I need you." I say to him. I need him. "He...ra...raped..me again, and again, and again...I need love. I need to make him stop! Make him stop! Please." I say. I'm not in control. I need control. I need him out of me! I need Derek to replace him. I need love not violence. I need Derek. I need to feel Derek against me. His heart beating fast. I need to feel him inside me. I need him. I dry my tears and kiss Derek hard. He pulls away, and my world crashes around me. "Please Derek."

"Em...we can't. This is crazy. You just had a bad dream, David and Erin are in the other room, you're vulnerable. I can't do that to you. I can't use you." he says and I shake my head.

"You won't be using me. Derek do this for me. Please. I need him to go away, and...to make him go away I need you." the plan was great in my head, but my head is a head for the damaged. The damaged don't have great plans. I'm not thinking clearly. "Derek!" I say. I reach for my top, and throw it over my head. I lean forward, and kiss his neck. He groans, but pushes me away.

"Emily. I can't. Not when you're like this." for some reason his rejection makes me angry, and just upsets me further. I climb off of him and stand up.

"Why?!" I half yell at him. "I need you right now! Why are you so damn...gahh!" I yell. I open my door and walk out. I run into the bathroom, and slam the door in Derek's face. I lock it quickly, and sit on the cold tile floor. I need something to make me feel better. I need anything to help me forget. I look up, and see the cabinet that I put my secret weapon in when I first came here. I bite my lip and go forward. I look up and see the medicine cabinet too. David has pain killers in there. Razor or pain killers? Both will help. Both are bad though. Both will get me caught. If I cut myself it leaves a mark. If I get fucked up then it stays for a couple hours, but Derek would know when I left the bathroom. I hear Derek knocking on the bathroom door begging me to come out. I can't. I don't want to hear him. Instead I start a bath and make the water high up. I don't know how late it is, but soon I hear JJ knocking and saying things to me too. "GO AWAY!" I yell. I'm not in the mood for this. They're just making it worse. I need everything to just stop! Make it fucking stop. This is how I felt every time I had a bad nightmare. Every time he left my bed. I would see him everywhere. Feel him everywhere. I need him off of me. I need to forget. The flashbacks are worse tonight then they have been since I've been here. Maybe it was because I thought about Matty the day before.

_"Emily. I killed them. They're all dead. Now I have you forever." _

_"This is mine!" I let out a scream as he shoves his fingers inside._

_"Stop struggling you little bitch. Take it. I know you love it."_

He needs to stop he needs to go away. I sit in the bath, and reach for my razor. It's the less logical of the choices but it's never let me down before I strip down and get in the bathtub. I take my razor out, and look at it shine. I can't remember why mother had this thing. Maybe it was an old time one she got at an auction. It does the trick though. The blade is sharp, and it feels so good to even hold it in my hand again. I need to cut somewhere casual. Somewhere I can say that I just cut myself on a table edge a few days ago. "Emily. Please come out. I'm not leaving anytime soon." Derek says.

"I'm not going anywhere either." JJ says. This will disappoint them so much. They'll look at me like I'm a basket case. Not like they already don't but this would hurt them. I turn to the pills now. David will know that they are missing. I sit in the bath holding the razor, and cry. Just then the door is unlocked from the outside and I hear it open. I look up in shock, and try to hide the razor but I'm too late. JJ walks in and gasps.

"Jay it isn't. I'm not...I..." _Well great Emily. You've been caught red handed. _"JJ I..." I start to hyperventilate and I can't. Derek walks in too, and he sees it. He puts a hand over his mouth. "I wasn't going too...I wasn't going to kill myself. I...I was just going..." that look. That pity. Why!? Why are they looking at me like that? They need to stop. I feel tears hit my eyes, and I hide my face in shame. I feel like throwing up.

"Why Emily?" JJ asks me. I look at her and she's so hurt. That's bad for the baby. That's stress. She shouldn't be stressing over me. I shake and drop the razor in my hand. I'm dreaming aren't I? Right? Right? Everyone is silent.

"I just...JJ why did you come in here? I decided not to!" I say through tears. "I needed some way to...to...feel. I needed to feel something. I...Derek rejected me, and I came in here. I remembered that I brought it, and it...it always feels so good when I do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't hate me. Please don't hate me." I cry. "This is bad for the baby. I shouldn't have hurt you like this I...god damn it! I fuck up everything. He was right." I cry. Why tonight? Why now? Why does he haunt me now? Why am I going through another mental breakdown tonight!? Oh no. They're going to tell David and Erin. They'll pity me. They'll...I...god. What if they send me away? What if they say I'm crazy? What...I can't leave. What if Derek breaks up with me? I can't. I can't move. I'm naked, but they're standing there. I'm still in the bathtub. I need to get out. I need to lock myself in a dark room, and swallow as many pills as I can. Fade to black and never have to deal with the pain of their hurt. I hurt them so much. I don't want to hurt them. I close my eyes, and I don't look at them. JJ picks up the razor, and holds it in her hand. I can hear her moving it. I hide from her. "Please leave." I say in a whisper. JJ walks out, but Derek stays. "Stop looking at me like that. Just. Stop." I say. I hear him close the door, and shift around a little bit. "Leave me alone. I don't want your pity or your shame." I tell him. Just then I feel the water move, and bare arms wrap around me. He lays us back, and shifts so I'm laying half on top of him. "I'm sorry." I say. I still can't look at him. I'm too scared.

"I'm not mad Emily. Just scared. I...I didn't know that you were..." he takes a breath. He is confused as to how he missed it.

"I haven't done it since before I came here. I haven't had a dream like that since I came here. It was so bad, and I just needed to feel this. We didn't even need to have sex. I just needed to feel your heart beat." I say my voice hoarse from crying. I close my eyes and lay my head on his chest. I can hear it. _Thump. Thump. Thump. _I kiss his chest and he holds me tight.

"You need to talk to JJ. You need to make sure that she doesn't think about her sister. I don't want to upset you anymore than I have to, but JJ won't do well with this. Let's just lay here for a bit then we can go talk to her. Let her know that you wont ever do that again." Derek says. I lean up and look at him. I see love in his eyes, but I am shocked. Did I hurt JJ that much?

"Is that how..." I can't finish it, but Derek nods.

"Jay found her in the bathtub. It was...it was bad." I look at him in shock, and my bottom lip trembles. I pull away from him, and grab a towel. I hurt her so bad. I...I can't believe I did that. I wrap the towel around me, and think of anything to say to her. I ignore Derek as he tries to tell me it's okay. I push him away again. All I can think about is how much I've hurt her. She's pregnant too. This is so bad. She's emotional. I...can't...I'm such a fuck up. I just mess up everything I touch. No one knew about my cutting. No one. Why did they have to walk in? Why them? I get dressed and I'm back to that numb feeling. I sit on my bed and stare at the wall. Derek comes in, but I tell him to go to his own room. I can't deal with him right now. He looks uncomfortable, but he goes anyways. "I love you Emily."

"I love you too Derek." I say softly. I just wanna be alone right now. I can't be though. I have to talk to JJ. I walk across the room and see Will rubbing her back as she holds the razor. Will gives me that look, and I hate him now. "I wish people would stop looking at me like that. It's condescending enough with out your pity and shame." I say bitterly. Will sighs, and looks down. I know he feels guilty about it, but I don't care right now. JJ is crying, and I feel myself wanting to throw up. "I'm so sorry JJ. I just...I know you hate me, and I can't change that. I just want you to forgive me someday. I don't think I can handle you hating me. I know I'm a fuck up. I'm just sorry." I say and the tears come. "I'm so numb. I wasn't going to kill myself. I just needed to feel Jayjie. Every night I would just...lay there. I just stopped fighting. I was numb. Then I would take the razor and it would feel so good. The pain would feel so good because I felt something. I know that isn't an excuse but I would never, ever do that to you guys. Before you came in I made the decision not to cut myself. I made it because I knew what I was doing was wrong. Then you came in and you looked so hurt so upset. I hate to hurt you. I hate to see you hurt. I hate myself for hurting you." I say quietly. I stand up, and I go to walk out the door.

"I love you Emily. I understand. I just need some time. I forgive you though." she says through tears. I walk out of her room, and go back to the bathroom. I empty the contents of my stomach, and put my hair up in a pony tail after. Sweat is on my face. I go to my room and strip down to my underwear and a t-shirt. It's too hot in here. I lay in my bed all alone for the rest of the night. I don't sleep. I damaged my relationship, my friendship, and possibly my future here. They will tell David and Erin. David and Erin will talk to me. I'm just not ready for that.

* * *

><p>"Emily? You up yet?" I hear the knock on my door, but I don't want to open it. Yes, I'm up. I've been up since the incident that happened at 3 in the morning. Derek hasn't come to my door yet. Pen is behind it right now. I can't bring myself to talk to her though. Just then my door opens. I feel a dip in my bed.<p>

"I know you're awake Emily." I hear the rough voice of David Rossi. I'll never get used to him being dad. He'll always be David. "JJ told me what she saw that night." my eyes close, and I cover my face. The shame that has come from this is unbearable. "She is pretty broken about it." You don't have to remind me. "I told Erin too." before he keeps talking to me I say what's on my mind.

"This is when you tell me I'm crazy, and you send me away forever because I'm a basket case. I understand." I say. I really hate myself for what I did. "It's fine I guess. I don't deserve you guys anyways." I say. I think I scared David because my voice is so far and so cold. I'm numb again.

"No Bella. I would never send you away. You're my little girl. Why would you think you don't deserve us?" he asks. He sounds sad.

"I keep fucking your guys' life up. First I get myself sent here because I'm weak and couldn't fight Thomas off. Then I get here and I get with a guy and I let him abuse me. I let him do that. I get out of that, and somehow he manages to get me. I'm stupid. I'm fucking stupid. I get a great guy, and a wonderful family. One dream, and I'm back to old habits. I knew you guys would hate me after you found out about me hurting myself. I haven't done it in so long. I stopped because I didn't need it anymore. One night I choose that I may want to do it. Then I heard their voices and I go to put it away. They came in though. They caught me holding it, and I didn't have one good reason. I told you. I fuck things up." I say. David sighs.

"You aren't a fuck up Bella. You never LET anyone do anything to you. They took something from you. You aren't weak. You're strong. Stronger than your mother or me. You are smart. You aren't stupid. You didn't...it's not your fault you were hurting. Emily...you should just go talk to them. You need them right now. They need you." David gets up and leaves. Derek comes in my room a few times that day, but I don't move from my spot. I'm hungry, but I'm still feeling sick. I don't feel like eating. I don't feel like moving. I just want to lay here. Staring at the wall. I close my eyes, and think of Sadie and Dylan and Derek. Soon I'm off in a dreamworld that is perfect.

_"Honey I'm home." I say with a bright smile that reaches my eyes. Derek turns around, and wraps his arms around me. _

_"MOMMY!" Sadie yells and she runs toward me. I pick her up, and wrap my arms around her tightly. "I wuvs you so much mommy. Was you working?" she asks me. _

_"Mommy was on a case, but I'm home now." I say kissing my baby girls nose. She hugs me again, and I hold onto her. The last case was a rough case. It's hard to understand how a human being can do that to another human being. Derek wraps his arms around us, and I smile. A baby is missing though, and I want to wrap my arms around him too. "Is my boy sleeping?" I ask Derek. Derek nods, and I frown a bit. I let Sadie down, and climb the stairs. When I get up there I see my little boy fast asleep in his crib. He has dark skin. Not as dark as Derek's but a little bit darker than Sadie's. He's got his daddy's hair, unlike Sadie. It's a little mini afro and it's the cutest thing in the universe. Sadie's is long and soft and silky. My hair. I touch his little face, and he stirs a bit. He's about two now, and cuter than ever. His eyes open, and I see a smile. I laugh when I see that smile. I pick him up, and hold him close to my chest. I sit in the rocking chair, and close my eyes. I hate being away from my baby boy. I kiss his little cheek, and smile at him. He smiles back at me, and I love to see him smile. "Mommy loves you so much Dylan Michael. I won't ever let anyone hurt you. Ever." I say to him. He smiles at me, and soon I hear Sadie. _

_"Mama! Mama! Mama!" he repeats. I laugh. I love my baby boy._

_"MOMMY! DINNER'S DONE!" Sadie yells. I smile and grab Dylan a toy. I carry him down the stairs. When I get into the kitchen I see Sadie jumping up and down coming toward me. She is a crazy ball of energy sometimes. "Mommy! Mommy! Daddy let me cook mommy! I stirred the green beans mommy!" she yelled jumping up and down holding my pants. We have found that's the best way to get her to eat. Let her cook it, and she'll eat it all up. _

_"Really? I bet they're the best!" I say with my eyes wide, and a smile on my face. She smiles too. "Come on. Get in your chair." she gets in her booster chair and sits down with a smile. I put Dylan in his high chair, and he babbles on. I cut up a banana, and give him some shredded chicken to eat. He smiles, and plays with it mostly. Sadie sits in her chair, and waits for me to put her plate in front of her. I cut her chicken up a bit too, and give her the plate. She picks up her fork, and slumps. "Sade. Remember how I told you to sit." Sadie smiles and straightens her back. She picks up her fork and takes a bite of her green beans. Derek and I smile at each other before eating our own chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. After dinner I clean Dylan up, and notice the clock says 7. I get the kids together, and look at Sadie. "Do you want mommy to give you a bath or daddy?" I ask her. She smiles. _

_"Mommy!" she says. I laugh, and pick her up. Derek takes Dylan to the bathroom in our bedroom while I take Sadie to the bathroom and run the water._

_"Check." I tell her. She then puts her hand under the warm water and nods. I help her get her day clothes off, and she steps into the bath. "So, what did you Dylan and Daddy do while I was gone?" she smiles, and her eyes go wide.  
><em>

_"Daddy take me to the park, and we play soccer! Dylan like the butterfly that flied on his nose. They were pretty. I like butterfly too. We went to the swings too and they was..." I smile at my daughter as she tells me about her day with her daddy and her brother. Derek is so great with them. As she tells me about the monkey bars and how strong she is I wash her hair, and wash her. I add in over exaggerated 'really?'s sometimes, and laugh at her adorable face. When I get her dressed in her jammy's I see Derek walk out of the bathroom with an extremely wet t-shirt. I laugh because I knew that was going to happen. Dylan doesn't care about getting water all over the place. I brush out Sadie's hair, and then we go to her room. She doesn't stop talking until she's tucked in._

_"What do you want to hear tonight?" I ask her. She smiles. I look at her impressive book collection for a 3 year old and she speaks up._

_"I don't want to read mommy. I want you sing to me." I look at her in surprise, but instead of picking a book I sit next to her. She curls into me and I brush her hair out of her eyes. _

_"What do you want to hear baby?" I ask her. She smiles again._

_"Stevie." I am so proud that my daughter knows the name of my hero, and knows her songs well enough to sing them around the house. I nod. _

_"What song?" I ask She smiles again._

_"Landslide." she says. I smile. That's her favorite. I cough then start to sing._

_Took this love and I took it down  
>Climbed a mountain and I turned around<br>And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills  
>Till the landslide brought me down<em>

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?  
>Can the child within my heart rise above?<br>And can I sail through the changing ocean tides  
>Can I handle the seasons of my life?<br>Oh oh I don't know, oh I don't know

Well, I've been afraid of changing  
>'Cause I've built my life around you<br>But time makes you bolder  
>Children get older I'm getting older too<p>

_I barely make it through the first verse before she is fast asleep. Derek shows up at the door, and helps me out of Sadie's bed. He leans down and kisses our daughter. "Night my gorgeous princess." he whispers. I take his hand and we get ready for bed._

I open my eyes and my stomach is cramping. I really need to get something to eat. I get down stairs and JJ looks at me. I walk up to her and smile a bit. "I really am sorry. I swear to you that you will never ever have to worry about me ever again. I swear." I say. She wraps me in a hug, and I feel so much better. "I'm sorry about today too, I was just really tired, and laying up there was easier than facing you all." JJ nods in understanding.

"It's okay. I was just a bit frightened." she tells me. I nod and smile a bit. "I love you Emy." she says wrapping her arms around me tightly. I hug her too as much as her bulging belly will allow. Will smiles at me, and I smile back a little bit embarrassed about last night. Time to fix my relationship. I go down to the basement, and watch him pummel his punching bag. I lean against the door and watch him. He is so gorgeous. The way his muscles flex with every punch. Every move. I groan a bit, and he turns around immediately. I smirk, and he takes his gloves off. I walk toward him, and we wrap our arms around each other. I dig my head into his neck and kiss it for a minute. "I'm sorry." I say. He holds me tight, and puts his face in my hair.

"I'm sorry too." he says. I nod.

"I love you." I tell him. He holds me a bit tighter, and I feel him take a deep breath. I look up at him and he smiles a bit.

"I love you too." he says. He leans down and kisses me. I kiss him back. I close my eyes and open my mouth to him. Soon his hands wander down toward my ass then to my thighs. He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around him. His lips travel down my neck nipping and biting every so often. He groans, and pushes his hips toward mine. I moan and do the same thing. I put on some sweats before coming downstairs, unfortunately, but that doesn't seem to stop him from finding his way into them. I moan loudly as he pushes one of his fingers into me. My eyes close, and my head falls back. I reach for him too.

"Need. You. Now." I say trying not to be loud.

"I don't have a condom." he says. I shake my head though. I see the bag I had brought down here so very long ago sitting on the floor, and I point at it.

"I forgot I had those. Front right pocket. Don't ask me, just get them." I tell him. He reaches into the barely used gym bag and pulls out a packet. I groan at the loss of his fingers. He quickly pulls me into the bathroom down there, and pushes me against the door. I lock it behind me, and push Derek's pants down. He groans, and I moan. Our lips connect so we're quiet. He moves fast in and out. I bite on his shoulder to keep from yelling out. The whole family is upstairs. They could hear us at any moment in time, or come down here and know. Derek keeps moving, and I feel a stirring in my stomach. I let out a groan and it's over. When we're both finished he lets me back down on the ground, and I feel that my knees are weak. I kiss him, and he kisses back. I smile into the kiss. "Wow...people are right about that." I say tracing lines near his jaw and ear.

"Right about what?" he asks me. I smile.

"How freaking amazing make up sex is." I say with a wink. He laughs too, and shakes his head.

"That was pretty amazing." he says with a large smile. He wraps his arms around me, and I know I'm safe. I'm really safe, and that's what matters. We go upstairs, and I wrap my arms around David.

"I'm sorry daddy. I won't ever do it again I promise." I say. David just smiles, and hugs me.

"I know you won't do it again. It wasn't your fault anyways. You were just in pain." he says. I nod. I grab myself something to eat, and Derek and I cuddle while we watch tv on the couch. I close my eyes and I can see our family. Sadie, Dylan, Derek and me. With Derek around. We'll always be safe. He's my savior, my protector, and my best friend.

**Thank you for reading! Whooooo! Friday! I'm so thankful for weekends. Anyways, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! You know the drill. I would love to know about your love for this story, or chapter. It doesn't matter as long as you review! REVIEW REVIEW! Goodnight!(:**


	24. Chapter 24

**I HAVE OVER 100 REVIEWS! YAY! I'm really excited about that! Thank you to everyone who is sticking with me through this!(: Time jump to April. JJ is VERY pregnant. A little bit more than 7 months. I am really eager to get to summer in this story. (real life too) Naughty Demily in this chapter!...a lot of naughty Demily. We needed a break from intensity! REALLY LONG CHAPTER! Very naughty. Anyways, ****ENJOY!**

**Guest: The only problem with something involving prom would be the fact that they aren't seniors yet. They are still juniors. JJ and Will would get to go, and I may be able to work that out. Since it's in Emily's POV though I don't think that would work. Maybe if I make a sequel into their senior year, or if this story lasts to their senior year.**

"Baby. Baby...you have to wake up." I say moving Derek a bit. I'm dressed and ready for school, and he's still sleeping. One more day of school then Spring break. The weather outside is beautiful. I'm even more excited about our Spring Break trip this year. David and Erin are letting me, Pen, Derek, JJ, and Will to visit New Orleans. One more day! Then I get to sing on the French quarter. I kick Derek, and he groans. Just then his arms wrap around me, and my shirt rides up my hips. He kisses me, and I feel the breeze through my open window. Derek attaches his lips to mine, and I giggle. I'm excited about all of this too.

"Can't we just skip today? We can lay here and cuddle all day and not have to imagine being locked in a car with JJ for that long." he says making me lay down with him. I smile and kiss him. I lay my hands on his face, and nuzzle his nose with mine.

"Well...I would love to skip, but Mister we have two tests today. I hope you studied!" I say with a smile. He smiles a smile too. I stand, but he still holds me. He opens his legs and I stand between them while he remains sitting.

"You know I studied." he says with a mischievous smirk. I know he studied. We both studied, and enjoyed the hell out of it. "Oh, Em...I think I forgot what is the symbol for iron on the periodic table? Man...it has how many...I can't believe I forgot this. Can I take a peek at my study guide?" he asks me and I laugh a bit. I look around my room, and then raise up my shirt to show a pretty periodic block written right above my belly button. "Best. Study. Guide. Ever." he says, and I blush. He pulls me forward, and kisses me. "I'll never forget Hafnium. That one is forever fried in my brain." he says, and I giggle a bit. That won't be the last time we study like that. He holds me, and we get a move on it. I can't wait to be alone with him in New Orleans. We run down the stairs.

"You guys have tests today right?" I smile a bit.

"We're good! We studied." Derek says. I laugh when I hear David mumble.

"Yeah. That's the issue." he says and I laugh out loud. Because he's sitting down, I walk up behind him and hug him from behind. I kiss his cheek.

"Don't worry dad. At least we'll past the test." I say with a giggle. He scowls at me. "It was a joke!" I say. Then we're all of to our cars. We're taking Will's new suv to New Orleans tonight. It's nice and big. It can fit 5 people comfortably. We head to school, and I spend my whole day looking at the clock. In Chem class I feel my phone vibrate. _How do you think you did? _I read. I look back at Derek who is playing on his phone. After class Misses Dones doesn't really care what you do as long as you shut up. I smile.

_I actually had a little bit of trouble with my balancing of chemicals. _I write to him with a smirk. I look back and he drops his jaw.

_How on Earth? I mean...do you remember what I did? Every answer right... _He stops right there and I know what happened next. I bite my lip, and close my eyes. The smile on my face is unmistakable. What we did was every answer we got right the opposite person would remove some clothing. Then one of us would write said answer on a part of the exposed parts. Then we would study it. We would study it a lot.

_I'm joking. In fact_ _I think I aced it. _I write with a smile. I turn around and he winks at me. Just then the bell rings. Thank god! I can get out of here! I run to Derek, and place my arms around his neck. His hands go around my hips, and he kisses him. "You ready for a whole week...to ourselves...in a hotel room...in a foreign city. I can't wait to get you alone." I say into his mouth. His lips attach to mine again, and I press my hips against his. I really can't wait.

"A little bit more studying will do. Studying is the best." he says kissing me. His hands are low, and I forget that we are in a crowded hallway making out. Just then we hear a loud clearing of someones throat. I turn around to see . I bite my lip, and smirk a bit.

"What? We were just leaving." I say with my best smile. I grab Derek's hand, and we go to my car. When we get in I take his hand as I drive home. We run into the house, and grab our bags that we already packed. I grab the money mom gave me for the trip, which I must admit is quite a bit of cash, and put it in my bag. We all throw our bags into the suv and I change out of my school clothes into something a bit more trip worthy. I put on sweat's and a tight shirt that rides up. It takes JJ at least an hour to remember everything, and it's so hard not to laugh at her. She wasn't a big fan of going on this trip. I grab my guitars, and records. She pees before we go, but I know she'll have to go again in an hour. David and Erin hug us each.

"Stay safe. If you need anything call me. Right away. I mean it. Even if you guys get in trouble." he says looking at me. I laugh and shake my head. "Ti amo bella." he says. I smile and say I love him back.

"Bye dad." I say with a smile. I've been calling him that more often because I really have gotten used to it. I hug Erin and wait for what she has to say to me.

"You have condoms right? I don't need another hormonal JJ walking around. She's bad enough now that there is one of her." Erin says, and I look at her in shock. Did Erin just ask me if I had condoms? Awkward.

"Um...wow. Yeah...I have them in my bag." I say. She smiles.

"Good answer. Have fun." she says. Wow. I shake it off, and hug my Spence.

"Be good. I have a few books laying out on my bed. Go for it." I say with a smile. He smiles too, and I ruffle his hair.

"You guys ready?" Will asks holding his and JJ's bags. We all nod, and go in for one more hug. A cheer of goodbyes, and we love you's are yelled from the door. Will starts out to drive. Jay in the passenger seat. Pen, Derek, and I in the back. I cuddle up to Derek, and throw my legs over his lap. Pen is tapping away on her laptop even in the car. Her head phones are on and she is blocked out from the world. Derek's fingers are on my hip, and he is moving it back and forth a bit. I move a little and look up at him.

"Stop that." I whisper to him. He smiles.

"What am I doing princess?" he says with a mischievous smirk. The bastard knows what he is doing! I move my hand to his and move his hand off my hip. I bite my lip, and close my eyes. Soon his hand is back. This time it's wrapped all the way around to the front of my jeans. Instead of the bare skin of my hip he starts to caress the spot right under my belly button. I look up to the front where JJ and Will are. It's dark, and we've been in the car for a bit. I turn to Penelope who is still oblivious to the world around her. Derek moves his hand a bit, but I swat him away. He needs to stop.

"Stop it Derek. I'm serious. You're making me feel way to good for being in a crowded car." I tell him. He smirks at me and moves his hand a tiny bit underneath the band of my sweats.

"No one is paying attention..." he says leaning down, and kissing me. I kiss him, and melt in his arms. This guy knows how to kiss. I squirm in my seat, and I suddenly hate him for doing this to me. He knew what he was doing. The radio plays loudly because Will is driving and that's how Will likes it. It's on a classic rock channel, and the song that should have not come on the radio came on the radio. This dirty song that would get me more riled up that I already am.

_She was a fast machine she kept her motor clean  
>She was the best damn woman that I ever seen<br>She had the sightless eyes telling me no lies  
>Knocking me out with those American thighs<br>Taking more than her share  
>Had me fighting for air<br>She told me to come but I was already there  
>Cause the walls start shaking<br>The earth was quaking  
>My mind was aching<br>And we were making it  
>And you shook me all night long<br>Yeah you shook me all night long_

Damn AC/DC and it's filthy songs. Derek was still kissing me though, and the song didn't help. Soon we weren't just kissing. He unbuckled himself, and me then moved us into a better position. Because I was in the middle he decided it would be best to maneuver us more toward the door. He lays back and I practically sit on his lap. I open my mouth to him, and he wraps his arms around me. Damn him. His hand goes to grip my ass, and make me move on him a little bit. Our tongues battle, and I moan a small moan. Somehow no one has noticed us yet. Will is driving, Pen and JJ have headphones in. I shift on his lap, and attack his lips again. He moves his lips down my neck and it takes everything in me not to moan. His lips travel lower, and lower until they reach the top of my shirt. He frowns a bit then moves my shirt up a little bit till he can see enough of my skin. He licks my stomach right under my breasts, and nibbles his way down as far as he can go. I close my eyes, and put a hand over my own mouth to stop whatever sound I know I'm making. He looks up at me, and then I lean down to kiss him again. I can't believe this is real. This is actually happening. I'm making out with my boyfriend in my best friend's boyfriend's car. While everyone is around us. He plays with the belly button ring I put in before the trip. He kisses my neck, and moves his hand lower and lower. It pushes through the sweats and the underwear. So close to the intended destination then it's ruined. "REALLY?" JJ says. We both snap away from each other, and I bite my lip. "Can't you guys just wait till we get to our hotel to get all hot and heavy?" she asks me. I smile.

"Guess we'll have to wait...another 12 hours. Told you Derek." I say turning to him. The rest of the ride is tedious and exhausting. We switch drivers every hour or so. It's a fifteen hour drive, and we don't want to stop. We switch out drivers every three hours. It's Derek's turn to drive next, so Will moves to the passenger seat, and JJ sit's in between me and Pen. Soon both JJ, and Penelope are asleep. JJ's legs are laying on my stomach, and mine are at her sides. Her head is on Penelope's chest, and she's laying between Pen's legs. Penelope is fast asleep too. I laugh, and want to take a picture. They are hilarious. I close my eyes and try to catch a few hours of sleep. I'm driving next. I don't want to drive. Soon I'm off into my little dreamland. The good kind of dream land.

_"So...Mrs. Emily Valerie Morgan. What do you say we consummate our marriage?" he says, and I laugh at him. He leans down and kisses me. I moan into his kisses. My wedding dress is riding up. He reaches for the back of it, and undoes the strings tying it together. It falls down, and he smiles when he sees what I'm wearing._

_"What? I may not be Emily Prentiss anymore but I still need my reds and blacks." I say loving the look on his face. I step out of my dress fully, and let hi gape at me. I'm wearing a strapless black and red lace bra that has a piece of lace in the middle along with a garter belt, and a matching thong. I bite my lip, and wrap my arms around him. I kiss his cheek. "You can talk now baby." I say with a smile. He kisses me, and pins me flat on my back. _

_"I don't wanna talk princess." he says trailing kisses down my throat, and chest. He moves like an expert and it's so good. This man knows every place to get to me. I close my eyes as he..._

"Em. Your turn to drive." I groan in frustration. Why can't anything be done around here? I was in the middle, no not middle, the beginning of what was going to be a wonderful dream! I open the door letting JJ and Pen stir awake. I get out of the car, and Derek moves to the drivers seat. Will gets where I was and he wraps his arms around JJ. It's 10, and it's hard to believe we still have 9 hours to go. We thought about flying but with JJ being pregnant, and Will not liking to fly we chose to drive. We were crazy. I stop and get something to eat along with some coffee. Derek sits in the passenger seat and we eat while everyone else sits in the back. I turn on my radio, and pop in a Stevie Nicks record. Stand Back is on. I sing with it softly, and watch the cars on the interstate pass by. I drive with one hand, and reach down to find Derek's hand. When I do he links our fingers together. I smile at how comfortable it is. I really wish I got to finish my dream. They had been good lately. I haven't had a bad nightmare since that night all those months ago. On New Years David and Erin were out of town. We went to a party at the pier, and got drunk together. Derek and I made out on the deck. I smile as I remember it. We've been more physical the last few months. Guess we're just in that stage of our relationship. It's been a while since our first time, but we've both practice a whole lot since then. I chuckle as I think it. "What you laughing at princess?" Derek asks me squeezing our hands.

"How, if it was possible, much better our sex has gotten." I look in the rear-view mirror to make sure the others are sleeping. I smirk as I say it, and I hear a chuckle come from him too.

"You're right. Our sex is kinda awesome." he says with a smile. "Speaking of sex, what were you dreaming about before we woke you?" he asks me and I blush.

"Nothing interesting." I say with a playful shrug. "Why do you ask?" I say.

"Well princess...you sounded like you were having a good dream. Will sure was taken back. He asked me which one of them was groaning in the back. I told him it was you with out even looking back there. He laughed a bit then he told me you were going to be mad whenever you had to drive, and we had to interrupt the dream you were so very much enjoying." he says moving his hand to my thigh. I look down, and ignore it for now. He better not be thinking what I think he's thinking. "What was it about?" he asked me massaging his hand a bit.

"Our wedding night." I say. "Would've loved to know how it went." I grumble sipping my coffee. Just then he is at my ear.

"Maybe we can reenact it when we get in the back seat, or we can just go in the trunk of it and fool around. It's an open space. It would fit the both of us." he says against my ear. I gasp and notice his hand is moving higher and higher.

"Derek. Stop it. I'm driving." I say with a smile. Why does this man do this to me? I put my hand back down and lace our fingers together again. "Stop." I look at the clock. "7 and half more hours. You can wait." I say with a smile.

"Or I can just stare at the pictures I took on my phone." my head snaps toward him.

"You did what?" I say.

"It was a joke princess! Geesh. If I wanted to take pictures I would have asked you to put on that outfit I love and be a model for a bit." he says. I scoff at him.

"You are such a guy." I tell him. He pulls our laces fingers up to his lips and kisses my hand.

"A guy who loves you." he says. I laugh, and smirk. How can I not?

"That was so cheesy. You're lucky I love you back." I tell him. He laughs and the next hour and a half are spent in comfortable silence. When I switch with Penelope, Derek comes to the back with me, and I snuggle up to him. Surprisingly my dream does not continue like I had hoped it would. In fact I don't dream at all, or maybe I do but I don't remember what it is. When I wake up it's bright outside. Will is driving again. It's 7 in the morning and we're here. I see the city in all it's glory, and find myself smiling wider. The city takes my breath away. Everything has a colorful happy look to it, yet still manages to keep the old class too it. Will smiles at his city, and I can tell he loves it here. We get to our hotel, and it has a walk out balcony. Derek and I throw our stuff on our beds and I walk out on the balcony. We got a week reservation at a swanky hotel. The air is nice, and cool. It's perfect really. I can feel the wind blowing but it's still hot. It's 7 in the morning, and we're all exhausted from the trip. Well...most of us. Derek walks up behind me and wraps his arms around me. He kisses my neck softly, and looks at me. "I needed a vacation." I say looking out at everything. He nods.

"This is a good one. Lot's of places to go. Stuff to see. History." Derek says. I smile.

"I want to go see all the creepy haunted voodoo stuff." I say with a smile turning in his arms. He leans down and kisses me.

"Okay...witch." he says. I shove him.

"Am not. Even if I was...Stevie is a witch too." I say with a laugh. He looks at me in confusion. I laugh again. "Do you not know about that?" he shakes his head no. "Well...after she made the song Rhiannon people made a big deal about her being a witch. It was the way she dressed and what she had said about mystical presences'. Of course it's all bull, but it's still awesome." I tell him. He looks surprised. "I stole my style from her." I say. He laughs.

"I know. All the black you own." he says. I shrug.

"I like black. It matches my hair. I love my hair." I say with a smile. He kisses me again, and again. He pulls me inside and we drop onto the bed. I push our stuff off of it, and smile as I look down to him. I take off my shirt, and when it's gone he attaches his lips to my neck. I take his shirt off, and laugh when we roll around. His hands reach for my sweat. They come off easily, and so does his sweats. We're both down to our underwear and I'm ready for him. I don't want anything before. I just want him. I slide down and put him in my mouth to make him harder than he already is. When he's nice and ready I go for it. I'm in control today. When he enters me I smile, and let out a loud moan. I don't care who the fuck hears me. I kiss him, and start to move. I've been frustrated for over 15 hours. I need this. Just then there is a knock on our door.

"Hey guys! We're heading to breakfast. Will knows a perfect place." I hear Penelope say. I stop moving on Derek's lap and groan. I control my breathing, and then answer Pen.

"Can't we wait like an hour or two." I yell. Just then my phone rings. I reach for my phone, but stay on top of Derek. Every movement I make sends a wave of pleasure through me. "What?!" I yell into the phone. I'm naked on top of my boyfriend. Why can't they leave me alone?

"Geesh. Calm down. We want to get breakfast." Penelope says over the phone. I groan as Derek moves. "Oh my god! Is that why you want to wait? Wait...are you having sex right now? Ew. I'm on the phone with you." I look down at Derek and bite my lip.

"I would be having sex if you would hang up." I say. She goes to say something but I hang up and throw my phone across the room. I move over top of him, and he laughs at me. About an hour later Derek and I lay there sated. "See...I told you it was worth the wait." I say somewhat out of breath. "Think they went to breakfast?" I ask him. He laughs, and I do too. I lean down and grab my phone. I go through my text messages from JJ. _Going to get breakfast. Have fun. _

_Do you want us to bring you something? I don't know why I'm asking you all are probably still busy. Gross._

_Bringing you something. Be there in ten. Knock on the door when ready. _I get out of bed and pull on a dress, and my robe. I walk across the hall and knock on Jay and Will's door. JJ opens it and smiles. "After you eat that I want to go shopping so get ready." JJ says. "No more sex for the rest of the day." she adds. I laugh at her. I look in the box, and see two Reuben sandwiches. I smile. That girl knows me too well. I love a good Reuben. I take it over to Derek, and heat it. We eat then I get ready.

"Me and the girls are going shopping on the French Quarter. Do you and Will want to come with us? Or do you guys want to do your own thing?" I ask him. He shrugs.

"I'll probably check out a few places with Will." he says. I smile.

"I knew you would hate shopping." I say with a smile. I stand in front of him in my underwear, and look down as my arms wrap around his neck. "I love you." I say. His smile mirrors mine.

"I love you too." I go to the closet, and I pull on a black dress that has a lace top and a sun dress kind of bottom to it. I throw a colorful shawl over my shoulder. I fix my hair a bit which is somewhat curly today, and then meet JJ and Pen outside. We walk out of our hotel and start to walk along the street.

"So you and Derek have been going at it more than rabbits lately. What's going on with you two?" JJ asks. I shrug.

"I don't know." I laugh. "He's just really good in bed, and it's enjoyable...it's just that stage in our relationship I guess. How many times after the first time did you and Will do it Jay?" I ask her. She blushes. "I know it happened way more often after you got pregnant too." I tell her.

"Hey! It happened because I was pregnant. I can't help it if my hormones were off the wall insane." JJ says. I laugh at her, and shake my head at her.

"Well...I have a hot boyfriend, a great relationship, why am I not aloud to have a great sex life too?" I ask them. Penelope shrugs.

"If Derek was my boyfriend I would never come out of the bedroom. Just saying." Penelope says with a smile. JJ nods.

"Can't argue with that." I laugh, and we walk into the first shop. I look around at all the old antiques and stuff. I see a vintage handbag, and buy it along with some new cheap colorful jewelry. The next shop we went into was a shop with expensive but thrifty looking clothes. I go through the options, and smile when I see anything flowy or black and peach colored. In the end I end up buying things that are all my style. I swear us girls walked out with every item in the store. A purple dress, or a black skirt. New pair of boots. Peach colored shorts. A colored shawl. Things with fringe off the side. Very bohemian things. We all three have very different styles, but sometimes they cross over. JJ likes bright soft colors. White, blue, peach, tan, soft pink, light green. I like darker things like purples, blacks, midnight blues, etc. Pen is just the two of us thrown together in one vibrant blinding outfit. We continue to talk about everything like girls do. We sometimes gossip about people from school, or how Penelope needs a date. When we pass a store I hear a small meow. I look into the store and see a woman selling kittens. I am a sucker for cats. I smile and pet a few of them. One of them chases after my hand. I laugh at it. He looks up at me and I smile even wider. I want this kitty. He swats at my finger, and I can hear JJ.

"No Emily. Where would we put him?" JJ says. I smile.

"Can't we check the hotel and see if they'll let us keep him there?" I ask her sticking out my bottom lip.

"They are potty trained." a woman with an accent says. "If they know a litter box is there they'll go in it." she says with a smile. I look at the kitty again and he rubs his face against my hand. He's solid black, and furry. I pick him up and hold him close to me. "He's very good with being left alone. Isn't much of a trouble maker." He isn't even scared. He rubs his face against mine. I get my money out and pay the woman. I can smuggle him into the house if David and Erin don't want him. I want him. I put him in my hand bag, which is shallow enough for him to hang out of. I pet him as we walk so I know that he wont go anywhere. JJ and Pen get the stuff we need for him, and we go back to the hotel. The hotel grants our wish of having the pet in our room. When I walk in I see Derek sleeping on the bed. I bite my lip, and hold Serg close to my chest. Sergio. That's what I named him. I've never got to have a pet before, mother said that because we moved so much I couldn't have one. I used to beg, and beg.

"Derek?" I say waking him. Sergio stays still in my arms, and meows. Derek's eyes open quickly, and he sees the cat in my hands.

"What. Did. You. Do?" he asks me looking at Sergio.

"I got a cat named Sergio. Look at him! He's so cute! The hotel clerk said that they would let him stay here. I got a litter box with that no odor stuff. I promise he is potty trained." I say with an innocent look on my face. Derek sighs, and looks at the cat. Serg jumps from my arms and climbs onto Derek. He meows and rubs his head against Derek's halfway open hand. Derek smiles, and I do too. Good boy. He knows how to work people over, clever little one. Derek pets him, and he meows. Serg jumps around putting on an adorable show for Derek. Derek softens as quickly as I did.

"Sergio?" he asks me petting the cat. I lay down next to him Sergio between us.

"I don't know. It just seemed right, ya know?" I say to him. He smiles.

"He played you." Derek said. I swat at Derek.

"What? Like he's playing you right now?" I say and Derek smiles.

"So he's staying here when we go out tonight? We're going to a jazz bar tonight, and maybe a few clubs. Will told you to bring your guitar tonight so you guys can play on the streets of New Orleans." he says. I laugh, and look at my guitar.

"So that's why he wanted me to bring them? Hmm. How are we going to get into clubs, and bars? We're seventeen." I say curious. Derek reaches in his pocket, and pulls out fake ID's. I laugh and look at the surprisingly perfect looking fake ID's. "So that's why Will wanted our drivers license? JJ's got a bad boy for a boyfriend." I say with a laugh. I watch Serg play, with the toys I got him, on the floor. I can't wait till my night out on the town. I can't wait until I get to explore more of the city. I'm so excited for the next few days.

**The next few chapters should be nice and easy. Less intense, and more fun. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Tell me what you like. What you didn't like. What you may want to see happen in New Orleans, small things. I already know what's going to happen in New Orleans. *evil smirk* Anyways REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Also if you want to see the way Emily dresses most of the time look up Misty Day from American Horror Story, or Stevie Nicks. REVIEW! Thanks for reading.(:**


	25. Chapter 25

**Another day. Another update. Updates will be going slower though. I have tech week for the play I'm doing. Oh theater life. :D Anyways, New Orleans and happy times. So that dang on thing that keeps happening to me happened again. I wrote about 1,000 words then my computer did something funky and I LOST IT ALL! That made me very sad inside. That's why this update took so long. Because my computer is a piece of shit. Short chapter because it's late, and I'm tired. I still wanted to give you something though. ENJOY!**

I stand in the mirror staring at myself. Derek comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. "Hey babbyy." he says. I laugh and move so he can nibble on my neck. He kisses it. "You ready for tonight?" he asks me. I'm wearing my black leather pants, and a white shirt that shows off my cleavage.

"You know I am babe." I tell him. The first club we go to we're all kind of nervous that we'll get caught. Surprisingly though we get passed right through. Inside the club is loud and playing pop music. I may like my Stevie, but I don't mind pop music. It just isn't the best music. When we get in we all go to a table and sit. We order a round of shots and they bring it right to us. JJ decided to stay in tonight with Sergio. Since she was pregnant partying wasn't fun anymore. We all did one shot to start out the night, and from then on we were great. I pulled Derek out on the dance floor, and pulled our bodies close to each other. I start to grind against him like every other person is doing on the dance floor. Soon my back is turned to him, and my ass is moving against his crotch. He guides my hips, and turns me back around. He sticks his leg out, and I start moving against it. He kisses my neck down my chest, and I'm flying. "We should stop before our night ends to early." I say with a smile. He nods, and we go back to the table. Penny looks at me with a smile, and shakes her head.

"That was H-O-T!" she whispers in my ear.

"You're telling me!" I laugh. "I swear. I thought things were going to happen to me right there in the middle of the dance floor." I say. Garcia laughs and we do another shot. After we get tired of all this loud music, and the floor vibrating we go out to another much calmer bar that plays live music. We order food and drinks. We sit around talking for an hour or so before the guy on stage says my name. This has got to stop happening to me. "What did you do?!" I ask Will worriedly. He takes my hand and goes outside to grab our guitars. When we came back out he pulled me on stage and I guess a few people knew him because they cheered for us. I strum a few and he nods at me.

"It's just like when we play at the house." I nod, and smile. The alcohol is helping. I start to play and I tap my foot to the beat. I then start to sing.

_I remember him, he was very young  
>No one spoke like him, he was someone<br>And I carried on, like I couldn't stop  
>All of it for us baby<em>

_And you, you got in my way_  
><em>Stood between me and my friends<em>  
><em>It was my sin, it was my shame<em>  
><em>You were unconscious to the pain I was in<em>

_I hear there's trouble in Shangri-La_  
><em>I run through the grass<em>  
><em>I run over the stones<em>  
><em>Down to the sea<em>  
><em>Show me the way back, honey<em>  
><em>I hear there's trouble in Shangri-La<em>  
><em>I run through the grass<em>  
><em>I run over the stones<em>  
><em>Show me the way back...to the sea<em>

_With honor be it spoken_  
><em>To understand this light that we carry<em>  
><em>And let it light your way<em>  
><em>Of course, you know, I generally take it<em>  
><em>Well I make accommodations for you<em>  
><em>And consider this<em>  
><em>You used to be my love<em>  
><em>I make excuses for you<em>

Will and I retreat from the stage, and he smiles at me. I can feel the alcohol coursing through my blood, and I don't mind a bit. I feel good. I feel great! "See...told ya they'd love you." he says. I look at the crowd of people I just got done entertaining, and smile. I run to Derek and he kisses me. He picks me up, and trails kisses down my neck. I moan aloud as he talks in between the kisses.

"You. Were. Fan...tastic." he says and I smile at him again. Our lips connect and I throw my guitar around my back. I jump onto Derek's back and he gives me a piggy back ride on the way home. On our way a guy runs up to Will. He smiles at him, and nods his head. I see him checking me out but Derek gives him a 'I'ma beat you down if you look at her that way look.' and he turns his head to Pen. Pen, unlike me, sticks her boobs out and bites her lip.

"Hey Will. Who are these guys?" he asks staring at Penelope. I roll my eyes. She can work it when she wants too.

"Well, this here is Emily, her boyfriend Derek, and Penelope. They all live with JJ and I." Will says. I smile, but focus more on tugging Derek's ear with my teeth.

"Penelope huh?" he asks again. She smiles.

"Garcia." she says holding out a hand. He takes her hand and smiles at him. Will looks between the two and laughs a little bit.

"This is Sean Hotchner. He's my brother-in-law. Beth and Hotch met through us. Sean's been my friend for years." he says. Sean smiles, an obvious charmer player smile, and turns back to Pen. I don't know how she does it.

"So where are you going at this time of night." she asks him with a smile. Her eyes gleaming with mischief. Penelope has slimmed down since I've been here. She's still thick, but still sexy. I don't know how she pulls it off. She's got a confidence about her and she can turn on the charm. I think I've only ever seen this charm used on Derek so it's interesting to watch her flirt.

"Ah...I don't know. I was just walking wherever this place will take me. I'm not here for long. I like to travel." he says with a smile. "I'm a chef, but I hate to stay in one place." he says. She smiles. "You wanna take a walk? Maybe we can go to your hotel room and I can cook something for you." he says. She smiles, and nods.

"I don't think that will be an issue." As we walk toward the hotel Sean talks about his life, and his travels. He's actually a fairly interesting guy. I don't really care though. What I care about it nibbling on Derek's neck and ear while I feel his hands lightly caressing my bare leg. I suck on his neck till I see a pretty bruise form. He turns around to look at me.

"Emily. Did you just give me a hickey?" he asks me. I laugh and he drops his jaw.

"Don't worry! It's behind your ear. No one will ever know." I say. I tug on his ear again, and he laughs.

"Em...stop that." he says. I'm drunker than he is, but I know what I'm doing. I've sobered enough to know. I grind myself on his back, and moan a little moan in his ear. "Emily...you gotta stop. Just a few more minutes. Will and Sean turn to look at him, and they laugh at how worked up Derek's getting.

"I'm just having a little fun with you baby." I say. Pen shakes her head. We turn to the entrance of the hotel, and he let's me down. I run to the elevator. It open's immediately and I pull Derek too me. I really don't care if a stranger is watching. I grab his hips, and attach our lips.

"They've kinda been like this lately." Penelope says. I can hear laughter in her voice. I moan out loud as our tongues battle. I hear the doors cling, and I push Derek out and against our door. He grabs my legs, and hoists me up. He unlocks the door quickly, and we go into our room. Once in there I take the lead by pushing him down on the bed. I climb on top of him, and throw my dress over my head in one quick motion. I yank his pants down with his help, and pull his shirt off. I pull my panties to the side, and he flips us over. I yell out in pleasure, and he smiles. He kisses me, and I can hear the people in the room next to us banging on the wall to make us keep down but I don't care. Derek moves fast and I close my eyes. My mouth hangs open, and I feel his head buried in my neck. He mumbles _I love you _and I tell it too him back in a moan. I yell out his name, and I know that Pen's company can hear us. Soon after we're done we lay there breathing hard.

"They're gonna hate us." I say catching my breath. Derek laughs.

"Well...they're gonna hate you. I wasn't the one screaming." he says. I give him a mean look, but I can't hide the smirk on my face.

"They're gonna hate you for making me scream." I retort with as much sass as I can manage. I roll back over to him, and lay my head on his chest. He rolls out from underneath me and hovers over me.

"Well they can hate me for doing something right. I couldn't care less. That was awesome." he says kissing me. I look up in his eyes, and put my hands on his face. I have a small smile, and I see worry flash across his face. "Did I do something wrong?" he asks me. Just then I notice the wet streaks down my face. I quickly dry them, and turn away with a small laugh.

"No...no you're amazing it's just...I'm so happy. You're so wonderful. JJ is so wonderful. Pen, Spence, David, Erin, hell even Will. I'm so lucky to have you guys. So lucky to have all the love in the world. You make me feel like no one ever has. I just...it's hard to believe ya know? This city. It's just...everything is perfect. You are perfect. We're perfect. I love you Derek Morgan and I am 110 percent positive that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I say grabbing his hands and holding them to my chest. I kiss them quickly, and he looks at me. I can't tell what emotions are on his face until he leans up and kisses me. For a minute it feels like an 'I'm sorry' kiss but then he pulls away and I see the love in his eyes. He leans in and kisses me again. With out words I know he's saying the same things to me. We continue to kiss with so much passion. We made love twice more...

* * *

><p><em>"Aunt Emily. Why don't you have a baby in your tummy?" I laugh at my little nephews question. <em>

_"Well...buddy...because Uncle Derek and I haven't put one there." I say with a playful smile despite the awkward question. I can't help but pray that he doesn't ask how a baby is put in your tummy. I'm sorry but I am not ready to explain to a three year old how babies are made._

_"Why haven't you?" he asks me. I shrug._

_"I don't know Henry. We just...aren't ready for kids I guess." I say with a shrug. I'm making dinner while talking to him. Multi-tasking is a bitch. _

_"I think you's ready for kids." he says with a smile. That cute adorable smile that you couldn't say no too if you tried. "Then I and Jack have some one to play with!" he says excited. I laugh. _

_"Maybe." I mumble. It's not like...Derek and I haven't talked about kids we...oh wow. We really haven't talked about kids. At all. I don't even know if he wants any. I do. I always have. I lay my hand over my womb. I don't even know if I can have kids. I lift my shirt and trace the scars that I have. A wooden stake straight through my organs. I sigh._

_"You should have a little girl. Then I can marry her because she'd be pretty like you!" he says. My jaw drops and I so have to tell Derek and JJ about what Henry just said. That's adorable! Later on that night after putting Henry in his little bed he uses when he spends the night I stare at him. He's sleeping and he looks so perfect. So innocent. Derek appears in the doorway and I walk up to him. He wraps his arms around me. _

_"Sorry I'm so late baby. It's been a long week and I wanted to catch up on paperwork." I smile and shrug. _

_"It's okay. JJ and Will asked me to baby sit tonight. I told them yes. They needed a date night. I didn't mind spending time with Henry." I say still looking at the boy. "I want one." I say. _

_"What?" he asks me. Oh shit. I thought that was in my head._

_"Nothing. It's...nothing. Henry just brought something up today and I was just...yeah it's stupid. Forget it." I say walking away. I don't think I can even have kids after what happened. I'm already in my forties. Who am I kidding?  
><em>

_"Hey, hey, hey princess." he says grabbing my arms and turning me back towards him. "What did Henry say? It obviously means so much to you." he says looking me in the eye._

_"I want a baby." I say getting choked up. "I mean...I know we've never talked about it, but I don't even know if I can get pregnant! I had an abortion. The whole thing with...I just...I don't even know if you want children or if you...I should've never brought it up I'm sorry." I tell him turning my back. I start my path toward the bedroom._

_"Hey...Em...Emily. I want one too. I'm ready. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to create a little one of you. If we can't do that then there are always other options. Always baby. Don't be afraid to come to me with things like that." he says. _

_"Uncle Derek how do you and Aunt Emily put a baby in her tummy? Can it be a girl?" Henry asks from the doorway to his room. I inhale, but no breath comes out. How are we supposed to answer that?!_

"Emily?" I'm being shaken. Why?!

"Wwwhhhaaatttt?" I groan in a whiny voice. Derek shakes me again. "Stop it." I say throwing a pillow behind me. It hits Derek and he throws it back at me.

"We're going on tours this morning Miss Hangover. Get up and put something sexy on." he says. I get up and throw some shorts and a t-shirt on. I also put some sunglasses on, and we head out. We take tours through the city, and I listen to all of the fascinating stories about this place. There are so many. We go through a cemetery at one point. We all stop for lunch but I stay quiet. _Henry. _How did I name the name of JJ's baby? She said once that Will's grandfather's name was Henry. How do I know she is going to name her baby that? My scars...where did those come from? How do I know what JJ's baby will look like? My head hurts today. Maybe I'm just over thinking it. I don't know. Everything just seems so real to me. Like Stevie sings in Dreams though..._I keep my visions to myself._

"Sean's nice." Penelope says with a bright smile. Sean left her room this morning and went on the road. "He's gonna call me if he ever visits you." she says towards Will. I laugh._  
><em>

"How nice?" I ask biting my lip.

"Reeaalll nice." she draws out. JJ and I giggle.

"He looked real nice." I mumble.

"Hey!" Derek says with a smirk.

"What?! I'm not aloud to say Will's brother in law looked nice. He was very clean cut." I say with an innocent look. Derek shakes his head at me. He hugs me and that night we curl up together naked. Nothing between us. We don't have sex though. I just like feeling his skin against mine. I sleep all the way through the night. No weird dreams. In the morning we pack up, and I hold Sergio against my chest. He's going in the trunk with his odor free litter box. We showed him where to go and so far things have gone well. We're heading to Will's family's boat house on the Gulf coast. I can't wait to get to the beach. Calm soothing. I loved New Orleans but I want calm cool collected. Will drives for the hour it takes to get there. It's not a bad drive at all. When we get there I smile at the giant house. The wind is blowing and I can see the water. We get all of our stuff inside and I get my swim suit on. I walk outside in my bathing suit, and a somewhat see-through "cover" up dress.I walk out barefoot, and feel the sand between my toes. I could stay here for the rest of the week. The fridge is full of ice cold beer, some harder liquors, and wine. I smile when I see the wine. I pop it open and pour me a glass. I love wine. I walk out, and sit on Derek's lap. He already called our room and laid our stuff out. I cuddle up with him, and he holds me. "Guess what we could do?" I say with a smile. He smile back at me and plays with the bottom of my dress.

"What princess?" he asks me. I smile.

"Sex on a beach." I say with a large smile. His jaw drops.

"That is illegal Emily Prentiss!" he says. I scoff.

"Not if it's like your back yard. Haven't you ever wondered how much it would suck to get sand in all the wrong places?" I ask him with a smile. He just shakes his head at me. I see his smile though and I know he's thinking it. The day is filled with bad surfing and water fun. At night though we make a fire pit, and Will plays the guitar under the stars. We switch on and off sometimes, but eventually Will keeps it. I look at him and Jayjie. I smile. There hands are linked together, and she is laying on his shoulder. This is what perfection is.

JJ leans back, and I hold my beer in my hand. Derek takes it from me and takes a swig of it. "Hey!" I yell grabbing it from him. "We should play a game!" I say with a smile.

"Leave it to Emily for the games." Will says. "Just like last time." he mumbles. We all laugh though.

"What do you want to play?" he asks. I smile.

"Truth or dare?" I ask them. They all nod. "I'll go first! Truth...or dare?" I say to Derek with a smile. He smiles back.

"Dare." he says. We're nose to nose, and I have to think of something good. I look around, and smile wide. I reach over because I see the sharpie we were using earlier to draw on something.

"I dare you to let me draw something on your back." his jaw drops and I smile a toothy smile. "It's a dare. You have to do it or you lose a piece of clothing. I know you're just wearing shorts also." he shrugs, and turns his back. I draw a monster and another monster hugging it. On the bottom were bubbly letters that say 'I love my girlfriend'. On the top it says 'Act like this is inappropriate and offensive'. I laugh out loud whenever I see it. The guys do too. Everyone looks, and laughs out loud. They do what it says above and acts like it's something dirty. Derek gasps, and turns to me.

"What the fuck did you draw?!" he asks me. I smile.

"Nothing bad baby. You can look later." I tell him. We all sit back and it's Derek's turn.

"Pen! Truth or dare?" he asks. Penny smiles.

"Truth." she says. He smiles.

"Did you sleep with Sean?" he asks. She blushed.

"Yes." she says with a large smile.

"Knew it." I roll my eyes when Derek says that.

"You were the only one that didn't." I say, and he swats at me.

"JJ! Truth or dare?" Penelope asks.

"Truth." she says.

"How good is Will in bed?" Penny asks. JJ and Will blush. JJ leans over, and whispers something into Penny's ear. I know what it is. JJ and I have had this conversation. I'm getting sleepy.

"Will truth or dare?" JJ asks her boyfriend.

"Dare." he says. She smiles.

"I dare you to do 50 jumping jacks and sing barbie girl while you do it." she says. He groans and stands. He does it, and I can't stop laughing. Will sits down, and turns to me.

"Truth or dare?" he asks. I shrug.

"Dare." I say with a smile.

"I dare you to give JJ a hickey." he says. My jaw drops, and me and JJ blush red. Derek nods, and I know the battle is lost.

"Jay...are you okay with this?" I ask she laughs.

"It's either this or I see your boobs. Which one is worse?" she says. "Come here girl." I laugh, and move Jay's hair away from her neck. I attach my lips, and nip till a little bruise starts to form. I turn around to see Will and Derek looking as happy as can be. I smack Derek on his head and he pins me before I can do anything else. He hovers about me, and leans down.

"That was so hot." I smack him again.

"Pig." I say. He shrugs, and soon we're all back to the comfortable silence. My eyes are droopy and I can hardly stay awake. Soon I feel Derek lift me, and carry me into the house. He carries me up the stairs and lays me down on the bed. He takes my swim suit off for me, and I help a little bit. He drops his, and we fall into a deep blissful sleep.

**So I lied about the what happens in New Orleans. I thought about it, and I made a better plan. Only now it happens at the beach. Still an evil smirk though. Sorry for the really short chapter. :/ It's 1:30 though, and I have school in the morning. Lol...well anyways REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Tell me what you may want to happen. What you noticed. What you liked. ANYTHING! REVIEWS MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON! REVIEW! - I sang that one. It should earn more reviews.(:**


	26. Chapter 26

**Yay! I love your guys' reviews, even though I refuse to say anything about a few questions you guys have. It will all come together. Just give it time, and enjoy. ****About JJ and Will...this is just one of those bear with me and let the story play out things. You will understand eventually. I just don't want to spoil it, ya know? Trust me I meant for the dream to be that way. It may get a bit confusing but it will make sense. I have everything planned. TRUST ME! Also the evil smirk was a lie. I was going to do something but it didn't work so now it went this way. I thought about it. I wont be evil till they get back home. Don't hate me.****(: ****Anyways! ENJOY!**

**Guest: YAY! I have been listening to a lot of Stevie too! (:**

My eyes flutter open as light shines throw the window. Meow. I hear and I see Sergio at my feet. I smile and lay on my back. I pat my chest and Sergio jumps towards me. I pet him, and he moves with my hand every so often. He crawls closer to my face and paws at it. I lay kisses in his fur, and hope David and Erin don't freak about this. I've been meaning to tell them, but I'm so scared they'll say no. I know they probably will, but Serg is such a good boy. I don't see why it would be an issue. He could even be good for Spence. Pets are good for kids. I feel Derek start to move beside me, and I smile. I put Sergio down and kiss his little nose. "Are you playing with that cat again?" he asks groggily.

"Yes. I am." I say moving my hand so he swats at it with his little paw. "He's adorable Derek!" I say. Derek lets out a laugh and sits up in bed with me. I feel his arms wrap around me and I nuzzle his chest.

"He's not the only adorable one in this bedroom." he says. He kisses my cheek and gets out of bed. I check him out as he walks. He is so damn hot. The way his muscles flex. I groan audibly. He turns to me. "What princess? See something you like?" he asks me. I smile and bite my nail.

"How about you drop those shorts that are in your hands and come back to bed...then I can show you how much I like." I say teasingly. I glance down again, and he shakes his head.

"Look you wicked woman...I am hungry. I will not let you get in my way you temptress." he says. I kiss Sergio's head, and put him on the ground.

"Fine then. Guess I'll just lay here." I say moving the covers and laying down on them. Not an inch of flesh covered by the sheet. He groans, but turns away quickly. I move and get off the bed. I walk over to him, and wrap my arms around him. I press myself up against him, and get on my tip toes to put my head on his shoulder.

"Princess...stop it. Food. Beach. Sex. Beach sex. Food again. Okay?" He asks. I laugh.

"Okay." I lean up to kiss him, and it's passionate. I break it to put on a sundress over my naked body. Who needs underwear right?" I trot down stairs, hand and hand with Derek. I go to the kitchen and start my pancake batter. I cook up my pancakes, and watch JJ devour them. Besides those damn fritos, my pancakes are the thing she loves the most. After we eat I walk out of the house, and lay on the beach. I undo my top and lay on my belly so I can tan. My skin is fair, but I can still manage some color. Soon I can feel someone, Derek, sitting on my back. I feel something wet, I'm guessing lotion or oil or whatever, fall on my back. Just then he starts to move his hands. He starts to work out all the kinks in my back, and I love him for it. "Oh god Derek." I moan. I can practically see the smirk written on his face. He moves to my shoulders and starts a shoulder rub. He is a god at this. I move my hair to the side, and he starts on a neck rub. This is were I need it. Soon I feel his hands on my arms turning me over. I look around the beach before turning over. Like I said before my top is only hanging by the string around my neck. Derek leans down and kisses me softly on my lips. He puts more oil on his hand, and rubs my stomach as we kiss. He gets it covered before moving higher. I know where he is headed, and I don't mind it a bit. His hand moves higher till it's on my breast. I let out a moan.

"Really guys? On the beach in midday? Really? One day at the wrong time you two will be out here, and a cop will just so happen to be trolling the area. That is not a call I want to make to David." JJ says to us I bite my lip, and Derek's keeps the both of his hands both my breasts. I blush red because he doesn't move his hands. "It's lunch time. Stop touching her in my presence. It makes things weird." JJ says turning away and walking toward the house.

"That was..." I start not knowing how to take JJ being so causal about the fact she walked up to Derek groping me. Derek kisses me, and pulls me to him.

"Horrifying? Weird? Oddly casual. Take your pick." he says. I smile and he does the back of my bathing suit for me. We go inside, and start to eat lunch. JJ cooked and it was delicious. We all sat around and talked for a bit, and I was cuddled against Derek almost the whole time.

* * *

><p>That night Derek and I made love in the privacy of our own room. The day after we did it on the beach at night. No one ever knew except for us. It was a beautiful night. I blush just thinking about it. Sergio is in the back seat as we drive our way home. I stroke him, and sigh at the loss of the warmth of the beach. The drive is long. Too long. When we get there it's midday about 3. We left at midnight last night. I smile when I see my home. I had called David and told him about Sergio, and he just said we'd talk about it when we got home. I told Erin and she was excited. I walk into the house holding my kitty cat. David gives me a look. "Now you can't have that cat." I look at him with wide eyes.<p>

"What?! Why?" I say getting upset. Serg is my baby.

"You bought a black cat in New Orleans? What the hell were you thinking? That thing is probably a devil." he says with a smile. "He's cute though. I guess you can keep him." I put Sergio down, and hug him. "I missed you Bella. Did you have fun?" he asks. I smile.

"It was amazing!" I say with a smile. "Where's Spence? I missed him too." I say looking around. David smiles an even wider smile.

"He is on a date. With a girl named Ashley." David says and I smile in shock. So does the rest of the kids. I smile a smile of pride.

"I knew he could do it." I say.

"Hey! I taught him how to use it!" Derek says with a smile. I shake my head.

"I taught him what to do! I told him that magic would work!" I tell him. He smiles, and wraps his arms around me. We go to my room, and unpack our belongings. He lays down and I lay down on top of him. It's been a long, long, long fifteen hours. My eyes shut, and I smile.

_"Momma! I hungry!" she yells at me. I laugh, and pick her up. _

_"Do you want nuggets or pizza roles?" I ask her. She smiles wide._

_"PIZZA!" she yells. I laugh, and sit her in her chair. I cook the pizza roles and lay them in front of her. _

_"So Sade...are you ready for the zoo today?" I ask her with a smile. She throws her hands up._

_"YEAH!" she yells. I pick her up, and we go take a bath. We get out of the tub, and I dry her off. I tickle her tummy, and she giggles. Just then I hear the baby cry. I sigh. _

_"Can you dress yourself? Your dress is on the bed. Do you think you have it?" I ask her. She smiles and nods. She runs to her room after I put her pull up on her. I get Dylan and glance into Sadie's room. Watching her fiddle with the dress is adorable. I get Dylan ready and kiss his little head. I get myself ready, and Sadie walks in with her dress on backwards. I laugh, and flip it._

_"Did I do good?" she asks me with a smile. _

_"Almost." I say. I fix it, and take her hand. We get her shoes on her and then we head out. When we get to the zoo she rambles. _

_"Monkeys. Hippos. Zebas. Elphants. Rhin...Rhinos...Rhina...rhinasaurse!" she says and I laugh. Rhino-saurohes was how it sounded. Dylan mumbled in the back ground and I smile at my kids. I get out of the car, and get them out. I put Dylan and Sadie in the double stroller. I roll them and pay our way. When we get to the first exhibit I take out my video camera. _

_"Say hi to daddy Sade!" I tell her she waves and smiles. _

_"Hi daddy! I'm looking at the Rhinasaauesrses! I miss you! Catch the bad guys so you can come home!" she says waving and pointing. She smiles, and blows him a kiss. I turn the camera to me, and smile. _

_"We love you! Don't we baby?" I say nuzzling Dylan's nose. I wave Dylan's hand for him. "Say hi dada!" I say. Dylan smiles, and mumbles something. "What are you gonna do with these kids I swear. I love you baby! Good luck! Be safe." I say. I click the end of the video and send it too him. Fifteen minutes later I get a text that says 'They're so adorable. So are you. Daddy loves you guys! Have fun. I'll be safe.' I smile, and take my babies around the rest of the zoo. When we get home we get through the door. I smell food being cooked and I walk into my kitchen slowly just in case. I keep Sadie and Dylan back behind me and glance into the kitchen. _

_"Princess?! You home?" he yells. I sigh in relief and start to walk toward him. Sadie beats me too it though. _

_"Daddy!" she yells. She jumps into his arms, and I hold Dylan in my arms while I lean to kiss my husband. _

_"Emily." he whispers._

"Emily!" I hear my name being yelled. I groan but get out of bed. I kiss Derek's cheek and I wrap a robe out of me even though I'm wearing pajamas. Just in case some one is downstairs. I walk down and see David looking at me curiously. "There is some boy here to see you." he says. I look at him confused. I walk closer and I see Matthew. He has that smile on his face. I put a hand over my mouth before running and jumping into his arms.

"Matty." I whisper. I smile and nuzzle my face in his neck. "How...where?" he lets me down, and brushes the hair out of my face. "Matty." I whisper again. I feel tears in my eyes.

"Told you I'd find you." he says to me. We're nose to nose. He holds my hand and I stare into his eyes. He still loves me. I can see it. He wipes a tear away. "Don't cry Em." he says wrapping his arms around me. He lays a few kisses on my neck. I look at him, and hold his face in my hands.

"I can't believe you're here." I say with a smirk. I grab his hand, and take him to the couch. I put my leg on his lap, and shew away everyone in the room. I grab his hands. "How did you get here?" I ask him. He smiles.

"I uh...I'm going to college here." he says. I look at him and smile with tears in my eyes. "I'm here for a while Emily." he says. "I'm here and you are too. We're back together again." he says taking my hands. He pulls me too him, and I snuggle up to him. "So you have a lot less privacy now." he says with a chuckle. I nod.

"Yeah, but...I love it here. There are six kids living here. JJ is pregnant." I say. He smiles.

"It's a bit smaller than we're used to, isn't it." he asks looking around. I smile at him.

"It's more comfortable I think. I made up with my mom." I say with a smile. "She's actually kinda cool when she talks. She apologized for not being there for me. She was devastated when I told her...what...happened." I say turning my head from him. I bite my nail, and I feel his fingers caressing my thigh. "I used to dream about you." I confess to him. He smiles a sad smile.

"I still do. How are the nightmares?" he asks me. I shrug.

"They've gone away mostly." I whisper. "I had a dream that you died. It was so scary. Johnny told me." I tell him. He wraps him arms around me and pulls me onto his lap.

"Have you spoken to Johnny since you left?" he asks me. I shake my head no.

"I haven't spoken to him since he left me." I say wiping a tear away. That still hurts me sometimes. He was so mean. It was only because he didn't know.

"You didn't deserve that." Matty says in a husky tone. He was always so sweet. He moves my hair away from my neck. Just then I hear a voice.

"Who is this Emily?" I hear. Oh shit. I turn around, and smile.

"Derek. This is Matty...Matthew. Matthew Benton." I say with a small smile. "He was my best friend in Rome." I say. Derek gives me a small smile. He walks up and pulls me too him. I guess making sure Matthew knows I'm his. Matthew knows I'm Derek's now. I just watched Matty's face turn to a frown. "Matty...this is...my boyfriend Derek." I say with a hint of sadness in my tone.

"Oh." he says sounding a bit sad. "Good. You're being taken care of." he says with a smile. I smile too.

"You should stay tonight Matty." I say with a smile. He smiles too.

"I don't think David would be ok-" I stop him.

"Please stay Matty. Please. I wanna talk with you some more." I can feel Derek watching us. I hug Matthew. He's my friend. I can hug him right? Derek looks at me, and walks off. I follow Derek. "Look Derek. It'll just be for a day or two. I just...he's my friend." I say with a small smile. I hug him, and he kisses the top of my head.

"Okay princess." he says. Everybody files into the room when they call us down to eat. I ask Matty to join us for dinner and I watch him the whole time he eats. He talks about his time around the world. I stare at him in awe. I can't believe he is here. Everyone seemed to like him. After dinner I continue to watch him. Everybody get's up, and I start dishes because it's my night. Matty joins me, and he grabs the dishes from me.

"What are you doing?" I ask him with a smile. He's staying tonight. David said it was okay.

"Helping. I can't help?" he says with a smile. I give him the dishes and he helps me wash them. Sometimes our hands touch in the water and I feel sparks shock through me. At one point his finger curls around mine. I blush a little and smile.

"I missed you. I can't believe you're here right now." I say with a wide smile. He takes his hand out of the bubbles and puts a bubble on the tip of my nose.

"I missed you too mi Angelo." I blush. He always called me his angel. He smiles and I stare into his eyes.

"Emily?" I hear. I turn around to see Derek. He sighs and rubs his jaw. "Can you give us a moment alone?" he says. I frown. Matty nods and walks out. "What the hell was that?" he asks me. He's mad. I look through the door.

"What are you talking about?" I ask him. He points toward Matty.

"You know. You've ignored me all night long Emily! We get back from a wonderful vacation and he's here. You go off and leave me in the dust." he says. I look at him angrily.

"I'm not aloud to spend time with my friend?!" I ask him. He advances on me.

"NO! You guys aren't just talking. If you were then we wouldn't be having this conversation. The touches. The glances. You stared at him all through dinner. You guys were nose to nose just now! Why do I feel like I'm being forgotten?" he says. I look at him in shock.

"You're crazy. I love you. He's just my best friend." I say angrily.

"Well I was your best friend too. Is that it? You pick a best friend then sleep with them?" he says. A sword goes through my chest and I can't breathe. His face changes and he looks guilty but I don't care. I turn around and try not to cry. "Em...I'm so s-" I stop him.

"Don't. Just...don't. I...I don't want to see you in my bed tonight. Maybe you should...go back to your room for the night." I say. My voice cracks, and I can't look at him. I walk out, and see Matty. He walks up, and sees the pain on my face.

"Stai bene?" _Are you okay? _He asks me.

"Basta tenere a me." _Just hold me. _I say. He nods and wraps his arms around me. Derek walks out of the kitchen and looks at me. I can't look at him. How could he say such a thing? Matty and I walk to the couch. He lays down and I lay on his chest.

"Are you and Derek going to be okay?" he asks sadly.

"He just said something really mean. It's...we'll be okay." I tell him. He nods.

"Do you love him?" he asks me. I smile a bit.

"Yeah." I whisper.

"Do you love me?" he asks. I sigh.

"I will...always love you in a way." I tell him. He turns away.

"Not the way I love you." he says. I pick at my nails and look away. "You leave and everything goes to shit Emily. I thought that if I came back you and I would fall in love and you would...I...it's stupid." he says. "I shouldn't be staying here." he says. I look at him some tears fallen.

"Matty. Don't leave me. Give me a few hours in your arms. Don't leave yet." I tell him. He wraps me up in his arms, and takes deep breaths. "Do you want to go to...my room?" I ask him. He nods, and I lead him up there. I close the door, and sit on the bed with Matty.

"Do you still smoke?" he asks me. I shrug.

"Sometimes. Not as bad as I was." I tell him. My walls are covered with pictures of my family. Of my new family.

"I feel like there isn't any room in your life anymore..." he says looking around. "Let's face it though. I was never really more than a best friend." he says. "You only wanted Johnny. You never wanted me." he says with a frown. I do too.

"That's not true. I did want you." I tell him. I look up at him, and he leans down toward me. I get up quickly though. "David is my biological dad. Mom lied. She got pregnant by David and then she married Joseph." I say trying to change the subject.

"I never thought you looked anything like that guy. Where was David your whole life?" he asks. I sigh.

"He didn't really know that I was his till I was five. By then mom said it was okay for him to not stick around. He felt guilty and..." I take a breath as he gets closer to me. "He...didn't..." Matthew pressed against me, and I can't find my words.

"Hush mi Angelo." he says. He brushes my hair out of my face and I stare at his lips.

"Matty." I whisper. He goes to kiss me but I stop him. "Stop Matty. I'm with...with Derek." I say with tears in my eyes.

"Ti amo. Mi baci." _I love you. Kiss me. _I close my eyes, and he leans in. His lips attach to mine, and my breath is taken away. I can taste the tears on my lips. I don't know who's tears they are. He leans me back and continues to kiss me. _You're cheating on your boyfriend! _I break away fast and gasp. I move away, far away from him, and shake my head.

"I can't Matty. I...I...no. I'm with Derek. I love Derek." I say. He looks so broken. He walks out of my room in a rush and I chase after him. "Matty! Where are you going?" I ask him. He looks at me, and I can see it. The pain he is in. "Matty stop." I say starting to cry.

"Emily what is it worth!? You will never want me! Never! YOU NEVER HAVE AND YOU NEVER WILL! You loved Johnny! You love Derek! I...came here to see YOU. I wanted you." he rubs his nose, and I can see his hands shaking.

"Matthew. Are you alright?" I ask him. He is pale. Skinnier than I've seen him last.

"I...need to...go to the bathroom." he reaches in his pocket, and runs to the bathroom. I open the door, and see him dump a powdered substance on the counter. I watch him from afar in pain. He goes to snort it, but I stop him.

"NO! Matty! Drugs aren't the answer here." I tell him. He shakes his head.

"I need that! I need it Emily! It makes me stop hurting! Emily..." he is breathing hard. "I need it." I stare at it on the counter, and I'm shocked. I don't know what to do. I wish Derek wasn't mad at me. I wish this was different. I just want the old Matty back.

**So sorry for the shorter chapter but it's late. Cramming for finals so slower updates are possible! Don't hate me for bringing Matty in! What should Emily do? I already have an idea but your guys' opinions mean a lot too! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!(: REVIEW AS SOON AS YOU CAN! I love them with all my heart.**


	27. Chapter 27

**I thought maybe the lack of reviews were because of the website, but it was scary. Sorry about not updating so fast. All I've been able to think about lately is: volcanoes are made by convergent boundaries, how to balance chemicals, sleep, I hate finals, sleep, standing wave, what's a standing wave? Oh yeah. That. Write that down. Sleep. It was a mess. After my struggles though I get a 75%! A 75! That's a D. On my test. I hate life. Love you guys though. No D in the class though, just on the test thank god! Still though. Grr. Anyways! ENJOY!(:**

I just want the old Matty back. "Matty don't please." I beg him again. He looks at my face and shakes his head.

"You don't understand!" he says. I feel the tears falling, but I have to help him! I have too! "What do you care anyways? You never cared! Not once! You just used me! You always used me!" he yells in my face. I reach for his hand but he throws me off. "Stop worrying about me! It's your fault I'm like this anyway!" he says. I look at the ground.

"I know." I whimper. I slide down the bathroom floor, and the sound of him snorting the powder is one I hate. Why wouldn't he stop for me? Matty used to do everything for me. That sounds selfish, but I barely ever asked him to do anything. He was looking out for me. He was looking out for me like he does. He is high as a kite. He took painkillers. He snorted pain killers. We used to do that. He leans back, and closes his eyes. I find myself craving the drug that he's on. I can't do it though. I refuse too. I just sit, and cry. He notices me crying.

"I'm sorry Emily. I had too." he says. He comes over to me, and runs his fingers along my face. "You're so pretty. So smart. So witty. You...don't love me." he says it like he can barely form a sentence. He kisses my shoulder and wipes the tears away. I push him away and stand. I looked down at him and walk out of the room. I can't deal with this shit.

"Leave my home. Don't come back." I say in a sob. I go and lay down on my bed. I grab my pillow and I push my face into it. I let out sobs of pain, and sadness. Matty is still probably in the bathroom. Maybe he left. I don't really care. All I know is I'm alone because Derek thought that I would do that. He thought I would...he's wrong. I wouldn't...at a time I would, but I wouldn't now. Derek is my boyfriend. I'm not a cheater. I sit on my bed and I'm taken back to a time when everything was at it's worst.

_"Matty don't leave just yet." I tell him. We lay on my bed holding hands. He get's up, but I pull on his arm. "Don't go Matty." I say. He pulls his arm, and looks at me._

_"Emily, I have too." he says getting his things from my floor. My lip trembles, and he looks at me with concern. He comes to me, and wraps me in his arms. "Em...every time I leave here you beg me not to go. I've seen you cry more lately than you ever have. What are you so afraid of?" he asks me. I shake my head no. "Emily. Just tell me. It'll make you feel better." I leap up from his grasp. Suddenly angry that he asked me. That he's pushing it._

_"Why do you have to know?!" I ask him. _

_"Because I'm worried about you." he says. I feel anger surge with in me for some reason. "Emily...you've been acting all over the place lately." he says. I turn to him._

_"Why can't you just let me have my reasons! Why wont you stay with me!? Is it me?! Why? WHY MATTY?" I yell at him. He shakes his head._

_"Why don't you call John?" he asks me. I look down in shame. _

_"I don't want John." I say. He looks at me angrily. He rolls his eyes and goes to walk out. I see him leaving and my heart speeds._

_"No Emily. I can't do this anymore. You are dragging me around on a leash. In the daylight you kiss John, and he holds you. When we come back here though...you hold my hand, and let me hold you. We laugh together. So close normal people would think we're a couple. You never want John. Why are you with him?" he asks me. I look at Matty, and I don't know what to say. I guess my silence proves to be enough though because he's walking away faster than ever._

_"NO! DON'T LEAVE ME MATTY!" I yell out. He keeps walking. Soon he is out the door, and I can't stop him. "Don't go! Please! I'll do anything...anything...don't...leave." I whisper to myself. After he is gone I'm so scared. I can here the voices in my head. They need to stop. I'm going crazy. I close my eyes, but then I see him. His smug grin. I can feel him, and I want him to go away. The door downstairs open, and then shuts. I know they're home. I know he's home. A flashback of last night plays. His hand sliding down my body. Doing things to me. I'd never had sex before last night. I know how it works though. I never thought it would go like that. So rough. So horrible. I carved my arm after it. _

_"Dear! We're home!" mother yells from downstairs. I know he's with her. I pull the blanket up higher, and keep crying. I don't want to face her. To see the happy look on her face. To watch her kiss him willingly. I can feel him. His hands. No callouses. Smooth. Like he's never worked a day in his life. I hate them. Those hands are what control me. Make me lay down. Those hands are what he slaps me with. Punches me when I've been "bad". His voice hurts the most. I hate to hear it. It sounds just like a politicians voice would. Like those men at those parties. Staring at me. Wanting me. I'm only a teenager. I can't be that desirable. Can I? Mine. All mine. You hear me. Don't let anyone else touch you. You're mine forever. His words hurt me. His voice like darkness itself rising to greet me. I hate it. I hate his voice. "Honey?" mother says in my doorway. I turn around, and look at her. She looks at me in shock. "Oh my god. What happened Emily?" she asks me._

_Tell her. Tell her. Tell her. Tell. Tell. Tell. Tell. Tell. Tell. TELL! "Matty and I got in a fight." GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL! It's not too late. Tell her._

_"Aww honey. Must've been a bad fight. You have been acting weird lately. I'm sorry for this boy causing you trouble. Want me to stay and hold you a bit?" I look at mother in shock. She never requests things like this._

_"I don't feel good mommy." I feel dirty. Sick. Like I can never be clean again. She wraps her arms around me. She is truly oblivious. At night she takes sleeping pills. She doesn't want to lie awake thinking about the people she has to deal with on a daily basis. That makes her oblivious to everything going on at night. She trusts him. Why wouldn't she? She loves him. At least I think she does. She's trying too. It's hard to love. Especially her. _

_"Aw...well you stay up here. I'll bring you dinner, and we can watch a movie together. Thomas is on assignment. He wont be here for a few days." she says. The air in my lungs disappears magically. She leaves to go down stairs and I feel like calling Matty. _

I feel the bed shift next to me, and I turn around hoping it's Derek. It isn't. It's Matty. He is sitting with his head in his hands, and his elbows on his knees. "I need help Emily. I...I can't think of anyone else when I haven't had my fix." he says. I pat the bed next to me, and we lay down together. At least he's admitting he needs help.

* * *

><p>The next morning after the mind fuck of a night Derek walks in to find me and Matty passed out in my bed together. Too close for his comfort. I open my eyes, and see him standing there. Oh shit. Now what is he going to say? I get out of bed, and I turn to Matty. He's sleeping soundly, and I wish he could stay that way. Peaceful. "We need to talk." I say. He shakes his head no.<p>

"This situation has done enough talking for me." he says turning his back and leaving. I can understand why Derek would be angry but I can't believe he wont let me explain. The only reason Matty slept next to me last night is because I was worried about him, and he was upset. I was upset. It was just comfort. I can't believe he would think that low of me. I get Matty up, and get his things. We go down stairs and I see David and Erin sitting at the table. I look around to see where the other kids are. JJ and Will on the couch. Derek probably in the basement. Spencer in his reading area and Pen on her computer upstairs. Perfect. I walk and sit at the table in the kitchen. It's private, and I like that.

"David? Erin? Can we have a word with you guys?" I ask them tentatively.

"Sure Bella. What's going on?" he asks me. I take Matty's hand, and he speaks up.

"I need help." Matty says. "I have a drug problem. Emily showed me last night how badly it was hurting her." he says in shame. David and Erin look surprised.

"Okay. Well...what can we do to help you?" David asks.

"My mom and dad think I'm crazy. They think I'm possessed or something. I need some one to find me a place that'll give me help. I...I need medical help. I don't know anyone that cares enough to help me find that though." he says with tears. David nods. He looks at Erin and she bites her lip.

"I know a place. It's really nice. Very discrete. They'll treat you well Matthew. Do you want me to take you today?" Erin asks him. How'd she know about a place so fast? Matty nods. "I'll get ready and we'll go. Alright?" she asks him. She pats his hand, and gives him a meaningful understanding look. David looks at her in a sad way. There is something I don't know.

"I'm scared." he says. She smiles a soft smile.

"I know you are." they get up, and Matty get's his things. "Do you want Emily to come with us?" he asks. He shakes his head. He looks me in the eye, and squeezes my hand.

"I've caused her enough pain. She has to fix her relationship anyways." he says. He let's go, and walks out. Erin get's ready while me and Matty sit on the porch swing outside.

"I'm proud of you." I say. He looks at me and smiles a bit.

"Last night when I saw you crying..." he says sadly. "I...I've never seen you cry like that except those times when he...I...I can't make you cry like he made you cry. I can't do that." he says. "I love you too much." I shake my head a bit, and take a deep breath.

"I can't love you the way you love me Matty, but...you'll always be my best friend." I tell him. He nods and looks at me.

"Fix your relationship. He's a good guy. He cares about you. He has the chance I never got. Give it to him, and cherish it. I never meant to cause you guys to break up. I never meant for that too happen. I just hoped that maybe there was a chance that you would...you still loved me." he says. I sigh, and lean toward him. I give him a long passionate kiss, and he holds me close. "I'm sorry for the pain I caused. I'm just happy I got to see you." he says.

"I'm happy I got to see you too Matty." I say. Just then Erin walks out with her bag.

"Let's go Matthew." she says. He hugs me one more time, and then he's gone. I stay out on the porch, and curl up in the seat. I suddenly wish I was back at the beach. Over looking a gorgeous view. Instead I'm met with a road. Some trees. Soon JJ woddles out of the doorway. She sits next to me as comfortably as she can.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks me. I shrug. She takes my hand and I look at her with a smile. "You can talk about it you know." she says. "I won't judge anything you have to say." I turn to her with tears in my eyes.

"I...he was just there you know? He was the first person I told. I told him that Thomas was...that he...and I told him I was pregnant. Johnny...he thought that I cheated on him. He didn't even get to say a word. I called Matty. Told him I was pregnant. He found a doctor. He held my hand. He stayed with me in that hotel room. He was the first guy that I've had sex with willingly. He showed me how sex is supposed to be. He showed me what it's like to feel loved. All I ever did was use him." I say the tears threatening to fall. "Derek's mad at me. He thinks that I cheated on him last night. The truth is Matty was on drugs. He came to my room, and told me he needed help. Then he held me as I cried. We've kissed twice since he's been here. Once was last night. I threw him off of me, and told him that I was in love with Derek. The second time was just now. I wanted to say goodbye. I'll never see him again probably. I needed to let him know that I used to love him. I had too. Derek won't understand. Do you know what Derek said to me yesterday?! He asked me if I get guy friends then spread my legs for them. No, I don't. I was only with Matty for one night. One night JJ. He makes me sound like a whore. I can't stand being called that. I can't." I tell her. She moves my hair out of my face, and looks at me.

"Derek was just upset. That's all. He didn't mean what he said." JJ tells me. "You do love Matty Emily. You're just not in love with him." she says. I lay my head on her shoulder. "Just calm down. Talk to Derek. He'll understand Em. He's a good guy."

"He didn't trust me. That really hurt." I say softly.

"Tell him that." I nod, but bury my face in her neck even more.

"You're gonna be a great mother to that little boy." I say putting a hand on her belly. She smiles.

"You think?" she asks me. She looks worried. I can tell. I nod.

"He'll go through crazy problems with crazy girls, and you will be with him all the way. You're gonna raise him right. Keep him out of trouble. I can see it already." I smile. She smiles too. She hugs me, and nods toward the door.

"You should go talk to Derek." she says. I bite my lip, and I nod. Before I go I see her smile a gorgeous smile at her stomach. She runs a hand around it, and giggles. I leave her there and go back inside. I trot down the stairs to the basement and take a deep breath. I smile a bit because I remember what happened down here the last time we were mad at each other.

"It wasn't what it looked like. We didn't sleep together. I wouldn't do that to you. I...I can't believe you wouldn't trust me." I say all in one. He stops punching the punching bag, and stares at his hands.

"How am I supposed to trust you when you follow him around like a puppy dog?" I feel tears come to my eyes.

"I'm sorry! It's just...it's been so long since I've seen him. He...you don't understand what he means to me." I say. He shakes his head and scoffs.

"No. I get it. He's your ex-boyfriend things are probably still there. I just thought you loved me more than that." he says. Why is he so fucking upset?

"He got me my abortion! He held me as I grieved. He...he...he stayed the night so that he could protect...why are being so mean to me? I don't know what...I didn't cheat on you. I mean...I kissed him. One last time. Nothing else happened. I wouldn't let anything else happen. I can't believe you are so angry over nothing! I...I'm sorry." I say weakly. "I've slept with him. Yes. I have. It wasn't like you think though. I...he wanted to show what it was really supposed to be like. He needed to show me that you aren't supposed to pin someone down. That you aren't supposed to slap them, or enter them when they aren't ready. He showed me that sex can be enjoyable, not horrible. I am forever in debt to him. He's in rehab. He started to do heavy drugs after my abortion. Erin just took him to the rehabilitation center." I say. "You never need to worry about me spreading my legs for anybody ever again." I say to him. He turns to me, and sighs.

"Oh I...I'm sorry. I was an ass." he says. I nod.

"Yeah...you were." I say. I'm feeling hurt that he would say something like that.

"I'm gonna get jealous Emily, I am...you're...you...I love you, and I don't want anyone else to have you. You...you get jealous too Emily." he says. I nod.

"Yeah. I do get jealous. I never. Not once didn't trust you. I trust you with my life, Derek. I...I need you to trust me. If we can't trust each other then this won't work. I want you for the rest of my life, but I can't...you have to know that I can be my own person. Believe it or not I know right from wrong. I'm not the same person I was when you first met me. I don't do drugs anymore except occasionally smoking with Will. I don't...we need to trust each other. Trust me, Derek." I say softly. He walks up and wraps me in his arms.

"I do trust you baby. I just...I didn't trust him. I love you baby. Our relationship can work! It will. I promise you. I...need you baby." he says leaning down. He kisses me and I kiss him back. "I didn't sleep last night. I couldn't sleep with out you in my arms." he says. I nod.

"I barely slept. I laid awake the longest time." I tell him. He nods, and leans down to kiss me again. "Don't ever doubt me again. Please." I tell him. He nods.

"I won't." he whispers. I grab his hand and we go upstairs. I see David and he frowns at me.

"Bella...we need to talk about something." he says. I look at him in worry. "Matthew and Erin are safe. It isn't about them...well...not entirely. It's about Thomas." he says. I look at him with wide eyes. I don't want to talk about him.

**Two chapters and no intensity was getting old. I like the roller coaster! Oh, Guest. Here is your update. DON'T BE SAD!): Sorry it isn't long. I wanted to update for you, and not make you all wait any longer! I truly do apologize for the lack of updating! NO excuses!(: Anyways, don't give me another heart attack and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!(: They make me happy! I need happiness after my grade. That made me sad. REVIEW!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Just for clearing up purposes Thomas and Elizabeth broke up before Emily told Elizabeth about what happened to her. Emily never pressed charges, and didn't want to deal with it. That's why the bastard isn't in jail. I have major feels toward this guy and I created him. A lot of flashbacks so M most definitely. Rape, sexual abuse, and self-harm in this chapter. It's not a happy one.**

"I don't want to talk about him." I say quickly, cutting to the chase. He puts a hand up.

"We have too. Emily...Matthew told Erin something I think you should know." I look at him, and sit down.

"Is he dead?" I ask coldly. David shakes his head no. I stand to leave. "I don't wanna hear it unless he is burned alive." I say starting to walk away.

"He's running for Senator in Virginia. He'll be in this area." David says. My heart stops. I can't breath. Where did the air in the room go? "It's taking every ounce of will power I have to not go and assassinate the bastard." he says. I sit down because suddenly I feel light headed.

"He...he...he can't. Not after what he..he..." I stutter.

"I don't know how we missed it. He...because you never pressed charges he can do...whatever he wants." David says. I feel pain hit my heart. What if he comes after me? What if he finds me? What if he finds Derek? Matty? JJ? Oh god, Spencer.

"B-but wh-what if he...I...can't..." I start to breath really fast, I didn't even know I was breathing though. "Spe-pencer...De-Derek...JJ he co-cou-could hurt them." I start to cry, and my breathing speeds up even more. I can't seems to get air to fill my lungs. David comes over next to me as I let out a sob.

"He won't hurt them. I...I have a plan. Trust me. It'll all be okay Bella. We'll be safe. He won't be aloud to visit you. If he does we call the cops. I know you're scared. I am too. He won't ever hurt you again. Never." David says. I collapse in David's arms. I don't even know how to breath. How to think. I need Derek. That's what I need.

"Da-daddy...ca-can you g-get De-erek. Please daddy." I say continuing to sob. I'm so scared. How can I live my life knowing that he is near me? Near my home? My family? David stands, and leaves me for a minute. Soon I have arms wrapped tight around me. I know it's Derek. I can smell him.

"What's going on? Why is Emily like this?" I hear Derek ask. I cling onto him, and just cry.

"I'll tell you later Derek. You're going to get angry and we need to calm Emily down right now." David says. I wanna go away. I wanna go so far away. I wanna forget everything. An hour or so later I relax in Derek's arms. I don't want to move though. Derek lifts me up, and carries me to my room. He puts on Stevie but I can't hear her. I keep thinking about how badly I don't wanna be here. Derek sits on my bed, and I look around the room. Who would've thought one visit from Matty, and I would lose my fucking mind. Derek goes to leave but I keep a vice grip on his arm.

"I'll be back I promise. I just have to talk to David for a minute. I can get JJ if you want me too." he says. I nod. He's gone. I want to hurt myself. I want to take the drugs. I need my escape. My finger nails are in mouth. I keep looking around. I can't be here. I want to go away!

_"Emily! You little bitch! You told didn't you! I'm gonna make you pay for it!" he tore at me, and ripped my clothes away. He put his hands on my chest and pressed down till I couldn't breathe. I gasp for breath as he spread my legs. I closed my eyes as I cry. _

_"No...no...no...please stop it." I cry. No one else is here though. When he thrust into me I let out a half scream because of the pain. He covers my mouth before it gets to be anything louder. He moves roughly and I stare at him with horror in my eyes. _

_"Now...you're gonna be a good little girl and tell me how you like it." he says. I shake my head no as he uncovers my mouth. I will not say that! I will never say that! He slaps my face. It hurts so bad. "Tell me!" he says wrapping his hands around my throat. I don't want to do this._

_"NO!" I try to yell out to him. Mother isn't here. Mother is at work. Emergency case. She can't save me. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" I spit at him. My breath supply is winding down. I can't breathe! He's going to kill me. He's tearing me apart inside. It hurts. "St-op...p-l..ple-as-e. St-op." I can't breathe. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. Some one save me._

"Save me." I whisper. JJ wraps her arms around me, and holds me tight. I'm done crying. I just can't stop feeling him inside. Tearing me apart. Pinning me down. Killing me with every thrust.

"I've got you Emily." JJ whispers. I want to throw up. I want my blade. I want my drugs.

_The door slams shut and Thomas has promised me he won't touch my friends as long as I'm good for him. I can feel the evidence of what we've done everywhere. Inside of me. On my thighs. My body. My sheets. I feel so wrong. So dirty. Why do I keep letting him rape me? I stand on shaky legs, and notice the pain throbbing in me. I stumble naked to the bathroom in my room. I look at myself in the mirror and I hate what I see. A victim. I start the shower and make it too hot on purpose. Cold water doesn't wash the germs away as well. I scrub my skin till I'm raw. My thighs are so red I think they may bleed. I'm already bleeding from there. That place. That dirty place that people aren't supposed to touch. I'm bleeding a lot this time, and it hurts worse than it ever has. I put my hand there to try to get it too stop. I need a hospital tonight. I get clothes on, and I call a cab company. When I get to the cab I tell him to hurry. I stumble into the hospital, and everything is going white. I need some one to help me. I whimper help before falling to the floor._

"JJ...he's gonna come back for me. He's gonna hurt you guys. He's gonna hurt me again. I can't...I can't let him hurt you guys." I whimper through silent tears. I taste the saltiness of them on my lips. I wish the flashbacks would go away but they won't.

_"Honey? Honey are you awake?" the nice nurse says. My eyes flutter open, and I see the nice nurse in colorful scrubs. "How are you feeling?" she asks me. I look around. Oh, god. What if they know? _

_"I...no...no...why am I..." I start to panic. What if he knows? What if he realizes that I'm gone?!  
><em>

_"Honey we need to know your name." she says with a warm smile. I think fast. I go through every friend that I can think of. Anything but Emily._

_"Paget. Paget Benton. When can I leave?" I ask. She looks at me in confusion._

_"Sweetheart. Paget, you were raped. Don't you want me to call the police?" she asks me. My eyes widen. _

_"No...no..no..you can't! NO!" I say. I back up off the couch. "I just...I just want to go home. Oh god...what if mother comes home, and knows that I'm missing. I have to go home. I have too. I...where is my phone? I have to call a cab company." I say getting ready to stand. When I do I feel the pain course through me. I'll be fine though. I've mastered how to walk with pain there. I shake it off for a bit, and the nurse looks at me in shock. _

_"Your clothes are bloody, and all messed up. Do you want some scrubs?" I nod, and keep from breaking down. "Your phone is next to you on the chair. We tried to get into it so we could call your mother, but it has a lock on it." she says. I've been more thankful for locked phones. _

_"I need those scrubs m'am." I say with a cold distant voice. I can't be a scared little girl. I have to be the cold, distant, calm, unemotional Prentiss woman. Like mother taught. "I need to leave right now. I'm not pressing charges. Don't try to go all I'll save your soul on me. You won't. You don't understand what you're getting into." I say fast and collected. She looks at me in even more shock. _

_"I'm just trying to help. I know you're scared." I turn to her with furry in my eyes._

_"Don't tell me what I feel. You don't know what I feel." I snap at her. "Get me those scrubs." I tell her. I see the look on her face. "Look m'am. All I'm asking for is to go home. I just want to go home." I say. She nods, and gets me scrubs. She leaves and I sit on the bed. I just want to go home. She walks back in and gives them to me._

_"How old are you?" I look at her with a frown._

_"I'm eighteen." I've lied enough already. She gives me a clip board, and I fill it out. All lies. I wipe some tears that have fallen. _

_"The doctor stopped the bleeding. You had tearing along your vaginal walls and several cuts and bruises along your body. We can save you." she says. I shake my head. _

_"No you can't. No one can. Not until he leaves my home, or I leave. Unfortunately I have to deal with it till then. Goodbye." I say grabbing my purse. I walk out as slow as I can. It really hurts this time. _

_"M'am. Be sure to let him know that if he does this again while you're healing, you will die." she says looking me in the eye. I look at her too. _

_"Yes m'am." I say. The cab they called is outside. When I get to the mansion I hear cab driver say something about me being a Prentiss. I just give him the money I have and stumble into the house. I walk in, and see Thomas on the couch. _

_"Where were you Emily?" he asks me. My heart speeds._

_"Hospital. I didn't tell them anything. I said my name was Paget Benton. I told them I was eighteen." I say. I'm out of it. I don't care. He looks at me with a small grin. _

_"You lied to them?" he asks. I nod in shame. "If they show up you're dead." he tells me. I look at him and feel that guilt overwhelm me._

_"If you rape me again I'll be dead anyway. The doctor told me that if you rape me again before I'm done healing then I will die from blood loss. Give me a week to heal or you'll have to explain to my mother why when she comes to wake me up in the morning, I'll be lying naked on my back bleeding from my fucking vagina. How do you explain that?" I ask him. I'm so angry, and upset. He looks at me in shock. Suddenly a hand comes down, and I feel a sting on the side of my face. I fall to the ground and touch my face._

_"Don't smart off to me ever again!" he yells. "You're lucky! Two weeks. Be nice, or I'll fuck you and drop you in a river myself." he says into my face. "Better pray that I'm patient. Two weeks with out your sweet pussy will be tortuous." he says. I feel myself beginning to feel sick. I go upstairs and empty the contents of my stomach in the toilet. I start a bath because I at least got everything except for blood off of me. I lay in the bath, and reach for my blade I have hidden back behind the toilet wrapped in a cloth. I pick it up, and open up the blade. I think about what the doctor said to me...several cuts...she didn't know that was me. I take it out and stare at it. I put it to my arm and press down. The blood seeps out and I feel the release. I clean up my bloody mess, and then get out of the tub. I clean everything and put my blade away. I throw up again because I feel dizzy, and sick. Too much blood tonight. It's almost sunrise. I've been doing all this since I went to bed. I only slept for an hour at the hospital. I reach into the cabinet for the pain killers I stole. I pop two and make my way to bed. The drugs help me forget. _

"The drugs help me forget." I whisper. I stand and run to the bathroom. I open up the pill bottle, and JJ's hand comes to stop me. The pills fall and I turn to her. "JJ! WHY!?" I ask her. She grabs them from me.

"You haven't said anything since you found out. All you do is mumble terrifying things. You've been in a dreamlike state for the past hour. Emily, drugs won't work!" JJ says. I look at her angrily.

"It does too help! It helps me forget! JJ GIVE ME THEM!" I yell. I don't know what I'm thinking. "Give me them JJ...please." I beg her. She looks at me with pain on her face. "I'm so scared Jayjie. I'm so scared." I tell her. She nods and looks at me teary eyed. She sits on the floor with me. I wrap my arms around her, and I try to think of something else. Sadie. I think of Sadie. "She has a lighter shade of Derek's skin. Brown eyes, and black hair. Her giggle is the best sound in the world. When she was 2 she wore a green tootoo around the house. Derek called her princess Sadie." I whisper to myself. I close my eyes, and try to think of things to add to my story. I close my eyes, and I can see them both.

_Sadie sits in her chair with a smile. Her hair is getting long. It's in a pony tail and has light curls to it. I smile at her as I cut vegetables for dinner. "Where are my two princess'?" Derek yells coming down the stairs with Dylan grasping on his shirt. _

_"RIGHT HERE DADDY!" Sadie yells not using her inside voice. I scold her for it and she nods. Derek gets closer and Dylan reaches for me. He looks at me and feigns hurt. _

_"I just can't keep him when his mama is around." he says. I take my baby from his arms, and Dylan snuggles to my chest. I bounce him and make funny faces at him. Derek leans down and swoops Sadie into his arms. She giggles and he holds her tight. He gives her kisses before setting her back down and telling her to go pick up her room. She runs up the stairs faster than I want her too. She's going to fall and hurt herself. When she's upstairs I sit Dylan in his chair. He smiles up at me. I bend over to pick something up and Derek puts his hands on my hips and thrust forward. I snap up and turn around. I giggle, and he wraps his arms around me. _

_"Sooo... Michael Morgan what thoughts are you having? They don't seem to be innocent." I say with a smile wrapping my arms around his neck. He kisses me hard and I open my mouth to him. _

_"What? I man can't make out with his super sexy wife in the kitchen?" Just then a little ball of energy flies down the stairs. This is why she can't wear socks on our wooden floor. She falls because she runs everywhere. She's fast too. Derek keeps his arms around me. He kisses me again hard, and I break it off._

"I don't know how to keep the ones I love safe." I tell JJ.

"Where did you just go too Em?" she asks me. I shrug.

"When I get upset I've been seeing Sadie and Dylan lately. They're there. They grow sometimes. Never more than three years though. I don't know everything is just so messed up. I've been getting horrible head aches lately too. I don't know." I say.

"You ready to go downstairs Em?" she asks me. I nod. When we go downstairs Derek envelopes me in a large hug.

"I'll keep you safe Emily. I'll kill him if he comes near here. I will. I swear to you." he says. I nod, and just breathe him in. Erin walks through the door, and walks straight to David.

"We need to talk in the kitchen about this situation." she says softly. I can hear her though. They both go into the kitchen, and I want to listen.

"Derek...I need a few minutes." I say. He nods and watches me as I move away. I sneak off to the hallway next to the kitchen and I listen to them talk.

"What do you want to do about it?" Erin asks David.

"I don't know what to do Erin. She...she is so scared he'll come after her." David says. "I'm scared that she'll see him and she'll go through a flashback or something. She never got the proper counselling she needed." he finishes.

"I know she didn't. What if she does something?" Erin says. "What if Derek does something?" she asks. "What if you do something? She's your daughter. I know how badly you want to kill him." Erin says. I can see her shaking her head in my mind.

"I do want to kill him. I want to shoot him down and watch him bleed out for what he did to my little girl but...I can't and I know that. I hate it, and I know that I can't do that. She is...she's my baby and the things he did to her...he deserves to die! Not live in a fucking mansion! Not in that big house! Running the state I live in! NO!" David says getting worked up. I peek around and I see Erin put her hands on his shoulders. She shakes her head, and I can hear the tears.

"I'm connected to her too. I mean...I'm married to her father. I love these kids. I love them all. Emily just as much. Maybe even more because she is a part of you. It hurts me too. I want him dead too David." she says. They wrap their arms around each other, and I bite my nails. "We have to deal with him being in the state. If he comes here though we have every right to shoot him down. We will. I'm telling you. We will kill him." she says. I close my eyes, and go back upstairs with Derek. We go to my room, and he holds me.

"What are you thinking?" Derek asks me. I close my eyes.

"I don't know what to think. I'm so scared, Derek. I'm scared he'll come for me. I'm scared he'll get to you, and I'm scared he'll get to Matty in the rehab center. I'm scared for JJ and Will. You all shouldn't have been brought into this." I say holding his hand tight.

"Tell me a story." he whispers. "About Sadie and Dylan. I wanna hear baby. Get your mind off of it." I take a breath and close my eyes to imagine them.

_I hold my baby close as we snuggle on the couch to watch Frozen for the eighth time that night. Not that I mind. I sing along sometimes, and Sadie loves it. I push my feet under Derek's legs. "Mommy. Can we watch it again after it's over?" she asks me while yawning. I look at her and smile._

_"Or...we turn it off and Daddy tucks his princess in." I tell her. She snuggles closer to me, and yawns again. _

_"No mommy. I want you to tuck me in. I want you to sing me a song." she says. I smile a bit. That's not normal. Usually little miss Daddy's girl wants him to tuck her in. I nod. She's asleep before she's upstairs though. I hear the rain hit the window. I hear a low thunder clap and I know Sadie's going to be in my room in a bit. Derek and I go to bed. When I lay down again I hear a large thunder clap. It's getting louder and louder. Less than five minutes later I hear Sadie's cries. I hear the sound of footsteps running, and Derek groan next to me. I watch Sadie fly into the room and onto the bed at the sound of the next thunder clap. "Mommy. Can you sing me the thunder song?" Sadie asks me still crying. It always calms her during a thunder storm. _

_"Okay Sade. Get up here." she sits on my lap and puts her head to my chest. I take a breath and see Derek smiling at me. _

_Little child, be not afraid  
>The rain pounds harsh against the glass<br>Like an unwanted stranger  
>There is no danger<br>I am here tonight_

Little child  
>Be not afraid<br>Though thunder explodes  
>And lightning flash<br>Illuminates your tearstained face  
>I am here tonight<p>

And someday you'll know  
>That nature is so<br>This same rain that draws you near me  
>Falls on rivers and land<br>And forests and sand  
>Makes the beautiful world that you see<br>In the morning

Little child  
>Be not afraid<br>The storm clouds mask your beloved moon  
>And its candlelight beams<br>Still keep pleasant dreams  
>I am here tonight<p>

Little child  
>Be not afraid<br>The wind makes creatures of our trees  
>And the branches to hands<br>They're not real, understand  
>And I am here tonight<p>

And someday you'll know  
>That nature is so<br>This same rain that draws you near me  
>Falls on rivers and land<br>And forest and sand  
>Makes the beautiful world that you see<br>In the morning

For you know, once even I  
>Was a little child<br>And I was afraid  
>But a gentle someone always came<br>To dry all my tears  
>Trade sweet sleep the fears<br>And to give a kiss goodnight

Well, now I am grown  
>And these years have shown<br>Rain's a part of how life goes  
>But it's dark and it's late<br>So I'll hold you and wait  
>'til your frightened eyes do close<p>

And I hope that you'll know  
>That nature is so<br>This same rain that draws you near me  
>Falls on rivers and land<br>And forests and sand  
>Makes the beautiful world that you see<br>In the morning

Everything's fine in the morning  
>The rain will be gone in the morning<br>But I'll still be here in the morning

_When I finish the song she is lightly snoring even though the thunder is still shaking the house. I lay down, and keep her on my chest. She stirs a bit, but it doesn't matter. I turn to Derek and he's fast asleep too. I laugh at him, and close my eyes. A Lullaby for a Stormy Night. Always works. I smile._

Derek holds me closer, and I breathe him in. Derek is my hero, and with out him I wouldn't be able to survive. I can't be scared of this anymore. I need to face it. He can't hurt me. I have a family now. One that will shoot him down to protect me. Senator or not.

**I'll be writing a lot today. Snow/ice storm has taken over the state. Stuck at home all day. I hope I can finish you another chapter by tonight. I'm looking to finish this story up in the next two chapters. I'll start another one though! Don't fret! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! (I love how many reviews I got last time! Keep it up!) XD**


	29. Chapter 29

A week and a half since that day, and I'm learning to face the fact that Thomas isn't dead. He's been on television lately almost everyday. I can't watch him. It makes me sick to hear his voice. Derek holds me every night even when I freak out on him. Every time I do freak out though he is there and he asks me to tell him a story about Sadie. I've been drawing her lately too. In more detail. I also drew JJ's baby some more. He is little and adorable. For some reason though, when she has him we're not our age. We're in our thirties or forties. I don't understand it though. JJ looks like she's about to pop. She's roughly nine months now. She still has a few weeks to go. We're all so excited for the arrival of the little monkey.

I go down the stairs and see JJ standing in the kitchen. She made us breakfast. Her hand goes to her stomach and she cringes a bit. "JJ? You okay?" I ask her. She smiles and nods.

"It's nothing. He keeps rolling a certain way. My little soccer star." she says looking at her stomach. She gives me some toast and I bite into it. We have school today. I don't want to go. I never want to go, but I feel so unsafe there. I feel like when I walk to my car some one is watching me. I keep waiting for the day I see him. When we all go to school first block is fine. We continue to head around the school. Kids are saying we have an assembly at fifth block today. Some official guy. I don't know. Derek and I cuddle in our seats during third because we have a substitute and she's too busy trying get that other kid too stop talking. I lean against Derek and kiss his neck. He looks down at me and smiles. I see JJ in front of us, and she grabs her stomach again. I lean over.

"Jayjie? That's the second time that has happened today. Are you sure you're okay?" I ask her. She nods, and goes back to working. When fifth block comes around we all get settled into our gym. I lean against Derek. JJ does the same thing to Will. Penelope leans in from behind us, and Spence is between all of us.

"So who is this guy?" JJ asks everyone. We shrug.

"I hear he's some oober impressive whatchyamacall it. Talk to us about voting and about careers. Not like we haven't heard all this annoying mumbo jumbo anyways." The lights in the school dim a tiny bit, and we see a guy walk out. He's wearing a suit, and I roll my eyes. I cuddle close to Derek, and try to sleep.

"Hello!" he says in a cheery voice. My eyes snap open and I look at the man at the podium.

"No.." I whisper the tears starting to fall.

"I am Thomas Hayes here. I am here to talk to you about politics." he says. Everyone in my group turns to me. I stand up, and run as fast as I can out of the gym. Several teachers chase me, along with Derek. I curl against the door, and my head starts to hurt again. I don't want to be here with him. I rock back and forth and a few of my teachers approach me. Derek wraps his arms around me.

"Th-th-that's...h-hi-him." I manage. Derek looks at me in shock. The rest of my family is here now. Every one is just staring at me. Derek stands, and goes to go inside but Will stops him. JJ sits next to me.

"Emily...do you want to go home?" I nod. She winces again.

"Emily? Are you okay dear? What's wrong?" my biology teacher asks me. She's really nice and she cares a lot.

"She has history with that man in there." Will says angrily.

"I wanna kill him." Derek says. Two more teachers hold Derek back. "Emily why don't you say anything about it?" I look at them. The teachers are looking at me. I don't wanna talk about it.

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" I yell. "That man is lower than the scum of the Earth! He should be dead for what he did but I can't change that! What happens if I come forward now? Huh?!" I ask them yelling. "Do I get closure?! NO! NO I DON'T! He get's away! He gets away with it because he is a fucking politician. When I come forward...it'll be...a political stunt set up by my mother. It will be...they'll ask me why I've waited this long to come forward. What do I do then? Say he's a big and powerful man and I was scared!? Is that what I say! I can't say that though...Prentiss' aren't weak. Neither are Rossi's. I am ashamed that I could never...that I couldn't stop him from...that I let him..." the teachers in the room look in horror. They're putting the pieces together.

"GUYS!" JJ yells holding onto her stomach. "My water just broke." she says worried. Will looks at her with wide eyes, but is by her side in a second. The baby is coming. One of the teachers runs to call the ambulance. I go to JJ and I wrap my arms around her to help her.

"I asked you if you were okay JJ!" I tell her still crying about my problem. I wipe my tears away. I can't care about that son of a bitch in another room. The ambulance is on it's way and I hear the students clapping. Just then the doors open and he walks out. Everybody looks at him. He stares at me and gets that grin on his face. I turn away, and hold onto JJ.

"What's going on here? Is she okay?" he asks walking up to JJ. Will raises his hand, and punches him in the face.

"Get the fuck away from the both of them pervert." he says. He looks back up at me with fury in his eyes.

"I didn't tell on you. I'm not pressing charges. I told my family. I can't...they aren't going to say anything I swear don't hurt me again." I say falling to my knees and begging him not to hurt them. He looks around in a panic. He reaches down and grabs my arm. Derek runs, and grabs me instead. He looks at Derek and scoffs.

"Emily. I need to talk to you in private sweetie." he says to me in that charming voice he uses. His politician voice.

"Don't hurt them." I whisper. He shakes his head no.

"I would never Emiline." he says with a glint in his eye. He runs a hand over my face, and it's so scary.

"She can't go with you." JJ exclaims. I turn away.

"Just let me go. Then we'll be safe." I say looking at her.

"I can't let you go with him Emily. I can't. That's against everything I stand for." Thomas turns around and looks at her. "I'm calling the police too." she says proudly.

"Stop! stop!" I tell her. Some teachers have gotten behind Derek and have started holding Derek back because he looks like he's getting ready to kill Thomas for touching me. Thomas reaches down and picks me up. Some teachers try to prevent it but it's no use.

"You always were a little whore weren't you." he whispers. My lip trembles, and he grabs my arm again.

"LET GO OF HER YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Derek yells.

"Look in one minute exactly those kids will be coming out of the gym. I suggest you go to a room while we call the police. Agent Rossi of the BAU has been notified that you have his daughter." another teacher says. I don't know who it is because Thomas is getting angry. He stares into my eyes, and I can't breathe. He looks so mad.

"You did this! You little bitch! You did this! I had everything! Why couldn't you just keep that slutty mouth of yours shut." he says advancing on me. I hear the sirens. JJ let's out a scream from a contraction. He grabs me by my hair and slams me down to the ground. I let out a cry, and two teachers approach. One of them lets Derek go, and Derek punches Thomas. It takes a bit to get Derek off of Thomas. Thomas cringes and reaches to his pocket. He pulls out a gun and shakes his head. "You shouldn't have done this Emiline. Why do you always have to fuck everything up?" he asks me. I turn to JJ. The paramedics are outside. "Everyone out! Everyone except my little Emily." he says. No one moves.

"Will get JJ out of here!" Derek says. Will nods, and they move JJ out. Then Derek stands tall, and continues. "I'm not going anywhere you son of a bitch. I'm going to stay right here and wait for David and Erin to come. When they do they will blow your fucking brains out." he tells Thomas. I stay down and hide my face. Thomas stands above me. I need him to go away. I need him to leave.

"They won't kill me. Not when I have his beautiful little girl." he says picking me up and pulling me against him. I need to throw up. David shows up and enters the building.

"I'm FBI Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi. Everyone out. Derek leave." he says. I look at him and cry.

"Daddy." I whimper. Thomas holds me tighter. Thomas holds the gun to my head.

"Look no matter how much I want to kill you I can't. I need you to put Emily down Thomas." he says. "I've got you Bella. He can't hurt you."

"Let go of SSA Prentiss and we'll work this out." David says.

"The doors to the gym are locked and the children have been evacuated another way out of the gym. JJ is being taken to the hospital. Let Emily go."

"Let Agent Prentiss go!"

It's the same voice. My head hurts, and I don't know what to do. Why am I hearing these words? Why do I feel like this has happened before?

"I can't! I want her!" he yells. "She's mine."

"Thomas. There's no way out. Just give me Emily and we can talk about this!" David says. Thomas moves a bit to his left, and I go a bit to my right.

Shots ring out and everything goes black.

* * *

><p>"Agent Prentiss! Can you hear me?!" the doctor says. I'm not an agent yet.<p>

"Emily! Stay with us. We've got you Emily." Derek says beside me. He's holding my hand and running with me.

"Emily! I need you. Sadie needs you. Dylan needs you. Stay with us." the lights keep moving and I can barely keep my eyes open. I can't breathe.

"Emily. I got you baby. Stay with us." Derek is his teenage self again. Not the man he has become. He's still running though. I don't know what to do.

"Agent we're almost there. We're getting you into surgery now."

"Emily they're taking you to surgery. We'll be waiting." younger Derek says. When I'm on the table I can hear the voices of my loved ones. They sound older though.

"Emily...we need you to come back. Come back home." JJ whispers.

"I can't do this without you. You're like the older sister I never had. Sadie needs you Emily. Your family needs you. I need you Emily. You have to come back to us." Spence recites. He isn't that little boy anymore. He's a man.

"Mommy! Wake up mommy! I need you to come home so we can be a family!" Sadie says in her cute adorable voice. "Mommy! I need you to sing the thunder song, and Stevie to me so the monsters don't come." Sadie says. It sounds like she's crying. Why is she crying?

"Baby...I can't do this without you. Dylan and Sadie miss you. I need to see your beautiful eyes one more time. I need you Emily. I need to look at my wife." Derek says. "I need to touch you again. I need you Emily. Come home."

When I open my eyes all the doctors aren't around me. Derek walks in and smiles. "I just went to get you some jello princess." he says with a smile.

"Thomas is dead. You got shot in the head. The doctors saved you. It grazed you." he says with a smile. "You're gonna be okay." he smiles. I smile too.

"Wanna see the baby?" he asks me. My mouth opens, and I smile. I nod. He helps me into a wheelchair, and rolls me to JJ's room.

"Emily!" she yells. She's got a bundle of blue in her arms. "You're okay." she says with tears. My family embraces me and I hug them back.

"Come home Emily." Will whispers. "Jay's been a wreck with out you here." he says. "Henry has been too. He keeps asking me why his Aunt Emily can't come over and play with him. It's hard to tell him that it's because she can't wake up."

I wish the voices would go away. They are talking to me, but my head ache is so bad. None of this feels real anymore. Maybe I have lost my mind.

"He looks just like Will." Penelope says. "It's my job as fairy godmother to spoil this child!"

"I'm Henry's godfather." Spence says.

"We named him Henry. Henry La Montagne." JJ says with a proud smile. Henry. How did I know that? I smile at them and JJ gives me a look. "Wanna hold him?" she asks. I smile at her, and nod.

"Yeah..." I say with tears in my eyes. JJ puts him in my arms and I gasp. He looks just like the drawing I drew. Exactly like it. He squirms in my arms and I smile. Everything feels like deja-vu. I stare at the baby before me, and everything is all so confusing. I hold onto him, and they all smile.

* * *

><p>A week or two has gone by and I don't talk much after what has happened. We were all over the news. I don't even want to think about that day. I keep hearing the voices in my head though. I think I've gone crazy. I start to draw everything. Everything I see from my Dreams. I don't even know if they are dreams anymore. They feel like memories. I swear the other day I thought Derek looked at me and asked me why I hadn't come home yet. I don't understand why I'm hearing these things. Derek loves on me a lot. The only comfort I get is when I watch the baby while JJ sleeps. I sing to Henry sometimes. It gives me comfort. Seems to calm him too.<p>

"Emily? You okay?" Derek asks me. I turn to him, and smile. I want to tell him about the other life but I can't. He'll think I'm crazy. Somehow I've managed to stay in that day. The gun to my head. Thomas' arms around me. Brave . I don't understand it. I lock myself in my room a lot. Paint for hours. Listen to Stevie. I haven't touched my guitar since the beach.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking." I say. I wrap my arms around him. He does the same to me.

"I miss you." he says. I look up at him in fear that I'm hearing things. "You don't talk anymore. I feel like I've lost you." he says. I look down at my hands. No. This is the real Derek. I lean up and I kiss him. He kisses me back with so much passion.

"I love you." I say. "I know...I know I've been distant I just...I think I'm going crazy." I say with a small teary eyed laugh. I put my face in my hands and I sit down. "I keep hearing voices." I say my voice cracking. "It's you guys. You keeps telling me to come home, and I don't know where that is anymore." I tell him. He looks at me in worry. He takes my hand and turns me around.

"You are home. Home is with me." he says leaning in. He reaches for the bottom of my shirt and kisses me hard. I let him strip me of it.

"Derek. Do you want to come in?" I ask him with a slight blush on my face. "I know it's only the second date bu-" I'm cut off by a set of lips on mine.

"I'd love too." he says.

Derek climbs on top of my half naked body. Our lips don't detach. It's so...the correct word is desperate. We're clinging onto each other like this is the last time we'll ever make love. Maybe it is. He moves along my body like an expert. He knows every place to touch. He knows every place to kiss. He's mine forever. I feel the tears falling and I don't know why. Maybe because this time it's just...more emotional.

He moves against me in a fast wanting motion. Our lips are connected and I've wanted him for so long. He pops open my shirt. We break away for a minute and he runs a hand over where the scar is. The scar Ian left me with. Derek leans down and kisses it. "You're mine now. Not his." Derek whispers. He looks back at me with so much love in his eyes. I kiss him, and strip him down to his boxers.

Derek takes my bra off of me and kisses his way down my body. I hold onto his head and moan a bit. "I love you." he says.

"I love you too." I say, my voice cracking. He kisses me, and with one movement he's inside. I close my eyes for a minute and take the feel of him.

I'm doing this with him. After five years of watching him. Waiting for him he's inside of me. He looks down and stares into my eyes. I've been with a few men, and none of them has never looked at me that way. Never stared into my eyes. Never was this gentle. He had complete control over me and I didn't mind it.

I stare into Derek's loving eyes as he moves with me. I put a hand to kiss face, and breathe into his mouth. He starts to move faster but neither of us make a sound. I just stare at him. I love him. Right now we're connected in the most intimate way. Staring at each other. I don't think he used condoms. I don't care though.

He leans down to kiss me and I gladly kiss back. He moves and I let out soft moans. He isn't being like I thought it would be. I'm used to up against the wall hot sex. I'm not used to a man taking his time. Kissing every inch of my body. Exploring me. I've never felt that before.

"Derek." I whisper. He whispers my name back to me. I feel myself getting to that point, and I feel so good.

"Derek...Derek...oh..." I say as he moves faster.

When we both hit that high it's amazing. I feel him wrap around me and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. He's right...home is here. In his arms. I close my eyes, and I have another dream. This time though. This time it's different.

The lights are bright. Too bright. Derek is next to me looking at me with pain in his eyes. "I...Sadie has gone around the house singing since you left. She misses mommy's voice. I can't get her to sleep sometimes. I tell her that maybe the next day when she wakes up, mommy will wake up too. She keeps holding on. She prays every night for God to bring her mommy back. I...I pray too." he says in a sob. "I don't pray for anything, but I pray for you. It was my last resort, but I did it. I got down on my knees and I said a prayer for you. I prayed for you to come home to me. Walk through the door like you used too. Take Sadie in your arms, or Dylan. They both always want you. I can't do it alone Em. I need you to wake up. Leave what ever world you're in. I need you with me. They...I need you. We all need you. Come home, and be in my arms." I am in your arms Derek. Right now. We just made love. Why are you talking to me like I'm dead!? Why aren't you seventeen? Sadie and Dylan aren't real yet. I try to tell him but I can't. My mouth doesn't work.

When I wake up I look at Derek. He looks back at me, and smiles a bit. "I'm not real Emily. You're in a coma." Just then JJ appears too. She's holding Henry. Blonde haired blue eyed three year old Henry. Will is standing next to her.

"We understand that you have to leave. Things don't change when you leave here. We're all part of your imagination. You need to go home Bella." JJ says. Will smiles.

"Then we can smoke all the pot and sing all the songs we want Little Stevie." Will says. JJ hits him, and rolls her eyes. We both gave up on that shit, but one night we all went out and I can't remember how we got it but it was fun. David, Erin, and mother appear too.

"Emily. David and I love you so very much. We miss you." mother says.

"Mommy." I whisper.

"I love you too honey, and I need you to come home. I need you to enjoy the summer with us, and come to the Rossi house for cookouts. He's been so sad since you've been asleep. We just want you to wake up." Erin says with a motherly smile.

"Bella. I miss you so much. I need you to be home, safe. With your children. With the people you love. With the people who love you." David says starting to cry. I've never seen him cry. I am awake! I'm right here! Why aren't you all happy! Be happy! Just then Spencer appears, and Penelope.

"I know you're in there and we need you to come home! We need you here! With us! Come home." Penelope cries.

Spence just reads my favorite French poetry book to me. Every word. It's about coming home. Sadie appears too, as does Dylan. Even Hotch who I now recognize is there.

"I care for you a lot Emily. I sometimes feel the need to protect you as I would JJ or Derek or Spencer or Penelope. You are a part of my family. Jack misses you. Believe it or not you are like a sister to me. I've felt the need to protect you from harm when you were just a little girl at the embassy. Well...a young woman really. Off to college. You had a good head on your shoulders. It's my fault you're here and I apologize for that too. Come home. Love on your children. I know you want to Emily." he says. I remember him. Hotch. Hotch and Jack. I used to babysit Jack and Henry together sometimes. Jack had that cute toothless smile. I wanna see him. I see my family now. My real family. Derek is still sitting next to me. Now Sadie is there too. I'm not seventeen anymore. I'm 43. My daughter is sitting next to me and my son is too. Sadie sits on my lap and hugs me.

"Come home to me mommy." she says with tears. "I been fraid changin I wive my life around you." she sings softly crying.

Well, I've been afraid of changing

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older too

I hear Stevie singing and my eyes flutter open. "I'm getting older too." I sing roughly. I cough a bit and Sadie's face lights up.

"MOMMY! MOMMY! DADDY! DADDY! MOMMY IS AWAKE! SHE SANG ME STEVIE! MOMMY!" Sadie says starting to cry. She wraps her arms around me. Everything still feels so weird...it's all so confusing but...this is where I belong. With my little girl in my arms.


	30. Chapter 30

"Emily!" Derek says. He stands and Dylan smiles.

"Mama mama mama mama mama..." Dylan drools. Derek looks at me in awe. I see the tears falling but the smile on his face.

"You're awake baby." he says. He reaches and clicks the button behind my bed.

"I need water." I say. Looking at him. He nods. This world is a bit scary. I've been living in a seventeen years old's head for...how long had I been there? I see Derek pick up his phone. He makes a call and the nurse walks in. I still don't quite understand. All I know is I went from being a child to an adult with two kids in a matter of seconds. I remember everything though. Except for why I'm in the hospital. I remember the day Sadie was born. I remember coming to the BAU. I remember...I remember what happened when I was fifteen. "So...this is going to sound crazy, but...this is real?" I ask the nurse. She smiles in sympathy and nods. She sits next to me, while Derek vacates the room after trying to pry Sadie from me. She wouldn't budge.

"Yes." She says. "We get this often with coma patients. Oftentimes they had been living in alternate universes during their sleep.

"Where were you baby?" Derek asks.

"We were all teenagers or something, and I...I was...I was..." I glance at Sadie. "...r-a-p-e-d. I had what I had at fifteen, and mom sent me away to a house for trouble kids. David and Erin ran it. You, JJ, Penelope and Spence were the trouble kids. I met a boy named Ian, Doyle of course. I dated him, and bad things happened. Eventually JJ got pregnant by Will and Derek and I dated. I don't know...it was such a real life. I do remember that I had started to have dreams about Derek and I's future. I guess it was really just memories." I say. "What happened to me?" I ask him.

"You got shot. In the head. You went into a coma. You've been there for about two weeks now. I'm so glad you're back baby." He tells me.

"I'm so scared I forgot something important, that I don't have all my memory back." I say. He nods and takes my hand.

"Well...do you want to go over some important dates?" He says. I nod.

"Sure." I say quietly. Sadie rubs her head in my neck. I hold onto her tightly.

"January 23?" He asks me. I think for a minute.

"Sadie's birthday." I say. Sadie smiles a bit. "And! Derek and I's anniversary." I say with a smile. I remember that she was born on our the anniversary of our first date."

"April 29?" I smile a bit and run my fingers through Sadie's hair.

"My wedding anniversary." I smile.

"September 5?" I keep the smile.

"Dylan's birth."

"October 21?" this one takes me a minute.

"Derek's birthday." I say. I laugh a bit.

"I think you'll be fine baby. It'll just take a bit to get into the groove of things again. Sadie sang to you a lot." She says pointing to Sadie.

"I learnded Stevie songs for you. Like the one you like so much, Rhianone." when she mispronounces it I laugh. How am I so lucky? "I missed you mommy." she says with tears in her eyes. I see them start to fall and she puts her hands to her eyes.

"Don't cry bella ragazza." beautiful girl. I tell her. She knows what it means. I don't have to tell her. I call her it often. Just then Derek walks back in holding Dylan.

"Mama!" he yells. I laugh. He holds his arms to me, and I take him.

"He used to do that while you were asleep. I don't think he realized you couldn't take him." Derek chuckles a bit, but it's a sad chuckle. He leans down and connects his lips to mine. I taste salty liquid against our connected lips. I open my mouth to him, and we kiss hard. He separates us but he leans his head against mine. "I can't ever live without you again." he says. I kiss him again.

"You won't ever have too baby." I tell him. Dylan pulls my hair a bit and Sadie is smiling like the Cheshire cat. I hold Dylan to my chest, and Sadie wraps her arms around me. Derek does too, and I have never felt more at home. Just then JJ comes in running into the room. Well, more like waddling. She's super pregnant. That I don't remember. Henry beats her to the bed first. She has tears running down her face and she hugs me super tight.

"Auntie Emily!" the seven year old says with a smile. I hug him too. He has to manage his way past Sadie and Dylan though because they aren't letting go. I don't think JJ will either.

"I would kiss you right now. I'm not joking. I want to plant one on you for the whole world to see." She says with a laugh. I laugh too. "I missed you so much Emy." She says. Penelope runs in and I go through the same thing. When David and mother walk in though they stare at me.

"Bella, I..." He started, but he couldn't finish. There are tears in his eyes. The day I saw David Rossi cry is a day that I don't want to remember. He hugs me, and mother does too.

"Oh darling. I love you so much." She asks. I shake my head no.

"I love both of you." I say, it takes everything in me not to call him "dad". I chuckle a little bit in my own head. Later I'll tell him, and he'll hug me tightly. He'll laugh at it, and tell me I'm like a daughter to him.

Soon everyone I love is in my room. I kiss them all and hug them all. My babies in my lap the entire time. Except the point where Dylan went to his Grandma Lizzy. It's still odd calling her that. As the day winds down I go in for some test, and Sadie cries when she has to stay outside. Everything get's explained to me. We were on a case. The guy was killed dark haired women, in high professions.

* * *

><p>"MOMMY! Ride in the back with us!" Sadie yells. I just got out of the hospital and Sadie hasn't stopped jumping or running. She runs to the car, and jumps for the door. I smile and hold Dylan to my chest. It took them a while to get me up and walking but I got into the hang of it. I walk to the back of the car, and place Sadie and Dylan in their car seats. I go to the front and explain to Sade that mommy won't fit. She nods. I get into the front and grip Derek's hand tight. We drive the whole ways home, and I stare at my children in the back. I feel like I was just flung into a new life that was familiar yet not. When we get to the house I smile. It's biggish. Homey really. We walk into the living room and I smile a bit. Toys are everywhere.<p>

"It's been rough with out you princess." Derek says with a chuckle. I run a hand through my hair. The bullet grazed the front of my skull so on a tiny portion of my hair had to go. It doesn't even look that bad either. I just had to get bangs again. I don't mind. I stare at my home. My family. I feel the tears coming. I was gone for a week. If this wasn't so confusing then I'd be okay. That night before bed Sadie comes to my room. She freaks out when I head for bed.

"NO MOMMY! NO! NO! DON'T GO TO SLEEP!" she yells at me. I look at her in shock. She hugs me tight and starts to cry. "If you go to sleep you won't wake up. Don't leave me again mommy. I misses you." she says continuing to cry. I hold her tight.

"I will wake up Sadie. I promise you. I won't leave you again." I tell her. She hugs me tight.

"No mommy. You close your eyes and you don't wake up." she says. I lay her down in between me and Derek. I hold her.

"Right here. Right now. I swear to you Sadie bug I will wake up tomorrow. I will make you pancakes. We will eat them together. Then me, you, Dylan, and daddy will cuddle and watch Frozen. As many times as you need. I'm here forever Sadie. I am never going to leave you again." I say holding her against my chest. I kiss her head, and she smiles at me. "Now dry up all those tears little princess because we're gonna go to bed. I'm gonna sing you to sleep, and in the morning you will jump on me and I will wake up. I promise." I say. She smiles at me, and I take Derek's hand. I sing to her the only Taylor Swift song I really like anymore. She loves it.

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming

So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have, honey

If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart

And no one will desert you

Just try to never grow up, never grow up

Her eyes are closed and she is sleeping like an angel. I feel the tears start. I get out of bed gently and walk into Dylan's room. I look at him and he is curled up in a ball. His legs tucked under her chest. I run a hand over his little head, and I smile down at him. "Whatchya doin' Em?" I hear from the door. I keep my eyes on my son.

"They're so beautiful. I spent...what felt like almost a whole year away from them, and they're just...now I can't imagine myself without them. I love you guys so much. I can't believe I was gone for...I..." I took me a minute and my lip trembles. Derek wraps his arms around me and puts his face in my neck. I start to cry and he holds me tight.

"Baby...you're back. You're here. That's what matters. Let's go to bed. I love you princess." Derek says looking me in my eyes. Our noses are touching and his hands are on my cheeks. I put my hands on his cheeks too, and he kisses my lips. He takes my hand. We go to our bedroom. I snuggle up with Sadie, and Derek snuggles up behind me. I close my eyes, and I know I'm home. Forever and ever. Where it matters. With my princess, and my boys.


End file.
